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The Highly Sensitive Person: How to Thrive…
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The Highly Sensitive Person: How to Thrive When the World Overwhelms You (original 1996; edition 1997)

by Elaine N. Aron (Author)

MembersReviewsPopularityAverage ratingMentions
2,341286,547 (3.77)34
Everyone feels overwhelmed sometimes. Too much is happening, too much information is incoming, you just can't cope. It happens to everyone.

It happens to some of us far more often than it does to most people. We are more sensitive--to sound, to lights, to activity, to voices, to some or all of them, and we need the time and space to process what we're taking in.

This is often described as "shyness," or "over-sensitivity," or "introversion," and in western culture is often considered a flaw. Confident, active extroversion is valued and admired. The lower level of sensitivity to stimulation is more common, more typical of most people.

Those of us who have the greater sensitivity may start getting negative messages very early. "You're too sensitive." "Don't let it get to you." "You're over-reacting." Too much of this, too early, can lead to life-long anxiety and depression. Yet this is not inevitable, and this greater sensitivity has advantages as well as disadvantages.

The highly sensitive person is taking in more information. Noticing things others don't. Processing the subtle and the easily overlooked.

Learn to use this, in yourself or in highly sensitive friends and colleagues, and you and those around you can benefit, making better decisions in both personal and professional life. Highly sensitive individuals are often the writers, musicians, artists, and can also be the people who see new opportunities, unmet needs that some innovation can meet--ways to create a new business or enhance an existing one. They may not want to be the public face of such an undertaking, but they may be the best equipped to be the creator and the beating heart of it.

Aron has a great deal to offer about the ways sensitivity can be associated with anxiety and depression, but also the ways in which that is far from inevitable. Highly sensitive children raised in families that understand their sensitivity and support them in learning how to process the world usefully grow up healthier and more stable than other children. Highly sensitive children are, on the other hand, more severely affected by childhood traumas that the less sensitive children may quickly shrug off and put in the past when they're over and life is stable again.

But, again, the amount of useful support a highly sensitive child gets in coping with those traumas can make an enormous difference.

There's some verbiage here that I find annoying and unhelpful, but that's most likely personal taste in the kind of language I like and find useful to me. There's a wealth of information and guidance here for the highly sensitive person trying to learn how to function happily and effectively in a world that often finds us weird and flawed. It's potentially a life-changing book--and yeah, there's some overblown verbiage from me, but there you go. Sometimes you need it!

Highly recommended.

I bought this book. ( )
  LisCarey | Sep 19, 2018 |
English (25)  Dutch (1)  German (1)  All languages (27)
Showing 25 of 25
Overall, I think this book is still worth a read for anyone interested in learning more about HSPs and trying to figure out if they are one.

I would like to see an updated version of the book, since there are certainly some areas that are out-dated or didn't age well. For example: many of the family examples refer to hetero paired parents, there's a metaphor about how serotonin behaves like police, the author ponders appropriating Indigenous culture, and there's much more information now on medications. I have been exploring the topic of neurodiversity and ADHD in particular, and would like to have seen this discussed in relation to HSP.

There are some instances where the author has included stories about incredibly traumatic experiences like suicide and rape. I don't think these examples were necessary, and they were very jarring for me, and I imagine they'd be especially triggering for anyone that has had similar experiences, even more so if they are HSPs. ( )
1 vote matsuko | Aug 17, 2023 |
The author started studying what she calls the Highly Sensitive Person (HSP) in 1992. She counts herself among HSPs and estimates it pertains to 15 to 20 percent of the population. “Most people ignore sirens, glaring lights, strange odors, clutter and chaos. HSPs are disturbed by them.”

I was interested in this book to find out more about people that experience “sensory overload” in situations with lots of sights and sounds, such as arcades, casinos, and even department stores. They need significant amounts of solitude in order to recover. The root cause is the sensitivity of the person’s nervous system, which is more easily overwhelmed in a stimulating environment.

She opens this updated version with the science behind her own studies and that of others. An initial test will help readers determine if they fall into the HSP category. The bulk of the narrative is targeted at self-help. The author is trained in Jungian psychology and it shows in the jargon she employs. Some of it was a bit too “New Age-y” for my personal taste, but I did find it worthwhile. If you or a significant person in your life may be an HSP, this book will provide useful information.
( )
  Castlelass | Oct 30, 2022 |
A solid book explaining why some people are much more sensitive than others and how to deal with it if you are one of those people. The descriptions of hypersensitivity definitely resonate with my own experiences. I wish it went into much more detail on how to deal with it in real life. Aron tries to cover too many topics-- childhood experiences, work, relationships, etc.-- that makes the book seem a bit unfocused and the information/advice too general to be truly helpful in any practical way. ( )
  serru | Oct 6, 2022 |
I read the 2016 updated version and except for an addition section at the beginning, it read like the original version. I've read most of this stuff in other mental health books. ( )
  pacbox | Jul 9, 2022 |
In all honesty, I skimmed this one. I couldn't handle her tone, which seemed to me to be a little condescending. It also bothered me that this is supposed to be scientific but didn't have any studies, just observations. The organization was poorly done as well-- I feel like attachment theory should have been discussed at the beginning, not 3 or 4 chapters in.

The fascinating part was the middle where she discussed the ethics of medicating for anxiety and "shyness." I found that to be interesting but it seriously needed some stats (like the rest of the book). ( )
  OutOfTheBestBooks | Sep 24, 2021 |
Kind of life-changing. If you've ever been told you're "too sensitive," or ever said it to anyone else, read this. ( )
  arthur_lewis | Jan 16, 2021 |
One of the most invaluable books available for the HSP personality. Clear and precise language to explain this personality type. ( )
  SandyAMcPherson | Aug 22, 2020 |
At first I didn’t care for this book because I felt I wasn’t an HSP. But, the more I read the more interesting it got.

She divides the world into two classes:
* Impulsive and tough Warriors and kings.
* The more thoughtful, learned priests, judges and royal advisors.
* The balance of these two classes is important to the survival of such cultures. (Location 2256)

Since Goodreads allows highlights from kindle books, I do not need to write long reviews.
( )
  bread2u | Jul 1, 2020 |
dnf at 51% ( )
  britabee | Jun 3, 2020 |
Someone suggested this book might give me ideas for my daughter. Elaine Aron is determined to confront and redefine this category of people, since as a group they tend to 'not fit in'. It opens with a test with questions such as: "I am easily overwhelmed by bright lights, strong smells, coarse fabrics, or sirens close by." and "I am conscientious." and "I get rattled when I have a lot to do in a short time." and "When people are uncomfortable in a physical environment I tend to know what needs to be done." Having established the parameters she then gives 'the facts' about being an "HSP" such as that around 20% of the population fits under this definition, that there are obvious advantages in having 'sensitives' in your group, (kind of like the canary in the coal mine), that, however, our present-day culture, still very much an outgrowth of the Indo-European sweep into the west values action-oriented folk more than thoughtful ones. Other cultures (she cites Japan) value sensitive people and have a place for them - as monks, shamans, etc. She then makes a distinction that annoyed me greatly during the entire book, even though I don't disagree and have thought much the same thing, namely, making a division between the warrior-kings (Arthurs) and royal advisers (Merlins). The rest of the book examines the effects of being an HSP - how it impacts childhood, schooling, college, work, relationships.... each chapter covers a bit of new ground, refers back to her main points that being sensitive is a good thing despite the fact that our culture doesn't always accommodate or honor it. Lots of strategies of different kinds, lots of suggestions and encouragement.

The most important point, not new to me, but nicely put all the same is that the sensitive person needs to respect how quickly and easily they become over-stimulated -- and how that can appear to other people, as aloofness, shyness, arrogance. The social awkwardness, lack of grace under pressure can make us look incompetent or even strangely stupid or even possible cheaters in some way (say -- doing badly on a math test after handing in perfect homework) -- some of us actually talk too much when nervous -- or are so inconsistent people don't know what to make of us. Also HSP's tend to be weirdly naive about social machinations, at school and work..... and so easily deceived or passed over for promotions and so on. It is critical therefore to understand yourself, know how you appear to others, and figure out ways around it, ways to work it to your advantage not your detriment.

I heartily recommend it to anyone with these issues and/or who have children with these issues. For one, it will help you feel vindicated about approaching teachers etc. at your child's school, being clear and firm with them about what will and won't work. I plan to buy a couple of copies to donate to my daughter's school -- for the infirmary and for the advisers. And my local library, I think. My reservations are mainly about the chirpy style and the boring format that all of these books nowadays seem to have as if we all have the attention spans of fleas..... A little info, a few anecdotes, a quiz, some exercises, lots of changes in type face, I guess it fleshes it all out into book size when the message itself isn't all that complicated. **** ( )
1 vote sibylline | Oct 29, 2019 |
This was a surprisingly quick read. I enjoyed learning about HSPs as I'm still trying to evaluate whether I might be one. The writing style is very accessible and the book held my interest well. Some chapters are more applicable to everyone than others. ( )
  3njennn | Nov 25, 2018 |
Everyone feels overwhelmed sometimes. Too much is happening, too much information is incoming, you just can't cope. It happens to everyone.

It happens to some of us far more often than it does to most people. We are more sensitive--to sound, to lights, to activity, to voices, to some or all of them, and we need the time and space to process what we're taking in.

This is often described as "shyness," or "over-sensitivity," or "introversion," and in western culture is often considered a flaw. Confident, active extroversion is valued and admired. The lower level of sensitivity to stimulation is more common, more typical of most people.

Those of us who have the greater sensitivity may start getting negative messages very early. "You're too sensitive." "Don't let it get to you." "You're over-reacting." Too much of this, too early, can lead to life-long anxiety and depression. Yet this is not inevitable, and this greater sensitivity has advantages as well as disadvantages.

The highly sensitive person is taking in more information. Noticing things others don't. Processing the subtle and the easily overlooked.

Learn to use this, in yourself or in highly sensitive friends and colleagues, and you and those around you can benefit, making better decisions in both personal and professional life. Highly sensitive individuals are often the writers, musicians, artists, and can also be the people who see new opportunities, unmet needs that some innovation can meet--ways to create a new business or enhance an existing one. They may not want to be the public face of such an undertaking, but they may be the best equipped to be the creator and the beating heart of it.

Aron has a great deal to offer about the ways sensitivity can be associated with anxiety and depression, but also the ways in which that is far from inevitable. Highly sensitive children raised in families that understand their sensitivity and support them in learning how to process the world usefully grow up healthier and more stable than other children. Highly sensitive children are, on the other hand, more severely affected by childhood traumas that the less sensitive children may quickly shrug off and put in the past when they're over and life is stable again.

But, again, the amount of useful support a highly sensitive child gets in coping with those traumas can make an enormous difference.

There's some verbiage here that I find annoying and unhelpful, but that's most likely personal taste in the kind of language I like and find useful to me. There's a wealth of information and guidance here for the highly sensitive person trying to learn how to function happily and effectively in a world that often finds us weird and flawed. It's potentially a life-changing book--and yeah, there's some overblown verbiage from me, but there you go. Sometimes you need it!

Highly recommended.

I bought this book. ( )
  LisCarey | Sep 19, 2018 |
[b: The Highly Sensitive Person|155377|The Highly Sensitive Person's Workbook|Elaine N. Aron|https://images.gr-assets.com/books/1320531499s/155377.jpg|149985] is really a book that more people should read.

Much has been made of introversion, and the value that introverts have in recent years, but few books really explain why introverts are the way that they are. This book not only explained some of the idiosyncrasies that introverts have, but also went into the why of it and did much to normalize the condition. It acknowledged the damage that such a negative view of shyness and its associated traits has in Western culture, and how to battle such stereotypes.

This book contains a lot of valuable material for people who identify as HSPs or know some in their life. I wish it was updated a bit more regularly, or that it had spurred more of a movement to understand HSPs than it did. There's little understood about these traits, but every little bit helps people who identify in such a way better survive in a world that really doesn't understand them. ( )
  Lepophagus | Jun 14, 2018 |
This book is highly informative in an area that it essential for a small portion of the population. Aron's writing is verbose and thorough to a fault—I ended up skimming many sections of the book, especially the case studies—and it could have benefitted from better editing or additional chapter breaks. Overall, I greatly appreciated the perspective presented and the opportunity to learn more about myself and other Highly Sensitive People in my life, and to be given permission to function as a person who is often viewed as abnormal or flawed.

If you think you are a Highly Sensitive Person or are in a close relationship with one, I would recommend this book as a library perusal at the very least. ( )
  saresmoore | Mar 20, 2018 |
Forty-two. Seriously. So many things began to make sense.

So much value in this book for someone who suspects they themselves or someone they love is Highly Sensitive. And it would be a fantastic arrow in the quiver of Health Care and Teaching professionals who would never want to inadvertently harm the people they profess to help.

The 2012 Introduction to this Mid-90s book, was a little rough in the flow department. Scan; you'll get the gist. Better yet, skip it and read it at the end; it'll make more sense.

The author is a clinical and research psychologist with Jungian training and while I felt the final chapter was spot-on and enhanced the book's more factually-oriented tone, some might say it strays to far into the realms of woo-woo. The main message will in no way suffer if you just choose to skip that chapter.

( )
  kbosso | May 2, 2017 |
Or maybe I won't read it. One reviewer says that the author thinks atheists have warrior personalities - but what about people like me, both sensitive and atheist? Some reviewers laud the medical advice, some say there's not enough concrete advice of any kind but just validation. Some reviewers say Aron talks about being sensitive as a condition due to chemical imbalances, etc.; some say she says our sensitivity is inborn.

Ok, I could read this to get my own take. Or I could just skip it. I prefer [b:Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking|8520610|Quiet The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking|Susan Cain|http://d.gr-assets.com/books/1328562861s/8520610.jpg|13387396] as it's newer, more inclusive, and addresses not just the 'victims' but the extroverts, too.

I will keep my eyes open for other newer books on the topic. And yes, in anything to do with brain science, new means within the last 2-3 years and does really matter.
  Cheryl_in_CC_NV | Jun 5, 2016 |
Read enough to know that this would have been wonderful if I'd read it back in the day. ?

I do still appreciate the more [one] avoids stimulation, the more arousing the remaining stimulation becomes." ?áI must bear in mind that my desire to escape into hermitude is not actually an appropriate or healthy goal.

I will do the exercise at the end of the chapter on medications: "What I would change if a safe pill would change it."

I can't read this library copy more thoroughly, though, because the previous owner read it with a cat on her lap and I'm allergic. ?áI'm certainly aroused with irritation now! ?áThank goodness I'm at a pretty good place in my life now, and I was able to enjoy the newer, somewhat more scientific book, the GR winner Quiet, recently." ( )
  Cheryl_in_CC_NV | Jun 5, 2016 |
This is the second significant book I have read about HSPs/introversion (though this author doesn't like the latter term). I didn't get as much out of this as I did out of Susan Cain's excellent Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World that Can't Stop Talking. There was rather too much about the raising of children, brain chemistry and other subjects for me. Also, I didn't care for the author's insistence that HSPs are almost a separate species of humanity. She sees HSPs as about 20% of the population, as opposed to Cain's introverts making up between one third and one half, so the subject audience of the book is not identical, though any of the same issues arise. While I self-identify as both an HSP and an introvert, I didn't get a great deal out of this book. ( )
  john257hopper | Jul 7, 2015 |
I was skeptical about the existence of "highly sensitive people" before I even read the book and I still am. I am as skeptical about the existence of "introverts" and "extraverts" and as Aron states, only a few people can be clearly defined as either one. This, and because one third of the "highly sensitive" are "extraverts", I find it somewhat strange that Aron excludes all but introverted HSPs from her study. (Also, she says in the book that the extraverted HSPs can only relax when surrounded by people - and I am left wondering how it is even possible for such a person to survive and does Aron understand extroverted HSPs at all?)

Although I don't identify myself with HSP or introverts/extraverts (and I don't think it is even necessary to have such categories), I could identify with most of the description of HSP (I believe anyone could). However, I didn't find it helpful. Perhaps I read it too late, but I think I already have traveled further into my inner world than the book could take me.

Some of the irritating traits/parts in the book:

1) References to the age (under 2 years old) that no one can possibly remember. Yes, this is the age when we are at the most vulnerable, but as I cannot remember the time, I cannot make peace with the things that took place then. I can talk to my parents, but their view point is subjective and I know what they did, they did from their hearts, no matter how wrong things might have gone. So I would rather concentrate on things that I can do something about than mourn the past. Sadly, the book gave little for this.

2) The part where Aron tells how HSPs can learn to communicate with the world. Really? Earlier she had stated (several times) how HSPs are intuitive and have an urge to please others - combine these two and you won't have to tell an HSP what other people want to hear. They should know it better than anyone - even if they are stressed and cannot act according to their knowledge. Later in the book there is a part where Aron tells hints how to talk to a doctor - similar hints could be useful for a normal conversation as well. At least I find myself so stressed in social situations that I often forget what to say and I feel a need to retreat to think over what the other person has said before I can answer.

3) The "test" where you go over your childhood traumas. I cannot understand how anyone, HSP or not, would not suffer from childhood poverty or sexual abuse. If HSPs get "traumatized" easier (or just react more strongly) to negative things than non-HSPs, I think the test should have been modified to include examples that were not so extreme - something that others perhaps didn't even notice or laughed about, but shattered the trust of someone described as HSP. There were also other "extreme" examples throughout the book that pushed me back a bit: although this book was supposed to offer some condolence, these examples just told me (once again) that "no, you cannot feel like this (or like shit) because you didn't suffer any real trauma in your childhood".

4) There are several moments when I doubt Aron actually understands people and their different motives/drivers and their distinct backgrounds at all. For example, the above mentioned "test" asks if there were fighting in your home when you were a child. For me there was no fighting, I was praying for fighting for five years, I was praying for anything that would stop the deafening silence. I hate stereotypes and simplifications and there are lots of them in this book, although it states several times that not everyone is the same.

Overall, the book had a way too condescending approach for me, and I was left wondering how so many people claim that it has changed their lives. It didn't change mine, but it still gave me something to think about (at least enough to write this). ( )
  Lady_Lazarus | Feb 11, 2015 |
When today's frenetic world overwhelms me, I often find myself thinking of Willian Wordsworth to myself:
"The world is too much with us; late and soon,
Getting and spending, we lay waste our powers;—
Little we see in Nature that is ours;
We have given our hearts away, a sordid boon!"

So, the subtitle of this book ("How to thrive when the world overwhelms you") had me buying a copy immediately.

Although, I found it hard to read and, at times, Aron's habit of talking to a Highly Sensitive "Inner Child" was distracting, there was much useful information included in this book, particularly in helping to identify whether one is or isn't an HSP. By the end of the book, I did feel more accepting that what I've always seen as my "silly neuroses" are rather symptoms of having more fluid psychic boundaries than some other people. My new mantra from this book is "boundaries take practice!"

Some interesting observations about how today's (Western) culture places a higher value on more aggressive, less sensitive types and how HSP's are more spiritually attuned (rather than bound by religion) made this a worthwhile read. ( )
  JudyCroome | Jun 9, 2013 |
When I read Aron's The Highly Sensitive Child about six years ago, the friend who'd recommended it said I'd really only need to read that one to get the main ideas of this one. I pretty much agree with her.

There were several things I found useful in this book. The first is a simple one. Aron suggests that, while we may be used to tensing our shoulders up by our ears even in sleep as an attempt to block out excess stimuli, we try situating our bodies in a posture consistent with relaxation. Even if we don't initially feel relaxed, if we move our shoulders down and back and center our heads over our shoulders and hips as though we were relaxed, our minds will gradually follow and calm down, too. I've found this to work for me to a degree.

The other really helpful thing is just to focus on the stimuli in my environment, trying to maintain a balance between very stimulating things and calmer things. When I become overwhelmed, I tend to lash out and yell. Then I bad-mouth myself for my lack of discipline or control and tell myself that I'm a bad person for yelling at my wonderful children. This new focus, though, seems to be more productive (surprise, surprise). Instead of trying to identify when I'm feeling angry (which is difficult for me), I try to identify when I'm starting to feel overwhelmed. Then, if I have enough presence of mind, I can look at the various stimuli in my environment and try to cut out one or more of them. Sometimes this means turning off the radio or asking my children to speak one at a time instead of making their requests simultaneously (you can guess which one of those is more effective).

Along with these helpful things, though, I found the book to be very repetitive. In addition, she uses a different definition of "introversion" and "extraversion" (her spelling) than the one I use (mine's more a Myers-Briggs definition about whether we get our energy from inside ourselves or externally, while hers seems to be more a matter of where we direct ourselves, which is a subtle but significant difference), so her discussions about HSPs in relation to introversion and extraversion were a little irrelevant to me. She also seems to go on a lot of tangents (something of which I'm guilty, too) and spends a lot of time really rah-rahing for HSPs, which feels a little unnecessary to me. Sure, talk up the positives of the trait, but I find a cheering section a little patronizing.

Aron puts a lot of focus on healing insecure attachments in childhood, to the point that one of her exercises is suspiciously like a re-birthing exercise. That's all a little woo-woo for me, but it might float someone else's boat. Oh, and the anecdote she tells about the highly sensitive child who grows up, goes to college, and hangs himself...yes, that was a little jarring and I think I'd kind of rather not have that story in my brain.

But despite all of this, I did find the book gave me insights into the kinds of things that overwhelm me and how to manage them in my everyday life. Doesn't mean I always follow her suggestions though. I mean, right now I'm trying to type a book review while sweating in a bathrobe that's way too warm and while one child is strewing paper clips all over and the other is yelling from the bathroom that she needs more toilet paper even though there's an extra roll just a couple of feet from the toilet. The stimulus I ought to cut out is the book review (or maybe the bathrobe, or maybe I ought to just give my child the toilet paper), but am I doing that? ( )
1 vote ImperfectCJ | Dec 31, 2012 |
I knew from what I'd heard of this book that it was a book for and about me, so when I started to read it there was just a sort of comfortable affirmation. There were a few early chapters that were way too heavy on the psycho-babble to sit well with me, talk about regressing to your infant self and trying to imagine how you saw the world, then a whole long chapter about your "infant-body", a term that just made me want to throw the book every time I came across it (which was quite often). I've figured a lot of this out for myself over the years though, so I suppose if this was all new information to someone, this approach could be useful. I also thought the overall tone of the book was a bit coddling and/or condescending, but I suppose a lot of people need that kind of hand-holding in therapy, and the book was written by a psychologist.

Once I got past those chapters on early childhood there were enough moments of stunning revelation that reading this book proved to be an invaluable and life altering experience for me. Most of the experiences in my past that still troubled and/or puzzled me are re-framed in a new way now that I can see how differently things would've likely played out if I weren't such a highly sensitive person. I am deeply at peace with myself and my past like I never would've thought possible. I no longer suspect/fear I'm half crazy. Most importantly, I can see the benefits to having this kind of a nervous system, and I now have an even better awareness and some new tools for getting a grip when the world starts to overwhelm me. I am relieved, soothed, educated and prepared.

I've always thought it would be awfully handy to have an owner's manual to give to my loved ones so they might better understand why I get in certain moods and say and do certain things. I've found two books previously that filled that need extremely well, and this book is definitely volume three of my personal series of owner's manuals. I truly love this book for the changes it's brought about in how I think about myself, my history and my future. ( )
6 vote seph | Aug 28, 2007 |
While, I expected more insight from this book, I did discover that there really could be other people out there who seem to feel the way I do. I hoped this book would offer me some insight as to why I feel that way, but it really didn't. It just said that I do feel this way...and that's all I'm going to be able to do about it. ( )
  luvdancr | Nov 18, 2006 |
I skimmed this, thinking it would address more of the issues with sensitivities to sensory over-stimulation, but it seemed to mostly focus on emotional sensitivities, which is not helpful to me. ( )
  RachelRachelRachel | Nov 21, 2023 |
Hi. I'm a highly sensitive person. ( )
  wordsampersand | Dec 6, 2018 |
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