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in Christ and his successors, who gained more pro- one foot upon thy bed and the other upon thy selytes than your hierarchal folks lose.
belly, he fancied thee fairly his: and now he Grandeur is what the eye makes it. For my thinks the devil must be in thee if thou hast part, I see nothing grand in frocks and flounces : turned thy back against him. He curses thee, I see nothing grand in a fellow who wears one kicks thee, and leaves thee to that Eril one's shirt next his skin and another over his coat. disposal. I find in your church
Peterborough. I am not sordid nor avaricious ; Luxuriam spoliorum et censum in damna furentem,
yet, in my opinion, the worst of the matter is the
money we are obliged to contribute, although we as the pagan poet hath it; and we brethren are have no appetite for the ordinary. Those who convinced that it not only is no help or assistance receive the best education, and who want no new to true piety, but that it torpefies and impedes it. instruction, pay the most : those who, being I speak of its effect on the whole ; not on one in- seceders, decline the doctrine and follow another, dividual, one family, or one parish. Moreover we pay for both, and perhaps thrice as much for that think, and can prove by figures, that its revenues which they reject as for that which they cherish. are more than sufficient to maintain an army This in another age or two will be incredible, at (since armies you will maintain) of such strength least in England and in America. as should repell the most obstinate aggression. There are two reasons however why I never This is not always to be expected: suppose then could become a member of your society: first, I that warfare shall exist among us, even when we never should be quiet or good enough : secondly, grow wiser, one year in three; the other two supposing me to have acquired all the tranquillity years' income might be applied to the education and virtue requisite, my propensity toward the of the poor: shortly, it would leave none in that theatre and its fair actresses would seduce me. predicament. We demonstrate in our society the Penn. Thy language is light and inconsequent. practicability of the thing, without any such Thou couldst not indeed be quiet and good abundant means at our disposal, and suffering enough for any rational and sedate society, and under the aggravation of war-taxes, as may happen, oughtest not even to discourse with any confidence and church-taxes, as must befall us irremissibly. on virtue, unless thou hadst first subdued such an
Peterborough. In this you have done admirably, idle fantasy as that of mockery, and such vile divinely.
affections as those for paint and fiddles, and windReligions are calculated for climates. Popery instruments and female ones. is lax enough for the warmest. Its modification Peterborough. They who are to live in the world, in the Church of England, stiff but elastic, serves must see what the world is composed of; its better best for the variable atmosphere it was composed and its worse. in. Yours is the most judicious where there is a Penn. No doubt; he who is to live in a street, trade in beavers : the thornier and rigider Cal- must see the cleaner parts of the pavement and vinism takes root and flourishes under the Alps the dirtier : but must he put his foot into them and Ben-Lomond. I could dandle the pretty equally ? or, according to thy system, step over baby of Catholicism, with its whistle and bells the plain flagstone to splash into the filth? and coral and flounces about it; but in regard to Peterborough. Philosophers tell us our passions the capricious and ferocious Tiger-God, that looks and follies should be displayed to us together with at it with such growls, I think it prudent to stand their evil consequences, that we may regulate and on this side of the grating.
control them. Penn. Governors, who are the gainers, will Penn. In my opinion, who am no philosopher, allow any creed, provided the people pay them we should grow as little familiar even with their regularly, and ask no questions. Calvinism is faces as may be. We ought to have nothing to the product of cold and gloomy countries; and do with such as are exhibited on the tragic stage : such countries being likewise poor, nobody is at if they really exist, they are placed by Providence the trouble to extirpate it out of them, if the out of our range; they can not hurt us unless we natives will but abstain from leagues and cove- run after them on purpose. Then do we want nants. Let it however sprout up for a season in strange characters of less dimensions, such as any rich soil and sunny exposure, and thou shalt can come under our doorway and affect us at find dragoons turned into the field against it, home? We meet them everywhere ; nay, we can with such hoes and harrows as the like husband- not help it. men use most expertly. Languedoc has witnessed Peterborough. Elevated sentiment is found in this. The catholic priest himself is less intolerant tragedy; elegant reproof in comedy, than one might imagine: and it is not the repro- Penn. Comedy is the aliment of childish malice; bate creed that troubleth his slumbers : it is the tragedy of malice full-grown. Comedy has made new-fangled bolt wrapt up in it, made on purpose many fools, and tragedy many criminals. Show for the apartment of thy daughter. An accursed me one man who hath been the wiser or the better creed ! it turneth him out of more dormitories for either, and I will show you twenty who have than were contained in the palace of Priam, and been made rogues and coxcombs, by aping the strippeth from him the supervisorship of more only models of fashion they can find admittance kitchen-stoves than smoked for Elagabalus. With to, and as many more who have grown indifferent and hard-hearted, and whatever else is repre- for a second world to conquer : but no man is a hensible in higher life.
fool who wishes for the enjoyment
two; the Who, being thoughtless, ignorant, self-sufficient, real and ideal: nor is it anything short of a miswould not be moody, vindictive, unforgiving, if fortune, I had almost said of a calamity, to congreat monarchs set the example before him ? and found them. This is done by the stage: it is who fears those chastisements at the end, which likewise done by engravings in books, which have it would be a thousand times more difficult for a great effect in weakening the imagination, and him to run into than to avoid ? There is only are serviceable only to those who have none, and one thing in either kind of scenic representation who read negligently and idly. I should be sorry which is sure enough never to hit him; the moral. if the most ingenious print in the world were to
If however thou visitest the theatre for reflec- cover the first impression left on my mind of such tion, thou art the first that ever went there for it, characters as Don Quixote and Sancho: yet proalthough not the first that found it there. bably a very indifferent one might do it; for we Reflection, from whatever quarry extracted, is the can not master our fancies, nor give them at will a foundation of solid pleasures, which foundation, greater or less tenacity, a greater or less promptiwe think, can not be laid too early in the season. tude in coming and recurring.
Peterborough. Solid pleasures, like other solid You friends are no less adverse to representathings, grow heavy and tiresome: I would rather tions by painting than by acting. have three or four lighter, of half the value, readily Penn. We do not educate our youth to such taken up, and as readily laid down again. professions and practices. Thou, I conceive, art
Penn. The time will come, young man, when unconcerned and disinterested in this matter. thou wilt reason better, and wilt detest that wit, Peterborough. Nearly, but not quite. I am ignothe rivet of sad consistency. Thou hast spoken, rant of the art, and prefer that branch of it which to as thou fanciest, a smart and lively thing; and, many seems the lowest; I mean portraiture. I can because thou hast spoken it, thou wilt tie thy find flowers in my garden, landscapes in my rides, body and soul to it.
the works of saints in the bible, of great statesmen Peterborough. Possibly the time may come, but and great captains in the historians, and of those it lies beyond my calculation, when the frame of who with equal advantages had been the same, in my mind may be better adapted to those cubic the Newgate Calendar. The best representation joys you were proposing for me: but I have ob- of them can only give me a high opinion of the served that all who in their youthful days are the painter's abilities, fixed on a point of time. But well-strapt even-paced porters of them, have been when I look on a family-picture by Vandyk; when the first broken down by calamity or infirmity. I contemplate the elegant and happy father in
Penn. The greater sign of infirmity, the greater the midst of his blooming progeny, and the of calamity, is there apparent, where the inter- partner of his fortunes and his joys beside him; texture of pleasures and duties seems intractable. I am affected very differently, and much more.
Peterborough. If the theatre were as hostile and He who there stands meditating for them some rancorous against the church, as the church in delightful scheme of pleasure or aggrandisement, some countries is against the theatre, we should has bowed his head to calamity, perhaps even to call it very immoral, not because it had less justice the block. Those roses gathered from the paron its side, but because it had more virulence. terre behind, those taper fingers negligently Splendour and processions and declamation and holding them, that hair, the softness of which rodomontade are high delights to the multitude. seems unable to support the riot of its ringlets, Accompanied by lofty and generous sentiments, are moved away from earth, amid the tears and they do good; accompanied by merriment and aching hearts of the very boys and girls who again amusement, they do more good still : for lofty are looking at me with such unconcern. and generous sentiments are so ill fitted to the Faithfullest recorder of domestic bliss, perheads and hearts of most men, that they fall off petuator of youth and beauty, vanquisher of time, in getting through the crowd in the lobby; but leading in triumph the Hours and Seasons, the the amusement and merriment go to bed with painter here bestows on me the richest treasures man and wife, and something of them is left for of his enchanting art. the children the next morning at breakfast. Penn. Vanity! vanity! vanity! as thou hast I have no greater objection to parade and stateli- proved. The fine arts, as you call them, have ness in that theatre where the actors have been always been the attractive clothing of a venal reeducated at the university, than in that where one ligion. Ours is none such, and needs no such lures. can more easily be admitted behind the scenes : Come away: let us leave the vain, and look what I want is, a little good-nature and good once again at the grasping. Religion ought no manners, and that God should be thought as more to be forced on us for payment, than soap tolerant as my lord chamberlain.
and candles. The worst objection I myself could ever find The first property was a portion set apart for against the theatre is, that I lose in it my original the Gods; that is for the conjurors or priests. idea of such men as Cæsar and Coriolanus, and, Shortly, those who decided on subjects of litigawhere the loss affects me more deeply, of Juliet tion, took presents for their good offices, and by and Desdemona. Alexander was a fool to wish degrees claimed rewards. Hence originated two classes or professions, which have absorbed in the litigation is their business, they usually are course of ages, more by many times than the fee- courteous one to another, whenever and for whatsimple of the whole cultivated earth. They are ever purposes they meet : on the same principle contrary to Christianity and subversive of it. of abstinence as is displayed by vultures, which,
Peterborough. I know enough of both to see this. however hungry and strangers, do not attack the Here indeed you stand beyond controversy. stronger the weaker, but, sullenly concentrated,
Penn. Friend, whenever thou hearest it said, await in calm providence the weltering breeze, as thou often must do, that there is some excellent laden with glad tidings of pestilence or of battle. sense in this man or the other, thou mayest always What is more wonderful and inexplicable to a find it in strict correspondence with the precon- man who thinks on it, than that, after many ceived opinions of the sage observer : and where hundred years of the same government, and this the author or speaker is wrong, he is wrong government called a good one, a wise one, an exactly where he would set his reader or hearer example to others, some new statute should be right, and can not. If we are weak in proportion deemed requisite every week ? When children to our failures, the best intellects, as ye would call break their toys and cry for fresh ones, we attend them, are the feeblest of all : for the most rational to them only because they are children: when advice has the fewest followers, the plainest rea- men break those bonds which hold them together, soning the most obstinate opposers. We have no and, as often as the gravest of them assemble, right to be angry or vexed at any such disap- want some of another colour and quality, we give pointment. When a wise man can not make an them honourable names for it, instead of scourg. unwise one better, shall be therefore let the unwise ing and sending them supperless to bed. I fear, one make him worse? Shall the weak, while he my friend, that laws are contrived rather to in. holdeth pertinaciously to his ignorance, snatch crease the fortunes of the few than to secure those away temper and discretion from the strong? of the many. The makers and menders of them
Peterborough. Argumentative enough : but the do a great deal of work in a little time, and business is, to remove those insects, which, deriv- have hardly put into their pockets the money ing their sustenence from the juices of the state, for it, when our victuals drop out of some untake its colour and seem its substance.
soldered chink into the fire, and the same tinkers Penn. Our society, although it be extinguished, must hammer, and the same payers must pay, and although its extinction be as early even as again.* thou prognosticatest, will at least leave behind it Peterborough. English law, like the torpedo, the remembrance that it marched foremost of the kills only those who have no metal to put between vanguard, and opposed those inveterate unrelent. it and them. It does not appear that God will ing pestilences, in the spirit of justice and in the ever let the world rest, without one or more of gentleness of consistency. That communities, in his curses on it. When the rattle-snakes and their most depraved and rotten state, stand more alligators are exterminated in this country, barupright without them, is plain and evident; in risters and attorneys may shoot up. regard to one, from the practice of your judges, Penn. Our Maker's plagues upon wealth and who, whenever a case of property is most difficult avarice!.. but the religion we profess will never and delicate, recommend it to the arbitration of allow such a dreadful scourge to infest our people. friends ; in regard to the other, from the manifes- Peterborough. Our English Themis, venerable tation of more quietude, regularity, and happiness, for her paunch, and glorious in the rich array of in those who have seceded from the toilet, the native carbuncles, makes her scales of gold, her feast, and the theatre, of a city-bred court-aping weights of rubies. religion, into their own family party, their private Penn. Truly doth she, and rubies concreted sheltered walks and noiseless untrampled grass- from the heart-blood of the people in her cranks plots. I do not calculate here on worldly loss and crevices. If, after what goes among the and profit. I do not demonstrate to thee, as I lawyers, the English are to pay a tenth to the might do in figures, that after government hath clergy, and a tenth to the civil power in taxes, fairly done its worst, a fifth of every man's re- they, on the score of property, derive no advanmaining goods and chattels are piled up and swept tages whatever from the social state. For, supaway; and we are at last so pressed and elbowed, posing the whole island to be as much over-run so jostled and trodden on, between the bar and by robbers as any part of the globe ever was, you the pulpit, while we clap our hands to our seals can not yet suppose that these robbers could take our pockets are slit to the very bottom, with little to themselves a fifth of all property, immovable care or concern for the skin under; and, if we cry and movable. Districts the most infested by them out, there is always a hand in readiness to stop would suffer in a much less degree than this: and our mouths, and to stifle and strangulate such as common sense and common interest would unite would resist. Where the lawyers flourish, there the population, however rude and scattered, howis a certain sign that the laws do not : for this flourishing can only arise from the perplexity or
* General Bathurst, examined before a committee of the violation of them. If an English lawyer is in the Commons on the county rates, stated that poor persons
were recommended by their solicitors to plead guilty, to danger of starving in a market-town or village, he avoid the fees: the fee for an acquittal in the Western invites another, and both thrive. Hence, thoug Circuit being one pound six shillings and eightpence.
ever timorous and abject, against such despoilers. I acquainted with his abilities and his virtues, are The most exposed to their outrages would be ex- without the power of placing them where they posed to less ruinous demands; and these demands shall be serviceable to the community. He withers themselves would soon cease: whereas there is no with his fruit upon his branches : and the sycoappearance that those heavier ones under which phant, sunned in idleness and vacuity, points at our mother country labours, will have any other him as a lusus naturæ. termination than such as our peaceful habits Peterborough. If the world were not composed and humane religion teach us to deprecate and of opposites, and if the actions of men were not in avoid.
eternal contravention to their reasonings, I should Tithes, according to the practice of the Anglo- have imagined that the peaceful manners of your Saxon and British church, never were intended people, and your abstinence from resisting, not for the priest alone ; but, beside the maintenance only against authority, but even against wrong, of the clergymen, for the repairs of the church, would have rendered you more favourable to for the relief of the poor, and for the entertainment monarchy than to republicanism. of the pilgrim and stranger. Thus we can not Penn. Although we resist not against wrong, suppose that more than a third of them went to
we may like right better. the parson ; particularly as the distribution was Peterborough. Quiet is the principle of your left to the bishop and his assistants. The tithes institution, the rule of your lives and thoughts : of a whole diocese were collected, and as the duties now nothing is further from it than the spirit of in each parish were the same, so the stipends of democracy; as we may clearly see in the demo. the ministers were equal. Men in those days fled cratical portion of our constitution at home. Go, from the sword to the church ; in these we fee at the time of an election, to some borough unfrom the church to the wilderness ; a longer flight biassed by aristocratical influence and ministerial indeed, but a safer refuge. Value the life of every seduction : you will not find the wisest or most man, in possession of goods, at ten years' purchase; upright of its burgesses in the chair; but either he pays two years' income to be allowed the other a stranger from a distance or an intriguer in the eight: and on what security? How does he know town: and not only the rabble are his partisans : that the posse curiæ may not encroach as deeply on the better sort, as they are called, lean toward the rest ? Can any wise man endure this state of him, rather than toward one whose shadow chills things, with the power of avoiding it ? any brave them, whose genius is a sting and whose grandeur man with the power of overturning it?
of soul a reproof to them. Newton, Milton, and Peterborough. Faith! no. But we always are Shakspeare, would never have been proposed or either-staggering drunk with war, or fast asleep thought of, in any borough where they might with peace.
happen to be born, supposing them likewise to Penn. Here in Pennsylvania, those who guide us have received the requisites of fortune. Had they are chosen by us for our guides; those who pro- offered themselves, they would have been told, tect us are chosen by us for our protectors. We “ We do not want men of books or genius, but do not ask favours from them; we do not solicit men of business : ” as if men of genius are not that a portion of our own be thrown back to us, men of business in the higher sense of the word ; like the entrails of a beast to the dogs that have of business in which the state and society are been chasing it; we do not stipulate that one of implicated for ages. our sons may have, openly or secretly, a part of Common minds revolve these reasonings about what his brothers and cousins, and many houses them. Let them be contented with the prospect round, have contributed. Our agents can not of their future glory ; let us be, with the certainty form themselves into gangs against us; can not of never being heard of hereafter : which saves us board our vessels, burn our plantations of tobacco, a great deal of concern, and allows us a perfect enter our houses, break open our cellars, cast out freedom of action. the materials of our beverage, whip us into their Penn. Thou reasonest well, and from observaworship, or fine and imprison us for neglecting to tion. Thy arguments are the surest proof I could attend it.
adduce, that a sounder morality and a purer reliPeterborough. You lay rather too much stress gion are necessary, to guide the inconsiderateness upon what you call liberty of conscience, and are of those whom thou callest (I wish the word were inconsistent in hating King James for having too gentler) the rabble, and to mollify the malignity of much enlarged it. In fact all people in all coun- (here too the expression is susceptible of improvetries may worship what objects they please, if they ment) the better sort. will only be contented to keep within doors. But Institutions can not make men perfect. Fraud, even the quietest love display and dominion in injury, violence, may be discountenanced and worship. Political freedom is more material. diminished, if thou removest those whose autho
Penn. Be it as thou sayest. According to the rity began upon them, rests upon them, and must clearest, simplest, best definition, the office and go upon them. Keep thy fellow-creatures temnature of Justice is to give everyone his due. Now, perate, keep them sane, strong, tractable, by early under kingly government, a man not only hath not and late discipline : speak mildly to the obedient; his due, but hath not the means or even the chance more mildly to the refractory; and on one side of obtaining it. Those who are most intimately of thee thou wilt soon find friendship in the
bonds of peace, and violence on the other self- Penn. By the help of God I will undertake the disarmed.
other experiment. If I am to raise discontent, be Peterborough. We should imagine, if we did it on this foundation ! if men are to scorn me, be not much reflect on the subject, that equality is it for this offence ! a very natural sentiment; yet there is none to Peterborough. The object of your institution is which nearly the universality of mankind is con- to establish universal peace on universal equality. stantly so averse. Bring before you the whole I do not assert that equality, inasmuch as relates train of your acquaintance, of all ages, tempers, to rights, is impracticable; which many have done and conditions, and you will acknowledge at once too rashly: but I doubt its extent; I doubt its the justice of my remark. I have observed among durability. Beside, since violence is the thing the peers whom I was accustomed to meet at my most hateful to you, I must remind you again and father's and uncle's, that they invariably bear again that republics are usually more turbulent toward one another a constrained familiarity or a than monarchies. frigid courtesy : while to their huntsmen and Penn. The mother who gives her own milk to their prickers, to their chaplains and their cooks, her infant, hath often more trouble to make him or indeed another man's, they display unequivocal quiet, than a boon-companion hath, twenty years signs of ingenuous cordiality. Baronets are afterward, to make him drunk, and may seem prouder than anything we see on this side of the severer to the dissolute. Monarchy lets the wood Dardanelles, excepting the proctors of universi- run wild, lets swamps extend through it, and repties, and the vergers of cathedrals; and their tiles infest it: this is her easiness, this is her provipride is kept in eternal agitation, both from what dence, this is the blessing she imparts. If in a is above them and from what is below. Gentle republic thou tracest the mark of the waggonmen of any standing are apt to investigate their wheel and of the hatchet, do not suddenly set it claims a little too minutely; and nobility has down among the certainties, that they were neither bench nor joint-stool for them in the brought in for devastation: look round a little : vestibule. During the whole course of your life, see whether the plants are not the larger and the have you ever seen one, among this our King loftier and the healthier for letting in air and James's breed, that either did not curl himself light; whether the grass can not grow under them up and lie snug and warm in the lowest com- for pasture, whether the alleys are not useful for pany, or slaver and whimper in fretful quest of the exportation and importation of what is profithe highest ?
table, and whether they do not enable the proPenn. Without any disposition to answer what prietor to watch that “no thieves break in and never engaged a moment of my attention, let me steal.” suggest to thee, that whether thy remark be well Teach people to rule themselves, and they will or ill founded, the desire of equality is not the neither bear violence nor inflict it. less nurtured by reason or the less approved by Something of consistency, one would desire, Christianity. Mankind is certainly quite as should appertain to those discreet and regular averse to patience, to forbearance, to returning men who uphold the government of hereditary good on receiving evil : still I never heard of the kings, unanswerable for their misdemeanours, preacher who discountenanced the recommenda- both as the most lawful and the most convenient. tion of them.
If the gardener had pruned thy fruit-trees Peterborough. I mean only to show you that, improperly, wouldst not thou admonish him or founded upon abstract principles, your society dismiss him? can not last long.
Peterborough. Certainly. Penn. Not among the meal and tallow that Penn. Thou thinkest it equitable and expedient. breed the grubs thou hast thrown out before me: Peterborough. Beyond a doubt. I know it : but friend Mordaunt, there are sieves Penn. If he seized thee by the throat for it, and and ventilators in the world, and there will always protested he would hang thee, calling it atrocious, be people who know alike how to make and where and insisting that only the devil could have insti. to exercise them.
gated thee. Peterborough. Men can only be kept in concord Peterborouyh. I would trip up the knave's heels, by their vanity; which, weak as you may call it, and cudgel him soundly. is the strongest and most sensitive nerve in the Penn. There are those peradventure who would human heart. If you will not let them be unjust, incline to say that he deserved no better at thy nay, if you will not be unjust toward the greater hands. Howbeit, suppose he should struggle and part of them, this greater part itself will scorn prevail against thee, and asseverate that not only you. Nothing would raise such violent and he himself would continue to manage thy fruitsuch general discontent, as giving to every man trees as beliked him, but that furthermore his son his due.
and grandson should do likewise, whether they had Penn. Such alas is the world! May we not acquired a knowledge of horticulture or not; for improve it?
that, as his father had been thy father's gardener, Peterborough. May you not turn wolves into it was undeniable that he ought to be thine, and fawns, thistles into wheat, granite into peas and his elder son thy elder son's; waiving which clover? Try this first.
argument, haply he would throw up a worm in