66 neighbourhood of Mr. Powel's Opera, for the performers of which, we have, as becomes us, a "brotherly affection. "At our first resort hither, an old woman "brought her fon to the Club-room, defiring he "might be educated in this School, because she saw "here were finer Boys than ordinary. However "this accident no way difcouraged our defigns. "We began with fending invitations to thofe of a ftature not exceeding five foot, to repair to 66 our affembly; but the greater part returned ex"cuses, or pretended they were not qualified. "One faid, he was indeed but five foot at prefent, "but represented that he should foon exeeed that "proportion, his perriwig-maker and fhoe-maker having lately promised him three inches more be"twixt them. "Another alleged, he was fo unfortunate as to "have one leg fhorter than the other, and who"ever had determined his ftature to five foot, had "taken him at a disadvantage; for when he was "mounted on the other leg, he was at leaft five "foot two inches and a half.. "There were fome who questioned the exactness "of our measures, and others instead of complying, "returned us informations of people yet fhorter "than themselves. In a word, almost every one "recommended fome neighbour or acquaintance, "whom he was willing we fhould look upon to "be "be lefs than he. We were not a little ashamed, "that those who are past the years of growth, and "whofe beards pronounce them men, fhould be guilty of as many unfair tricks, in this point, as "the most aspiring children when they are mea"fured. "We therefore proceeded to fit up the Club"room, and provide conveniences for our accom❝modation. In the first place, we caused a total "removal of all the chairs, ftools, and tables, " which had ferved the grofs of mankind for many years. 66 "The disadvantages we had undergone while we "made use of these, were unfpeakable. The Pre"fident's whole body was funk in the elbow-chair, " and when his arms were fpread over it, he ap❝peared (to the great leffening of his dignity) like 66 a child in a go-cart it was alfo fo wide in the "feat, as to give a wag occafion of faying, that, "notwithstanding the Prefident fate in it, there was cc a Sede Vacante. "The table was fo high, that one who came by "chance to the door, feeing our chins just above the pewter-dishes, took us for a circle of men that "fate ready to be shaved, and fent in half a dozen "Barbers. 66 "Another time, one of the Club fpoke in a lu"dicrous manner of the Prefident, imagining he "had been abfent, when he was only eclipfed by "a flask VOL. IX. E E "a flask of Florence, which stood on the table in a "parallel line before his face. 66 "We therefore now furnished the room in all refpects proportionably to us; and had the door "made lower, so as to admit no man of above five "foot high, without brushing his foretop, which "whoever does is utterly unqualified to fit among "Some of the Statutes of the Club are as follow. "I. If it be proved upon any member, though "never fo duly qualified, that he strives as much as poffible to get above his fize, by ftretching, "cocking, or the like; or that he hath stood on "tip-toe in a crowd, with design to be taken for 66 as tall a man as the reft; or hath privily con"veyed any large book, cricket, or other device, "under him, to exalt him on his feat: every fuch "offender fhall be fentenced to walk in pumps for "a whole month. "II. If any member shall take advantage from "the fulness or length of his wig, or any part of "his dress, or the immoderate extent of his hat, or "otherwise, to feem larger or higher than he is, "it is ordered he fhall wear red heels to his fhoes, "and a red feather in his hat; which may ap 66 parently mark and fet bounds to the extre"mities of his fmall dimenfion, that all people "may 86 may readily find him out between his hat and ❝his fhoes. "III. If any member fhall purchase a horse for "his own riding, above fourteen hands and a half " in height; that horfe fhall forthwith be fold, a "Scotch galloway bought in its ftead for him, and "the overplus of the money fhall treat the Club. "IV. If any member, in direct contradiction to "the fundamental laws of the Society, fhall wear "the heels of his fhoes exceeding one inch and a half; it fhall be interpreted as an open renuncia❝tion of littleness, and the criminal fhall instantly "be expelled. Note, The form to be used in ex"pelling a member fhall be in thefe words; "Go "from among us, and be tall if you can!" "It is the unanimous opinion of our whole fo ciety, that fince the race of mankind is granted "to have decreafed in ftature, from the beginning "to this prefent, it is the intent of Nature itself, "that men fhould be little; and we believe, that "all human kind fhall at laft grow down to perfection, that is to fay, be reduced to our own "measure." N° 92. 66 66 JUNE 26, 1713. Homunculi quanti funt, cum recogito! To NESTOR IRONSIDE, Esq. PLAUT. You are now acquainted with the nature and defign of our inftitution; the Character of "the members, and the topicks of our Converfa❝tion, are what remain for the fubject of this Epistle. 66 The most eminent perfons of our affembly * are "a little Poet, a little Lover, a little Politician, and a little Hero. The first of these, Dick Distick by name, we have elected Prefident: not only as he "is the fhorteft of us all, but because he has en"tertained fo just a sense of his ftature, as to go generally in black, that he may appear yet lefs. Nay, to that perfection is he arrived, that he "stoops as he walks. The figure of the man is odd "enough; he is a lively little creature, with long દરે arms and legs: a Spider is no ill emblem of him: "he has been taken at a diftance for a fmall Wind"mill. But indeed what principally moved us in "his * The humour of defcribing clubs was nearly exhaufted by fome inimitable papers of Addison in the Spectator. This account of the club of Little Men, like that of Addifon's on Tall Men, is full of pleasantry, especially as it came from a person of our Author's fize and make; which however he would not fuffer any body to rally but himself. |