efs for all I know. I can't tell in any respect what fort of creature you are, only that you are a very mischievous one, whom I fhall ever pray to be defended from. But when your Minifter fends me word you have the fmall pox, a good many freckles, or are very pale, I will defire him to give thanks for it in your parish church; which as foon as he fhall inform me he has done, I will make you a vifit without armour : I will eat any thing you give me without fufpicion of poifon, take you by the hand without gloves, nay venture to follow you into an arbour without calling the company. This Madam is the top of my wishes, but how differently are our defires inclined! You figh out, in the ardour of your heart, Oh play-houses, parks, opera's, affemblies, London ! cry with rapture, oh woods, gardens, rookeries fish ponds, arbours! Mrs. M

I

To a Lady, written on one Column of a Letter, while Lady M. writ to the Lady's Husband on the other.

TH

HE wits would fay, that this must needs be a dull letter, because it is a marry'd one. I am afraid indeed you will find, what fpirit there is must be on the fide of the wife, and the husband's part as ufual will prove the dulleft. What an unequal pair are put together in this fheet? in which tho' we fin, it is you muft do penance. When you look on both fides of this paper, you may fancy that our words (according to a fcripture expreffion)

are

are as a two-edg'd fword, whereof lady M. is the fhining blade, and I only the handle. But I can't proceed without fo far mortifying Sir Robert as to tell him, that he writes this purely in obedience to me, and that it is but one of those honours a husband receives for the fake of his wife.

It is making court but ill to one fine woman to fhew her the regard we have for another; and yet I must own there is not a period of this epiftle but fquints towards another over against it. It will be in vain to diffemble: your penetrating eyes cannot but discover, how all the letters that compose these words lean forward after lady M's letters, which feem to bend as much from mine, and fly from them as faft as they are able. Ungrateful letters that they are! which give themselves to another man, in the very prefence of him who will yield to no mortal, in knowing how to value them.

You will think I forget myself, and am not writing to you; but let me tell you, 'tis you forget your felf in that thought, for you are almoft the only woman to whom one can fafely addrefs the praises of another. Befides, can you imagine a man of my importance fo ftupid, as to fay fine things to you before your husband? Let us fee how far Lady M. herfelf dares do any thing like it, with all the wit and addrefs fhe is miftrefs of. If Sir Robert can be fo ignorant (now he is left to himfeif in the country) to imagine any fuch matter, let him know from me, that here in town every thing that lady fays, is taken for fatire. For my part, every body knows it is my conftant practice to fpeak truth, and I never do it more than when I call myfelf

Your, &c.

LETTER

Y

LETTER IV.

All

OU have put me into fo much gayety of temper, that there will not be a ferious word in this day's letter. No more you'll fay there wou'd, if I told you the whole ferious business of the town. laft night I continu'd with you, tho' your unreafonable regularity drove me out of your doors at three a clock. I dream'd all over the evening's conversation, and faw the little bed in spite of you. In the morning I wak'd, very angry at your phantom for leaving me fo abruptly. I know you delight in my mortification.. I din'd with an old Beauty; fhe appear'd at the table like a Death's head enamell'd. The Egyptians, you know, had fuch things at their entertainments; but do you think they painted and patch'd them? However the last of these objections was foon remov'd; for the lady had fo violent an appetite for a falmon, that he quickly eat all the patches off her face. She divided the fish into three parts; not equal, God knows; for the help'd Gay to the head, me to the middle, and making the reft much the largest part took it herself and cry'd very naive-ly, I'll be content with my own tail.

My fupper was as fingular as my dinner. It was with a great Poet and Ode-maker (that is, a great poet out of his wits, or out of his way.) He came to me very hungry; not for want of a dinner, (for that I fhou'd make no jeft of) but having forgot to dine. He fell moft furiously on the broil'd relicks of a shoulder of mutton, commonly call'd a blade-bone: he profefs'd he never tafted fo exquifite a thing! beg'd

me

me to tell him what joint it was? wonder'd he had never hear'd the name of this joint, or feen it at other tables? and defir'd to know how he might direct his butcher to cut out the fame for the future? And yet this man fo ignorant in modern butchery, has cut up half a hundred heroes, and quarter'd five or fix miferable lovers in every tragedy he has written. I have nothing more to tell you to day.

Y

LETTER V.

The Anfwer.

YOU fhould have my Day too, Sir, but indeed I flept it out, and fo I'll give you all that was left, my laft Night's entertainment. You know the company. I went in late, in order to be better receiv'd; but unluckily came in, as Deuce ace was flinging (Lord H. would fay I came in the Nick.) The Lady colour'd, and the men took the name of the Lord in vain: No body spoke to me, and I fat down disappointed; then affecting a careless air, gap'd, and cry'd feven or eight times, D'ye win or lofe? I cou'd fafely fay at that moment I had no temptation to any one of the feven, lively fins; and in the innocent way I was, happy had it been for me if I had died! Moralizing fat I by the hazard table; I looked upon the uncertainty of riches, the decay of beauty, and the crafh of worlds with as much contempt as ever Plato did. But ah! the frailty of human nature! fome ridiculous thought came into my head, waken'd my paffions, which burft forth into a violent laughter I rose from my feat, and not confidering the

:

just

just refentments of the lofing gamefters, hurl'd a ball of paper cross the table, which ftop'd the dice, and turn'd up feven inftead of five: Curs'd on all fides, and not knowing where to fly, I threw my self into a chair, which I demolish'd and never spoke a word after. We went to fupper, and a lady faid, Mifs G. looks prodigiously like a Tree; every body agreed to it, and I had not curiofity to ask the meaning of that fprightly fancy: Find it out, and let me know. Adieu, 'tis time to drefs, and begin the bufinefs of the day.

PR

LETTER VI.

In the Style of a Lady.

RAY what is your opinion of Fate? for I muft confefs I am one of thofe that believe in Fate and Predeftination- No, I can't go fo far as that, but I own I am of opinion one's stars may incline, tho' not compell one; and that is a fort of free will; for we may be able to refift inclination, but not compulfion.

Don't you think they have got into the most prepofterous fashion this winter that ever was, of flouncing the petticoat fo very deep, that it looks like an entire coat of luteftring?

It is a little cool indeed for this time of year, but then, my dear, you'll allow it has an extream clean pretty look.

Ay, fo has my muflin apron; but I would not chufe to make it a winter fuit of clcaths.

Well now I'll fwear, child, you have put me in mind of a very pretty drefs; let me die if I don't think a muflin flounce, made very full, would give one a very agreeable Flirtation air.

Well