the girl's hand. "Who are you?" "I have twenty-two francs income." "That so! Well, sit down!" Such a crass person! From then on, I was regularly invited to eat cabbage soup with Cousin Bobin, a nincompoop who is daft on kissing everybody— especially my wife. They say:"Oh, they were brought up together!" No excuse at all! And when I'm married-married! (To the audience.) Are you like me? That word makes my scalp prickle! Just think, in an hour I shall be married! Married! And I'll have a little wife of my very own! And I can kiss her without any porcupine, you know, bawling at me! "Sir, you're taking liberties!" Poor little girl! (To the audience.) Oh, well, I think I shall be true to her-honor bright! No? Oh, I think so! She's so good, Hélène is! Under her bridal garland. A with an orange crown, that's my Hélène rose not half bad in rosewood with I've fixed up a fine room for her (Enter ANAIS, ÉMILE, ÉMILE in uniform of a soldier.) Fadinard (Aside).-The woman! And her African! Thunderation! Anais (Anxiously).-Émile, no scandal, now! Émile. Never fear! I'm your protector. (To FADINARD.) You did not think to see us again, so soon, Sir! Fadinard (Forcing a smile).—By all means, your visit flatters me; but I admit that, at this time (Aside.) What do they want? Émile (Bruskly).—Offer a seat to the lady! Fadinard (Trundling forward a chair).—Pardon me; by all means! She wishes a chair. I didn't know it. (Aside.) And I'm expecting my bridal party! (ANAIS sits down.) Sir Émile (Seating himself at the right).-You have a fast horse, Fadinard. So, so; you're very kind; you came afoot? Émile. Not at all. I had my Boots hang on, behind your carriage. Fadinard.-Ah-h! If I had known! (Aside.) I had my whip! Émile (Harshly).—If you had known? Fadinard. I would have asked him to get up inside. (Aside.) Ah, he irritates me! visit. Anais. Emile, we are wasting time. Let us shorten our Fadinard. I quite agree with the lady. Let's cut it short. (Aside.) I'm waiting for my bridal party! Émile.-Sir, you need a few lessons in etiquette. Fadinard (Bustling up to him).-Lieutenant, (EMILE rises, FADINARD calms down); I took lessons of coin Émile. You left us upon short notice, in the Bois Émile.—And, doubtless by mistake, you dropped this little Fadinard (Taking the coin).-Twenty sous! So, it was twenty sous! Oh well! I suspected as much. (Fumbling about in his pocket.) My mistake; I'm sorry you took the trouble. (Offers a gold piece.) Here! Émile (Without taking it).-What is that for? Anais (Rising).—Emile! Émile. That is right! I promised her not to get angry. Fadinard (Fumbling in his pocket).—I thought that was the price is it three francs more? I don't think I have them on me. Émile. That is not the question, Sir. We did not come here to ask damages. Fadinard (In astonishment).-No? Well, what, then? Anais. Never mind. I'll excuse you. Émile. By no means, Madame. I am your protector. Fadinard. I'm at a loss, Madame; but to tell you the naked truth, personally, I didn't eat the hat. And, besides, Madame, are you very sure that my horse was not entirely justified in eating the hat? Émile. You dare-! Fadinard.-Listen! Why did the lady hang her hat upon a tree? A tree is not a hat rack, perhaps! Why does she take walks in a wood with soldiers? That is-er-rather unconventional, Madame, that is! Anais. Sir! Émile. Do you mean-! Anais. Tell him that Mr. Tavernier Fadinard.-Who's he? Émile (Roughly).—I, Sir! Anais.-That Mr. Tavernier is-er-my cousin. We were brought up together. Fadinard (Aside). Oh, I see! He's her Bobin! Anais.—And if I accepted his arm, it was to talk over with him his-er-future-er-advancement-to speak of personal conduct Fadinard. Without a hat? Émile (Lifting a chair and thumping it angrily upon the floor). -Damme! Anais.-Emile, I am surprised! Émile.-Pardon me, Madame. Fadinard.-Don't smash up my furniture! (Aside.) I'll fling him downstairs bridal party! Émile. Let us bring this to a close I was going to say Émile.-Will you, yes or no, apologize to this lady? Fadinard. Why certainly! I'm in something of a hurry— Madame, be so kind as to accept the assurance of my most sincere esteem-with which-well, I'll shoot the mare! Émile. That is not sufficient! Fadinard.-No? Well, then, I'll send her up for life Émile (Thumping a chair with his fist).—Sir! Fadinard.-Don't smash up my furniture! Émile. That is not the only (Voice of NONANCOURT, in the wings.) Wait a moment, I'll be right back. Anais (Anxiously).—Oh, dear, somebody is Fadinard (Aside).-Ouch! My father-in-law! If he finds that woman here! It's all off! Anais (Aside).-Caught in a stranger's house! Oh, what will happen? (Noticing the closet to the right.) Ah! (enters it.) Fadinard (Running after her).—Madame, allow me! (Running to ÉMILE.) Sir Émile (Entering at the left).-Send them away. We shall resume our conversation. Fadinard (Shutting the door upon EMILE, and noticing NONANCOURT in the act of entering at the back).-Just in time! Nonancourt.-Son-in-law, it's all off! You act like a parrot! Nonancourt.-Silence, Girl! Fadinard.-What have I done? Nonancourt. The party is downstairs-eight cabs. Fadinard.-Well? Nonancourt.-You should receive us at the bottom of the Nonancourt. Silence, Girl! (To FADINARD.) Come, Sir, apologize! Fadinard (Aside).-It looks like a tight place. (Aloud to HÉLÈNE.) Mademoiselle, be so kind, I beg, as to accept the assurance of my most sincere esteem Nonancourt (interrupting).—And another thing! Why did you leave Charentonneau, this morning, without saying goodbye? Bobin. He didn't kiss anybody! Nonacourt. Silence, Bobin! (To FADINARD.) Answer me! Bobin.-Not so, I was blacking my boots! Nonancourt. It was just because we are country folk. peasants self! Bobin (Blubbering).—Nurserymen! Nonancourt. It wasn't worth your while! Fadinard (Aside).-Eh? How the porcupine unrolls him Nonancourt. You're ashamed of your wife's family-so soon! Fadinard-Here, Father-in-law, purge yourself, I'm sure it will do you good Nonacourt. But you're not married yet! I can break off—! Nonancourt. I certainly can't walk very much. (Shaking his foot.) Ouch! Fadinard.-What is ailing you? Nonancourt.—I'm wearing patent leathers. killing me They're by inches! (Shaking his foot.) Ouch! Helene. That is what comes from walking, Papa. (She twists her shoulders.) her? Fadinard (Observing her).-Eh? What's the matter with Nonancourt.-Did a myrtle come for me? Fadinard. A myrtle, what for? Nonancourt.-Oh, an emblem Fadinard.-Ah! Nonancourt. So, you're laughing up your sleeve- You're poking fun at us, are you? And just because we're country folk! peasants! Bobin (Blubbering).-Nurserymen! Nonancourt. But I don't care; I'm going to place it in the bedroom of my little girl, so that she can say foot.) Ouch! (Shaking his Hélène (To her father).—Oh, Papa, you are so kind! (Twists her shoulders.) that! me! Fadinard (Aside).—Again! Ah, a habit! I hadn't noticed Hélène.-Papa! Nonancourt.-Well? Hélène. There is a pin sticking in to my back. It's pricking Fadinard. I was going to observe— Bobin (Hastily tucking up his sleeves).-Wait a moment, Cousin! Fadinard (Stopping him).—Sir, stay where you are! Bobin. She's my cousin! Fadinard. I don't care; you can't take such liberties! is hidden). Here, go in there! Fadinard (Aside).—With the African! Never (Standing in the way). No! Not in there! Nonancourt.-Why not? Fadinard. It's full of locksmiths. Nonancourt.-Walk about, then; shake yourself; that will make it go down. (Shaking his foot.) Ouch! I can't stand this very much longer. I'm going to put on some slippers. (Goes toward the closet where ANAIS is hidden.) Fadinard (Standing in his way).-No! Not in there! Nonancourt. And why not? Fadinard. It's full of bricklayers! |