: And, if any lady should find herself aggrieved by the decifion of the faid Mr. Bettefworth, it shall be lawful for her to remove her caufe, by appeal, before the Upright Man in Effex feet, who, having never given a corrupt judgement, may be called, next after his Holiness at Rome, the only infallible judge upon earth; and the faid Upright Man's determination fhall be final and conclufive to all parties. And ferafmuch as it appears, by experience, that this beneficial branch of commerce cannot well be carried-on without entries to be made in writing, which, by their great number, might occasion overfights and mistakes, without fome prudent restriction; it is humbly propofed, that all appointments, made for any longer time than three months to come, shall be declared utterly null and void: and, in cafe a lady fhould happen, upon the day prefixed within that term, to be in labour, or to be no longer than one week brought-to-bed; or if, for the unfeasonable hours, her husband fhould with-hold her pin-money, or chain her by the leg to the bed-post; she shall incur no penalty for her non-appearance, there being no doubt of her good inclination. But no plea of a husband newly buried, or of weeds delayed by a manteau-maker, or any other matter of mere fashion or ceremony, shall be in any wife admitted. And, to the intent that no breach of faith may pafs unpunished, it is propofed, that the lady making default fall, at the next party-meeting, take the chair nearest the door, or against a cracked pannel in the wainscot, and have no skreen at her back, unless she fhall give her honour that her memorandum-paper was cafually left in her Folio Common-prayer-book at church, and that the only perufed it there during the collect in which cafe her punishment fhall be refpited till the next meeting, where the fhall produce the fame, and vouch it to be the true original. And, And, lastly, because it sometimes happens that a party is broken, and a hand wanting, by misnomer, and other blunders of fervants carrying meffages; it is proposed, that the fervant fo offending, if it be a valet de chambre, fhall wait in a common livery for the fpace of one month; and, if he be a footman, the booby fhall be toffed in a blanket in the middle of Stephen's-green. CER CERTIFICATE TO A DISCARDED SERVANT. HEREAS the bearer ferved me the space of one year, during which time he was an idler and a drunkard; I then discharged him as fuch; but how The hiftory of this fhort though fingular certificate is thus related by Mrs. Pilkington, vol. III. p. 78: Dean Swift difcharged a fervant, only for rejecting the petition of a poor old woman: fhe was very ancient, and, on a cold morning, fate at the Deanry-steps a confiderable time; during which the Dean faw her through a window, and no doubt commiferated her defolate condition. His footman happened to come to the door; and the poor creature befought him, in a piteous tone, to give that paper to his Reverence. The fervant read it; and told her, with infinite fcorn, "His master "had fomething elfe to mind than her petition."-" What is that you fay, fellow?" faid the Dean, looking out at the window. "Come up here." The man tremblingly obeyed him. He alfo defired the poor woman to come before him, made her fit down, and ordered her fome bread and wine. After which, he turned to the man, and said, "At what time, Sir, did I order you to open a paper di"rected to me, or to refufe a letter from any one? Hark "ye, firrah, you have been admonished by me, for drun kennefs, idling, and other faults; but, fince I have dif"covered your inhuman difpofition, I muft difmifs you "from my fervice: fo pull off my cloaths, take your 66 wages, and let me hear no more of you."-The fellow did fo; and, having vainly folicited a difcharge, was compelled to go to fea, where he continued five years; at the end of which time, finding that life far different from the cafe and luxury of his former occupation, he returned, and, humbly how far his having been five years at fea may have mended his manners, I leave to the penetration of those who may hereafter chufe to employ him. Deanry Houfe, J. SWIFT. humbly confeffing in a petition to the Dean his former ma nifold crimes, affured him of his fincere reformation,which the dangers he had undergone at fea had happily wrought; and begged the Dean would give him fome fort of difcharge, fince the honour of having lived with him would certainly procure him a place. Accordingly the Dean called for pen, ink, and paper; and gave him a difmiffion; with which, and no other fortune, he fet out for London. Among others, he applied to me, who had known him at his late mafter's; and produced his certificate, which, for its fingularity, I tranfcribed. I adifed him to go to Mr. Pope; who, on feeing the Dean's hand-writing, which he well knew, told the man, "If he could produce any cre"dible perfon, who could atteft that he was the fervant "the Dean meant, he would hire him." On this occafion he applied to me; and I gave him a letter to Mr. Pope, affuring him, that I knew the man to have been footman to the Dean. Upon this, Mr. Pope took him into his fervice; in which he continued till the death of his mafter." THE THE DRAPIER'S LETTER* то THE GOOD PEOPLE OF IRELAND, 1745. My dear Countrymen, It is now fome confiderable time fince I troubled you with my advice; and, as I am growing old and infirm, I was in good hopes to have been quietly laid in my grave, before any occafion offered of ad It is very manifeft that this letter was not written by the Dean; but, as it was at the time intended to be confidered as his, and on that fuppofition had actually a good effect, it is here preferved as a curiofity. The reader may fee its hiftory in the following extract from Dr. Maty's Memoirs of Lord Chesterfield. "Dean Swift was ftill "alive, when lord Chesterfield arrived *; but reduced to "a ftate of total dotage and infenfibility, which one month "after ended in his death. This fhort interval was laid "hold of, to publish under his name a new letter of a "Drapier to the good people of Ireland, and particularly to the poor Papifts. It was fo much in the Dean's style, "and was fo greedily received, that it went through a "variety of editions in a month's time. Indeed the many "ftrokes of wit and humour that it contained, would in"duce me to fufpect that his lordship had fome share " in it." * In Ireland, in the character of lord lieutenant. dreffing |