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book in the world : for it is hardly to be imagined any poor ignorant unbeliever can be, and she that anyone else would think of preserving a copy.” also held the same opinion ..though the cere

He declares he spoke this in the innocence of mony was performed on Christmas-day! So much his heart: but innocent people, my confessor says, for the reasoning faculties of those whom the are very thoughtless, and thoughtless people very Lord abandons to their own devices ! mischievous; and mischievous people have begun Giovacchino Pallone, the landlord, gave a supto think at last that religion and government are per to his friends and received their congratulatheir own concerns.

tions, on his good luck in rescuing a soul that The safest method for us would be to prohibit never can relapse, and that will keep up his own the importation of every volume, the contents of against the worst that can happen: and his browhich are not secured and sanctified by the ador-ther Timoteo, the muleteer of Biella, who stood able cross in the title-page.

sponsor, has thereby washed his hands of a little John-Mary. Your Majesty would act then like murder he committed on a Frenchman some year some philosopher I have heard mentioned .. back. What a generation! Twelve months ago,

Ferdinand. Like some philosopher ! Saints if anyone looked hard at him, he drew his knife and martyrs ! confessors and angels! and Virgin- and ran into a church : he now never enters one, Mother! defend me from it!

unless to ask Saint Antonio some favour for his John-Mary. He was not indeed so much of a mules. My minister at the Court of Turin informis philosopher as your Majesty is afraid he was. me that they are grown much fatter; which other Ferdinand. What did he, then?

men, who have neither faith nor charity, attribute John-Mary. He extinguished his lamp lest the to the easy life they lead with him, now he loiters fleas should find him and bite him in bed. and spends his money on the roads.

Ferdinand. Did he ? then he might have been Low ignorant people will indulge their passions called a philosopher, when philosopher signified and prejudices, although the skirts of their souls wise man.

Until the other day, I only knew that must scorch for it. the mischievous sect, who now have taken the John-Mary. I should like to purchase a share name, were the blindest and most ignorant crea- of Timoteo's ticket for good works, before be tures upon earth : I never was informed that they draws too hard upon it. are likewise the most superstitious.

Ferdinand. I intend to establish a nem tar, John-Mary. And are they really?

which every man will pay willingly. Ferdinand. Judge for yourself now. One of John-Mary. I never heard of any such. them, an Englishman at Turin, had so little grace, Ferdinand. The pope alone has a right over and so little tenderness for his own offspring, that marriages, these being sacraments, therefore I he would not carry it to be baptised, either the would not dare to think of taxing them : bet first day or the second of its birth ; saying, as an every man shall pay an impost for sleeping with excuse, that there was no occasion for it at pre- his wife on the night of his nuptials. The pope sent, the boy being strong and healthy. However, would not thwart me in this ; particularly as I the proprietor of the lodging, who began to fear force every man and woman in my dominions to that, as the river was overflowing the country, and purchase of him a Bula de Confecion, without masses of ice were breaking with violence against which they can not receive absolution on their the walls of the promenade, his house might death-bed, nor leave behind them a valid will

, nor be carried away by divine vengeance, through preserve their property from confiscation. the obstinate impiety of his guest, went civilly O my brother and cousin ! my sides will crack upstairs, and protested that, unless the infant with laughing. were carried to church within the hour, he would John-Mary. Let me hope not. Unused as they collect his friends and eject it with its mother are to such exercise, it may indeed do them harm. from the premises. Her husband being from Take this horn against it.* home, to view the course of the river in all its Ferdinand. I have horns of my own, better terrors, from I forget what palace of our brother than yours. I have the little-toe nail of Saint of Sardinia situated on a lofty hill in the vicinity, Jerom, the length of my fore-finger. and the worthy nurse corroborating the conscien- John-Mary. What makes your majesty so merty? tious host's importunity, she complied. The Ferdinand. The moment before we met, I signed infant was baptised : nevertheless it died four the capitulation of Torrijo. days afterward, of symptoms that resembled a John-Mary. I am glad to hear it. He is recough and a fever. The heretical parents, in the hardness of their hearts, wept without resignation,

* The Romans and Neapolitans, and many Spaniards! and (would you believe it ?) were firmly of opinion of coral, amber, steel, or other substance, at their wateh

and Portuguese, of every rank and condition, carry a piece that the cold water, thrown the more profusely chain or their breast, in the form of a horn, to protect over the creature to wash it from heresy and them against evil eyes and other such mischief. Whoever original sin (whereof heretics have just nine times meets a monk the first person in the morning, turns the more than catholics), caused its death! No great point toward him: even a heretic is not more inauspicious wonder, it may be, that the father did so, en finger slily, somewhat bent, under the coat-flap or else

Some, ashamed of carrying this amulet, turn their fore gulfed as he was in the abyss of philosophy; but where. Fortunate, if all their superstitions were thus the mother, I hear, was as harmless and quiet as infantine and innocent !


puted to be one of the bravest and most honour-) Ferdinand. I have another cause for good able men in Spain. Dear brother and cousin, humour. I have found out an enemy of old what makes you toss up so many pinches of snuff Yerequi. into your nose ?

John-Mary. Who is Yerequi? Ferdinand. To help to make me angry and Ferdinand. Do not you know that he was my brave again. I will gibbet that Torrijo.

preceptor ? John-Mary. The same who capitulated !

John-Mary. Well! he and everybody else has Ferdinand. The very same.

an enemy: it is no difficult matter to discover John-Mary. What has he done since ?

one, provided he is not in the number of our Ferdinand. I know nothing more about him. bosom-friends. I would not punish this enemy The best of the joke is, the duc d'Angoulême of Señor Yerequi, unless he has offended against promised to him and to the other constitutional. the State or the Church. He may indeed have ists, rank, pay, and security. He ought to have injured a benefactor. Friendships are not sacred known from my station and character that his things, according to any council that was ever promise was illusory, and that neither another held, or any decretal of the most rigid pope that man's promises nor my own are, or ever shall be, ever filled the chair of Saint Peter. binding upon me. Indeed, to tell you a secret, he Ferdinand. What ! can't you understand ? Who knew it as well as you do :* but he wanted to talked of punishing a spy and confident? A pious purchase the name of pacificator as cheaply as man too, and one who can groan at the right place that of hero.

in his breviary like a white bear, and sing Te John-Mary. He could not hope that, nor want Deum like a Tyrolean bulfinch, wanting nothing it. Every French prince is a hero by acclama- but a pinch of snuff to begin and end with. And tion the hour of his birth, and pacificator of the nothing more shall he ever get from me. Yerequi universe the first squeal he utters. There is no is the scape-goat to punish. He hardly goes instance wherein they have not been victorious : beyond the credo ; and I could see in his face, the worst that ever happened to them is, that when I was little more than a child, that he Fortune has sometimes snatched victory out of thought I deserved a whipping. I can whip now : their hands, when their enemies have bitten the and I dare : which is more than he can say. dust upon the snow or sea, and been utterly anni- John-Mary. Brother Ferdinand ! I once heard hilated. Sometimes a seventy-four in the dis- a remark of an old lady, a relative of ours at guise of a corvette has pounced upon a frigate or Bemposta, when brother Luis of France lost his two, which all the courage of Frenchmen could head for breaking his word, together with that not save from the perfidious islanders, who fed their other little thing which the constitutionalists in prisoners eleven weeks on saw-dust and salt-water. their jargon call betraying his country.. that a few

Ferdinand. Yet some people, and some who drops of blood taken from the nether quarters of desire to please me, call me a true Bourbon ! princes, early in the day, might save them afterNever in my life did I know anything like my- ward more than they can well spare higher up. self, excepting a Polichinello at Andujar; and Ferdinand. Oh ! oh! down with that hand from him I ordered to be brought before the council of the neck, for the love of Christ ! What do you Castile for counterfeiting me. By some negli- smile at ? Put it up again : put it on the very gence or connivance he escaped, and was con- spot: I don't mind a caper for it. I only fancied demned to be hanged in effigy as contumacious. I was afraid : that is, I only fancied it might make

John-Mary. Might I recommend it to the seri- you so, or, at least, rather uncomfortable : for ous consideration of your majesty, whether so myself I was not in the least. popular a speaker might not with advantage be John-Mary. A little alarmed ; a little bit included in the amnesty ?

shocked and shivering ; a very very little ; I do Ferdinand. You mean entrapped and hanged. think, now, brother Ferdinand! and I beg your Amnesty does not signify that, but only confisca- pardon for my inadvertency. tion and imprisonment, with cudgelling and whip- Ferdinand. No, by Santiago! no, by San Jose ! ping at intervals, such as holidays for example, no, by San Spiridion! I never felt a moment's and the quartering of volunteer dragoons for the fear in my whole life. I have thought it; and remainder of life.

others have thought it too: but they lied; the John-Mary. I should have suggested a place at fools and thieves lied: there was nothing in it, the council-board, where, seated under your presi- as I hope for Paradise. dent, he would greatly strengthen the majority. I will now tell you, my brother and cousin,

what I intend to do with bishop Queypo. Take * The perfidy of Bonaparte on no occasion was 50 out your handkerchief: you will laugh until infamous as that of his most christian successor in Spain. The Duc d'Angoulême was surety for the performance of you cry again. It is my plan and order to have the treaties and capitulations he entered into with the him condemned to six years' imprisonment in a constitutionalists ; all which are violated. He invaded monastery, after a year or two of jail. Is not that the country, to take the power out of the people's hands pleasant ? .. and the vilest of the populace now possess it entirely. Legitimate government and catholic religion are main

John-Mary. It may be just. tained by a mob of plunderers and assassins, with a fugitive,

Ferdinand. But is not it laughable ? perjurer, and parricide, at the head of them.

John-Mary. How so? laughable things, my cousin and brother, require a good deal of circum- Ferdinand. Brother and cousin ! one word in spection and inquiry. One would not laugh out your ear! Of all the monasteries in my dominions, all at once, as a mule brays, but rather say a prayer that to which I have destined old Queypo is the or credo between the thing laughed at and the fullest of lice and fleas : the dogs and cats know laugh.

it, and will not enter on fish-days or flesh-days: Ferdinand. Do you know the old viper's age ? the martins and swallows scream as they fly past, John Mary. Bishop Queypo's?

and never did one of them build her nest under Ferdinand. Bishop Queypo's, yes : but he is not the roof. This I believe is the reason, but I have the bishop he was, by a quintal.

heard of another : that they come from Barbary, John-Mary. I do not know him : I never heard and, being Moorish, instinctively shun the purity of him before.

of our faith. Ferdinand. O! then no wonder you missed the John-Mary. I have observed them under the joke. Eight years' imprisonment for a man eighty tiles of my convents in great plenty. years old! Laugh now! laugh now! Here is Ferdinand. Your monks are less holy : they another good thing. People think him very wash and comb themselves. learned and pious, very patient and conscientious: John-Mary. Malice says it. Sometimes in exSaez recommends that the younger monks be ap- cessively hot weather they do, and to hear conpointed to instruct him in his Christian duties. fessions in private houses, where an odour too

John-Mary. Brother, brother! his master Christ religious might affect the sick, particularly the will call him away in the midst of the lesson, and women. let us hope he may be found perfect !

Ferdinand. Mere men of the world ! men nostra Ferdinand. What! before the six next years of generationis ! The women should be accustomed his imprisonment are over ? I shall pray against to the odour while they are well. that every night and morning, and spend in the John-Mary. Generally they are : but there are churches ten thousand crowns to cross it. How some faint stomachs that want civet even in ever, if he dies before the term of the sentence is sanctity. completed, he shall not be buried in his cathedral, Ferdinand, Jades! I wish I had them under nor with mitre and crosier on his tombstone. lock and key with old Queypo. If the angels, 28 But I can not think Mary and the other saints I was telling you, came within whistle of those are so spiteful to me : fancy I see them with walls, they would have nothing else to do for the their ears at the door, listening to the constitu- remainder of the week than to pick one another's tional rebel as he says his lesson, and now and then wings. putting him out. I know they will do anything John-Mary. Brother, I doubt whether the i for me : I have always put my trust in them. angels are subject to such vermin.

John-Mary. Bishops are under the protection Ferdinand. In heaven certainly not : but here of angels.

even Michael, though in the act of cutting down Ferdinand. I know that. I have contrived that a heretic, must put aside his sword and serateh they shall not approach Señor Queypo.

himself. The older angels are too cunning; they John-Mary. Impossible ! my dear cousin and know the place. As for the younger, I am secure brother!

of them : I have ordered that no change of linen Ferdinand. Possible enough, and sure enough, be brought to the wicked wretch : his clothes though perhaps they little suspect it.

have been rotting on his body for several months, John-Mary. Nay, nay, my brother! that laugh- and at last they are so full of holes that no decent 1 ter .. I beg pardon . . I mean no offence, but young angel would turn his eyes toward them.* surely that laughter is rather too irreverent. An excellent plan has been laid before me for Pious men may do many things that others may the deportation of all the constitutionalists. not; but we must not tempt nor be tempted. John-Mary. Deportation ! whither?

Ferdinand. 'Fore God, he is little temptation Ferdinand. The plan contains nothing about for 'em.

that. Sealed orders may be opened when they John-Mary. Your Majesty's genius is great are at sea. beyond comparison, and the mercies God hath John-Mary. Your majesty must provide his shown you are manifold.

cuits and water, in a quantity proportionate to Ferdinand. Else the rogues would have had the voyage. me on the gallows. This little bit of lead kept Ferdinand. Not I, not I; the plan has nothing me down on my legs : had they searched me and in it of biscuits and water. Beside, is there not found it and taken it away, I might have mounted water enough in the sea for any number and let the ladder.

them borrow biscuits from the sailors, on their John-Mary. Is one kiss permitted me on that own credit. sacred image ?

* These cruelties were all committed against Queypa Ferdinand. Kiss it; but under the left jaw; for having taken the oath of allegiance, which Ferdinand this is the part to be guarded.

himself took, to the Constitution. On his removal trum the Now about the angels.

jail to the monastery, some women had the compassion

and courage to throw a little of their own apparel over his John-Mary. And the angels too will protect nakedness, and to cover his aged head from the mid-day whom they please.

sun in July.

John-Mary. But the sailors must have enough. John-Mary. Did no lightning nor other judgFerdinand. So they shall.

ment fall upon the dog ? John-Mary. To give or lend ?

Ferdinand. On the contrary, it was feared that he Ferdinand. I have nothing to do with the might fairly claim eternal life; which would have traffic of sailors.

been a dreadful dispensation; for he is the noisiest John-Mary. Unless it pleases God to work a dog in Logroño. But the women and monks miracle in favour of the constitutionalists, they knew their business. They drove a stake an ell must perish.

long under his tail, and held him with his head Ferdinand. In their favour! do you know what downward, until a surgeon could arrive, who carethey have done?

fully removed his lower entrails. The host was John-Mary. Unwise things, no doubt : but your not found there: on which the bells were rung, majesty seems to me less happy now, less tranquil, tapestry displayed, and cannon fired.

It was and less safe, than when you joined them. however in the stomach, whence the creature

Ferdinand. The mule that breaks loose, is less ejected it from his mouth with severe convulsions. quiet than when he was in the shafts; but he is Several devils flew out at the same moment. Some free.

people say they could distinguish eight or nine; John-Mary. My brother ! if that word animates others could count but four, being terrified and even you so greatly, what wonder if it animated taken suddenly, although they heard the voices of the less intelligent !

many. Ferdinand. Again, again I ask you, do you John-Mary. What could they have been about? know what they have committed ?

Ferdinand. Tempting, tempting, tempting : John-Mary. Recently?

their old trade. Ferdinand. Within this week.

John-Mary. But out they flew then? Gloria John-Mary. Not fully nor exactly.

Deo in excelsis ! if the wind was fair for Morocco, Ferdinand. Sacrilege, sacrilege. Robbers have and they took that course. If they tarried in broken into a church at Logroño, and stolen the Portugal, it could only be among the Jews or body of God.

English. But in what condition was the blessed John-Mary. Ave-Maria ! Clamavi de profundi- body? tatibus. I hope they are taken, and the body of Ferdinand. It was discovered enveloped in bile. our Lord recovered.

The priests say that the bile is the dog's bile : Ferdinand. Recovered, it is true, but after dogs the monks, with greater piety, contend that it had eaten it.

proceeds from the body of our Lord, indignant at John-Mary. Alas! alas ! alas ! that is not re- such treatment, and that what appeared the most covered.

awful visitation was a miracle vouchsafed to the Ferdinand. Brother and cousin, do not be here- city of Logroño. The people in their consternatical !

tion see no miracle in an affront producing bile, John-Mary. God forbid !

and pray before it, that in due time it may depart. Ferdinand. The true faith is, that the body of Their contrition has begun to produce this effect, our Lord having only passed the diaphragm and every morning it is somewhat lessened. of dog or other animal, is the Lord's body still : John-Mary. Have the bishops and archbishops let it enter the viscera, the long gut I mean, and been consulted ? not even his blessed mother could make it his Ferdinand. Naturally. again.

John-Mary. What can be done ? John-Mary. I am so full of horror, I want to Ferdinand. They have ordered two public prohear the rest.

cessions : one, to appease the anger of the Divine Ferdinand. The thieves were pursued by monks, Majesty, for the affront of stealing His Divine women, soldiers, and dogs. Nothing could ex- Majesty's body; the other, to make him forget ceed, as was thought, the right spirit of the dogs : what the dog did, from beginning to end *; which, they appeared to be angrier than the monks as I told you, seems to be accomplishing. I have themselves : it was believed that the Lord would issued an edict, that every dog of the same family glorify himself by these vile animals. “Out of with that most execrable one, be hanged or shot; the mouth of babes and sucklings," and so forth.. and that whoever shall be convicted of having in I forget the remainder; no matter. Suddenly, his possession one begotten by, or allied to, paterwhen they had fastened on the heaviest and slow- nally or maternally, the said most execrable, shall est of the sacrilegious, he who held the holy vessel be considered as a heretic, infidel, and traitor. threw it on the ground, and out fell the body of John-Mary. Let us hope, by the blessing of God! The very dog that was thought the most zealous, left the rogue for it, and would have of Saint Antony was robbed of the sacred vessel and con

* Lisbon Gazette. “On the 4th of July, 1825, the convent swallowed it. You know, my cousin and brother, secrated wafers. The bishop ordered a public procession, that swallowing the wafer is no easy matter when in order to appease the anger of the Divine Majesty." we first begin ; it often sticks to the roof of the Anger against whom ? mouth; and I have seen a nun who has done

It must be a very weak mind that fancies Christianity

can be injured by these recitals of superstition, in which penance all her life, because she coughed it the ideas of divine majesty are quite as absurd as the out.

wildest in the religion of Bramah.


God's mother and her sweet infant, that affairs will “Hold ! hold !” I exclaimed, for I fancied he begin, ere long, to go on better in your majesty's meant a constitutionalist. He corrected my miskingdoms.

take, and declared he only meant, as his explana ! Ferdinand. We may indeed hope it; by the tion would demonstrate, a poor fellow-christian blessing of Sant-lago added to the infants and the from Puerto Rico. He continued, “The good slave Virgin-mother's .. I mean the mother of the thousand and cook Dias had just returned from the happs pains ; none of the rest for me! In token of it, country still under your majesty's paternal care they delivered into my hands two societies of free in the Americas, and was ordered by his master's

One was detected with a line upon the more experienced servant in the same capacity, table ; which line the heretical thieves declared Juan Martinez Almagro of Seville, to prepare the was a fishing-line; although there was no other onions for dinner. Dias had seen him begin to sign of it than the hook and horse-hair. The other peel one, and immediately turned to the same was heard to take the most tremendous and diabo- occupation. Now he had lived with an old aunt lical of oaths.. I dare not repeat it. Yes, I will.. of his master, whose stomach could not bear Ave Maria ! Ave Maria ! Ave Maria !

onions, and he had never dressed or seen any. He Now then hear it.

thought he could commit no mistake in the peel. John-Mary. Et cum spiritu tuo! Et cum ing of them, as he had observed the master cook spiritu tuo ! Et cum spiritu tuo!

tearing off and throwing aside two or three coats I am prepared, my brother! it can do me no of one. He therefore went on, and coming at last harm.

to nothing, cried ‘Don Juan! I do not find the Ferdinand. They swore they would love and onion.' In like manner does your majesty. You help their brethren in all dangers and adversities. must begin with the first peel, throw that into the So! they would love them on the scaffold, and boiler ; then take the second and throw that in; help them (if they could) at the stake. The people and then in succession the remainder. All are tore them to pieces, as cleverly as Andalusian implicated in the conspiracy against your majesty's colts could have done it. Here, my brother and beneficent government, excepting those who look cousin, behold the vast superiority of our religion after the conspirators; one among a thousand." over theirs ! The monks who caught them in I could hardly have imagined, my brother and flagrante . .

cousin, the wickedness of my people if Father John-Mary. A bad rebellious town! whereabout Cirilo had not demonstrated it. Lately came the does it lie?

fact to our knowledge, that, although a great part Ferdinand. I don't know exactly, but some of the constitutionalists have no religion, a cerwhere southward . no matter for that . . these tain sect is springing up of zealots and fanatics charitable monks, who had been ejected from the Instead of sacrificing a god, five of which can be same place, sang the service for the defunct upon bought for a farthing (so indulgent is he in letting them; and (would you believe it ?) their wives and us both buy and eat him), these unconscionable daughters ran out of their houses and called the wretches have nothing less in view than the abo holy men . .

afore God, I think it sinful to say lition of our bull-fights, by the sacrifice of our what the women called them. But the Virgin cattle. In the papers of a constitutionalist we shall be informed of it, word for word, and the found many axioms and problems; to some of sluts shall blush at such language. You see, even which were written the words, “it seems reasonthe women, though they never heard the oath able;” to others, “not improbable;" to more still, nor entered the chamber, were infected ! old and “query.” But we found in larger letters, and young! What a serpent is this free-masonry! without any of these notes, signed by a miscreant

We shall come at last to the knot of traitors at of the name “Constat,"these words : the bottom of our disturbances and insurrections. “ Before a long serenity can be hoped for I told Father Cirilo so, and he gave me the best Europe, the black cattle must be sacrificed to the advice a true vassal and good Catholic could give. Tempests." He said to me, “Sire, will you pardon the frank- Tempests means devils, who often come in them, ness of my speech ?”

and to whom the new sect offers sacrifice. I replied, “Say anything, Father Cirilo, if you John-Mary. Very bad ! very bad! But devils may can remove by it my perplexities."

be exorcised, and (I believe) from living men ! “May I liken your Majesty to an inferior rather than from dead ones. If we hang and bura creature?” added he.

any, the devils will fly into others and escape us. It did not very well please me to be likened to Exorcism makes them so heartily sick, that they anything on earth; yet I answered (for I began to have no appetite for any such tenement as they be curious and anxious), “Liken me, liken me; have been ousted from, and have need of their make haste.”

native air again. “ Then,” said Father Cirilo gravely,

“ Your

Ferdinand. Do you know, brother Don John Majesty, by such paternal clemency as you would Mary, how happy I am above the other princes of ! extend, in coming to what your majesty is gra- the age ? ciously pleased to call the knot of traitors at the John-Mary. Your majesty is indeed so, appsbottom of our disturbances and insurrections, rently. reminds me of a negro.."

Ferdinand. You must know why.

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