LORD BYRON'S EARLY ATTACHMENTS.

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originate? My misery, my love for that girl, were so violent, that I sometimes doubt if I have ever been really attached since. Hearing of her marriage several years after was like a thunder-stroke-it nearly choked me to the horror of my mother, and the astonishment and almost incredulity of everybody. And it is a phenomenon in my existence (for I was not eight years old) which has puzzled, and will puzzle me, to the latest hour of it; and lately, I know not why, the recollection (not the attachment) has recurred as forcibly as ever. I wonder if she can have the least remembrance of it or me? or remember her pitying sister Helen for not having an admirer too? How very pretty is the perfect image of her in my memory—her brown, dark hair, and hazel eyes; her very dress! I should be quite grieved to see her now; the reality, however beautiful, would destroy, or at least confuse, the features of the lovely Peri which then existed in her, and still lives in my imagination, at the distance of more than sixteen years.

I think my mother told the circumstances (on my hearing of her marriage) to the Parkynses, and certainly to the Pigot family, and probably mentioned it in her answer to Miss A., who was well acquainted with my childish penchant, and had sent the news on purpose for me-and thanks to her.

Next to the beginning, the conclusion has often occupied my reflections, in the way of investigation. That the facts are thus, others know as well as I, and my memory yet tells me so in more than a whisper. But, the more I reflect, the more I am bewildered to assign any cause for this precocity of affection.Diary, 1813.

My first dash into poetry was as early as 1800. It was the ebullition of a passion for my first cousin,

Margaret Parker (daughter and grand-daughter of the two Admirals Parker), one of the most beautiful of evanescent beings. I have long forgotten the verses, but it would be difficult for me to forget her-her dark eyes-her long eyelashes-her completely Greek cast of face and figure! I was then about twelve-she rather older, perhaps a year. She died about a year or two afterwards, in consequence of a fall, which injured her spine, and induced consumption. Her sister Augusta (by some thought still more beautiful) died of the same malady; and it was, indeed, in attending her, that Margaret met with the accident which occasioned her own death. My sister told me, that when she went to see her, shortly before her death, upon accidentally mentioning my name, Margaret coloured through the paleness of mortality to the eyes, to the great astonishment of my sister, who (residing with her grandmother, Lady Holderness, and seeing but little of me, for family reasons), knew nothing of our attachment, nor could conceive why my name should affect her at such a time. I knew nothing of her illness, being at Harrow and in the country, till she was gone. Some years after I made an attempt at an elegy—a very dull one.

I do not recollect scarcely anything equal to the transparent beauty of my cousin, or to the sweetness of her temper, during the short period of our intimacy. She looked as if she had been made out of a rainbowall beauty and peace.

My passion had its usual effects upon me. I could

*This lady, daughter of M. Doublette, a Dutch gentleman, was married at the Hague, in 1743, to Robert D'Arcy, fourth Earl of Holderness. Upon his death, in 1778, the earldom became extinct, and what remained of his estate, together with the barony of Conyers, descended to his only daughter, the first wife of the Poet's father. Lady Holderness died in London, October, 1801, aged eighty.

not sleep, I could not eat, I could not rest; and although I had reason to know that she loved me, it was the texture of my life to think of the time which must elapse before we could meet again, being usually about twelve hours of separation! But I was a fool then, and am not much wiser now.-Diary, 1821.

LADY BYRON.

a

Yesterday, a very pretty letter from Annabella, which I answered. What an odd situation and friendship is ours !—without one spark of love on either side, and produced by circumstances which in general lead to coolness on one side, and aversion on the other.* She is a very superior woman, and very little spoiled, which is strange in an heiress a girl of twenty peeress that is to be, in her own right — an only child, and a savante, who has always had her own way. She is a poetessa mathematician-a metaphysician, and yet, withal, very kind, generous, and gentle, with very little pretension. Any other head would be turned with half her acquisitions, and a tenth of her advantages. -Diary, Nov. 30, 1813.

Lady Byron had good ideas, but could never express them wrote poetry also, but it was only good by accident. Her letters were always enigmatical, often unintelligible. She was governed by what she called fixed rules and principles squared mathematically.

* Lord Byron refers here to his first offer to Miss Milbanke. " Though his proposal," says Moore, "was not then accepted, every assurance of friendship and regard accompanied the refusal; a wish was even expressed that they should continue to write to each other, and a correspondence, in consequence,-somewhat singular between two young persons of different sexes, inasmuch as love was not the subject of it, -ensued between them."

HIS ENGAGEMENT WITH MISS MILBANKE.

Here's to her who long

Hath waked the poet's sigh!
The girl who gave to song

What gold could never buy.

My dear Moore,

I am going to be married-that is, I am accepted, and one usually hopes the rest will follow. My mother of the Gracchi (that are to be), you think too straitlaced for me, although the paragon of only children, and invested with 'golden opinions of all sorts of men,’ and full of 'most blest conditions' as Desdemona herself. Miss Milbanke is the lady, and I have her father's invitation to proceed there in my elect capacity, which, however, I cannot do till I have settled some business in London, and got a blue coat.

She is said to be an heiress, but of that I really know nothing certainly, and shall not enquire. But I do know, that she has talents and excellent qualities; and you will not deny her judgment, after having refused six suitors and taken me. Now, if you have anything to say against this, pray do; my mind's made up, positively fixed, determined, and therefore I will listen to reason, because now it can do no harm.-Newstead, Sept. 21, 1814.

Your recollection and invitation do me great honour; but I am going to be 'married, and can't come.' My intended is two hundred miles off, and the moment my business here is arranged, I must set out in a great hurry to be happy. Miss Milbanke is the good-natured person who has undertaken me, and, of course, I am very much in love, and as silly as all single gentlemen must be in that sentimental situation. I

A MONTH AFTER MARRIAGE.

65

have been accepted these three weeks; but when the · event will take place, I don't exactly know. It depends partly upon lawyers, who are never in a hurry. One can be sure of nothing; but, at present, there appears no other interruption to this intention, which seems as mutual as possible, and now no secret, though I did not tell first,—and all our relatives are congratulating away to right and left in the most fatiguing manner.

You perhaps know the lady. She is niece to Lady Melbourne, and cousin to Lady Cowper and others of your acquaintance, and has no fault, except being a great deal too good for me, and that I must pardon, if nobody else should. It might have been two years ago, and, if it had, would have saved me a world of trouble. She has employed the interval in refusing about half a dozen of my particular friends, (as she did me once, by the way,) and has taken me at last, for which I am very much obliged to her. I wish it was well over, for I do hate bustle, and there is no marrying without some ;—and then, I must not marry in a black coat, they tell me, and I can't bear a blue one.

Pray forgive me for scribbling all this nonsense. You know I must be serious all the rest of my life, and this is a parting piece of buffoonery which I write with tears in my eyes, expecting to be agitated. Albany, Oct. 5, 1814.

A MONTH AFTER MARRIAGE-SIR RALPH MILBANKE.

Since I wrote last, I have been transferred to my father-in-law's, with my lady and my lady's maid, &c. &c. &c., and the treacle moon is over, and I am awake, and find myself married.* My spouse and I

* He was married at Seaham, the seat of Miss Milbanke's father, on the 2nd January, 1815.

VOL. I.

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