EVASIONS OF AMBIGUITY

The Greek Lexicographers

Dr. Henry Liddell, who had become celebrated by his Greek lexicon, was at one time head-master of Westminster. One day he required the boys in his class to write an English epigram, each to choose his own subject. Among those that were handed in was the following:

Two men wrote a lexicon,

Liddell and Scott;
One-half was clever,

And one-half was not.
Give me the answer, boys,

Quick to this riddle,

Which was by Scott,

And which was by Liddell?

Dr. Liddell, on receiving it, only said, "I think you are rather severe."

The Religion of Wise Men

John Toland, in his "Clidophorus" (key-bearer), relates an incident which he was told by a near relation of old Lord Shaftesbury. The latter conferring one day with Major Wildman about the many sects of religion in the world, they came to the conclusion at last that notwithstanding the infinite divisions caused by the interest of the priests and the ignorance of the people,

all wise men are of the same religion; whereupon a lady in the room demanded with some concern what that religion was? To whom the Lord Shaftesbury straight replied, "Madam, wise men never tell."

A Deceiver

When Johnny was questioned as to why his engagement with Miss H. had been broken off, he rolled his eyes, looked very much pained, and groaned, "Oh, she turned out a deceiver." But he forgot to mention that he was the deceiver whom she had turned out.

An Acknowledgment

Richard Brinsley Sheridan, the author of "The School for Scandal," had a very ingenious manner of answering applicants for literary notice at his hands. He generally wrote, "I have received your book and no doubt shall be delighted after I have read it." But whether he meant satisfaction with the volume or satisfaction at the close of a tedious task was what no one could find out.

An Artful Dodger

When Talleyrand was Minister for Foreign Affairs, and there was a report in Paris of the death of George III., a banker, full of speculative anxieties, asked him if it was true. "Some say," he replied, "that the King of England is dead; others say that he is not dead; but do you wish to know my opinion?" "Most anxiously, Prince." "Well, then, I believe neither. I

mention this in confidence to you; but I rely on your discretion: the slightest imprudence on your part would compromise me most seriously."

On another occasion, when Talleyrand sat at dinner between Madame de Staël and Madame Récamier, the celebrated beauty, Madame de Staël, whose beauties were certainly not those of the person, jealous of his attentions to her rival, insisted upon knowing which he would save if they were both drowning. After seeking in vain to evade her, he at last turned toward her and said, with his usual shrug, "Ah, madame, vous savez nager" (you know how to swim).

Rouge

St. Francis de Sales being consulted by a lady on the lawfulness of wearing rouge, replied, "Some persons may object to it, and others may see no harm in it, but I shall take a middle course, by allowing you to rouge on one cheek."

A Difference

A judge, reprimanding a criminal, called him a scoundrel. The prisoner, "Sir, I am not as big a scoundrel as your honor"-here the culprit stopped, but finally added-"takes me to be." "Put your words closer together," said the judge.

Which?

A certain lawyer was compelled to apologize to the court. With stately dignity he rose in his place and said, "Your Honor is right and I am wrong, as your

Honor generally is." There was a dazed look in the judge's eye, and he hardly knew whether to feel happy or fine the lawyer for contempt of court.

Divine Service

A lady who greatly admired Dr. Chalmers's preaching, and was much addicted to pursuing popular orators, sent him her compliments one Sunday morning and begged to know if he intended to preach that day at St. George's. The worthy doctor answered, "Tell Lady that there certainly is to be Divine Service in St. George's Church to-day."

Doubtful Compliment

At a printers' festival the following toast was offered: "Woman! second only to the press in the dissemination of news.” The ladies are yet undecided whether to regard this as a compliment or otherwise.

King or Pretender?

The following epigram, though popularly attributed to Jonathan Swift at the time it appeared, was written by John Byron. On one occasion, during the rising of 1745, when Manchester had eagerly embraced the cause of Prince Charles, Byron, in a mixed company, being asked to drink the king's health, cautiously replied,

God bless the King! I mean our faith's defender;
God bless-no harm in blessing-the Pretender;
But who Pretender is, or who is King,-

God bless us all! that's quite another thing.

A Legal Question

In the Greek Anthology we are told of an unhappy man who went to Diodorus for advice and instruction about the children of a female slave. The following metrical version of the case is by Merivale :

A plaintiff thus explained his cause

To counsel learned in the laws.
"My bond-maid lately ran away,
And in her flight was met by A,
Who, knowing she belonged to me,
Espoused her to his servant B.
The issue of this marriage, pray,
Do they belong to me or A?"
The lawyer, true to his vocation,
Gave signs of deepest cogitation;

Looked at a score of books, or near,

Then hemmed and said, "Your case is clear.

Those children, so begot by B

Upon your bond-maid, must, you see,

Be yours or A's. Now this, I say,
They can't be yours, if they to A
Belong. It follows then, of course,
That if they are not his, they're yours.
Therefore, by my advice, in short,
You take the opinion of the Court."

A Judge Like Solomon

Two cows went astray at Newport News, Virginia. One belonged to a negro, and the other to a white man named Shields. A cow answering the description of either of the two animals was purchased by a farmer not long after. The bereaved men heard of the purchase, and each claimed the animal and presented proof