Come, then, this way-all expedition make; -Re-enter [Exeunt, closely pursued by the Russians- BONEY. Alas! our noses now are wholly gone, When, 'stead of singing, we can only snuffle? [Exeunt BONEY and his Soldiers, still pursued. The Music alternately playing, "Go to the Devil and shake yourself," and "Pity our Fall." WONDERS! WONDERS! [From the same, Sept. 1] AN OFFICER IN EXTRACT OF A PRIVATE LETTER FROM THE Emperor is indefatigable; his exertions are more than mortal; indeed, it is not understood whether he is a man or a devil. Munchausen is eclipsed. Eating, drinking, sleeping, and the other common propensities of life, are almost beneath his imperial notice; and it is supposed, if it wasn't for hunger, thirst, weariness, &c. he would not even condescend to partake of such mean gratifications. The Emperor informs us, that the Duke of Ragusa has so completely defeated Lord Wellington, that no, thing but a momentary indecision of Marmont's, occasioned by a shell bursting near him, prevented the total destruction of the enemy; and we celebrated the victory with appropriate enthusiasm. A whimsical circumstance occurred in reading the orders for celebrating the victory of Salamanca at the head of the army; the officer who read it made a trifling fuux pas, and instead of "Victory of the French," said "Defeat of the French." The Emperor, with his VOL. XVI, charac. characteristic mildness, merely knocked him down, and, in consequence of his ill state of health, gave him permission to retire from the army by easy steps to his native village. It is the intention of the Emperor, after he has annihilated the Russians, to disband all his army, excepting 200 lads of Paris, with whom he means to perform a crusade for the advancement of religion, whether the Christian or Mahometan is not at present known; though some say religion will be but a secondary consideration, his prime object being a conquest of the world. We had a glorious affair with the Russians yesterday, and killed 127,000, wounded double the number, and our prisoners are incalculable; our loss, as usual, was trifling-one trumpeter's horse killed, the wheel of a baggage-waggon wounded, and some provisions missing. We took 20 Generals (whose names I have not learned), 42 standards, 100 pieces of cannon, and an immensity of magazines, particularly one filled with gingerbread nuts (which proved very acceptable), valued at 14 millions. The Emperor never exhibited more magnanimity than in the present campaign; so certain is he of effecting, through his Destinies, the purpose upon which his imperial mind has resolved, that notwithstanding so rapid was our advance, driving every thing before us, and overwhelming all opposition, and that the Russians were within one hour 42 seconds and a half (by the imperial stop-watch) of annihilation; in consequence of some of the invincible army complaining of the mulligrubs (a nervous affection peculiar to this campaign, owing to the heat and the cold, and, in fact, all weathers, moderate or immoderate), the Emperor permitted them to go into quarters for refreshment; and despatched a park of artillery to a posterior position very remote from that of the army, for the purpose, no doubt, of preventing the enemy from running that way out of his own country, country, while the glorious Napoleon proceeds to St. Petersburgh, in which city he has determined to dine, September 31. The Emperor of all the Russias is to -attend behind his chair; and it is for this purpose that he is so careful to prevent Alexander's escape." ON THE LATE OVERTURES TO MR. C [From the Morning Chronicle, Sept. 1.] REPULSION to Attraction cried, To force Repulsion into play, The moment our resistance ceases, The world, that moment, falls to pieces., Thus in a nation parties view; Some this, and others that, pursue; The quarrel has a good effect; For if these cheat us, those detect. But should they leagues of friendship strike, Why then they'd all be rogues alike. EPIGRAM, G. ON THE DEFEAT OF THE FRENCH BY GENERAL PLATOW, [From the Satirist, Sept. z.] FRANCE Platow met with haughty boast, Platow soon beat their vaunting host; And, gazing on their heaps of slain, Says Platow, Why should man be vain ?" S.Y. IT THE NEW EPIC. [From the Morning Chronicle, Sept. 2.] T is said, that a certain far-famed lady who volunteers a Birth-day Ode every quarter-day, and makes our gracious Sovereign be born again four times in the year, has transferred her powers of regeneration to his illustrious successor, whom she hails as the newrisen Suu," upon every 12th day of August. This lady, whose works have made the name of Rosa Matilda as immortal as the works themselves, has, it is said, been lately occupied in giving the last touches to an Epic Poem, in twenty-four books, upon the Solar System. This great work she has generously proffered to dedicate gratis to His R-1 Hss the P. R., an honour which, report says, has been most graciously declined. We have not seen Colonel M'Mahon's Jetter on this occasion, but there are some extracts from the poem which have been recited at some of the leading conversaziones, and which seemed to have deserved a better fate. Our limits will not admit of more at present than a brief and hurried outline of this invaluable performance. The first twenty books are taken up in revolving round the orbit of each successive planet, till the muse gets almost dizzy, describing, as she goes along, the state of the arts and sciences, trade and manufacture, taxes, national debt, and staple commodities of each planet, &c. &c.; to gether with the amount of the specie and paper currency in each, &c.-to the latest period same can be made up, &c.-But the four concluding books comprise the cream of the work-in these the poet contrives to offer up her incense to the present Adminis tration, by allegorizing some of the leading Members of the Cabinet under that planet most characteristic of each. For instance, she puts Lord E-n above the clouds, as the planet Saturn, whose movements are so admirably emblematical of His Lordship's progress from the first hearing to the final adjudication; the planet taking almost the same period of thirty odd years to complete its revolution, which His Lordship generally requires to revolve through an equity suit; His Lordship holding an opinion (as sound a one as ever came from the Bench), that the surest way to avoid making a wrong decision, is never to make any decision at all:-Saturn's ring, too, is equally appro priate, as symbolical of the eternity of most Chancery causes. In an inferior orbit revolves Lord Sidmouth as Jupiter, with his four satellites; we are informed, im a note, that through a good night-glass the phases of the nearest satellite bear a striking and broad re-. semblance to brother Bragge. Here the Poet, after some exquisite lines, descriptive of the pustulous and exanthematous spots and eruptions which so beautifully diversify the disk of this planet, is led into an episodical eulogium upon the small-pox, which she considers as the true test to try the constitution; con.. tending, that whatever party is afflicted by it, it furnishes, in the event of his ultimate recovery, the most conclusive proof it may be taken again. She then, with her usual vivacity of allusion, adverts to a wellknown astronomical discovery, and shows how admirably adapted the Sidmouth moons are to ascertain the exact bearing of different places, and to prove incontestably that light is not instantaneous. Lord Yar-: mouth is next advanced to a place among the heavenly bodies, as the planet Mars; which, when seen clearly! at night, always presents, even to the naked eye, an red, fiery, and truculent aspect. She congratulates His Lordship upon his late appointment, and devotes some fine verses of sterling merit to an eulogy upon tin. She then tells us, that, on hearing that His Lordship had resigned the Household, and had taken the Stanna- ! ries, she was about to remove him farther from the Sun, and make him one of the Jovian satellites, because tin is called Jupiter by the chemists: but the red whiskers and an eye like Mars, decided her. Before she leaves His Lordship, she reminds us that the Greek for tin is derived from a Greek word signifying meretrix; and adds, videtur enim argentum nec est. 03 Were |