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Then she's steady as Chancellor sage,

And, like him, deep advice she can give you;
She's keen and resourceful as Page,

And secret as Councillor Privy.

I must seek out a gift for my fair;
My toupee I will send her with speed!
But let me that plunder forbear—

She will say,

""T was a barbarous deed.

"For he must be mad," she averr'd,

"Who unwigs him, when no longer young:"
And I lov'd her the more when I heard
Such tenderness drop from her tongue.
Shall I send her my whiskers-Ah no!
If my wig she refuses from love,
She would equally feel for below
What I sacrific'd for her above.

No, I'll send her veal-cutlets and sherry,
who ties my cravat:

By
The latter will make my love merry!
The former will make my love fat!
Fat and old, thou are still dear to me;

Thou exquisite elder, I'd rather

Repose in the sunset of thee,

Than bask in the noon of another!

VERSES,

T.T

OCCASIONED BY WALTER SCOTT'S INVOCATION TO IRELAND,

66

IN THE VISION OF DON RODERICK," ENDING

"Strike the bold harp, green Isle, the Hero is thy own."

BY CHARLES PHILLIPS,

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AUTHOR OF THE CONSOLATIONS OF ERIN," &c.

[From the same.]

ALAS, Border Minstrel, the summons is vain,

For unstrung is the harp, and forgotten the strain, Which Erin once sung in her pride—

And now robb'd of the glories that brighten'd her reign, To the heart-rending clank of a conqueror's chain,

All tuneless she wanders the desolate plain

With the blood of her patriots dy'd!

M 5

Thoug

Though a halo of glory should circle her son,
And Victory envy the laurels he won,

To her they are symbols of shame :
For never can dignity beam on his brow,
Till first he has plighted the profligate vow,
To live as a foe to her fame!

Gone, gone are the days when the western gale
Awoke every voice of the lake and the vale,
With the harp and the lute and the lyre;
When Justice uplifted her adamant shield,
And Valour and Freedom illumin'd the field
With a sword and a plumage of fire!

And now, Border Minstrel, the bigot and slave
Pollute the pure land of the free-born brave,

The land of the sigh and the smile—

Then accurs'd be the Irishman's heart that could sing,
And wither'd the hand that would waken the string,
Till the angel of Liberty wave her wild wing
Again o'er the emerald isle.

TO THE PROPRIETORS OF NEWSPAPERS AND OTHERS.

[From the British Press, July 25.]

TO BE SOLD,

THE stock, letter-press, &c. of a well-known ministerial paper.

Among these are comprised a quantity of articles. ready worked up, on the Catholic question, tending to prove the danger of suffering people to think for themselves, in matters of religion.-Consisting of, first, the Necessity of a Religious War; the One-armed Hero; the Political Suicide; Quem Deus vult perdere; Pope and Pagan; the Mad Bull.

The above articles were fabricated expressly for this paper, and are supposed to be perfectly novel in their kind.

Owing to a failure in the house which ordered the

above, they have been left on hand, and may now be had at less than half price.

There is also a considerable quantity of unwrought stuff in support of the Orders in Council, which, from the same circumstance, will be sold cheap, there being no longer any demand for that article, but which, it is supposed, will suit the country dealers.

There is also a vast quantity of unwrought declamation and abuse, in the gross, which may be had at a small price, and be easily worked up, and applied as occasion serves; together with a large collection of anecdote and private history, easily applicable, by a slight perversion, to general questions.

With these will be sold, a valuable collection of indiscriminate epithets and original poetry, consisting of epigrams, impromptus, sonnets, witticisms, &c. The epigrams, owing to the manner in which the point is concealed, may, with very little more violence to the orthography and pronunciation, be applied to any thing else.

Also a large assortment of patterns for encomiums, and descriptions of parties, dinners, routs, &c. from a marchioness to a plain mistress, at different prices, and with different colours. With these will be sold the new method of chalking floors, to prevent accidents in dancing, or in executing difficult figures.

There is, besides, a great variety of printed forms for speeches at publie dinners, with proper introductions and colours, according to the place and occasion, whether delivered at the London Tavern or Crown and Anchor, together with the proper beginnings and endings for speeches on particular occasions, with appropriate epithets; such as the worthy Alderman, the accomplished Hostess, the gallant General, &c. all in blank, with spaces for the names and prices, &c. There is also a most valuable and unique collection. of tail-pieces, roundings and mouldings of periods and M 6

sentences,

sentences, with a vast variety of forms of inversion, carefully selected from Junius and others, with blanks for the ideas of different sizes.

The above article, it is supposed, will be particuJarly valuable to the Sunday papers.

NE

ON ONE OF THE WEEKLY LIBELLERS.
[From the Morning Post, July 28.]

EAR the sick couch, while pitying angels spread
A sacred halo round the Royal Head,

The base apostate's prostituted page

Libels his virtues, and insults his age *;

Aiming to strike that breast with coward hand,

That's mourn'd, belov'd, and honour'd through the land!

But vain the Jacobin's detested pen

Attacks the greatest and the best of men.

A people's love repels th' assassin's dart,

That wounding him would pierce a nation's heart!
His praise shall live, by many a poet sung,
When this wretch rots upon his native dung.
July 27, 1812.

ANTI-HYPOCRITE.

ONE

THREE STICKS.

[From the same, July 29.]

NE stick will serve a dog to beat,
For forward puppies treatment meet;

But Grey and Grenville quite agree

That they could guide the state with three,
And make Britannia, firm and hearty,
Resist the rage of Buonaparte.
O! wondrous potence of three sticks,
To baffle all the tyrant's tricks!
And always will he dread the stroke,
When dealt by thistle, shamrock, oak.

* See a most base, false, infamous passage in his paper, for Saturday, July 18, 1812, page 90; beginning with these words: "I have three sons," &c. &c.-The remainder is too detestable to be quoted; but every good man in the empire, let him be attached to what party he will, must abhor the black-hearted wretch who could pen such a paragraph! GREEN

GREEN FENNEL.

IN THE STYLE OF MODERN SIMPLICITY.

[From the Morning Chronicle, July 30.]

YOUNG Tom had a best coat-a smart nankeen waist

coat

A neat pair of black Spanish pumps;

He knows that his mother will make a great pother,
If over the kennel he jumps.

'T was morning, 't was Sunday, and surely on one day
A lad may give over his pranks;

He trudg'd off to chapel, devouring an apple,
For which he gave grand-papa thanks.

He came to a kennel, choke-full of green fennel,
The water it ran in a flood;

Says he, "Who'll discover it, now I'll jump over it”—

Souse he went into the mud.

His mother she thump'd him, and Hannah she pump'd him;

His Sunday clothes taking away;

And when, in the holydays, others had jolly days,
Gave him no peg-top to play.

A trick that for fun is meant, brings its own punishment,
Tommy is left in the lurch,

Stripp'd of his Sunday clothes, sent in his Monday clothes, Crying, to afternoon church.

NEW BUILDINGS.

[From the same, July 31.]

J.

UR Ministers, wishing the world to be told

OUR

That their plans must be useless, however well laid, Erect a new Mint when they've banish'd our gold,

A Custom-house after they 've ruin'd our trade.

Would ye build with some sense, ye extravagant elves,
Abandon for once your own half-witted rules;

Be useful to us and provide for yourselves,

By building a Bedlam for Madmen and Fools!

H.

THE

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