PIET

(Regular of the Line)

I DO not love my Empire's foes,
Nor call 'em angels; still,

What is the sense of 'atin' those
'Oom you are paid to kill?
So, barrin' all that foreign lot
Which only joined for spite,
Myself, I'd just as soon as not
Respect the man I fight.

Ah there, Piet!-'is trousies to 'is knees,

'Is coat-tails lyin' level in the bullet-sprinkled breeze;
'E does not lose 'is rifle an' 'e does not lose 'is seat,

I've known a lot o' people ride a dam' sight worse than
Piet.

I've 'eard 'im cryin' from the ground
Like Abel's blood of old,

An' skirmished out to look, an' found
The beggar nearly cold.

I've waited on till 'e was dead

(Which couldn't 'elp 'im much),

But many grateful things 'e 's said

To me for doin' such.

Ah there, Piet! whose time 'as come to die,

'Is carcase past rebellion, but 'is eyes inquirin' why.
Though dressed in stolen uniform with badge o' rank
complete,

I've known a lot o' fellers go a dam' sight worse than
Piet.

An' when there was n't aught to do

But camp and cattle-guards,

I've fought with 'im the 'ole day through
At fifteen 'undred yards;

Long afternoons o' lyin' still,

An' 'earin' as you lay

The bullets swish from 'ill to 'ill

Like scythes among the 'ay.

Ah there, Piet!-be'ind 'is stony kop.

With 'is Boer bread an' biltong,' an' 'is flask of awful
Dop2;

'Is Mauser for amusement an' 'is pony for retreat,

I've known a lot o' fellers shoot a dam' sight worse than Piet.

He's shoved 'is rifle 'neath my nose
Before I'd time to think,

An' borrowed all my Sunday clo'es
An' sent me 'ome in pink;

An' I 'ave crept (Lord, 'ow I've crept!)

On 'ands an' knees I've gone,

And spoored and floored and caught and kept
An' sent him to Ceylon!

Ah there, Piet!-you've sold me many a pup,

When week on week alternate it was you an' me "ands up!"

But though I never made you walk man-naked in the

'eat,

I've known a lot of fellows stalk a dam' sight worse than
Piet.

From Plewman's to Marabastad,
From Ookiep to De Aar,

Me an' my trusty friend 'ave 'ad,
As you might say, a war;
But seein' what both parties done
Before 'e owned defeat,

I ain't more proud of 'avin' won,
Than I am pleased with Piet.

1 Dried meat.

2

Cape brandy.

Ah there, Piet!-picked up be'ind the drive!

The wonder wasn't 'ow 'e fought, but 'ow 'e kep' alive,
With nothin' in 'is belly, on 'is back, or to 'is feet-
I've known a lot o' men behave a dam' sight worse
than Piet.

No more I'll 'ear 'is rifle crack
Along the block'ouse fence-
The beggar's on the peaceful tack,
Regardless of expense;

For countin' what 'e eats an' draws,
An' gifts an' loans as well,

'E's gettin' 'alf the Earth, because

'E didn't give us 'Ell!

Ah there, Piet! with your brand-new English plough, Your gratis tents an' cattle, an' your most ungrateful frow,

You've made the British taxpayer rebuild your country

seat

I've known some pet battalions charge a dam' sight less

than Piet.

"WILFUL-MISSING"

(Deserters)

THERE is a world outside the one you know,
To which for curiousness 'Ell can't compare-
It is the place where "wilful-missings" go,
As we can testify, for we are there.

You may 'ave read a bullet laid us low,

That we was gathered in "with reverent care"
And buried proper. But it was not so,
As we can testify,-for we are there!

They can't be certain-faces alter so

After the old aasvogel1 's 'ad 'is share. The uniform 's the mark by which they goAnd ain't it odd?-the one we best can spare.

We might 'ave seen our chance to cut the showName, number, record, an' begin elsewhereLeavin' some not too late-lamented foe

One funeral-private-British-for 'is share.

We may 'ave took it yonder in the Low
Bush-veldt that sends men stragglin' unaware
Among the Kaffirs, till their columns go,

An' they are left past call or count or care.

We might 'ave been your lovers long ago,
'Usbands or children-comfort or despair.
Our death (an' burial) settles all we owe,
An' why we done it is our own affair.

Marry again, and we will not say no,
Nor come to barstardise the kids you bear.
Wait on in 'ope you've all your life below
Before you'll ever 'ear us on the stair.

There is no need to give our reasons, though
Gawd knows we all 'ad reasons which were fair;
But other people might not judge 'em so
And now it doesn't matter what they were.

What man can weigh or size another's woe?
There are some things too bitter 'ard to bear.
Suffice it we 'ave finished-Domino!

As we can testify, for we are there,

In the side-world where "wilful-missings" go.

1 Vulture.

UBIQUE

(Royal Artillery)

THERE is a word you often see, pronounce it as you

may

"You bike," "you bykwee," "ubbikwe"-alludin' to R. A. It serves 'Orse, Field, an' Garrison as motto for a crest, An' when you've found out all it means I'll tell you 'alf the

rest.

Ubique means the long-range Krupp be'ind the low-range 'ill

Ubique means you'll pick it up an', while you do, stand still. Ubique means you've caught the flash an' timed it by the

sound.

Ubique means five gunners' 'ash before you've loosed a

round.

Ubique means Blue Fuse,1 an' make the 'ole to sink the trail. Ubique means stand up an' take the Mauser's 'alf-mile 'ail. Ubique means the crazy team not God nor man can 'old. Ubique means that 'orse's scream which turns your innards

cold!

Ubique means "Bank, 'Olborn, Bank-a penny all the way"

The soothin', jingle-bump-an'-clank from day to peaceful day.

Ubique means "They've caught De Wet, an' now we sha'n't be long."

Ubique means "I much regret, the beggar's goin' strong!"

1 Extreme range.