locks (his custom ever at his morning studies) As when a well-graced actor leaves the stage, Are idly bent on him that enters next, strokes of chance as well as skill, which came opportunely on his side-lengthened out till midnight-dismissed the old gentleman at last to his bed with comparatively easy spirits. I have been at my old friend's various times since. I do not know a visiting place where every guest is so perfectly at his ease; nowhere, where harmony is so strangely the result of confusion. Everybody is at cross purposes, yet the effect is so much better than uniformity. Contradictory orders; servants pulling one way; master and mistress driving some other, yet both diverse; visitors huddled up in corners ; chairs unsymmetrised; candles disposed by chance; meals at odd hours, tea and supper at once, or the latter preceding the former; the host and the guest conferring, yet each upon a different topic, each understanding himself, neither trying to understand or hear the other; draughts and politics, chess and political economy, cards and conversation on nautical matters, going on at once, without the hope, or indeed the wish, of distin so idly did we bend our eyes upon one another, when the chief performers in the morning's pageant had vanished. None told his tale. None sipped her glass. The poor Admiral made an effort-it was not much. I had anticipated so far. Even the infinity of full satisfaction, that had betrayed itself guishing them, make it altogether the most through the prim looks and quiet deport- perfect concordia discors you shall meet with. ment of his lady, began to wane into some- Yet somehow the old house is not quite thing of misgiving. No one knew whether what it should be. The Admiral still enjoys to take their leaves or stay. We seemed his pipe, but he has no Miss Emily to fill it assembled upon a silly occasion. In this for him. The instrument stands where it crisis, betwixt tarrying and departure, I must stood, but she is gone, whose delicate touch do justice to a foolish talent of mine, which could sometimes for a short minute appease had otherwise like to have brought me into the warring elements. He has learnt, as disgrace in the fore-part of the day; I mean Marvel expresses it, to "make his destiny a power, in any emergency, of thinking and his choice." He bears bravely up, but he giving vent to all manner of strange non- does not come out with his flashes of wild sense. In this awkward dilemma I found it wit so thick as formerly. His sea-songs sovereign. I rattled off some of my most seldomer escape him. His wife, too, looks as excellent absurdities. All were willing to be if she wanted some younger body to scold relieved, at any expense of reason, from the and set to rights. We all miss a junior pressure of the intolerable vacuum which presence. It is wonderful how one young had succeeded to the morning bustle. By maiden freshens up, and keeps green, the this means I was fortunate in keeping paternal roof. Old and young seem to have together the better part of the company to an interest in her, so long as she is not a late hour; and a rubber of whist (the absolutely disposed of. The youthfulness of Admiral's favourite game) with some rare the house is flown. Emily is married. HH REJOICINGS UPON THE NEW YEAR'S COMING OF AGE. some in green, some in white-but old Lent and his family were not yet out of mourning. Rainy Days came in, dripping; and sunshiny Days helped them to change their stockings. Wedding Day was there in his marriage finery, a little the worse for wear. Pay Day came late, as he always does; and Doomsday sent word—he might be expected. THE Old Year being dead, and the New | gold, like a queen on a frost-cake, all royal, Year coming of age, which he does, by glittering, and Epiphanous. The rest came, Calendar Law, as soon as the breath is out of the old gentleman's body, nothing would serve the young spark but he must give a dinner upon the occasion, to which all the Days in the year were invited. The Festivals, whom he deputed as his stewards, were mightily taken with the notion. They had been engaged time out of mind, they said, in providing mirth and good cheer for mortals below; and it was time they should have a taste of their own bounty. It was stiffly debated among them whether the Fasts should be admitted. Some said the appearance of such lean, starved guests, with their mortified faces, would pervert the ends of the meeting. But the objection was overruled by Christmas Day, who had a design He had stuck the Twenty-First of June upon Ash Wednesday (as you shall hear), and next to the Twenty-Second of December, and a mighty desire to see how the old Domine the former looked like a Maypole siding a would behave himself in his cups. Only marrow-bone. Ash Wednesday got wedged the Vigils were requested to come with their lanterns, to light the gentlefolks home at night. All the Days came to their day. Covers were provided for three hundred and sixtyfive guests at the principal table; with an occasional knife and fork at the side-board for the Twenty-Ninth of February. April Fool (as my young lord's jester) took upon himself to marshal the guests, and wild work he made with it. It would have posed old Erra Pater to have found out any given Day in the year, to erect a scheme upon-good Days, bad Days, were so shuffled together, to the confounding of all sober horoscopy. in (as was concerted) betwixt Christmas and Lord Mayor's Days. Lord! how he laid about him! Nothing but barons of beef and turkeys would go down with him—to the great greasing and detriment of his new sackcloth bib and tucker. And still Christmas Day was at his elbow, plying him with the wassail-bowl, till he roared, and hiccupp'd, I should have told you that cards of and protested there was no faith in dried invitation had been issued. The carriers ling, but commended it to the devil for a were the Hours; twelve little, merry, sour, windy, acrimonious, censorious, hy-powhirligig foot-pages, as you should desire to crit-crit-critical mess, and no dish for a see, that went all round, and found out the persons invited well enough, with the exception of Easter Day, Shrove Tuesday, and a few such Moveables, who had lately shifted their quarters. gentleman. Then he dipt his fist into the middle of the great custard that stood before his left hand neighbour, and daubed his hungry beard all over with it, till you would have taken him for the Last Day in December, it so hung in icicles. Well, they all met at last, foul Days, fine Days, all sorts of Days, and a rare din they At another part of the table, Shrove made of it. There was nothing but, Hail! Tuesday was helping the Second of September fellow Day,—well met-brother Day-sister to some cock broth,-which courtesy the Day-only Lady Day kept a little on the latter returned with the delicate thigh of a aloof, and seemed somewhat scornful. Yet hen pheasant-so there was no love lost for some said, Twelfth Day cut her out and out, that matter. The Last of Lent was spunging for she came in a tiffany suit, white and upon Shrovetide's pancakes; which April Fool perceiving, told him he did well, for pancakes were proper to a good fry-day. In another part, a hubbub arose about the Thirtieth of January, who, it seems, being a sour, puritanic character, that thought nobody's meat good or sanctified enough for him, had smuggled into the room a calf's head, which he had had cooked at home for that purpose, thinking to feast thereon incontinently; but as it lay in the dish, March Manyweathers, who is a very fine lady, and subject to the meagrims, screamed out there was a "human head in the platter," and raved about Herodias' daughter to that degree, that the obnoxious viand was obliged to be removed; nor did she recover her stomach till she had gulped down a Restorative, confected of Oak Apple, which the merry Twenty-Ninth of May always carries about with him for that purpose. The King's health* being called for after this, a notable dispute arose between the Twelfth of August (a zealous old Whig gentlewoman) and the Twenty-Third of April (a new-fangled lady of the Tory stamp), as to which of them should have the honour to propose it. August grew hot upon the matter, affirming time out of mind the prescriptive right to have lain with her, till her rival had basely supplanted her; whom she represented as little better than a kept mistress, who went about in fine clothes, while she (the legitimate BIRTHDAY) had scarcely a rag, &c. April Fool, being made mediator, confirmed the right, in the strongest form of words, to the appellant, but decided for peace' sake that the exercise of it should remain with the present possessor. At the same time, he slyly rounded the first lady in the ear, that an action might lie against the Crown for bi-geny. It beginning to grow a little duskish, Candlemas lustily bawled out for lights, which was opposed by all the Days, who protested against burning daylight. Then fair water was handed round in silver ewers, and the same lady was observed to take an unusual time in Washing herself. May Day, with that sweetness which is peculiar to her, in a neat speech proposing the health of the founder, crowned her • King George IV. goblet (and by her example the rest of the company) with garlands. This being done, the lordly New Year, from the upper end of the table, in a cordial but somewhat lofty tone, returned thanks. He felt proud on an occasion of meeting so many of his worthy father's late tenants, promised to improve their farms, and at the same time to abate (if anything was found unreasonable) in their rents. At the mention of this, the four Quarter Days involuntarily looked at each other, and smiled; April Fool whistled to an old tune of "New Brooms;" and a surly old rebel at the further end of the table (who was discovered to be no other than the Fifth of November) muttered out, distinctly enough to be heard by the whole company, words to this effect, that "when the old one is gone, he is a fool that looks for a better." Which rudeness of his, the guests resenting, unanimously voted his expulsion; and the malecontent was thrust out neck and heels into the cellar, as the properest place for such a boutefeu and firebrand as he had shown himself to be. Order being restored-the young lord (who, to say truth, had been a little ruffled, and put beside his oratory) in as few, and yet as obliging words as possible, assured them of entire welcome; and, with a graceful turn, singling out poor Twenty-Ninth of February, that had sate all this while mumchance at the side-board, begged to couple his health with that of the good company before him-which he drank accordingly; observing that he had not seen his honest face any time these four years-with a number of endearing expressions besides. At the same time, removing the solitary Day from the forlorn seat which had been assigned him, he stationed him at his own board, somewhere between the Greek Calends and Latter Lammas. Ash Wednesday, being now called upon for a song, with his eyes fast stuck in his head, and as well as the Canary he had swallowed would give him leave, struck up a Carol, which Christmas Day had taught him for the nonce; and was followed by the latter, who gave "Miserere," in fine style, hitting off the mumping notes and lengthened drawl of Old Mortification with infinite humour. April Fool swore they had exchanged conditions; but Good Friday was observed to look extremely grave; and Sunday held her fan before her face that she might not be seen to smile. when she was young; and of one Master Rogation Day in particular, who was for ever putting the question to her; but she kept him at a distance, as the chronicle Shrove-tide, Lord Mayor's Day, and April would tell-by which I apprehend she Fool, next joined in a glee Which is the properest day to drink? meant the Almanack. Then she rambled on to the Days that were gone, the good old Days, and so to the Days before the Flood in which all the Days chiming in, made a which plainly showed her old head to be little better than crazed and doited. merry burden. They next fell to quibbles and conundrums. The question being proposed, who had the greatest number of followers-the Quarter Days said, there could be no question as to that; for they had all the creditors in the world dogging their heels. But April Fool gave it in favour of the Forty Days before Easter; because the debtors in all cases outnumbered the creditors, and they kept lent all the year. Day being ended, the Days called for their cloaks and great-coats, and took their leaves. Lord Mayor's Day went off in a Mist, as usual; Shortest Day in a deep black Fog, that wrapt the little gentleman all round like a hedge-hog. Two Vigils-so watchmen are called in heaven-saw Christmas Day safe home-they had been used to the business before. Another Vigil-a stout, sturdy, patrole, called the Eve of St. Christopherseeing Ash Wednesday in a condition little better than he should be e'en whipt him over his shoulders, pick-a-back fashion, and Old Mortification went floating home singing On the bat's back do I fly, All this while Valentine's Day kept courting pretty May, who sate next him, slipping amorous billets-doux under the table, till the Dog Days (who are naturally of a warm constitution) began to be jealous, and to bark and rage exceedingly. April Fool, who likes a bit of sport above measure, and had some pretensions to the lady besides, as and a number of old snatches besides, between being but a cousin once removed,-clapped drunk and sober; but very few Aves or and halloo'd them on; and as fast as their Penitentiaries (you may believe me) were indignation cooled, those mad wags, the among them. Longest Day set off westward Ember Days, were at it with their bellows, to in beautiful crimson and gold-the rest, blow it into a flame; and all was in a some in one fashion, some in another; but ferment; till old Madam Septuagesima (who Valentine and pretty May took their deboasts herself the Mother of the Days) wisely parture together in one of the prettiest ; diverted the conversation with a tedious silvery twilights a Lover's Day could wish tale of the lovers which she could reckon to set in. they appear to our optics), yet on terra firma saving we could hit upon, that should be an still-for so we must in courtesy interpret equivalent. A thing was worth buying then, that speck of deeper blue,-which the decorous artist, to prevent absurdity, had made to spring up beneath their sandals. I love the men with women's faces, and the women, if possible, with still more womanish expressions. when we felt the money that we paid for it. "Do you remember the brown suit, which you made to hang upon you, till all your friends cried shame upon you, it grew so thread-bare-and all because of that folio Beaumont and Fletcher, which you dragged Here is a young and courtly Mandarin, home late at night from Barker's in Coventhanding tea to a lady from a salver-two garden? Do you remember how we eyed it miles off. See how distance seems to set off for weeks before we could make up our respect! And here the same lady, or another for likeness is identity on tea-cupsis stepping into a little fairy boat, moored on the hither side of this calm garden river, with a dainty mincing foot, which in a right angle of incidence (as angles go in our world) must infallibly land her in the midst of a flowery mead-a furlong off on the other side of the same strange stream! Farther onn—if far or near can be predicated of their world-see horses, trees, pagodas, dancing the hays. Here-a cow and rabbit couchant, and coextensive so objects show, seen through the lucid atmosphere of fine Cathay. I was pointing out to my cousin last evening, over our Hyson, (which we are oldfashioned enough to drink unmixed still of an afternoon) some of these speciosa miracula upon a set of extraordinary old blue china (a recent purchase) which we were now for the first time using; and could not help remarking, how favourable circumstances had been to us of late years, that we could afford to please the eye sometimes with trifles of this sort-when a passing sentiment seemed to overshade the brows of my companion. I am quick at detecting these summer clouds in Bridget. "I wish the good old times would come again," she said, "when we were not quite so rich. I do not mean, that I want to be poor; but there was a middle state" '-so she was pleased to ramble on,—" in which I am sure we were a great deal happier. A purchase is but a purchase, now that you have money enough and to spare. Formerly it used to be a triumph. When we coveted a cheap luxury (and, O! how much ado I had to get you to consent in those times!)—we were used to have a debate two or three days before, and to weigh the for and against, and think what we might spare it out of, and what minds to the purchase, and had not come to a determination till it was near ten o'clock of the Saturday night, when you set off from Islington, fearing you should be too lateand when the old bookseller with some grumbling opened his shop, and by the twinkling taper (for he was setting bedwards) lighted out the relic from his dusty treasures-and when you lugged it home, wishing it were twice as cumbersome—and when you presented it to me-and when we were exploring the perfectness of it (collating you called it)-and while I was repairing some of the loose leaves with paste, which your impatience would not suffer to be left till daybreak-was there no pleasure in being a poor man? or can those neat black clothes which you wear now, and are so careful to keep brushed, since we have become rich and finical, give you half the honest vanity, with which you flaunted it about in that overworn suit-your old corbeau-for four or five weeks longer than you should have done, to pacify your conscience for the mighty sum of fifteen-or sixteen shillings was it?-a great affair we thought it then-which you had lavished on the old folio. Now you can afford to buy any book that pleases you, but I do not see that you ever bring me home any nice old purchases now. "When you came home with twenty apologies for laying out a less number of shillings upon that print after Lionardo, which we christened the 'Lady Blanch;' when you looked at the purchase, and thought of the money-and thought of the money, and looked again at the picture-was there no pleasure in being a poor man? Now, you have nothing to do but to walk into Colnaghi's, and buy a wilderness of Lionardos. Yet do you? |