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to behold the birth-place of their Prophet, must expect to suffer dreadfully. Many of them, venerable with age, who leave their homes and families to traverse a succession of burning sands, can have little hope of returning again, and the appearance of a caravan on its return is sometimes like that of an army after battle.
There are various warm baths at Cairo, and the Orientals, both men and women, are passionately fond of the use of them: this bath is at first a fearful ordeal for a European to go through. Having stripped, you first enter the vapour bath, where you remain till the perspiration streams out of the pores. You then enter the warm bath, and afterwards are laid at length on a long seat, a few feet high, and scrubbed without mercy, all over, by a Turkish operator, who next cracks every joint in your limbs, the sound of which may be heard through the apartment. You then put on a light dress, and proceed to the outerroom, where you recline on carpets and cushions, and have pipes, coffee, and sherbet brought you. A soft and luxurious feeling then spreads itself over your body. Zvery limb and joint is light and free as air, and after all this pommelling and perspiring, you feel more enjoyment than you ever felt before.
Having resolved to visit Mount Sinai, we engaged camels for the journey. The party consisted of Mr. C. an Englishman, Mr. W. a German, who was a missionary sent from Cambridge to labour for the conversion of the Jc.ys, his servant, a poor stupid German, and Michel, who proved invaluable to us, and six Arabs to attend on the eight camels, and serve as guides. It promised to be a journey of great interest, and we waited impatiently for the moment of departure.
PROJECTS AND COMPANIES.
"Some were condensing air into a dry tangible substance by extracting tbe nitre, and letting the aqueous or fluid particles percolate; others softening marble for pillows and pincushions; others petrifying the hoofs of a living horse to preserve them from foundering." Gulliver's Trivcls.
A Nation's wealth that overflows
Strange monsters and abortions.
Better our superflux to waste
In peaceful schemes, howe'er misplaced,
Than war and its abuses;
To salutary uses.
Our sires, poor unambitious folks!
A single South-sea bubble;
To count them is a trouble.
Giving them gold that's ready made,
By help of Watt and Boulton;
Whence sovereigns may be molten I
Others, the dupes of Ferdinand,
Find all their treasure vanish;
Is not to touch the Spanish.
Some, urged by Christian zeal, will play The Jew with Greeks, if proper pay
And interest they propose us; Or, an old debtor to befriend, Will to insolvent Francis lend
The money that he owes us.
Gilded by Eldorado dreams,
No wonder if our foreign schemes
Assume a tinge romantic;
Extravagant and antic 1
Bridges of iron, stone, and wood.
As if thou wert a runnel,
A subterranean tunnel.'
Nay, that our citizens may not,
To bathing places run down,
Full gallop up to London.
Theirs the true English thought—a tank For peers, with those of meaner rank
Disclaiming all connexion; Knights of the Bath! together lave, Tis the best way, perchance, to save
Plebeians from mfection.
One sapient speculator, big
New streets beneath the present,
Or pipes and plugs unpleasant.
With each new moon new bubbles rise.
Its predecessor quashing;
The Company for washing.
Male laundresses! how grand to sec
And Moabite directors,
And ncther-end protectors.
This, bending O'ct the tub, directs
The waste of soap denounces;
In ladies' pucker'd flounces.
Away with the insidious plan,
To rob his female neighbour!
The path of honest labeur.
These are but weeds; the rich manure
To generate the thistle :—
That close his Fourth Epistle. H.
SPECIMENS OF A PATENT POCKET DICTIONARY,
For the use of those who wish to understand the meaning of things as
well as words.
A noble standard for language! to depend Upon the caprice of every coxcomb, who, because words are the clothing of our thoughts, cuts them out and shapes them as he pleases, and changes them oftcner than his dress.—The Taller.
Abridgment.—Any thing contracted into a small compass; such, for instance, as the Abridgment of the Statutes, in fifty volumes folio.
Absentees.—Certain Irish land-owners, who stand a chance of being knocked on the head if they stay at home, and are sure of getting no rents if they go abroad; thus illustrating the fate of the hippopotamus, which, according to the authority of the showman at Exeter 'Change, "is a hamphibious hanimal that cannot live upon land and dies in the water."
Absurdity.—Any thing advanced by our opponents, contrary to our own practice, or above our comprehension.
Academician Royal—One who daubs pictures by privilege, has often the authority of Art for libelling Nature, and if he could paint nothing else, is still entitled to limn the letters R. A. after his name.
Accomplishments.—'In Women, all that can be suppliet l by the dancingmaster, music-master, mantua-maker, and milliner. In men, tying a cravat, talking nonsense, playing at billiards, dressing like a groom, and driving like a coachman.
Achievement or Hatchment.—Is generally stuck up to commemorate the decease of some of the illustrious obscure, who never achieved any thing worth notice until they died, and would be instantly forgotten if their memory did not secure an immortality of a twelvemonth by being nailed to the front of their houses.
Address.—Generally a string of fulsome compliments and professions lavished upon every king or individual in authority indiscriminately, in order to assure him of the particular, personal, and exclusive veneration in which he is held by those who would pay equal homage to Jack Ketch if he possessed equal power.
Advice.—Almost the only commodity which the world refuses to receive, although it may be had gratis, with an allowance to those who take a quantity.
Adulterer.—One who has been guilty of perjury, commonly accompanied with cruelty and hypocrisy; softened down by the courtesy of the world into a '' man of gallantry, a gay person somewhat too fond of an intrigue; or a woman who has had a slip, committed a faux-pas," &c.
Agnus-Custus or Chaste-tree.—A shrub which might be advantageously planted in some of our fashionable squares.
Air.— In the country an emanation from the pure sky, perfumed by the flowery earth; in London, a noxious compound of fog, smoke, putridity, and villainous exhalations.
Alderman.—A ventri-potential citizen, into whose Mediterranean mouth good things are perpetually flowing, although none come out.
Ambiguity.—A quality deemed essentially necessary in diplomatic writings, acts of parliament, and law proceedings.
Ancestry.—The boast of those who have nothing else to boast of.
Antiquity.—The youth, nonage, and inexperience of the world, invested, by a strange blunder, with the reverence due to the present times, which are its true old age. Antiquity is the young miscreant who massacred prisoners taken in war, sacrificed human beings to idols, burnt them in Smithfield, as heretics or witches, believed in astrology, demonology, witchcraft, and every exploded folly and enormity, although his example be still gravely urged as a rule of conduct, and a standing argument against any improvement upon the " wisdom of our ancestors!"
Ape.—The author of the fall of man according to Dr. Adam Clarke, who informs us that the tempter of our first parents was an ouranoutang, not a serpent.
Appetite.—A relish bestowed upon the poorer classes that they may like what they eat, while it is seldom enjoyed by the rich although they may eat what they like.
Argument.—With fools, passion, vociferation, or violence; with ministers, a majority ; with kings, the sword; with men, of sense, a sound reason.
Army.—A collection of human machines, often working as the blind instruments of blind power.
Astrology is to Astronomy what alchemy is to chemistry, the ignorant parent of a learned offspring.
Avarice.—The mistake of the old, who begin multiplying their attachments to the earth just as they are going to run away from it, and who are thereby increasing the bitterness without protracting the date of their separation.
Ay.—A moneysyllable occasionally productive of great benefit to those who utter it.
Babies.—Noisy lactivorous animalcule much desiderated by those who never had any.
Bachelor.—Plausibly derived by Junius from the Greek word for foolish, and by Spelman from Baculus, a cudgel, because he deserves it. An useless appendage of society: a poltroon who is afraid to marry lest his wife should become his mistress, and generally finishes by converting his mistress into a wife.
Backward.—A mode of advancement practised by Crabs, and recommended to mankind in general by the Holy Alliance.
Bag.—A convenient receptacle for any thing wished to be secreted, and usually carried by people of doubtful character, such as pettifoggers, old-clothes-men, &c.
Bait.—One animal impaled upon a hook in order to torture a second for the amusement of a third.
Baker.—One who gets his own bread by adulterating that of others.
Ball.—An assembly for the ostensible purpose of dancing, where the old ladies shuffle and cut against one another for money, and the young ones do the same for husbands.
Bar, The independence of the.—Like a ghost, a thing much talked of and seldom seen.
Barrister.—One who sometimes makes his gown a cloak for browbeating and putting down a witness, who but for this protection might occasionally knock down the barrister.
Beauty.—An ephemeral flower, the charm of which is destroyed as soon as it is gathered: a common ingredient in matrimonial unhappiness.
Bed.—An article in which we are born and pass the happiest portion of our lives, and yet one which we never wish to keep.
Beer, Small.—See Water.
Bellman's Verses.—See Vision of Judgment.
Benefit of Clergy.—See Tithes.
Bishop.—The only thing that gains by a translation.
Blank.—See every ticket bought by yourself or friends.
Blushing.—A practice least used by those who have most occasion for it.
Body.—That portion of our system which receives the chief attention of Messrs. Somebody, Anybody, and Everybody, while Nobody cares for the soul.
Bonnet.—An article of dress much used by fashionable females for carrying a head in.
Book.—A thing formerly put aside to be read, and now read to be put aside.
Box, Opera.—A small inclosure wherein the upper classes assemble twice a week for the pleasure of hearing one another, and seeing the music.
Brain.—An autographical substance, which, according to the phrenologists, writes its own character upon the exterior skull in legible bumps and bosses.
Brass.—An ingredient in the countenances of various individuals, particularly those from a neighbouring island.