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called for sandwiches and a tumbler of negus?" bawled the steward→→→ "Who called for the savages and tumbling negres?" repeated Mr. Smart.-"Yes, ma'am, you saw the machinery, I believe-(capital boiled beef)-there's a thing goes up and a thing goes down, all made of iron; well, that's the hydrostatic principle; then you put into the boiler-(a nice leg of mutton, Mrs. Sweetbread)-let me see, where was I?-In the boiler, I believe. Ah! it's an old trick of mine to be getting into hot water. So, ma'am, you see they turn all the smoke that comes from the fire on to the wheels, and that makes them spin round, just as the smoke-jack in our chimnies turns the spit; and then there's the safety-valve in case of danger, which lets all the water into the fire, and so puts out the steam at once. You see, ma'am, it's very simple, when once you understand the trigonometry of it."-"O perfectly, but I never had it properly explained to me before. It's vastly clever, isn't it. How could they think of it? Shall I give you a little of the sallad? La, it isn't dressed; what a shame!"

"Not at all," cried Smart, "none of us dressed for dinner, so that we can hardly expect it to be dressed for us. He! he he!"-" Did you hear that, Mrs. H. ?" exclaimed Mrs. Suet, turning to Mrs. Hoggins, "that was a good one, warn't it? Drat it, Smart, you are a droll one." Here the company were alarmed by a terrified groan from Mr. Croak, who ejaculated, "Heaven have mercy upon us! did you hear that whizzing noise?-there it is again! there's something wrong in the boiler-if it bursts, we shall all be in heaven in five minutes." "The Lord forbid !" ejaculated two or three voices, while others began to scream, and were preparing to quit their places, when the steward informed them it was nothing in the world but the spare steam which they were letting off." Ay, so they always say," resumed Croak with an incredulous tone and woe-begone look; "but it was just the same on board the American steam-boat that I was telling you of-fifty-two souls sitting at dinner, laughing and chatting for all the world as we are now, when there comes a whiz, such as we heard a while ago-God help us! there it is once more-and bang! up blew the boiler-fourteen people scalded to death-large pieces of their flesh found upon the banks of the river, and a little finger picked up next day in an oyster-shell, which by the ring upon it was known to be the captain's. But don't be alarmed, ladies and gentlemen, I dare say we shall escape any scalding as we're all in the cabin, and so we shall only go to the bottom smack! Indeed we may arrive safe-they do sometimes, and I wish we may now, for nobody loves a party of pleasure more than I do. I hate to look upon the gloomy side of things when we are all happy together (here another groan), and I hope I haven't said any thing to lower the spirits of the company."

"There's no occasion," cried Smart, "for I saw the steward putting water into every bottle of brandy." The laugh excited by this bon-mot tended in some degree to dissipate the alarm and gloom which the boding Mr. Croak had been infusing into the party; and Smart, by way of fortifying their courage, bade them remark that the sailors were obviously under no sort of apprehension. "Ay," resumed the persevering Mr. Croak, "they are used to it-it is their business-they are bred to the sea."-" But they don't want to be bread to the fishes, any more

than you or I," retorted Smart, chuckling at his having the best of the

nonsense.

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"Well," exclaimed Mrs. Sweetbread, "I never tasted such beer as this flat as ditch-water; they should have put it upon the cullender to let the water run out; and yet you have been drinking it, Smart, and never said any thing about it."- Madam," replied the party thus addressed, laying his hand upon his heart, and looking very serious, "I make it a rule never to speak ill of the dead. I am eating the ham, you see, and yet it would be much better if I were to let it exemplify one of Shakspeare's soliloquies-Ham-let alone."-"La! you're such a wag," cried Mrs. Hoggins, "there's no being up to you; but if you don't like the ham, take a slice of this edge-bone-nothing's better than cold beef."-"I beg your pardon, Madam," replied the indefatigable joker-" cold beef's better than nothing-Ha! ha! ha!"

"How do you find yourself now, my darling?" said Mrs. Cleaver to her son, who had been driven below by a shower, and kept his hat on because, as he said, his "'air was quite vet."-"Vy, mother, I have been as sick as a cat, but I'm bang up now, and so peckish that I feel as if I could heat any thing.". -"Then just warm these potatoes," said Smart, handing him the dish, "for they are almost cold."—"I'll thank you not to run your rigs upon me," quoth the young Cockney, looking glumpish, "or I shall fetch you a vipe with this here hash-stick. If one gives you a hinch, you take a hell."-"Never mind him, my dear," cried his mother, "eat this mutton-chop, it will do you good; there's no gravy, for Mr. Smart has all the sauce to himself. Haw! haw! haw!""Very good!" exclaimed the latter, clapping his hands, "egad! Ma'am, you are as good a wag as your own double chin.” This was only ventured in a low tone of voice, and, as the fat dame was at that moment handing the plate to her son, it was fortunately unheard. Dick being still rather giddy, contrived to let the chop fall upon the floor, an occurrence at which Mr. Smart declared he was not in the least surprised, as the young man, when first he came into the cabin, looked uncommonly chop-fallen. Dick, however, had presently taken a place at the table, and began attacking the buttock of beef with great vigour and vivacity, protesting he had got a famous "happetite," and felt" as ungry as an ound."—"I never say any thing to discourage any body," said Mr. Croak, "particularly young people; it's a thing I hate, but t'other day a fine lad sate down to his dinner in this very packet, after being sea-sick, just as you may be doing now, when it turned out he had broke a blood-vessel, and in twelve hours he was a corpse, and a very pretty one he made."

"I'm not going to be choused out of my dinner for all that," replied the youth, munching away with great industry, and at the same time calling out-"Steward! take away this porter-pot, it runs."-"I doubt that," cried Smart." I say it does," resumed Dick, angrily, "the table-cloth is all of a sop."-"I'll bet you half-a-crown it doesn't." Done! and done! were hastily exchanged, when Mr. Smart, looking round with a smirk, exclaimed "Ladies and gentlemen, I appeal to every one of you whether the pot has not been perfectly still, and nothing has been running but the beer." This elicited a shout at poor Dick's expense, who sullenly muttered, "I'm not going to be bamboozled out of an 'alf-crown in that there vay, and vat's more I vont be made a standing joke by no

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man."—"I don't see how you can," replied his antagonist, so long as you are sitting."—"Vy are you like a case of ketchup?" cried Dick, venturing for once to become the assailant, and immediately replying to his own inquiry, "because you are a saucebox."-" Haw! haw!" roared his mother, "bravo, Dick; well done, Dick! there's a proper rap for you, Mr. Smart."-Somewhat nettled at this joke, poor as it was, the latter returned to the charge by inquiring of Dick why his hat was like a giblet-pie? and after suffering him to guess two or three times in vain, cried "because there's a goose's head in it," and instantly set the example of the horse-laugh, in which the company joined. Finding he was getting the worst of it, Dick thought it prudent to change the conversation, by observing that it would luckily be "'igh-water in the arbour when they arrived."-" Then I recommend you by all means to use some of it," said the pertinacious Mr. Smart, "perhaps it may cure your squint."

Both mother and son rose up in wrath at this personality, and there would infallibly have been a bourrasque (as the French say) in the hold, but that there was just then a tremendous concussion upon the deck, occasioned by the fall of the main-boom, and followed by squeaks and screams, of all calibres, from the panic-stricken company at the dinnertable. "Lord have mercy upon us!" ejaculated Croak with a deep groan, "it's all over with us we are going to the bottom-I like to make the best of every thing-it's my way, and therefore hope no lady or gentleman will be in the least alarmed, for I believe drowning is a much less painful death than is generally supposed."

Having run upon deck at this juncture for the purpose of ascertain ing the nature of the accident, which he found to be unattended with the smallest danger, the writer cannot detail any more of the conversation that ensued until their arrival at Calais, which will form the subject of another paper.

ALL I WISH.

A HEART full of bliss,

And a head full of dreams,

Where rapture that is,

More enrapturing seems ;

Joys waiting my need,—

In their turns, night and day,—
So well that I heed

Not when either's away ;

Soft arms for my sleep,

Fresh lips for its breaking,

Kind eyes that will keep

Watch o'er me till waking;—

Sweet breezes at morn,
Cool shadows at noon,
Purple eves that are gone
I may care not how soon,
For the transports ensuing:
Fate, give me but these,
And let others be wooing
What honours they please.

04

AUSTRIA V. LORD HOLLAND AND THE LADIES.

NOTHING is too strange for the enterprise of the present day to effect, or attempt to effect, which is the same as far as intention goes. The lovers of ancient things, and the sticklers for feudal customs, resist all innovation, except it be on the side of arbitrary power, while there are others who would begin every thing de novo, and push matters to the opposite extreme. The press is now worked by steam, because no other means can convey knowledge with sufficient rapidity to gratify the public craving; and opposed to it are princes, loan-mongers, and bayonets, striving to render its labours inert. We are shortly to travel to India through the agency of three barrels of oil-gas, and the columns of the public journals teem with discoveries and inventions which our ancestors would have deemed so many seductions of the father of sin. Notwithstanding we are in the piping time of peace, there is ever something new to draw attention from parish meetings to those for Catholic and slave emancipation; from Dr. Eady to the Emperor of Austria. Thus the machine that feeds public curiosity is kept in motion. At present public attention is occupied with the Austrian decree of recent notoriety, by which the Emperor has shewn anew his eagerness to take a leading figure in the ballet performing by the Holy Alliance. He aspires to be the Vestris of the company, supposing himself the god of the political dance, and like his great prototype of the opera, wishing to have it believed there are only three great personages in Europe, Alexander of Russia, Frederic of Prussia, and himself. It remained for this head of the insolvent house of Hapsburgh, to avail himself of the present extraordinary times, and to innovate in a novel manner on the rights of individuals in free countries, daring, as Englishmen would have once said, to interfere, as far as interference is possible, in intimidating speakers in the English houses of parliament. Doubtless his next step will be a remonstrance, through his Hungarian ambassador at our court, and an application to enforce the standing orders of both houses when any thing displeasing to his high mightiness shall emanate from the members of them. If this be ineffectual, perhaps-but we shall hardly subsidize him to make war upon ourselves, and what nation besides can afford to hire his mercenaries for the purpose? We may, therefore, rest secure from any other war than a discharge of proclamations on his side, and from the press on ours; and if we may judge from the effect which has already been produced by a few random shots against this august personage, we can have very little fear but that a weighty fire, well kept up on our part, will ultimately produce all the impression we can desire.

The abuse of the allied monarchs in parliament, for which Lord Holland has been debarred the unasked favour of visiting the Hapsburgh dominions, that paradise of travellers, and of enjoying the refinements of Austrian and Hungarian civilization and social order, was certainly a weighty reason for his exclusion. The amour propre of Francis, the enlightened views of his allies, their exemplary regard for their dutiful subjects, the solemn pledges which they gave the nations that they govern in a moment of distress, for the violation of which they had excuses ready prepared, have been attacked and arraigned by the presumptuous nobleman in question. He may rest assured, that a dungeon, like that in which the good Confalioneri is destined to consume life, awaits

him if he now attempt to set foot in the land of this commander of the faithful. In the exclusion of Lord Holland from the paradise of Austria, his lordship has the consolation of not standing alone, and that his fellow-sufferers in his heart-breaking privation are of the fairer sex. The gallantry of the Emperor of Austria is worn rusty, or perhaps, like Solomon, whose wisdom he seems to emulate, he is surfeited with past pleasures, or mayhap he is arrived at the age when "man delights not him, nor woman neither," and he is little scrupulous about preserving intact his character in this respect. Four ladies are prohibited, as well as Lord Holland, from entering the Austrian states, the Danish Countess Bourke, Mrs. Hutchinson, Lady Oxford, and Lady Morgan. The three first from being suspicious political characters, though it may fairly be demanded upon what other ground than a few laughable remarks on their travels, or some sentence of constructive censure on the ridiculous precautions of Austria, and on despotism, or similar subjects which this august monarch holds sacred-perhaps a quiz on the embroidery of Ferdinand "the beloved," now in the plenitude of paternal authority, or a laugh at the expense of the virtues and acquirements of Don Miguel "the hopeful" of Portugal; or it may be a hard hit at a favourite courtier or courtesan in a billet of lady scandal,for these are all equally seditious subjects in the dominions of Francis. The prohibition of Lady Morgan, it is well known, is in consequence of certain statements contained in her writings.

It is well for Englishmen who feel the strength and resources of their country, to observe the spirit displayed by the rulers of the Continent towards them. That such rulers should not feel under any obligation to the nation by whose means they were once more enabled to become their own masters, and trample upon the promises and resolutions which they solemnly made in the hour of adversity, was to be expected; it is agreeable to all former precedent. But it was reserved for the present day to witness the steady and sullen hatred, which, smothered in state matters, every now and then bursts forth in petty animosities against individuals. When a cabinet minister informs us that the allied powers are in perfect friendship and cordiality with our government, or, in other words, that there is no danger of a war, we may believe him. Nations without pecuniary resources will not be so eager to seize their arms as formerly, and war, of which they have lately had plenty even to satiety, they will be wary of engaging in with any power that may be a match for them. They may march a few thousand troops into an Italian State to rivet the chains of oppression closer, but they will be cautious of quarrelling with States that are their equals. Jealousy of England is the leading passion of the Continental courts; we may learn the temper of mankind with as much certainty from actions apparently insignificant as from those of more importance, and it will be well if we make a proper use of such observations. We may see from conduct similar to the present in Francis of Austria, the feverish feeling which prevails among the Continental powers towards England. Finding themselves reinstated in plenitude of power; successful for the present by means of standing armies in stifling any remonstrance from their subjects respecting their violated promises; having put down the press in their dominions, and held in surveillance every individual suspected of possessing a manly independence of character; having depo

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