CHAPTER III.

THE FAT CORNET.

"ARE you here, Charley ?" exclaimed Harry Leicester, inflicting a loud thump on the panel of my door one rainy afternoon, when I had retired to my own sanctum for the purpose of clearing off a huge accumulation of epistolary debts; then, without waiting for a reply, he burst into the room, and throwing himself into an easy chair, he indulged in a hearty and prolonged fit of merriment.

"What is the matter?" I replied, suspending operations and staring at him; "what's the joke?”

"Come to mess to-day and you'll see," said Harry. "There's been a new fellow expected all this week, and he turned up this morning. By Jove! he nearly finished us all; I have not got over it yet;" and Harry threw back his handsome head, and went off into a fresh explosion.

"What is he like?" I inquired.

"The fattest man I ever put my eyes on a couple of Daniel Lamberts rolled into one; and such a goose into the bargain; believes everything he is told, till there's absolutely no fun in cramming him. The colonel only comes back to-day, and won't see him

till mess; but I wouldn't lose their first meeting for a thousand pounds. He'll take a fit, I believe, for he piques himself on our all being rather good-looking fellows―eh, Charley?—and this importation won't pass muster."

"What is his name? and where does he come from?"

"To mend the matter, as it happens, he is called Potts. Pretty appellation, is it not? Where he hails from I have not the remotest conception-doesn't matter much; we shan't want to pick up any more of them. However, I think I heard his people were butchers or graziers, or something of that kind; anyway, he has lots of beef about him-seems to have taken kindly to the grazing."

"I'll come and have a look at him," I replied.

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'He's worth it," said Leicester; "but come early and see the fun. Cornet Potts-oh! Lord, what a name! Give me an ounce of civet, Charley; but as the article is probably not at hand, I'll take a cigar instead; your last batch are capital. Who are you scribbling to, old fellow ? Give her my love if she's pretty."

Very punctually I arrived at the cavalry barracks, and found several of the officers assembled ; but Cornet Potts had not yet descended from his toilet. Colonel Fitzneville was generally late; he had not made his appearance either.

"How do, Nugent?" said Major Lumley, shaking hands with me; 66 come to have a look at our fat boy, eh? He is a remarkably fine specimen, I assure you. Does credit to his bringing up."

"Couldn't we exhibit him, aw-" inquired Captain Bolton, softly caressing his jetty moustache; "turn

an honest penny by his-aw-wemarkable circumference ?"

"Not a bad idea, 'pon honour," said Leicester, who just then joined us; "only thing the fellow's-good for that I can see. Let's suggest it to him. Half shares for him and us."

The subject of these flattering encomiums just then entered the room; and I candidly confess it was no trifling effort to maintain a grave countenance while being introduced to him.

If I had not seen him with my own eyes, I should have had great difficulty in believing in the existence of anything so fat; how he came to dream of entering the army was a perfect mystery; how he was permitted to do so, a still greater. His body was enormous, and his face a regular sea of fat, his features appearing mere specks lost in the immensity of space; a heavy, stolid expression, and fishy blue eyes completed this agreeable picture, the effect of which was considerably heightened by glancing round the room at the handsome dashing men sitting and standing in every variety of attitude, the contrast of whose appearance was so great that they looked like beings of a different order.

Presently Colonel Fitzneville made his appearance, calm, haughty, and distinguished-looking, as he always was. He was a very fine-looking man, perhaps the handsomest in the regiment; but his expression was very arrogant and overbearing, though among intimates he could unbend, and when he chose, be very agreeable. He dispensed greetings right and left, including a very cordial one to myself; and then, suddenly finding himself just in front of the new-comer, who wore the mess-jacket of the 21st, and was apparently a

member of that illustrious corps, he glanced at him from head to foot, frowned till his eyebrows met over his dark, piercing eyes, and said in a tone of frigid politeness," And pray whom have we here? I am not

aware

"Mr. Potts, colonel," said Major Lumley, stepping forwards; "he arrived this morning in your absence."

"Mr.-aw-whom did you say? I beg your pardon, Lumley; I did not exactly catch the-aw-" and the colonel directed a far from amiable glance towards the unlucky cornet, while Leicester poked me with his arm, and whispered, "Told you the colonel wouldn't like the joke."

“Mr. Potts,” repeated the major, in a clear ringing voice, for he rather enjoyed the whole business, and gave out the obnoxious appellation particularly distinctly: "Cornet Potts, colonel; only joined to-day." "Potts! Potts! Potts !" replied the colonel, savagely; "did not know there was such a name; very extraordinary one, I must say." He measured the fat youth from head to foot with a contemptuous glance, uttered a barely civil "How are you?" and dinner being announced at the moment, he turned away with an air of most unmitigated disgust, and strode haughtily into the mess-room.

Far from pleasant was Colonel the Honourable Neville Fitzneville that day. He ate his dinner pretty nearly in silence, occasionally directing a furious glance at the corpulent cornet, who appeared rather overcome with his reception, and not much disposed for conversation either; though the others politely asked him to take wine with them, and endeavoured to trot him out to the best of their ability.

"God bless me!" said the colonel, in an aside to Major Lumley, "what have we done that this creature should be inflicted on us? For Heaven's sake, let us get rid of him as soon as possible; we shall be a laughing-stock to the service."

"He is peculiar-no doubt of that," said the major, laughing.

66 Peculiar! he is the most horrid monster I ever set my eyes on;" and the colonel rose with an indignant air, and departed to fulfil an evening engage

ment.

"Our chief is in a sweet humour," said Leicester, cheerfully; "I wouldn't be in that poor devil's shoes at parade to-morrow for a trifle. Daniel Lambert will find himself in for something the reverse of agreeable."

The others now gathered round the new comer, who gradually warmed under the influence of the wine with which they plied him, and an amazing amount of very curious information he imparted to us all. So remarkably simple and green a youth I had not often encountered; but with all his ignorance he had the stubborn obstinacy peculiar to fools, and clearly thought he knew a great deal better than other people.

He let out that his father had wished him to remain at home and follow his very lucrative profession; but a weakness for the glittering paraphernalia of a military life had somehow or other got into the youth's empty noddle, and coûte qui coûte he insisted on being a soldier.

His obstinacy carried the day against the paternal advice and wishes, and the result was his arrival to join the 21st Hussars; though as he was by this time in a happy state of maudlin intoxication, he informed