Showed me the way to promotion an' pay,
An' I learned about women from 'er!

Then I was ordered to Burma,
Actin' in charge o' Bazar,
An' I got me a tiddy live 'eathen

Through buyin' supplies off 'er pa.

Funny an' yellow an' faithful

Doll in a teacup she were,

But we lived on the square, like a true-married pair, An' I learned about women from 'er!

Then we was shifted to Neemuch

(Or I might ha' been keepin' 'er now), An' I took with a shiny she-devil,

The wife of a nigger at Mhow;

Taught me the gipsy-folks' bolee; 1

Kind o' volcano she were,

For she knifed me one night 'cause I wished she was

white,

And I learned about women from 'er!

Then I come 'ome in a trooper,
'Long of a kid o' sixteen-
Girl from a convent at Meerut,
The straightest I ever 'ave seen.
Love at first sight was 'er trouble,

She did n't know what it were;

An' I would n't do such, 'cause I liked 'er too much,

But I learned about women from 'er!

I've taken my fun where I've found it,
An' now I must pay for my fun,

For the more you 'ave known o' the others
The less will you settle to one;

1 Slang.

An' the end of it's sittin' and thinkin',

An' dreamin' Hell-fires to see;

So be warned by my lot (which I know you will not), An' learn about women from me!

What did the Colonel's Lady think?
Nobody never knew.

Somebody asked the Sergeant's wife,
An' she told 'em true!

When you get to a man in the case,
They're like as a row of pins

For the Colonel's Lady an' Judy O'Grady
Are sisters under their skins!

669

BILL 'AWKINS

As anybody seen Bill ’Awkins?”

"Now 'ow in the devil would I know?"

""E's taken my girl out walkin',

66

66

"D' yer know what 'e 's like, Bill 'Awkins?" "Now what in the devil would I care? 99

"'E's the livin', breathin' image of an organ-grinder's

"An' s'pose you met Bill 'Awkins,

Now what in the devil 'ud ye do?"
"I'd open 'is cheek to 'is chin-strap buckle,
An' bung up 'is both eyes, too—
Gawd bless -'im!

An' bung up 'is both eyes, too!"

"Look 'ere, where 'e comes, Bill 'Awkins!
Now what in the devil will you say?"

It is n't fit an' proper to be fightin' on a Sunday,
So I'll pass 'im the time o' day —

Gawd- bless - 'im!

I'll pass 'im the, time o' day!"

THE MOTHER-LODGE

THERE was Rundle, Station Master,

An' Beazeley of the Rail,
An' 'Ackman, Commissariat,
An' Donkin' o' the Jail;
An' Blake, Conductor-Sargent,

Our Master twice was 'e,

With 'im that kept the Europe-shop,
Old Framjee Eduljee.

Outside" Sergeant! Sir! Salute! Salaam!"
Inside Brother," an' it does n't do no 'arm.

66

We met upon the Level an' we parted on the Square, An' I was Junior Deacon in my Mother Lodge out there!

We'd Bola Nath, Accountant,

An' Saul the Aden Jew,
An' Din Mohammed, draughtsman
Of the Survey Office too;

There was Babu Chuckerbutty,

An' Amir Singh the Sikh,
An' Castro from the fittin'-sheds,
The Roman Catholick!

We 'ad n't good regalia,

An' our Lodge was old an' bare, But we knew the Ancient Landmarks, An' we kep' 'em to a hair; An' lookin' on it backwards It often strikes me thus, There ain't such things as infidels, Excep', per'aps, it's us.

For monthly, after Labour,

We'd all sit down and smoke (We durs n't give no banquits,

Lest a Brother's caste were broke), An' man on man got talkin' Religion an' the rest,

An' every man comparin'

Of the God 'e knew the best.

So man on man got talkin',
An' not a Brother stirred
Till mornin' waked the parrots
An' that dam' brain-fever-bird;
We'd say 't was 'ighly curious,

An' we'd all ride 'ome to bed,
With Mo'ammed, God, an' Shiva
Changin' pickets in our 'ead.

Full oft on Guv'ment service
This rovin' foot 'ath pressed,
An' bore fraternal greetin's

To the Lodges east an' west,

Accordin' as commanded

From Kohat to Singapore,
But I wish that I might see them
In my Mother Lodge once more!

I wish that I might see them,
My Brethren black an' brown,
With the trichies smellin' pleasant
An' the hog-darn1 passin' down;
An' the old khansamah 2 snorin'
On the bottle-khana 3 floor,
Like a Master in good standing

With my Mother Lodge once more.

Outside" Sergeant! Sir! Salute! Salaam!"
Brother," an' it does n't do no 'arm.

Inside

66

We met upon the Level an' we parted on the Square,
An' I was Junior Deacon in my Mother Lodge out there!

"FOLLOW ME 'OME

THERE

HERE was no one like 'im, 'Orse or Foot,

Nor any o' the Guns I knew;

An' because it was so, why, o' course 'e went an' died,
Which is just what the best men do.

So it's knock out your pipes an' follow me!
An' it's finish up your swipes an' follow me!
Oh, 'ark to the big drum callin',

Follow me

1 Cigar-lighter.

follow me 'ome!

2 Butler.

8 Pantry.