fion of all my fins, and for the eternal falvation of my foul. And thus keep up ftill in heart and hope; though ftript out of all elfe: as long as I have the only begotten and beloved of the Father, for my Lord and my God, my ftrength and my Redeemer.

Thus muft I take the fhield of faith for my defence, against all darts, and patiently follow fuch a blessed leader, bearing my cross, and defpifing the troubles, as well as the pleasures of the world, fo that I may but win Chrift, and fecure my heavenly interefts, and my eternal glorious inheritance, in his gracious hands. And fo muft ! accuftom myself to the throne of grace, that I may not then be at the faddeft lofs, when I am to feek unto him that, can alone relieve me, in the time of my foreft diftrefs. Yea, with all my utmost care and endeavour, muft I keep off from every prefumptuous fin and wicked way, that would check my faith, and damp my prayers; and fo penitent muft I be for paft mifcarriages, and fo cautious to walk henceforth in my integrity before the Lord; that I may find a friend of him, who fearches my heart; that he may look upon me, and take me up, when past all other help; and I may be bold in my God, when every refuge elfe fails me in the world.

Whatever then, my foul, is like to prove bitternefs in the latter end, and would kill my heart, and fink me into despair, when distress and anguish comes upon me, and all the waves and billows of affliction are going over me: O let me dread it, and fhun it, even as death and hell. And (however I ain tempted to it) have nothing to do with it. But renounce, and deteft, and refift the curfed thing; that would render the trying time, and my laft fcene infupportable; which it fhould be all the bufinefs of my life, to make eafy and comfortable.

THE

THE PRAYER.

OLY glorious GOD, whom I have grievoully offended! thou knowest my "careful heart, and my appalled mind; in fear of "the heavy plagues, which thou mightest justly in"flict. Though hitherto, thou haft not only spared 66 me, in all my fins; but refreshed and comforted "me on every fide, with thy fweet mercies; yet is

my expectation ftill more faddened, by the re"membrance of all that patience and goodness, " which I have fo much abused. For I know, that "thou, O Lord, wilt take me in hand, and bring

me into judgment; and O what fhall I fay; "what fhall I do, when under the fiery trial? I fear "before thee: I humble myself unto thee. O prepare me for thy approaches to me and bear me up under all, that thou shalt bring upon me. Re"member none of my fins against me; nor hide thy face from me, when trouble overwhelms me; "but let me find the Lord reconciled to me, and prefent with me; and my Saviour fo appearing "for me; that though I walk through the vale of "the shadow of death, I may fear no evil, to undo 66 me. And whatever shall be thy vifitation, Lord, "help me past it, with profit and confolation; and "at laft, let me go off this ftage, with the fweet 66 peace of God, and the joyful hope of thy falva❝tion. Amen."

MEDITATION

MEDITATION XXXIV.

Of preparing to meet our God.

My foul! fhall I dare to ftand it out against the Lord; as if I were able to maintain my own, in defiance of him? Can my heart endure, or my hands be ftrong, in the day that he fhall come to deal with me? O how filly, how mad were it, ever to think of any fuch encounter? As if, chaff or ftubble, fhould offer to refift a confuming fire! it is quite another fort of preparation, that I muft think of making, to find a happy congrefs; and the comfortable meeting with my God: from whom my fins do fet me at a distance; and against whom they engage me, as an enemy. Where then I cannot pretend to grapple with the armed adverfary, who is extremely too hard for me; my preparation is indeed, to make no fuch preparation; but only to throw down my weapons, and go in upon my fubmiffion; to feek peace; where I am unable for the war; and fo turn my enemy into a friend; that fhall exert his power, not against me, but for me. It is to humble myself low in the duft before him : and turn from those fins, that provoke him: and feek and beg for that mercy, which I need from him. While fecure and refolute finners are in no concern, to put by the wrath, gone out from the Lord against them; nor to prevent things from running to the utmoft extremities; but fly out ftill more; and add to the affronts, and enflame the accounts, and fo render all ftill worfe and worfe: delaying to make any reconciliation, and peace with

God; till their time and hopes are all expired; and the judgments denounced, come to be inflicted; and fo put their cafe beyond any further help: O may I look to the weightieft of all matters, in better time; before mercy have done with me; and all the doors of pity be barred against me. Let me (full of hope) betake myself to him, that is God, and not man and will therefore, exceed, all the best, and kindeft of men. Yea, let me go to him, that is my God; and therefore will ufe me, as his child: and where things have been ill carried by me, will yet have compaffion upon me: and not remember my inifcarriages against him; fo muck, as my relation to him; and where he puts me upon the returning to him; it is not then a prefumptuous intrufion, and rufhing upon him; but fuch acceptance of his invitation, and obedience to his command, as cannot but be well taken by him. For be fure, he does not call me, to deceive me, nor for any thing that he is to get by me; no, but only because he has a mind to deal well by me; and to fhew himself kind to me. Therefore does even the majefty offended, fo wonderfully condefcend; and seek firft, to have all taken up, and healed. Therefore he makes the overtures of peace; and bids me come home to my Father; that I may find, what he can, and will do, for a poor finful undone crea, ture. And though all my weak endeavours look very infignificant, to stop his righteous judgments, from myself or others; yet the fmallest fervice, where he is pleased to put me upon it, he will not defpife it. And what he has accepted even from the greateft finners, when fenfible and penitent; why should I defpair, of his accepting from me a finner, when I come labouring and heavy laden to my Saviour? His gracious nature, his love to fouls, his delight in mercy, inclines him; yea, his own Word and promife does oblige him, to do the things

of

fo kind; and to fhew the favour fo abundant and furprising.

Where then, he seems fo forward, my foul, fhall I hang back? Shall I flight his offers? Shall I miftruft his kindness? No, but I will believe, and admire his love: I will make the proof of it: and go and caft myself upon it. And my faith and intereft in my Saviour, that will I reckon the beft, of all my preparation, to meet my God; who is reconciled to us, on the account of what our Holy Redeemer has done for us and nothing fo recommending, to ingratiate us with our heavenly Father; as to be found in his Chrift; cloathed with the righteoufnefs of his Son. But then may I draw near, in full affurance of faith; when I believe on the name of the Son of God; who is the propitiation for those fins, that make me ashamed, and afraid to fhew myfelf in his prefence. Therefore will I fhelter under the umbrage, and truft in the merits,and depend upon the advocation, of the Lord my righteoufnefs and I will go unto God through him. That where I am unworthy, his worthiness may be my plea and where I have failed and finned; yet I may be pardoned, and accepted in the beloved: yea, and have boldness and accefs with confidence, through the faith of him though I fhould tremble and dread to be feen before the Holy One: were I to answer only for myself, and to wear no righteoufnefs but my own.

66

MY God! I have fallen far from thee; foully misbehaved myself toward thee; "and fo greatly finned against thee, that my fins "difcourage me, even to appear before thee: yet "will it be death, and certain ruin for me; to keep "off, and not come unto thee. O help me, in the "preparation