read by her who is the vision of my heart; whose happiness is more than most other things precious to me. And I would close it with the injunction and the words of the Persian poet, and say, henceforth 'Let the nightingale of Friendship kiss the rose of Conciliation.'

JOHN WATERS.

The Bunkum Flag-Staff and Independent Echo.

DEVOTED TO THE PRINCIPLES OF '98; THE CONSTITUTION OF THE STATE OF NEW-YORK; THE FOURTH OF JULY LIFE, LIBERTY, LITERATURE, ADVERTISEMENTS, AND A STANDARD CURRENCY.

VOL. II.

JANUARY 1, 1850.

WAGSTAFF, EDITOR.

No. 1.

CIRKELATE!

To every individooal reader of the THE 'Chronicle' man is ashamed of his 'FLAG-STAFF' we wish them all the com- No Principal' theory. We suspek we pliments of the season. Eighteen-Fifty have galled him pretty essentially on that breaks the back of another centoory, and p'int, causin' him to twist and squirm in while we have hitherto been travelling on a sundry variety of ways. He now anrising ground, recollect that we are now nounces that he will go for the principals going down hill. Lock the wheels; don't of Number One, and nothink else; the go too fast with your revolutions, or else most barefaced confession of selfish conyou'll run off the bank. LEWIS FLIP duck we pretty near ever seen. A man stays where he is, but the Poop of Rome who goes for the principals of Number is going back to the Vacuum as soon as One and nothink else will do no good in they can get the house whitewashed. He this world, and is a disgrace to the press. is only the Ninth Pious Poop they have He won't give a six-pence to a beggar; had to Rome: appears to us a small num- he won't give Mr. BILGROVE but four shilber out of so many. We wish him alin's for killin' his hogs, when he demands merry Christmas. The FLAG-STAFF' seventy-five cents; he will feed himself entertains not the least unfriendly feeling up with ice-creams and every think nice, to Prous. He has got a good name, and when he do n't care three shavings for we hope a good natur'. what any one else has. In short, he is friendlier to hisself than to any of his friends, and will think nothink of putting on a clean shirt on his own back on a holiday, while he will let a poor man wear s'iled linen. This will give the readers of the 'FLAG-STAFF' a little idea of the ignominyus conduck of going for the principals of Number One and nothink else. Oh, fy! fy! brother Chronicle! How can you hang out your sign on the coroner of the street and act so? He also accuses us of stealin' his spellin'; the most ridiculous chëarge which was ever thrust down the throat of the public with the ram-rod of folly. How could we steal his spellin'? It is the most poverty-stricken spellin' we pretty near ever seen. We can prove an allybi on that murder. We are sure there is n't a rag to pick on that bush. Oh, no; we would n't steal your spellin' any more'n we would your readin', and that is n't wery extensive. He'll be accusin' us of stealin' his hand-writin' next, we shouldn't Wonder; but he need n't alarm hisself on that score; for we've bin told in confidence by one of his compositors who came

Since our last happy new-year, General ZACHARY TAYLOR has been elected President of the Uniten'd Stets. He fought our battles, and we put him in. We have one fault to find with him and his cabbinnet-that we have not yet received that inspektreship of ashes. It appears to us that it was a very small modulum for what we done for him, and we will not say that we will uphold the leading measures of his administration if it is to be withheld; we could not in justice do it. To him and all our fellow men we have the best feelinks. Oh, that they would show a little corresponding feeling for us! neow, while it is to-day. All turkies, geas, chickens, sassages, souse, spare-ribs, chine, hed-cheas, and other things of that natur, will reach us at this orifice.

Do your best, and then you will be prepared for the worst,' said that corruscation of genus, GEORGE WASHINGTON SMITH. What truth and poetry combined is contained in that sentenshus sentens!

here to try and get a sitooation onto the | We expostulated with her. We remon-
'FLAG-STAFF,' that his writin' was so bad strated. We said: 'Don't do it!' We
that he had been worn down to nothink
but skin and bone, and his head turned
prematoorly gray, a-tryin to decifer it
which we knowed to be quite true; for
we seen him often before he went to work
on the 'Chronicle,' and a fatter man wasn't
to be found in all the town.

Ir affords us the most unfeigned disappointment and regret to inform our readers that our wife, Mrs. WAGSTAFF, has absconded. We have done every think to humor this woman for a great many years or more, and all of it of no use't. On Thursday last she seized her bonnet and new shawl, for which we only recently paid ten dollars, and said she was a-goin', and ran out frantik, we calling her back. Seeing she did not come, we ran after her, first down Elm-street, so into Main, then she steered for Terraxicum, (by which time a crowd got collected, we shouting at the top of our voice,) so on to WILLIAM's and Bunkum-Square. Our warm friend Alderman BINKLEY here assisted us, (she being a cousin of his,) shouting out with stentorian lungs 'O, Mrs. WAGSTAFF! Mrs. WAGSTAFF! Mrs. WAGSTAFF!' till, seeing that she turned a deaf ear, he sot down on the coal-box on the stoop of Mr. SMITH'S store, and wept like a child. Mr. BIGSLEY was also very kind, and tried to head her off in Terraxicum-street. The last glimpse which we got of our wife's calico was a hundred yards from our own door. Let her abscond. We cannot help it. We will find bread for our twelve children if our advertising-list will do it. The 'FLAG-STAFF' will be continuous as usual.

We married Mrs. WAGSTAFF on a rainy Friday mornin' in 18 hundred and 18, and was soon unhappy. She would never let us be a night out of the house, nor let us enjoy the company of a friend. If we wanted to take a glass of wine with a friend, she sot opposite and looked daggers at us, so as our friend would n't come ag'in.

:

said: 'Madam, there's money for your
shawls. Don't be always a-makin' us go
in the track; don't always be a-usin' the
break and puttin' the switch on!' A
spell ago we even took her to the theay-
ter. We done every think for her. Now
we mean to get a divorce.

N. B.-Subscriptions for the 'FLAG-
STAFF' received at this orifice. No debts
paid of her contracting.

As appropo of the above, we as journalists have also to record that Mr. JEROTHNAIL PODE has absconded; but not with Mrs. Wagstaff! A year ago an unfortunate speculation in shingles brought him to the verge of absquatulation. But there ain't where JEROTHNAIL missed it; we think it was in believing what ISAAC POND told him about patent suspenders. These articles altogether fell short of what was confidently expected of them. They did not hitch so high as to realize what was presumed they would, and the steel spring took up so much ile as to eat up all the profits, and not much of a meal at that. There's where the great error in calkelation lay; for though they would hoist a man off the ground like hosspower, yet when you came to put in the ile the account would n't come out square. How many very ingenus creaturs get run aground in this way! They can't seem to look up the street and round the corner at the same time. They make wheels to go by wind, but they stand stock still when you come to put them in water. You have got to look at all parts if you want to make any executive work go slick. Why did n't JEROTHNAIL think of the ile? We have always sot a good deal of store by him, both as a store-keeper and a man. Howsever, perhaps he has n't absconded. He may have gone to see his uncle ZERUBBABEL, up at Jericho South, and be back on Monday morning. We await the issoo in suspense. It's a strange world we live in!

"WE been tarred and feathered since our last, owing to some altercation with an individooal, (not McGOOSELEY.) Altogether it was an outrageous business, and will undergo a legal investigation. The feathers, which are of a good quality, and aperiently fresh picked from a goos, are for sale at this offis.

6

THE SESSION OF CONGRESS has commence, and we are now going to throw out some remarks for their good. We see they can't get no Speaker as yet. Bime-by, we 're afeered, there will be too many Speakers. That ain't all: they'll speak too much! They usually spend the fust part of the session in ballotting, and the middle in doing nothing, and the latter eend, when the business ought to taper off gradual, and come to the sharp p'int of an accomplished good, which will puncturate into all time, they get the business all huddled up like a drove of sheep in a corner, and nothing to do but to scratch and hurry and sweep together the bills and papers, the most of which they chuck under the table. While the member from Bunkum is windicating himself against the aspersions of the member from Tinnecum, and like enough go right up and slap him in the face before the hull

We have had a most extrornery season. | took off the Courier and Enquirer' newsNever before have we knowed the lips of paper, then 'The Express,' then 'The December to kiss the cheek of a rose. As Her'ld,' then 'Mornin' Star,' and lo and we saw these Boreas blasters, which are behold nothink but a small round cobblenothink more than a Zephyr grown old, stone! We suppose there was a haw-haw smackin' away at the red, red, fragrant, unequal'd in the whole history of hawfull-blown cheeks of Miss DAMASK, we haws. The wery dead bulls' eyes seemed said to them, Kiss and take your leaves! to stare right out of their sockets, and the We will record it in 'FLAG-STAFF;' upon cleavered beef to gape open wider. One honor we will! ole fish-woman put her hands right onto her waist, sot down on her stool, and cried, We want to warn our friends from the she did. So the jolly young butcher put ked❜ntry to keep their eyes wide oping and his five-dollar bill into his pocket, and Mr. their hands in their pockets when they go BAGSLEY threw the stun away and walked to 'York. It is one of the wickedest spots off. But oh! when his wife found it out! in the Uniten'd Stets. The followen suck-Oh! oh! umstans occurred: A friend of ours, a constant subscriber of the FLAG-STAFF,' Mr. SOLOMON BAGSLEY, of Bunkum, was in the Fulton Market, selling cabbages and buying a piece of corn-beef. A quite a wo-begone individooal comes up to him, and offers to sell him a big silver watch. Twenty dollars he asked, and he would by no means take that, but he was wery distrest for pecunary means. 'Oh, no,' Mr. BAGSLEY said; he could not give it; he wanted the money, and he did n't want the watch.' 'Would he then come into the followin' arrangement: to let him have only five dollars, and take the watch? It war n't perobable he should call for it; ony it was an ole fammely time-piece, and to let him redeem it for ten dollars at some futur' time?' 'Oh! wal, why, yes! Mr. BAGSLEY didn't keer if he did do that.' "You'll find there's no mistake about its goin'!' says the watch-seller; 'I'll set it a-goin' for you;' and with that he gi'n it a wrench or two, and commenced a-'rap-house, there our uncle JOHN R. BоHEpin' it all round with bits o' newspaper. MUSES claim for spoliations on his land and Mr. BAGSLEY gi'n him the money, and he robbin' his cattel in the last war, written left the field of action. A wunnerful out in a clear hand, lies onto its back in a chubby-cheek'd, red-face sort of a young more eloquent silence than all their spoutbutcher kept lookin' knowin' and grinnin', ings, by far. I have told my uncle JOHN and last he hollered right out. Says he for the last ten years that he 'll get nothin'; 'Look a-here, my friend,' says he, look not one Sue Markee. Representatifs of a-here: what'll you bet you haven't got the people, slappin' you onto the back, we a stun?' This kind of nettled Mr. BAGS- say to you firmly, yet with apparent kindLEY, who takes the 'FLAG-STAFF' punc-ness, Alter your tictacs in this matter. tual, and he swore some, (he done wrong You are now all assembled. Pick out to swear,) and What do you mean?' says your boardin'-housen, unpack your trunks, he. Why, you've a stun, friend, 'rap-hire your washerwoman, get your desks ped up in them papers.' Tain't so,' says BAGSLEY, quite sharp. What 'll you bet it aint't, respected and dear Sir?' 'I'll bet you five dollars!' says BAGSLEY, his spunk getting on top of his prudence, and keepin' it down. 'Done!' said the young man; plank the tin! Our friend done so; he then commenced un'rappin' it, and

arrange, smooth down the paper, do n't read newspapers or write letters, but mind your business, for which you get eight dollars by the diem; too much by half for any think you do and for the way you do it. We do n't want to hurry you too much. Bury your colleagues decently; they ain't any of 'em dead yet, but they

always do die. They come from fever dis- | the bullets of common sense. For MERtriks half sick with swamp air and election cy's sake! do n't talk, Members of excitements, go right into eating custards Congress; do n't talk if you have n't got and ice-creams they never been used to, anythink to say! And then don't do it and by the time they get ready a long if you don't know how to say it. Don't speech and ammunition to ram down spread a pound of butter over an inch of some where or other into the barrel of bread, and very likely the butter not good the time of the house, get knocked over nother. Come to the p'int. All subjeks with the bilious dysentary, take sick and have got a p'int, which is the littlest thing died. We don't want to speak lightly of on airth, except the soul of a mean man. this matter. It is a solemn and awful That's a cur'osity that BARNUM might truth. Be respekful. Wear your crape. make his fortin out of, could he get it into Praise them up in a tolerabul size speech his museum. He's done it already out of if they deserve it, and if they do n't it a little body; but could he only get a leetel, ain't much matter. These things are a leetel bit of a soul, and put it into a bottle, mere matter of course. They are your he'd make more out of it than twenty feller men, and as they cannot any more Sweedish nightingales. We'd give ONE speak a good word for themselves, and DOLLAR plank down to see it. We don't nobody to think of 'em again except a believe you could see it. Ain't it queer? widow cryin' her eyes out thousands of We're gittin' off the p'int ourselves. To milds off in Texas or California, and we come back: Let your words then slide dono but what we may say, putty soon, in down the needle-like shaft to the P'INT. Canady or Kooby; and as it is the last Don't make a pyramid of words with no time that many of them will be again p'int; where you can walk on the top of thought of on airth, it is proper and chari- it, and nothing in it but gum and incendary table, and we dono but what it's right, substances. A sensible man might take to pile up the laudations to a pretty con- any of your long speeches, of three or four siderabul p'int of haighth. Well, after columns, and the fust thing he'd do would you have got your cheers and sot down, be to knock the preface right off. You the fust thing is the PRESIDENT'S MESSAGE. don't want no preface. The nose is the We have great hopes of that dockyment. preface of the face. See how short it is! For once't in the history of the ked'ntry Ours is short enough; and the longest nose we want that it should be short; and if it is short, compared with the whole body. only comes any thing like up to those Preface in books is exploded; it ought to Palo Alty and Resacca de Palmy and be in speeches. The next thing would be Benny Visty despatches, it will be the best to knock off that part where you go to exand at the same time the greatest paper plain your motives, to define your position. that was ever spread before the session of Your motives are taken for granted by the Congress. The General showed his good ked'ntry at large, and your position won't sense in war. be any better by defining it. load of shingles that, by ordinary pressing, twenty of your long sentences could be got into one short one; and four columns, by judicious whittlin', bring it down to one. But the fact is, that you want to send home to your constituents a long printed speech, while the members are writin' letters, jist as if the valy of your speech depended on the length of it. The member from Bunkum, who is a man of more than ordinary elegance and edication, was fetched up to say things in a pithy way, will bear us out in this matter. He knows our sentiments very well on this p'int. We are willin' to bet a bunch of shav ins, poor as we are, and in need of kindlins, that what he doos say will be to the p'int, and so come home to the hearts and consciences of men, that they may have a realizin' sense of the subjek matter of debate. Oh! that our feller men would

If he only called for a little more grape on the white hoss, he is n't agoin' to deal in long verbattim reports in the White House. He never was wordy, but he done a good deal. And it was becase he said so little and done so much that the sovring people heisted him right onto their backs, and with one chearge at the mouth of the bagnet pitched him right into the sitooation where he is now. If he had-a only said a leetle more, you would n't-a found the General where he is. This is jist what we 're comin' to. Follow the General. No talkin' in the ranks; we mean to say not among the common men. When the time comes, as General TAYLOR's men, they may put in their wote, and it will tell on the good of the ked'ntry. No difficul. The powder and shot, and wadding and flash of miscellaneous talk won't get the ked❜ntry on one inch in advance without

We'll bet a