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popular mode among physicians of ridding | had a father and mother,' we have not themselves of troublesome patients. met with any thing approaching in beauty
Gruel is a common expedient in such the following paragraph, extracted from cases. The term is a corruption of growl,' an • editorial in the Tribune;' the subfrom the effect which it produces upon ject being the late President's career : both tongue and stomach. It is made by
JAMES K. is the oldest of ten children; acthickening a tea-spoon full of flour or meal
quired the rudiments of an English and classical with a gallon of water.
education near his home, and aner years of suffer A few years since the physicians, fear- ing from a very painful complaint, was relieved ing that the demand for food would be by a surgical operation.' greater than the supply, invented a new
new! We learn from the following, that aldisease, called the dyspepsia, which is a though the cutting a man's head off with patent method of starving men to death by
by a carving-knife is not a 'tragical affair,' it a slow but sure process. The dyspepsia bers
becomes one when performed by a chopis first cousin to the ‘hypo,' and connected
per.' We quote from the 'Herald: to the hystericks' by marriage, Women were probably intended to do all He confessed to Captain LEONARD that he had
| intended to stab them. There was another sharper
carving-knife lying beside it on the same table, Eve was given to Adam for a help-meat.
and had he taken that he would have cut off the
head of CUNNINGHAM, or had he taken a chopper we would remark, for the benefit of the that was there, the consequences would have been uninitiated, that it is considered to be a
tragical.' breach of etiquette to use the napkin (a The tulip-mania and the morus multi. table-cloth) in lieu of a handkerchief, es- 1 caulus fever are the only vegetable excitepecially if one has a cold in the head ; that ments ever heard of by us until the follow. tooth-picks should not be applied to the ing startling announcement' met our eye.' ear should the fingers be washed in the As vegetable excitements must be growwine-glass; and that silver forks are not ing evils, they are much to be deplored. intended to eat soup with.
The intelligence comes by telegraph from Gastronomy and astronomy are different, Syra
ise : although both are illustrated by a series of
"There is a great vegetable and cattle exciteplates; yet persons who have been in
ment here.? dulging in the pleasures of the table are very apt to see stars, and examine intently Several very startling discoveries have revolutions both of celestial and terrene
been lately made. Some time since the bodies.
'Journal of Commerce' found an "ephemeral artery in a man's leg; which is
perhaps the first instance that one of a MISCELLANY.
transitory and evanescent nature has been
met with ELEGANT EXTRACTS.
Here is another modern miracle, the As free and enlightened citizens of the
dead restored to life: • Great model Republic,' we have a thou- "The four persons attacked (besides those to sand causes for self-gratulation; but whom it proved fatal) are recovering, and proper among the manifold blessings showered precaution has been taken to purify the place.
There have been no cases resembling cholera any upon our heads by a beneficent PROVI- where else. DENCE, we know of none for which we should be more truly thankful than the high moral tone, irreproachable bearing, PROVERBIAL PHILOSOPHY. and brilliant writings which distinguish
MAN PROPOSES AND GOD DISPOSES. - A our daily press. We have often fondly
maiden lady of our acquaintance objects imagined that a collection of those gems, so frequently to be found in the columns
very strenuously to the first part of this of our city papers, would make a pleasing
proverb ; for she says the men do n't pro
at all. and readable tome. In illustration of this, we present our readers with two or three
Avoid Low COMPANY. — Good advice. scintillations :
Never be seen in company with a man Since the celebrated eulogy upon the who lives in a cellar ; neither with a wellFlorida legislator "Mr. HIGGINS, who digger or a grave-digger. . died of the brown-creaters,' was an in- BACCHUS HAS DROWNED MORE THAN genious person, and in his younger days | NEPTUNE. - Do n't know about this. His
sub-marine Highness has caught many a ships are guilty of ; for, he adds, they lie chap 'half-seas over.'
| We extract the following from a letter CREDIT LOST IS LIKE A BROKEN LOOK
to a friend. The writer is evidently down , ING-GLASS. Exactly. Rather hard to
in the Musquito country: This place is shave with any longer.
sum, speshíally in summer. Your nose FATHER AND SONS. — Uncommonly Ime tached to the shang daffers in the digsmart fathers are very apt to have uncom- gin line. Oh Bill! ef ye could ondly monly stupid sons. And we fear for our clap ise on the perduckshuns of this side, offspring, when we think upon Oliver yude be silent enuf about yure farm. All Cromwell and Master Dick, DANIEL the trese here bares poll-parots and monkese O'CONNELL and his boy JOHNNY. Dick and coons and go-away-news and possums was too small potatoes to be made a Dick-and kokernuts, and awl on 'em a hangin' by TATER of; and his father's mantle fits thare tales. Them kokernuts is full ov Master Jack, as a purser's shirt does a milk, and the peple gits awl thare butter bean-pole. The great RICHARD of Eng- and chease that way. When thay want to iand, (not Dick CROMWELL) was known lie in thare winter suply, they git tugeder as "CEUR DE Lion,' Master JOHN will a hull passel on 'em, and makes a long rope probably figure as 'Tête de l'Ane.' The out of monkese tales, and fastens one eend former raised men for a Saracen crusade, to the top of the tree, and pulls backward the latter demands the Repeal crews-aid and for'ard till the milk is awl churned. in the form of mopusses. His father re- When the thunder and litenin' begins, ceived more purses than his share, but we thare awl as busy as beese. The thunder fear the son's rent' will, like that of a kurdles the milk, and they do n't use runcertain Secretary of War, be in arrears. nit, but jest set to and brake up the nuts, John is considered by all to be a broth of and put the contents in a bag, and ride a boy, which accounts for his being so horseback on it till its hard enuff, I tell ye.' much of a soup.
DEAR READERS, one and all, a Happy New-Year!
ANSWERS TO CORRESPONDENTS. "A FRIEND' sends us the following disquisition upon the lines :
An Anxious FATHER' writes thus : What am
I to do with my boy? He is one of the d-l's On, life is a river, and man is a boat,
unaccountables. Steals his mother's sweatThat over its surface is destined to float.'
meats; worries cats, dogs and girls ; fights all the small boys ; plays truant four days out
of five ; and threatens to set the house on fire, if Most true, oh! king, and accounts for I do not quit thrashing him.' My very dear many things, particularly and especially and afilicted Sir, the only remedy that we wot
of, in such a distressing case, to have him run the propensity some men have for getting
over by an omnibus, or blown up with gunpow* half-seas over. Some are very fast; der. He will immediately become a kne, intellireal clippers; while others are decidedly
gent, interesting, and amiable boy; and should
he not survive the operation, you will have the slow-sailing craft. Some are luggers of satisfaction of learning from all the papers wood and carriers of water, while others that condole with you, that his loss toas deeply with their fanciful streamers flying, yacht
lamented by a large circle of loving and mournit up and down the world, having a per- l STREET INSPECTOR' inquires if Canal-street be
ing friends and acquaintance. petual holiday. There be crafts of plea
not one of the coldest and most disagreeable sure, and there be crafts of business ; streets in the city, during winter. We think there be crafts that cannot move a peg,
not : there is a Bleccker-street just beyond
Houston. unless wound up to a proper pitch with steam, and a noisy, quarrelsome, turbulent,
ORDERLY' asks why perturbed spirits are like
rar recruits. We take it to be, because they troublesome set they are ; always coming in require exorcising. collision with something or somebody, until ANTIQUARY’ wishes to know if any attendant a collapsed flue, a burnt-out boiler, a stove spirit watched over the safety of Noah and his in bow, broken paddles, or a run down at
family when upon the vast food; and if so,
rohat one. Can't answer precisely ; but if suck night, put a stop to their career. In fine,
was the case, suppose it must have been an archall men are crafty.
angel. "SALT WATER' says we are not right in CRABTREE' desires to know what tribe of Indians supposing that pitching and tossing and
deserves to be d-d. Upon the best informa
tion which we have been able to obtain, we turning up coppers, are the only vices that! should rather think it must be the Creeks.
• DRY MEASURE' asks why eight quarts are like a | attention is respectfully solicited to the following
good appetite, Because it makes one peck. extract from PLINY: • ANN ELIZA' wishes our advice about going to Quando Crocodilum desiratum est catchere, et
California. Go by all means, young lady. nono comatibus est in stempo.Juvenilen nigeruir Analizers are very much needed there.
take about et "Tinct. Opi,' aut · Acet morphii;'aut *EXTRA 'ERALD.' – We cannot tell you, my ladi, longo sermoni,' put him to sleepum heels foremost.
toho was the first neros-boy. It is not yet de Inde hogibus modo gruntatum est. Ruat Croce cided whether the honor belongs to Cupid or
dilus, niger swallow at usque ad midoleum et ine Hymen. We incline to the former, who cer
stanter sickus bargami Cuffee vult ejectere. Sed tainly brought boxes into play among the fair cannot come it heels fancibus haesit impossibilis ser.
est squallere, et frightem-to-deathibus novo fixo,
captabitum.' "GIN SLING' asks what David said to the vainglorious boasts of his gigantic adversary ?
| The proprietor would embrace this opportunity Not positive : Goliar, perhaps.
of informing the public that the lier law does not
apply to any fat children, women, or Highland PILGARLICK' has just discovered why the hoop-boys raised in Brooklyn, in his possession; and
ino-cough is so named, because it goes ROUND all persons building suits for them will do so at the family.
their own risk.
PETER BURN-EM. • VERY SUSPicious.' - Joun Brown and Bill SMITH went to Boston the other night, BILL
LIVE HUNDRED DOLLARS REWARD suffered dreadfully from sea sickness, and be
Twill be paid for a live Street-Inspector, and sought Joux, who was standing by him, to seek
FIVE HUNDRED DOLLARS additional if satisout the steroard and obtain some brandy-and
factory evidence is produced of his being taken water. Jous however refused to move until
in the streets. Apply to He did, for fear he might be arrested for pass
BURN-EM. ing a spurious Bill.
TO THE GREAT UNHUMBUGGED AMERI.
I CAN PUBLIC.-GOBBLE, VIPER & 00., ADVERTISEMENTS.
have the honor to announce, that they now offer
an opportunity to Americans to patronize the disDURN-EM'S GREAT AMERICAN HUM
tinguished artists of Europe. BUG,-Direct-lie opposite the Bunkum ville
de The advantages of the plan are obvions and Church.
manifest. A helping hand will be lent to the de SUPERHUMAN ATTRACTIONS.
caying genius of Europe. A round sum put into Just received a DEGREE OF LONGITUDE taken
the pockets of the subscribers, and native humin the very act of
bug will be prevented from foisting their trash
upon an ignorant community. CROSSING THE LINE.
N.B. Rich and racy French prints and pictures, And purchased at an enormous expense.
which the ridiculous and meddlesome laws of
this country prevent us from exhibiting, can be Also, the identical Boots in which Tarquin obtained by private application. All communitook his
cations will be considered as strictly confidential. RAVISHING STRIDES! A branch of BIRNAM Wood, cut just before
TABLE OF CONTENTS.
I. CARRIER'S ADDRESS.
II. OUR OWN COURSE AND THAT OF breed. A wax-figure of a STREET INSPECTOR.
OUR ADVERSARY: EDITORIAL
(A purely imaginative work.)
III. KNOWLEDGE FOR THE PEOPLE: A REAL ALLIGATOR,
NUMBER FOUR. GASTRONOMY.
IV. MISCELLANY: ELEGANT EXTRACTS: that in endeavoring to swallow a young negro, was partly suffocated by the heels lodging, (see
PROVERBIAL PHILOSOPHY: FATHERS AND painting) and in this condition was easily cap
Sons. iured. The negro, who in consequence of his fright, is transformed into a white man, is ex
V. CORRESPONDENTS, ETC. pected in a few days. Lest a too incredulous VI. ANSWERS TO CORRESPONDENTS. public should doubt this simple statement, their VII. ADVERTISEMENTS.
STANNAS: TO LUCY.
ONLY the actions of the just,
AY! Beauty fades: but Love and Truth
THE FIRST FLAKES.
BY CHARLZS R. CLARKS.
Ye tarry long, pale wizards! but at last,
In the still hush of evening thin and dreary,
Mantling our fields and forests, autumn-weary,
And still ye flicker through the biting air :
While the bright moon, in mockery of your sailing,
Sheddeth her ardent beams, but unavailing,
Ye are right welcome! by the ancient board,
While sparkles comfort from the generous ember,
'Tis joy to quaff again, with old DECEMBER, The full hilarious cup, by Memory stored.
'Tis joy to hear the glad, familiar sound
Of merry sleigh-bells, in their busy tinkling,
And o'er the carpet of your grateful sprinkling,
'Tis joy to follow o'er the slippery waste,
Anon, the skater in his graceful swinging;
Mark the bold curve, then list the iron ringing,
Ay, these are joys: but mingling in their chime,
That creep betimes across the happy measure,
They whisper that the fierce north-coming chill,
That only wreathes our ruddy fireside brighter,
That only bids our home-cheered heart beat lighter, Speeds arrowed Death o'er Want's unguarded sill :
Bears on its frozen wings a weight of wo
For him, the toiler, whom DISEASE unnnerveth,
For her! whom Hope a bitter morsel serveth,
Then let our radiant charity be flung
Till the fierce chillness of the hour shall borrow
New cheer for us, and joy where misery sprung. Rochester, (N. Y.) November, 1849.
THEY'RE gone, all gone! those joyous days,
They 're gone, all gone! the gentle flowers,
They 're gone, all gone! each happy bird,