Imágenes de página
PDF
ePub

the

popular mode among physicians of ridding | had a father and mother,' we have not themselves of troublesome patients. met with any thing approaching in beauty

Gruel is a common expedient in such the following paragraph, extracted from cases. The term is a corruption of growl,' an • editorial in the Tribune;' the subfrom the effect which it produces upon ject being the late President's career : both tongue and stomach. It is made by

JAMES K. is the oldest of ten children; acthickening a tea-spoon full of flour or meal

quired the rudiments of an English and classical with a gallon of water.

education near his home, and aner years of suffer A few years since the physicians, fear- ing from a very painful complaint, was relieved ing that the demand for food would be by a surgical operation.' greater than the supply, invented a new

new! We learn from the following, that aldisease, called the dyspepsia, which is a though the cutting a man's head off with patent method of starving men to death by

by a carving-knife is not a 'tragical affair,' it a slow but sure process. The dyspepsia bers

becomes one when performed by a chopis first cousin to the ‘hypo,' and connected

per.' We quote from the 'Herald: to the hystericks' by marriage, Women were probably intended to do all He confessed to Captain LEONARD that he had

| intended to stab them. There was another sharper

carving-knife lying beside it on the same table, Eve was given to Adam for a help-meat.

and had he taken that he would have cut off the

head of CUNNINGHAM, or had he taken a chopper we would remark, for the benefit of the that was there, the consequences would have been uninitiated, that it is considered to be a

tragical.' breach of etiquette to use the napkin (a The tulip-mania and the morus multi. table-cloth) in lieu of a handkerchief, es- 1 caulus fever are the only vegetable excitepecially if one has a cold in the head ; that ments ever heard of by us until the follow. tooth-picks should not be applied to the ing startling announcement' met our eye.' ear should the fingers be washed in the As vegetable excitements must be growwine-glass; and that silver forks are not ing evils, they are much to be deplored. intended to eat soup with.

The intelligence comes by telegraph from Gastronomy and astronomy are different, Syra

ise : although both are illustrated by a series of

"There is a great vegetable and cattle exciteplates; yet persons who have been in

ment here.? dulging in the pleasures of the table are very apt to see stars, and examine intently Several very startling discoveries have revolutions both of celestial and terrene

been lately made. Some time since the bodies.

'Journal of Commerce' found an "ephemeral artery in a man's leg; which is

perhaps the first instance that one of a MISCELLANY.

transitory and evanescent nature has been

met with ELEGANT EXTRACTS.

Here is another modern miracle, the As free and enlightened citizens of the

dead restored to life: • Great model Republic,' we have a thou- "The four persons attacked (besides those to sand causes for self-gratulation; but whom it proved fatal) are recovering, and proper among the manifold blessings showered precaution has been taken to purify the place.

There have been no cases resembling cholera any upon our heads by a beneficent PROVI- where else. DENCE, we know of none for which we should be more truly thankful than the high moral tone, irreproachable bearing, PROVERBIAL PHILOSOPHY. and brilliant writings which distinguish

MAN PROPOSES AND GOD DISPOSES. - A our daily press. We have often fondly

maiden lady of our acquaintance objects imagined that a collection of those gems, so frequently to be found in the columns

very strenuously to the first part of this of our city papers, would make a pleasing

proverb ; for she says the men do n't pro

at all. and readable tome. In illustration of this, we present our readers with two or three

Avoid Low COMPANY. — Good advice. scintillations :

Never be seen in company with a man Since the celebrated eulogy upon the who lives in a cellar ; neither with a wellFlorida legislator "Mr. HIGGINS, who digger or a grave-digger. . died of the brown-creaters,' was an in- BACCHUS HAS DROWNED MORE THAN genious person, and in his younger days | NEPTUNE. - Do n't know about this. His

sub-marine Highness has caught many a ships are guilty of ; for, he adds, they lie chap 'half-seas over.'

to.

| We extract the following from a letter CREDIT LOST IS LIKE A BROKEN LOOK

to a friend. The writer is evidently down , ING-GLASS. Exactly. Rather hard to

in the Musquito country: This place is shave with any longer.

sum, speshíally in summer. Your nose FATHER AND SONS. — Uncommonly Ime tached to the shang daffers in the digsmart fathers are very apt to have uncom- gin line. Oh Bill! ef ye could ondly monly stupid sons. And we fear for our clap ise on the perduckshuns of this side, offspring, when we think upon Oliver yude be silent enuf about yure farm. All Cromwell and Master Dick, DANIEL the trese here bares poll-parots and monkese O'CONNELL and his boy JOHNNY. Dick and coons and go-away-news and possums was too small potatoes to be made a Dick-and kokernuts, and awl on 'em a hangin' by TATER of; and his father's mantle fits thare tales. Them kokernuts is full ov Master Jack, as a purser's shirt does a milk, and the peple gits awl thare butter bean-pole. The great RICHARD of Eng- and chease that way. When thay want to iand, (not Dick CROMWELL) was known lie in thare winter suply, they git tugeder as "CEUR DE Lion,' Master JOHN will a hull passel on 'em, and makes a long rope probably figure as 'Tête de l'Ane.' The out of monkese tales, and fastens one eend former raised men for a Saracen crusade, to the top of the tree, and pulls backward the latter demands the Repeal crews-aid and for'ard till the milk is awl churned. in the form of mopusses. His father re- When the thunder and litenin' begins, ceived more purses than his share, but we thare awl as busy as beese. The thunder fear the son's rent' will, like that of a kurdles the milk, and they do n't use runcertain Secretary of War, be in arrears. nit, but jest set to and brake up the nuts, John is considered by all to be a broth of and put the contents in a bag, and ride a boy, which accounts for his being so horseback on it till its hard enuff, I tell ye.' much of a soup.

DEAR READERS, one and all, a Happy New-Year!

CORRESPONDENCE, ETO.

ANSWERS TO CORRESPONDENTS. "A FRIEND' sends us the following disquisition upon the lines :

An Anxious FATHER' writes thus : What am

I to do with my boy? He is one of the d-l's On, life is a river, and man is a boat,

unaccountables. Steals his mother's sweatThat over its surface is destined to float.'

meats; worries cats, dogs and girls ; fights all the small boys ; plays truant four days out

of five ; and threatens to set the house on fire, if Most true, oh! king, and accounts for I do not quit thrashing him.' My very dear many things, particularly and especially and afilicted Sir, the only remedy that we wot

of, in such a distressing case, to have him run the propensity some men have for getting

over by an omnibus, or blown up with gunpow* half-seas over. Some are very fast; der. He will immediately become a kne, intellireal clippers; while others are decidedly

gent, interesting, and amiable boy; and should

he not survive the operation, you will have the slow-sailing craft. Some are luggers of satisfaction of learning from all the papers wood and carriers of water, while others that condole with you, that his loss toas deeply with their fanciful streamers flying, yacht

lamented by a large circle of loving and mournit up and down the world, having a per- l STREET INSPECTOR' inquires if Canal-street be

ing friends and acquaintance. petual holiday. There be crafts of plea

not one of the coldest and most disagreeable sure, and there be crafts of business ; streets in the city, during winter. We think there be crafts that cannot move a peg,

not : there is a Bleccker-street just beyond

Houston. unless wound up to a proper pitch with steam, and a noisy, quarrelsome, turbulent,

ORDERLY' asks why perturbed spirits are like

rar recruits. We take it to be, because they troublesome set they are ; always coming in require exorcising. collision with something or somebody, until ANTIQUARY’ wishes to know if any attendant a collapsed flue, a burnt-out boiler, a stove spirit watched over the safety of Noah and his in bow, broken paddles, or a run down at

family when upon the vast food; and if so,

rohat one. Can't answer precisely ; but if suck night, put a stop to their career. In fine,

was the case, suppose it must have been an archall men are crafty.

angel. "SALT WATER' says we are not right in CRABTREE' desires to know what tribe of Indians supposing that pitching and tossing and

deserves to be d-d. Upon the best informa

tion which we have been able to obtain, we turning up coppers, are the only vices that! should rather think it must be the Creeks.

VOL. XXXV.

[ocr errors]

• DRY MEASURE' asks why eight quarts are like a | attention is respectfully solicited to the following

good appetite, Because it makes one peck. extract from PLINY: • ANN ELIZA' wishes our advice about going to Quando Crocodilum desiratum est catchere, et

California. Go by all means, young lady. nono comatibus est in stempo.Juvenilen nigeruir Analizers are very much needed there.

take about et "Tinct. Opi,' aut · Acet morphii;'aut *EXTRA 'ERALD.' – We cannot tell you, my ladi, longo sermoni,' put him to sleepum heels foremost.

toho was the first neros-boy. It is not yet de Inde hogibus modo gruntatum est. Ruat Croce cided whether the honor belongs to Cupid or

dilus, niger swallow at usque ad midoleum et ine Hymen. We incline to the former, who cer

stanter sickus bargami Cuffee vult ejectere. Sed tainly brought boxes into play among the fair cannot come it heels fancibus haesit impossibilis ser.

est squallere, et frightem-to-deathibus novo fixo,

captabitum.' "GIN SLING' asks what David said to the vainglorious boasts of his gigantic adversary ?

| The proprietor would embrace this opportunity Not positive : Goliar, perhaps.

of informing the public that the lier law does not

apply to any fat children, women, or Highland PILGARLICK' has just discovered why the hoop-boys raised in Brooklyn, in his possession; and

ino-cough is so named, because it goes ROUND all persons building suits for them will do so at the family.

their own risk.

PETER BURN-EM. • VERY SUSPicious.' - Joun Brown and Bill SMITH went to Boston the other night, BILL

LIVE HUNDRED DOLLARS REWARD suffered dreadfully from sea sickness, and be

Twill be paid for a live Street-Inspector, and sought Joux, who was standing by him, to seek

FIVE HUNDRED DOLLARS additional if satisout the steroard and obtain some brandy-and

factory evidence is produced of his being taken water. Jous however refused to move until

in the streets. Apply to He did, for fear he might be arrested for pass

BURN-EM. ing a spurious Bill.

TO THE GREAT UNHUMBUGGED AMERI.

I CAN PUBLIC.-GOBBLE, VIPER & 00., ADVERTISEMENTS.

have the honor to announce, that they now offer

an opportunity to Americans to patronize the disDURN-EM'S GREAT AMERICAN HUM

tinguished artists of Europe. BUG,-Direct-lie opposite the Bunkum ville

de The advantages of the plan are obvions and Church.

manifest. A helping hand will be lent to the de SUPERHUMAN ATTRACTIONS.

caying genius of Europe. A round sum put into Just received a DEGREE OF LONGITUDE taken

the pockets of the subscribers, and native humin the very act of

bug will be prevented from foisting their trash

upon an ignorant community. CROSSING THE LINE.

N.B. Rich and racy French prints and pictures, And purchased at an enormous expense.

which the ridiculous and meddlesome laws of

this country prevent us from exhibiting, can be Also, the identical Boots in which Tarquin obtained by private application. All communitook his

cations will be considered as strictly confidential. RAVISHING STRIDES! A branch of BIRNAM Wood, cut just before

TABLE OF CONTENTS.
LEAVING FOR DUNSINANE!

I. CARRIER'S ADDRESS.
Two WOOLY HENS of Sir John MAUNDEVILLE'S

II. OUR OWN COURSE AND THAT OF breed. A wax-figure of a STREET INSPECTOR.

OUR ADVERSARY: EDITORIAL

(A purely imaginative work.)

III. KNOWLEDGE FOR THE PEOPLE: A REAL ALLIGATOR,

NUMBER FOUR. GASTRONOMY.

IV. MISCELLANY: ELEGANT EXTRACTS: that in endeavoring to swallow a young negro, was partly suffocated by the heels lodging, (see

PROVERBIAL PHILOSOPHY: FATHERS AND painting) and in this condition was easily cap

Sons. iured. The negro, who in consequence of his fright, is transformed into a white man, is ex

V. CORRESPONDENTS, ETC. pected in a few days. Lest a too incredulous VI. ANSWERS TO CORRESPONDENTS. public should doubt this simple statement, their VII. ADVERTISEMENTS.

STANNAS: TO LUCY.

ONLY the actions of the just,
Smell sweet and blossom in the dust.' SIIRLSY.

AY! Beauty fades: but Love and Truth
Can never die. Immortal Youth
Crowns each with Life, and both shall glow
In the bright bliss which angels know !
LUCY! on you life's earliest spring
Is scattering flowers with lavish wing;
My prayer is that to you be given,
The Christian's growth to God and Heaven,

E2.

THE FIRST FLAKES.

BY CHARLZS R. CLARKS.

Ye tarry long, pale wizards! but at last,

In the still hush of evening thin and dreary,

Mantling our fields and forests, autumn-weary,
With pallid whiteness have ye shivered past.

And still ye flicker through the biting air :

While the bright moon, in mockery of your sailing,

Sheddeth her ardent beams, but unavailing,
Thickly where cling your hoar-frost jewels rare.

Ye are right welcome! by the ancient board,

While sparkles comfort from the generous ember,

'Tis joy to quaff again, with old DECEMBER, The full hilarious cup, by Memory stored.

'Tis joy to hear the glad, familiar sound

Of merry sleigh-bells, in their busy tinkling,

And o'er the carpet of your grateful sprinkling,
See the gay whirl of Pleasure's morris-round.

'Tis joy to follow o'er the slippery waste,

Anon, the skater in his graceful swinging;

Mark the bold curve, then list the iron ringing,
And feel the dying hours grow feathery-faced.

Ay, these are joys: but mingling in their chime,
"Are strains whose echoes tell no tale of pleasure ;

That creep betimes across the happy measure,
Like the lone plaints that blend the wild-bird's mime.

They whisper that the fierce north-coming chill,

That only wreathes our ruddy fireside brighter,

That only bids our home-cheered heart beat lighter, Speeds arrowed Death o'er Want's unguarded sill :

Bears on its frozen wings a weight of wo

For him, the toiler, whom DISEASE unnnerveth,

For her! whom Hope a bitter morsel serveth,
For them, the thousands whom we cannot know.

Then let our radiant charity be flung
Out on the air thus weighed with blue-lipped sorrow,

Till the fierce chillness of the hour shall borrow

New cheer for us, and joy where misery sprung. Rochester, (N. Y.) November, 1849.

[merged small][ocr errors]

THEY'RE gone, all gone! those joyous days,
When balmy Summer shed her rays
From ever blue and laughing skies,
And made the earth a paradise.
In green and gold the fields were dressed,
The foot the flowery carpet pressed,
And through the grass, with ardent looks,
The noon-beams chased the virgin brooks;
Which ever, as they coyly run,
Throw tinkling laughter at the sun ;
While fragrance hung upon the air,
And birds careered and carolled there,
And insects swarmed in tireless play,
Dancing their giddy life away
In bacchanalian merriment,
As fiercely gay, as swiftly spent.

They 're gone, all gone! the gentle flowers,
Whose life's the poetry of ours;
Speaking beyond the power of art
In silent numbers to the heart,
And waking in the enraptured breast
Feelings that may not be expressed.
All, alī, alas ! have passed away,
And stole its lustre from the day ;.
The modest beauties and the proud,
The solitary and the crowd ;
Bright-eyed ones laughing o'er the meads,
And mourners with their drooping heads;
And worshippers with tearful eye
All-meekly lifted to the sky;
The violet that mused alone,
Like hermit, 'neath a mossy stone;
The meek-eyed daisy, primrose pale,
The queenly lily of the vale ;
From field and hill they all have passed,
And left this dead prosaic waste.

They 're gone, all gone! each happy bird,
Whose song the waking morning heard :
The road-side sparrow chirps no more,
Nor swallow skims the meadow o'er ;
Nor from the river's reedy brink
Carols the tuneful bobolink;
Nor linnet, hid among the leaves,
His curious note unwearied weaves.
No parent-robins gather food
To still their open-throated brood;
There, where the cunning nest was seen
Snug-built behind the foliage-screen
Of vines, that o'er the portal crept,

« AnteriorContinuar »