popular mode among physicians of ridding themselves of troublesome patients. had a father and mother,' we have not met with any thing approaching in beauty the following paragraph, extracted from an editorial' in the Tribune;' the subject being the late President's career: Gruel is a common expedient in such cases. The term is a corruption of growl,' from the effect which it produces upon both tongue and stomach. It is made by JAMES K. is the oldest of ten children; acthickening a tea-spoon full of flour or meal quired the rudiments of an English and classical with a gallon of water. education near his home, and after years of sufferA few years since the physicians, fear-ing from a very painful complaint, was relieved ing that the demand for food would be by a surgical operation.' greater than the supply, invented a new disease, called the dyspepsia, which is a patent method of starving men to death by a slow but sure process. The dyspepsia is first cousin to the 'hypo,' and connected to the 'hystericks' by marriage. a Women were probably intended to do all the carving, since we are informed that EVE was given to ADAM for a help-meat. With regard to the usances of the table, we would remark, for the benefit of the uninitiated, that it is considered to be breach of etiquette to use the napkin (a table-cloth) in lieu of a handkerchief, especially if one has a cold in the head; that tooth-picks should not be applied to the ear should the fingers be washed in the wine-glass; and that silver forks are not intended to eat soup with. Gastronomy and astronomy are different, although both are illustrated by a series of plates; yet persons who have been indulging in the pleasures of the table are very apt to see stars, and examine intently revolutions both of celestial and terrene bodies. MISCELLANY. ELEGANT EXTRACTS. We learn from the following, that although the cutting a man's head off with becomes one when performed by a chopa carving-knife is not a 'tragical affair,' it per.' We quote from the 'Herald :' "He confessed to Captain LEONARD that he had intended to stab them. There was another sharper and had he taken that he would have cut off the carving-knife lying beside it on the same table, head of CUNNINGHAM, or had he taken a chopper that was there, the consequences would have been tragical.' 6 The tulip-mania and the morus multicaulus fever are the only vegetable excitements ever heard of by us until the following startling announcement met our eye.' As vegetable excitements' must be growing evils, they are much to be deplored. The intelligence comes by telegraph from Syracuse: "THERE is a great vegetable and cattle excitement here.' Several very startling discoveries have been lately made. Some time since the 'Journal of Commerce' found an ephemeral' artery in a man's leg; which is perhaps the first instance that one of a transitory and evanescent nature has been met with. Here is another modern miracle, the dead restored to life: THE four persons attacked (besides those to whom it proved fatal) are recovering, and proper precaution has been taken to purify the place. There have been no cases resembling cholera any where else.' PROVERBIAL PHILOSOPHY. As free and enlightened citizens of the 'Great model Republic,' we have a thousand causes for self-gratulation; but among the manifold blessings showered upon our heads by a beneficent PROVIDENCE, we know of none for which we should be more truly thankful than the high moral tone, irreproachable bearing, and brilliant writings which distinguish our daily press. We have often fondly maiden lady of our acquaintance objects imagined that a collection of those gems, so frequently to be found in the columns very strenuously to the first part of this of our city papers, would make a pleasing proverb; for she says the men do n't proand readable tome. In illustration of this, we present our readers with two or three scintillations: Since the celebrated eulogy upon the Florida legislator Mr. HIGGINS, who 'died of the brown-creaters,' was an ingenious person, and in his younger days MAN PROPOSES AND GOD DISPOSES.-A pose at all. AVOID LOW COMPANY.-Good advice. Never be seen in company with a man who lives in a cellar; neither with a welldigger or a grave-digger. BACCHUS HAS DROWNED MORE THAN NEPTUNE. - Do n't know about this. His sub-marine Highness has caught many a ships are guilty of; for, he adds, they lie chap half-seas over.' CREDIT LOST IS LIKE A BROKEN LOOKING-GLASS. Exactly. Rather hard to shave with any longer. FATHER AND SONS. Uncommonly smart fathers are very apt to have uncommonly stupid sons. And we fear for our offspring, when we think upon OLIVER CROMWELL and Master DICK, DANIEL O'CONNELL and his boy JOHNNY. DICK was too small potatoes to be made a DICKTATER of; and his father's mantle fits Master JACK, as a purser's shirt does a bean-pole. The great RICHARD of Engiand, (not DICK CROMWELL) was known as CŒUR DE LION,' Master JOHN will probably figure as 'Tête de l'Ane.' The former raised men for a Saracen crusade, the latter demands the Repeal crews-aid in the form of mopusses. His father received more purses than his share, but we fear the son's 'rent' will, like that of a certain Secretary of War, be in arrears. JOHN is considered by all to be a BROTH of a boy, which accounts for his being so much of a soup. CORRESPONDENCE, ETC. 'A FRIEND' sends us the following disquisition upon the lines: 'On, life is a river, and man is a boat, That over its surface is destined to float.' Most true, oh! king, and accounts for many things, particularly and especially the propensity some men have for getting 'half-seas over.' Some are very fast; real clippers; while others are decidedly slow-sailing craft. Some are luggers of wood and carriers of water, while others with their fanciful streamers flying, yacht it up and down the world, having a perpetual holiday. There be crafts of pleasure, and there be crafts of business; there be crafts that cannot move a peg, unless wound up to a proper pitch with steam, and a noisy, quarrelsome, turbulent, troublesome set they are; always coming in collision with something or somebody, until a collapsed flue, a burnt-out boiler, a stovein bow, broken paddles, or a run down at night, put a stop to their career. In fine, all men are crafty. 'SALT WATER' says we are not right in supposing that pitching and tossing and turning up coppers, are the only vices that to. We extract the following from a letter to a friend. The writer is evidently down in the Musquito country: This place is sum, speshially in summer. Your nose Ime tached to the shang daffers in the diggin line. Oh BILL! ef ye could ondly clap ise on the perduckshuns of this side, yude be silent enuf about yure farm. All the trese here bares poll-parots and monkese and coons and go-away-news and possums and kokernuts, and awl on 'em a hangin' by thare tales. Them kokernuts is full ov milk, and the peple gits awl thare butter and chease that way. When thay want to lie in thare winter suply, they git tugeder a hull passel on 'em, and makes a long rope out of monkese tales, and fastens one eend to the top of the tree, and pulls backward and for'ard till the milk is awl churned. When the thunder and litenin' begins, thare awl as busy as beese. The thunder kurdles the milk, and they don't use runnit, but jest set to and brake up the nuts, and put the contents in a bag, and ride horseback on it till its hard enuff, I tell ye.' DEAR READERS, one and all, a Happy New-Year! ANSWERS TO CORRESPONDENTS. 'AN ANXIOUS FATHER' writes thus: 'What am I to do with my boy? He is one of the d-l's unaccountables. Steals his mother's sweatmeats; worries cats, dogs and girls; fights all the small boys; plays truant four days out of five; and threatens to set the house on fire, if I do not quit thrashing him.' My very dear and afflicted Sir, the only remedy that we wot of, in such a distressing case, to have him run over by an omnibus, or blown up with gunpow der. He will immediately become a fine, intelligent, interesting, and amiable boy; and should he not survive the operation, you will have the satisfaction of learning from all the papers that condole with you, that his loss was deeply lamented by a large circle of loving and mourn ing friends and acquaintance. STREET INSPECTOR' inquires if Canal-street be not one of the coldest and most disagreeable streets in the city, during winter. We think not there is a Bleecker-street just beyond Houston. 'ORDERLY' asks why perturbed spirits are like raw recruits. We take it to be, because they require exorcising. ANTIQUARY' wishes to know if any attendant spirit watched over the safety of Noah and his family when upon the vast flood; and if so, what one. Can't answer precisely; but if such was the case, suppose it must have been an archangel. 'CRABTREE' desires to know what tribe of Indians deserves to be d-d. Upon the best information which we have been able to obtain, we should rather think it must be the Creeks. 'DRY MEASURE' asks why eight quarts are like a good appetite. Because it makes one peck. 'ANN ELIZA' wishes our advice about going to California. Go by all means, young lady. Analizers are very much needed there. 'EXTRA 'ERALD.' We cannot tell you, my lad, who was the first news-boy. It is not yet decided whether the honor belongs to Cupid or Hymen. We incline to the former, who cer tainly brought bows into play among the fair sex. 'GIN SLING' asks what David said to the vain glorious boasts of his gigantic adversary? Not positive: Go-liar, perhaps. "PILGARLICK' has just discovered why the hoop ing-cough is so named, because it goes ROUND the family. VERY SUSPICIOUS." -JOHN BROWN and BILL SMITH went to Boston the other night. BILL suffered dreadfully from sea sickness, and besought JOHN, who was standing by him, to seek out the steward and obtain some brandy-andwater. JOHN however refused to move until HE did, for fear he might be arrested for passing a spurious Bill. ADVERTISEMENTS. attention is respectfully solicited to the following extract from PLINY: "Quando Crocodilum desiratum est catchere, et nono comatibus est in swampo.Juvenilem nigerum take about et 'Tinct. Opii, aut Acet morphii,' aut longo sermoni, put him to sleepum heels foremost. Inde hogibus modo gruntatum est. Ruat Croco dilus, niger swallow at usque ad midoleum et instanter sickus bargami Cuffee vult ejectere. Sed cannot come it heels fancibus haesit impossibilis est squallere, et frightem-to-deathibus novo fixo, captabitum.' of informing the public that the lien law does not The proprietor would embrace this opportunity boys raised in Brooklyn, in his possession; and apply to any fat children, women, or Highland all persons building suits for them will do so at their own risk. FIVE PETER BURN-EM. IVE HUNDRED DOLLARS REWARD will be paid for a live Street-Inspector, and factory evidence is produced of his being taken FIVE HUNDRED DOLLARS additional if satisin the streets. Apply to BURN-EM. O THE GREAT UNHUMBUGGED AMERIhave the honor to announce, that they now offer an opportunity to Americans to patronize the dis URN-EM'S GREAT AMERICAN HUM- tinguished artists of Europe. BBUG.Direct-lie opposite the Bunkumville Church. SUPERHUMAN ATTRACTIONS. Just received a Degree of LongituDE taken in the very act of The advantages of the plan are obvious and manifest. A helping hand will be lent to the decaying genius of Europe. A round sum put into the pockets of the subscribers, and native humbug will be prevented from foisting their trash upon an ignorant community. N. B. Rich and racy French prints and pictures, which the ridiculous and meddlesome laws of obtained by private application. All communithis country prevent us from exhibiting, can be cations will be considered as strictly confidential. (A OUR OWN COURSE AND THAT OF OUR ADVERSARY: EDITORIAL III. KNOWLEDGE FOR THE PEOPLE: NUMBER FOUR. GASTRONOMY. IV. MISCELLANY: ELEGANT EXTRACTS: PROVERBIAL PHILOSOPHY: FATHERS AND SONS. that in endeavoring to swallow a young negro, V. VI. CORRESPONDENTS, ETC. ANSWERS TO CORRESPONDENTS. ADVERTISEMENTS. Then let our radiant charity be flung Out on the air thus weighed with blue-lipped sorrow, Rochester, (N. Y.,) November, 1849. THEY'RE gone, all gone! those joyous days, In green and gold the fields were dressed, And through the grass, with ardent looks, Throw tinkling laughter at the sun; As fiercely gay, as swiftly spent. They 're gone, all gone! the gentle flowers, The solitary and the crowd; Bright-eyed ones laughing o'er the meads, All-meekly lifted to the sky; The violet that mused alone, Like hermit, 'neath a mossy stone; The meek-eyed daisy, primrose pale, From field and hill they all have passed, They 're gone, all gone! each happy bird, Nor linnet, hid among the leaves, His curious note unwearied weaves. No parent-robins gather food To still their open-throated brood; There, where the cunning nest was seen |