RETALIATION: †

A POE M.

OF old, when Scarron his companions invited,

Each gueft brought his difh, and the feast was united :

If our (1)landlord fupplies us with beef and with fish, Let each gueft bring himself, and he brings the best

dish :

Our (2) Dean shall be venison, just fresh from the

plains;

Our (3) Burke fhall be tongue with a garnish of

brains;

Our

† Dr. Goldsmith' and some of his friends occafionally dined at the St. James's coffee-house-One day it was proposed to write epitaphs on him. His country, dialect and perfon, furnished subjects of witticifm. He was called on for RETALIATION, and at their next meeting produced this Poem.

(1) The mafter of the St. James's coffee-house where the doctor, and the friends he has characterized in this poem, occafionally dined.

(2) Doctor Barnard, dean of Derry in Ireland.

(3) Mr. Edmund Burke, member for Wendover.

Our (4) Will shall be wild-fowl, of excellent flavour, And (5) Dick with his pepper fhall heighten their

favour:

Our (6) Cumberland's fweet bread, its place fhall obtain,

And (7) Douglas is pudding substantial and plain :
Our (8) Garrick's a fallad; for in him we see
Oil, vinegar, fugar and faltness agree :

To make out the dinner, full certain I am,

That (9) Ridge is anchovy, and (1) Reynolds is lamb; That (2) Hickey's a capon, and, by the fame rule, Magnanimous GOLDSMITH, a goofberry fool. At a dinner fo various, at fuch a repast,

Who'd not be a glutton, and stick to the last ? Here,

(4) Mr. William Burke, late fecretary to general Conway, and member for Bedwin

(5) Mr. Richard Burke, colle&or of Grenada.

(6) Mr. Richard Cumberland, author of the Weft-Indian, Fashionable Lover, the Brothers and other dramatic pieces.

(7) Dr. Douglas, canon of Windfor, an ingenious Scotch gentleman, who has no lefs diftinguished himself as a Citizen of the World, than a found critic, in detecting feveral literary mistakes (or rather FORGERIES) of his Countrymen; particularly Lauder on Milton, and Bower's Hiftory of the Popes.

(8) David Garrick, Efq; joint patentee and acting manager of the Theatre Royal, Drury-lane.

(9) Counsellor John Ridge, a gentleman belonging to

the Irish bar:

(1) Sir Joshua Reynolds, President of the Royal Academy. (2) An eminent Attorney.

Here, waiter, more wine, let me fit while I'm able, 'Till all my companions fink under the table;

Then, with chaos and blunders encircling my head, Let me ponder, and tell what I think of the dead.

Here lies the good (3) Dean, reunited to earth, Who mixt reafon with pleasure, and wisdom with mirth :

If he had any faults, he has left us in doubt,
At least, in fix weeks, I could not find 'em out :
Yet fome have declar'd, and it can't be denied 'em,
That fly-boots was curfedly cunning to hide 'em.

Here lies our good (4) Edmund, whofe genius

was fuch,

We scarcely can praise it, or blame it too much; Who, born for the univerfe, narrow'd his mind, And to party gave up what was meant for mankind. Tho' fraught with all learning, yet straining his throat,

To perfuade (5) Tommy Townshend to lend him a

vote;

Who, too deep for his hearers, ftill went on refining, And thought of convincing, while they thought of dining;

Tho' equal to all things, for all things unfit,
Too nice for a statefman, too proud for a wit:

(3) Vide page 69

(4) Vide page 69.

(5) Mr. T, Townshend, member for Whitechurch.

For

For a patriot too cool; for a drudge, disobedient; And too fond of the right, to pursue the expedient. In fhort, 'twas his fate, unemploy'd, or in place, fir, To eat mutton cold, and cut blocks with a razor.

Here lies honest (6) William, whose heart was a mint,

While the owner ne'er knew half the good that was in't ;

The pupil of impulse, it forc'd him along,
His conduct still right with his argument wrong;
Still aiming at honour, yet fearing to roam,
The coachman was tipfy, the chariot drove home;
Would you afk for his merits? alas! he had none;
What was good was fpontaneous, his faults were
his own.

Here lies honeft Richard whose fate I must figh at;
Alas, that fuch frolic fhould now be fo quiet!
What spirits were his! what wit and what whim!
(7) Now breaking a jeft, and now breaking a limb!
Now wrangling and grumbling to keep up the ball!
Now teazing and vexing, yet laughing at all!
In fhort, fo provoking a devil was Dick,
That we wish'd him full ten times a day at old nick;
But,

(6) Vide page 70.

(7) Mr. Richard Burke, vide page 70. This gentleman having slightly fractured one of his arms and legs, at different times, the doctor has rallied him on thofe accidents, as a kind of retributive juftice for breaking his jefts upon other people.

But, miffing his mirth and agreeable vein,
As often we wish'd to have Dick back again.

Here (8) Cumberland lies, having acted his

parts,

The Terence of England, the mender of hearts;
A flattering painter, who made it his care

To draw men as they ought to be, not as they are.
His gallants are all faultlefs, his women divine,
And comedy wonders at being fo fine;
Like a tragedy queen he has dizen'd her out,
Or rather like tragedy giving a rout.

His fools have their follies fo loft in a crowd
Of virtues and feelings, that folly grows proud;
And coxcombs alike in their failings alone,
Adopting his portraits are pleas'd with their own.
Say, where has our poet this malady caught?
Or, wherefore his characters thus without fault ?
Say, was it that vainly directing his view
To find out mens virtues, and finding them few,
Quite fick of pursuing each troublesome elf,
He grew lazy at laft, and drew from himself?

Here (9) Douglas retires from his toils to relax, The fcourge of impoftors, the terror of quacks: Come, all ye quack bards, and ye quacking divines, Come, and dance on the spot where your tyrant reclines: When

(8) Vide page 70.
(9) Vide page 70.

K