Vain is each voice where tones could once command; [But know a lesson you may yet be taught, E'en factions cease to charm a factious land; And light with maddening hands the mutual pile. 'Tis done, 'tis past, since Pallas warns in vain, With death alone are laurels cheaply bought: His day of mercy is the day of fight. And she who raised, in vain regrets the strife." TO THE PUBLISHER. ing great praises of Mrs. H.'s dancing, (she was famous for birthnight minuets in the latter end of the I AM a country gentleman of a midland county. last century,) I unbooted and went to a ball at the I might have been a parliament-man for a certain countess's, expecting to see a country dance, or at borough, having had the offer of as many votes as most, cotillions, reels, and all the old paces to the General T. at the general election in 1812. But I newest tunes. But, judge of my surprise, on arriving, was all for domestic happiness; as, fifteen years to see poor dear Mrs. Hornem with her arms half ago, on a visit to London, I married a middle-aged round the loins of a huge hussar-looking gentleman maid of honor. We lived happily at Hornem Hall I never set eyes on before; and his, to say truth, till last season, when my wife and I were invited by rather more than half round her waist, turning the Countess of Waltzaway (a distant relation of my round, and round, and round, to a dd see-saw spouse) to pass the winter in town. Thinking no up-and-down sort of tune, that reminded me of the harm, and our girls being come to a marriageable Black joke," only more "affetuoso," till it made (or as they call it, marketable) age, and having be-me quite giddy with wondering they were not so. sides a Chancery suit inveterately entailed upon the By and by they stopp'd a bit, and I thought they family estate, we came up in our old chariot, of which would sit or fall down :-but, no; with Mrs. H. 3 by the by, my wife grew so much ashamed in less than hand on his shoulder, "quam familiariter," (as a week, that I was obliged to buy a second-hand Terrence said, when I was at school,) they walked barouche, of which I might mount the box, Mrs. H. says, if I could drive, but never see the inside-that My Latin is all forgotten, if a man can be said to have forgotten what place being reserved for the Honorable Augustus he never remembered; but I bought my title-page motto of a Catholic priest Tiptoe, her partner-general and opera-knight. Hear- for a three shilling bank token, after much haggling for the even sixpence. • State of the poll, (last day,) 5. 1 grudged the money to a papist, being all for the memory of Perceval and "No popery," and quite regretting the downfall of the pope, because we can't burn him any more. about a minute, and then at it again, like two cock-|Hail, nimble nymph! to whom the young hussar, chafers spitted on the same bodkin. I asked what The whisker'd votary of waltz and war, all this meant, when, with a loud laugh, a child no His night devotes, despite of spur and boots; older than our Wilhelmina, (a name I never heard but A sight unmatch'd since Orpheus and his brutes: in the Vicar of Wakefield, though her mother Hail, spirit-stirring Waltz !-beneath whose banners would call her after the Princess of Swappenbach,) A modern hero fought for modish manners; said, "Lord! Mr. Hornem, can't you see they are On Hounslow's heath to rival Wellesley's fame, valtzing!" or waltzing, (I forget which ;) and then Cock'd-fred and miss'd his man-but gain'd his up she got, and her mother and sister, and away they aim; went, and round-abouted it till supper-time. Now Hail moving muse! to whom the fair one's breast that I know what it is, I like it of all things, and Gives all it can, and bids us take the rest. so does Mrs. H. (though I have broken my shins, Oh! for the flow of Busby, or of Fitz, and four times overturned Mrs. Hornem's maid, in The latter's loyalty, the former's wits, practising the preliminary steps in a morning.) In-To "energize the object I pursue," deed, so much do I like it, that having a turn for And give both Belial and his dance their due! rhyme, tastily displayed in some election ballads, and songs in honor of all the victories, (but till lately I Imperial Waltz! imported from the Rhine, have had little practice in that way,) I sat down, and (Famed for the growth of pedigrees and wine,) with the aid of W. F. Esq. and a few hints from Dr. Long be thine import from all duty free, B. (whose recitations I attend, and am monstrous And hock itself be less esteem'd than thee; fond of Master B.'s manner of delivering his father's In some few qualities alike—for hock late successful "D. L. Address,") I composed the Improves our cellar-thou our living stock. following hymn, wherewithal to make my sentiments The head to hock belongs-thy subtler art known to the public, whom, nevertheless, I heartily despise as well as the critics. I am, Sir, yours, &c. &c. HORACE HORNEM. MUSE of the many-twinkling feet!* whose charms Far be from thee and thine the name of prude; • "Glance their many-twinkling feet."-Gray. To rival Lord W.'s, or his nephew's, as the reader pleases: the one gined a pretty woman, whom he deserved, by fighting for; and the other has been fighting in the Peninsula many a long day, "by Shrewsbury clock," without gaining any thing in that country but the title of "the Great Lord," and "the Lord," which savors of profanation, having been hitherto applied only to that Being to whom "Te Deums" for carnage are the rankest "To tame the genius of the stubborn plain, The Lord Peterborough conquered continents in a summer we do morewe contrive both to conquer and lose them in a shorter season. If the "great Lord's “Cincinnatian progress in agriculture be no speedier than the proporDonal average of time in Pope's couplet, it will, according to the farmer's provert, be "ploughing with dogs." Intoxicates alone the heedless heart; Oh Germany! how much to thee we owe, We bless thee still-for George the Third is left! But peace to her-her emperor and diet, Borne on the breath of Hyperborean gales, Ere yet unlucky Fame-compell'd to creep By the by-one of this illustrions person's new titles is forgotten—it is, however, worth remembering-" Salvador del mundo !" credite, posteri! • The patriotic arson of our amiable allies cannot be sufficiently commended If this be the appellation annexed by the inhabitants of the Peninsula to the-nor subscribed for. Among other details omitted in the various despatches name of a man who has not yet saved them-query-are they worth saving, of our eloquent ambassador, he did not state, (being too much occupied with even in this world? for, according to the mildest modifications of any Chris the exploits of Col. C—, in swimming rivers frozen, and galluping over tian creed, those three words make the odds much against them in the next.-roads impassable,) that one entire province perished by famine in the most "Saviour of the world," quotha 1-it were to be wished that he, or any one melancholy manner, as follows:--In General Rostopchin's consummate con else, could save a corner of it-his country. Yet this stupid misnomer, flagration, the consumption of tallow and train oil was so great, that the although it shows the near connexion between superstition and impiety, so market was inadequate to the demand: and thus one hundred and thirtyfar has its use, that it proves there can be little to dread from those Catholica three thousand persons were starved to death, by being reduced to whole (inquisitorial Catholics too) who can confer such an appellation on a Pro- some diet! The lamplighters of London have since subscribed a pint (of oil) 'estant. I suppose next year he will be entitled the "Virgin Mary: "if so, a piece, and the tallow-chandlers have unanimously voted a quantity of des Lord George Gordon himself would have nothing to object to such liberal moulds (four to the pound) to the relief of the surviving Scythir no-the Dastaris of our Lady of Babylon. scarcity will soon, by such es ertions, and a proper attention to the gun With Waltz compare, or after waltz be borne ? She came-Waltz caine-and with her certain sets Can aught from cold Kamscatka to Cape Horn Shades of those belles whose reign began of yore, To you, ye husbands of ten years! whose brows "My slippery steps are safest in the dark!" Observant travellers of every time! No treacherous powder bids conjecture quake; Seductive Waltz !-though on thy native shore ⚫ It cannot be complained now, as in the Lady Baussiere's time, of the indications of valor in the field, or elsewhere, may still be questionable. "Sieur de la Croix," that there be "no whiskers; " but how far these ars Much may be and hath been avouched on both sides. In the olden time philosophers had whiskers, and soldiers note-Scipio himself was shaven Hannibal thought his one eye handsome enough without a beard; but Adrian, the emperor, wore a beard (having warts on his chin, which neither the Empress Sabina nor even the courtiers could abide)-Turenne had whiskers, Marlborough none-Buonaparte is unwhiskered, the Regent whiskered; "argal" greatness of mind and whiskers may or may not go oget er: but certainly the different occurrences, since the growth of the last mentionel, go further in behalf of whiskers than the anathema of Anselm di against long hair in the reign of Henry I. Formerly red was a favorite color. See Lodowick Barrey's comedy of Ram Alley, 1661, Act 1. Scene 1. "Taffeta. Now, for a wager-What colored beard comes next by the window? "Adriano. A black man's, I think. "Taffeta. I think not so; I think a red, for that is most in fashior " There is "nothing new under the sun;" but red, then a favorits, has now subsided into a favorite's color. ↑ An anachronism-Waltz and the battle of Austerlitz are before said to have opened the ball together: the bard means, (if he means any thing, Waltz was not so much in vogue dll the Regent attained the acme of his pupularity. Waltz, the comet, whiskers, and the new government, illuminated heaven and earth, in all their glory, much about the same time: of these the mather than the quantity of provision, be totally alleviated. It is said, in re-comet only has disappeared; the other three continue to astonish us still.-urn, that the untouched Ukraine has subscribed sixty thousand beeves for a Printer's Devil. ay's meal to our suffering manufacturers. Ducking girlswho do for hire what Waltz doth gratis, Among others a new nine pence-a creditable coin now forthcoming worth a pound, in paper, at the fairest calculation. New mistresses-no, old-and yet 'tis true, With vests or ribands-deck'd alike in hue, Till some might marvel with the modest Turk, O ye who loved our grandmothers of yore, And thou, my prince! whose sovereign taste and It is to love the lovely beldames still! But ye-who never felt a single thought Pleased round the chalky floor how well they trip, Say-would you make those beauties quite so cheap. One hand reposing on the royal hip: The other to the shoulder no less royal Thus front to front the partners move or stand, Hot from the hands promiscuously applied, For whose biest surnames-vide "Morning Post;"Approach the lip which all, without restraint, (Or if for that impartial print too late, [date,) Search Doctors' Commons six months from my If such thou lovest-love her then no more, "Oh that right should thus overcome might!" Who does not remem Der the "delicate investigation" in the "Merry Wives of Windsor ? " Or give like her-caresses to a score; "Ford. Pray you, come near: if I suspect without cause, why then Voluptuous Waltz! and dare I thus blaspheme? make sport at me; then let me be your jest; I deserve it. How now? whither bear you this? Thy bard forgot thy praises were his theme. "Mrs. Ford. What have you to do whither they bear it 1-you were Terpsichore, forgive!-at every ball best meddle with buck-washing." My wife now waltzes-and my daughters shall; My son-(or stop-'tis needless to inquireThese little accidents should ne'er transpire; Some ages hence our genealogic tree Will wear as green a bough for him as me)"We have changed all that," says the Mock Doctor-'tis all gone-Waltzing shall rear, to make our name amends, Asmdoeus knows where. After all, it is of no great importance how women's Grandsons for me-in heirs to all his friends. hearts are disposed of; they have nature's privilege to distribute them as absurdly as possible. But there are also some men with hearts so thoroughly bad, as to remind us of those phenomena often mentioned in natural history; siz, a mass of solid stone-only to be opened by force-and when divided, you alscover a toad in the cer tre, lively, and with the reputation of being ven The gentle, or ferocious reader, may fill up the blank as he pleases there are several dissyllabic names at his service, (being already in the Regent's :) it would not be fair to back any peculiar initial against the alphabet, Ra every month will add to the list now entered for the sweepstakes:- a distinguished consonant is said to be the favorite, much against the wishes of the knowing ones. omous. literally put, as in the text, ty a Persian to Morier on seeing a waltz in Pea • In Turkey a pertinent, here an impertinent and superfluous questico -Vide Morier's Transla. THE AGE OF BRONZE; ов, CARMEN SECULARE ET ANNUS HAUD MIRABILIS "Impar Congressus Achilli," I. THE "good old times "-all times when old are good Are To those who play their "tricks before high heaven." II. All is exploded—be it good or bad. Reader! remember when thou wert a lad, Of eloquence between, which flow'd all free, [And desolation; while his native Greece III. But where is he, the modern, mightier far, Whose table earth-whose dice were human bones! |