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scene, who ascribed this cause to his natural timidi- at one time, the more I expected from her another, ty, attempted to encourage him; but instead of go- and being now at the bottom of her wheel, every ing on, he burst into a flood of tears, and retired new revolution might lift, but could not depress me. off the stage. I don't know what were my feelings I proceeded, therefore, towards London in a fine on this occasion, for they succeeded with too much morning, no way uneasy about tomorrow, but rapidity for description; but I was soon awaked cheerful as the birds that caroled by the road, and from this disagreeable reverie by Miss Wilmot, comforted myself with reflecting, that London was who, pale, and with a trembling voice, desired me the mart where abilities of every kind were sure of to conduct her back to her uncle's. When got home, meeting distinction and reward. Mr. Arnold, who was as yet a stranger to our extra- “Upon my arrival in town, sir, my first care was ordinary behaviour, being informed that the new to deliver your letter of recommendation to our performer was my son, sent his coach and an in-cousin, who was himself in little better circumvitation for him: and as he persisted in his refusal stances than I. My first scheme, you know, sir, to appear again upon the stage, the players put an- was to be usher at an academy, and I asked his adother in his place, and we soon had him with us. vice on the affair. Our cousin received the propoMr. Arnold gave him the kindest reception, and sal with a true Sardonic grin. Ay, cried he, this I received him with my usual transport; for I could is indeed a very pretty career that has been chalked never counterfeit false resentment. Miss Wilmot's out for you. I have been an usher at a boardingreception was mixed with seeming neglect, and yet school myself; and may I die by an anodyne neckI could perceive she acted a studied part. The lace, but I had rather be an under-turnkey in Newtumult in her mind seemed not yet abated: she gate. I was up early and late: I was browbeat by said twenty giddy things that looked like joy, and the master, hated for my ugly face by the mistress, then laughed loud at her own want of meaning. worried by the boys within, and never permitted to At intervals she would take a sly peep at the glass, stir out to meet civility abroad. But are you sure as if happy in the consciousness of irresistible you are fit for a school? Let me examine you a beauty, and often would ask questions without giv. little. Have you been bred apprentice to the busiing any manner of attention to the answers. ness? No. Then you won't do for a school. Can
you dress the boys' hair? No. Then you won't do
for a school. Have you had the small-pox? No. CHAPTER XX.
Then you won't do for a school. Can you lic
three in a bed? No. Then you will nevor do for a The History of a Philosophic Vagabond, pursuing Novelty, school. Have you got a good stomach? Yes. Then but losing Content
you will by no means do for a school. No, sir, if After we had supped, Mrs. Arnold politely of you are for a genteel easy profession, bind yourself fered to send a couple of her footmen for my son's seven years as an apprentice to turn a cutler's baggage, which he at first seemed to decline; but wheel; but avoid a school by any means. Yet upon her pressing the request, he was obliged to come, continued he, I see you are a lad of spirit and inform her, that a stick and a wallet were all the some learning, what do you think of commencing moveable things upon this earth that he could boast author, like me? You have read in books, no of. “Why, ay, my son,” cried I, "you left me but doubt, of men of genius starving at the trade. At poor, and poor I find you are come back; and yet I present I'll show you forty very dull fellows about make no doubt you have seen a great deal of the town that live by it in opulence; all honest jog-trot world.”—“ Yes, sir," replied my son, “but travel- men, who go on smoothly and dully, and write hisling after fortune is not the way to secure her; and, tory and politics, and are praised: men, sir, who, indeed, of late I have desisted from the pursuit."— had they been bred cobblers, would all their lives “I fancy, sir,” cried Mrs. Arnold, "that the ac- have only mended shoes, but never made them. count of your adventures would be amusing: the “Finding that there was no great degree of genfirst part of them I have often heard from my niece; tility affixed to the character of an usher, I rebut could the company prevail for the rest, it would solved to accept his proposal; and having the highbe an additional obligation.”—“Madam,” replied est respect for literature, hailed the antiqua mater my son, “I promise you the pleasure you have in of Grub-street with reverence. I thought it my hearing will not be half so great as my vanity in glory to pursue a track which Dryden and Otway repeating them; and yet in the whole narrative I trod before me. I considered the goddess of this can scarcely promise you one adventure, as my ac- region as the parent of excellence; and however an count is rather of what I saw than what I did. intercourse with the world might give us good The first misfortune of my life, which you all sense, the poverty she entailed I supposed to be the know, was great; but though it distressed, it could nurse of genius! Big with these reflections, 1 sat not sink me. No person ever had a better knack down, and finding that the best things remained to at hoping than I. The less kind I found fortune be said on the wrong side, I resolved to write a book
that should be wholly new. I therefore dressed up grace their calling as to make a vile traffic of praise three paradoxes with some ingenuity. They were for bread?” false, indeed, but they were new. The jewels of “O no, sir," returned he, "a true poet can never truth have been so often imported by others, that be so base; for wherever there is genius, there is nothing was left for me to import but some splendid pride. The creatures I now describe are only beg. things that at a distance looked every bit as well. gars in rhyme. The real poet, as he braves every Witness, you powers, what fancied importance sat hardship for fame, so he is equally a coward to conperched upon my quill while I was writing! The tempt; and none but those who are unworthy prowhole learned world, I made no doubt, would rise tection, condescend to solicit it. to oppose my systems; but then I was prepared to Having a mind too proud to stoop to such inoppose the whole learned world. Like the porcu- dignities, and yet a fortune too humble to hazard a pine, I sat self-collected, with a quill pointed against second attempt for fame, I was now obliged to take every opposer."
a middle course, and write for bread. But I was "Well said, my boy,” cried I, "and what sub- unqualified for a profession where mere industry ject did you treat upon? I hope you did not pass alone was to ensure success. I could not suppress over the importance of monogamy. But I inter- my lurking passion for applause; but usually conrupt; go on: you published your paradoxes; well, sumed that time in efforts after excellence which and what did the learned world say to your para- takes up but little room, when it should have been dores?
more advantageously employed in the diffusive pro“Sir,” replied my son, " the learned world said ductions of fruitful mediocrity. My little piece nothing to my paradoxes ; nothing at all, sir. would therefore come forth in the midst of periodiEvery man of them was employed in praising his cal publications, unnoticed and unknown. The friends and himself, or condemning his enemies: public were more importantly employed than to and unfortunately, as I had neither, I suffered the observe the easy simplicity of my style, or the harcruelest mortification, neglect.
mony of my periods. Sheet after sheet was thrown " As I was meditating one day in a coffee-house off to oblivion. My essays were buried among the on the fate of my paradoxes, a little man happening essays upon liberty, eastern tales, and cures for the to enter the room, placed himself in the box before bite of a mad dog; while Philautos, Philalethes, me, and after some preliminary discourse, finding Philelutheros and Philanthropos all wrote better, me to be a scholar, drew out a bundle of proposals, because they wrote faster than I. begging me to subscribe to a new edition he was “Now, therefore, I began to associate with none going to give to the world of Propertius with notes. but disappointed authors, like myself, who praised, This demand necessarily produced a reply that I deplored, and despised each other. The satisfachad no money; and that concession led him to in-tion we found in every celebrated writer's attempts, quire into the nature of my expectations. Finding was inversely as their merits. I found that no gethat my expectations were just as great as my nius in another could please me. My unfortunate purse, I see, cried he, you are unacquainted with paradoxes had entirely dried up that source of comthe town; I'll teach you a part of it. Look at these fort. I could neither read nor write with satisfacproposals, —upon these very proposals I have sub- tion; for excellence in another was my aversion, sisted very comfortably for twelve years. The mo- and writing was my trade. ment a nobleman returns from his travels, a Creo- “In the midst of these gloomy reflections, as I lian arrives from Jamaica, or a dowager from her was one day sitting on a bench in St. James's park, country seat, I strike for a subscription. I first be- a young gentleman of distinction, who had been siege their hearts with flattery, and then pour in my intimate acquaintance at the university, apmy proposals at the breach. If they subscribe proached me. We saluted each other with some readily the first time, I renew my request to beg a hesitation; he almost ashamed of being known to dedication fee. If they let me have that, I smite one who made so shabby an appearance, and I them once more for engraving their coat of arms at afraid of a repulse. But my suspicions soon vanthe top. Thus, continued hc, I live by vanity, and ished; for Ned Thornhill was at the bottom a very kugh at it. But between ourselves, I am now too good-natured fellow." well known: I should be glad to borrow your face “What did you say, George?" interrupted I. a bit: a nobleman of distinction has just returned "Thornhill
, was not that his name? It can cerfrom Italy; my face is familiar to his porter; but if tainly be no other than my landlord.”_"Bless me,” you bring this copy of verses, my life for it you suc- cried Mrs. Arnold, “is Mr. Thornhill so near a ceed, and we divide the spoil.”
neighbour of yours? He has long been a friend in "Bless us, George," cried I, “and is this the em- our family, and we expect a visit from him shortly." ployment of poets now! Do men of their exalted “My friend's first care,” continued my son, talents thus stoop to beggary! Can they so far dis-l" was to alter my appearance by a very fine suit of
his own clothes, and then I was admitted to his ta- him; and so you would expect a reward from me ble, upon the footing of half-friend, half-underling. for being the instrument of his vices. I wish, sin My business was to attend him at auctions, to put cerely wish, that my present refusal may be some him in spirits when he sat for his picture, to take punishment for your guilt; but still more, that it the left hand in his chariot when not filled by ano- may be some inducement to your repentance." ther, and to assist at tattering a kip, as the phrase The severity of this rebuke I bore patiently, be. was, when we had a mind for a frolic. Besides cause I knew it was just. My whole expectations this, I had twenty other little employments in the now, therefore, lay in my letter to the great man. family. I was do many small things without As the doors of the nobility are almost ever beset bidding; to carry the corkscrew; to stand godfather with beggars, all ready to thrust in some sly petition, to all the butler's children; to sing when I was bid; I found it no easy matter to gain admittance. How. to be never out of humour; always to be humble; ever, after bribing the servants with half my worldand, if I could, to be very happy.
ly fortune, I was at last shown into a spacious “In this honourable post, however, I was not apartment, my letter being previously sent up for without a rival. A captain of marines, who was his lordship’s inspection. During this anxious informed for the place by nature, opposed me in my terval I had full time to look round me. Every patron's affections. His mother had been laundress thing was grand and of happy contrivance; the to a man of quality, and thus he early acquired a paintings, the furniture, the gildings petrified me taste for pimping and pedigree. As this gentleman with awe, and raised my idea of the owner. Ah, made it the study of his life to be acquainted with thought I to myself, how very great must the poslords, though he was dismissed from several for his sessor of all these things be, who carries in his stupidity, yet he found many of them who were as head the business of the state, and whose house dull as himself, that permitted his assiduities. As displays half the wealth of a kingdom: sure his fattery was his trade, he practised it with the genius must be unfathomable! —During these av. easiest address imaginable; but it came awkward ful reflections, I heard a step come heavily forward. and stiff from me: and as every day my patron's Ah, this is the great man himself? No, it was only desire of flattery increased, so every hour being a chambermaid. Another foot was heard soon afbetter acquainted with his defects, I became more ter. This must be he! No, it was only the great unwilling to give it. Thus I was once more fair- man's valet de chambre. At last his lordship acly going to give up the field to the captain, when tually made his appearance. Are you, cried he, my friend found occasion for my assistance. This the bearer of this here letter? I answered with a was nothing less than to fight a duel for him, with bow. I learn by this, continued he, as how that a gentleman whose sister it was pretended he had But just at that instant a servant delivered him a used ill. I readily complied with his request, and card, and without taking further notice, he went though I see you are displeased with my conduct, out of the room, and left me to digest my own hapyet it was a debt indispensably due to friendship piness at leisure: I saw no more of him, till told I could not refuse. I undertook the affair, dis- by a footman that his lordship was going to his armed my antagonist, and soon after had the plea- coach at the door. Down I immediately followed sure of finding that the lady was only a woman of and joined my voice to that of three or four more, the town, and the fellow her bully and a sharper. who came, like me, to petition for favours. His This piece of service was repaid with the warmest lordship, however, went too fast for us, and was professions of gratitude: but as my friend was to gaining his chariot door with large strides, when I leave town in a few days, he knew no other me- hallooed out to know if I was to have any reply. thod of serving me, but by recommending me to He was by this time got in, and muttered an anhis uncle Sir William Thornhill, and another swer, half of which only I heard, the other half was nobleman of great distinction who enjoyed a post lost in the rattling of his chariot wheels. I stood under the government. When he was gone, my for some time with my neck stretched out, in the first care was to carry his recommendatory let- posture of one that was listening to catch the gloter to his uncle, a man whose character for every rious sounds, till looking round me, I found myself virtue was universal, yet just. I was received by alone at his lordship's gate. his servants with the most hospitable smiles; for “My patience,” continued my son, the looks of the domestic ever transmit their mas- quite exhausted: stung with the thousand indigniter's benevolence. Being shown into a grand apart-ties I had met with, I was willing to cast myself ment, where Sir William soon came to me, I de-away, and only wanted the gulf to receive me. I livered my message and letter, which he read, and regarded myself as one of those vile things that naafter pausing some minutes, “Pray, sir," cried he, ture designed should be thrown by into her lumber"inform me what you have done for my kinsman room, there to perish in obscurity. I had still, how. to deserve this warm recommendation: but I sup- ever, half a guinea left, and of that I thought forpose, sir, I guess your merits: you have fought for tune herself should not deprive me; but in order to
be sure of this, I was resolved to go instantly and day to teach the Dutch English in Holland. The spend it while I had it, and then trust to occurrences wind was fair, our voyage short, and after having far the rest. As I was going along with this resolu-paid my passage with half my moveables, I found tion it happened that Mr. Crispe's office seemed in- myself, fallen as from the skies, a stranger in one vitingly open to give me a welcome reception. In of the principal streets of Amsterdam. In this this office, Mr. Crispe kindly offers all his majesty's situation I was unwilling to let any time pass unsubjects a generous promise of 301. a year, for employed in teaching. I addressed myself therewhich promise all they give in return is their liber-fore to two or three of those I met, whose appearty for life, and permission to let him transport them ance seemed most promising; but it was impossible to America as slaves. I was happy at finding a to make ourselves mutually understood. It was a place where I could lose my fears in desperation, not till this very moment I recollected, that in orand entered this cell (for it had the appearance of der to teach the Dutchmen English, it was necesone) with the devotion of a monastic. Here Isary that they should first teach me Dutch. How found a number of poor creatures, all in circuin- I came to overlook so obvious an objection is to me stances like myself, expecting the arrival of Mr. amazing; but certain it is I overlooked it. Crispe, presenting a true epitome of English impa- “This scheme thus blown up, I had some tience. Each untractable soul at variance with thoughts of fairly shipping back to England again; furtune, wreaked her injuries on their own hearts: but falling into company with an Irish student who but Mr. Crispe at last came down, and all our was returning from Louvain, our subject turning murmurs were hushed. He deigned to regard me upon topics of literature (for by the way it may be with an air of peculiar approbation, and indeed he observed, that I always forgot the meanness of my was the first man who for a month past had talked circumstances when I could converse upon such to me with smiles. After a few questions he found subjects,) from him I learned that there were not I was fit for every thing in the world. He paus- two men in his whole university who understood ed a while upon the properest means of providing Greek. This amazed me. I instantly resolved to for me, and slapping his forehead as if he had found travel to Louvain, and there live by teaching it, assured me, that there was at that time an embas- Greek; and in this design I was heartened by my sy talked of from the synod of Pennsylvania to the brother student, who threw out some hints that a Chickasaw Indians, and that he would use his in- fortune might be got by it. terest to get me made secretary. I knew in my “I set boldly forward the next morning. Every own heart that the fellow lied, and yet his promise day lessened the burden of my moveables, like gave me pleasure, there was something so magni- Æsop and his basket of bread; for I paid them for ficent in the sound. I fairly therefore divided my my lodgings to the Dutch as I travelled on. When half-guinea, one half of which went to be added to I came to Louvain, I was resolved not to go sneakhis thirty thousand pounds, and with the other ing to the lower professors, but openly tendered my talf I resolved to go to the next tavern, to be there talents to the principal himself. I went, had admore happy than he.
mittance, and offered him my service as a master of " As I was going out with that resolution, I was the Greek language, which I had been told was a met at the door by the captain of a ship, with whom desideratum in his university. The principal seemI had formerly some little acquaintance, and he ed at first to doubt of my abilities; but of these I agreed to be my companion over a bowl of punch. offered to convince him by turning a part of any As I never chose to make a secret of my circum- Greek author he should fix upon into Latin. Findstances, he assured me that I was upon the very ing me perfectly earnest in my proposal, he adpoint of ruin, in listening to the office-keeper's pro-dressed me thus: You see me, young man; I never mises; for that he only designed to sell me to the learned Greek and I don't find that I have ever plantations. But, continued he, I fancy you might, missed it. I have had a doctor's cap and gown by a much shorter voyage, be very easily put into a without Greek; I have ten thousand florins a-year genteel way of bread. Take my advice. My ship without Greek; I eat heartily without Greek; and sails to-morrow for Amsterdam. What if you in short, continued he, as I don't know Greek, I go in her as a passenger? The moment you land, do not believe there is any good in it. all you have to do is to teach the Dutchmen En- "I was now too far from home to think of reglish, and I'll warrant you'll get pupils and money turning; so I resolved to go forward. I had some enough. I suppose you understand English, add- knowledge of music, with a tolerable voice, and now ed he, by this time, or the deuce is in it. I confi-turned what was my amusement into a present dently assured him of that; but expressed a.doubt means of subsistence. I passed among the harmwhether the Dutch would be willing to learn En- less peasants of Flanders, and among such of the glish. He affirmed with an oath that they were French as were poor enough to be very merry, for fond of it to distraction; and upon that affirmation I ever found them sprightly in proportion to their I agreed with his proposal
, and embarked the next I wants. Whenever I approached a peasant's house
towards nightfall, I played one of my most merry member to have seen him, after giving his opinion tunes, and that procured me not only a lodging, that the colouring of a picture was not mellow but subsistence for the next day. I once or twice enough, very deliberately take a brush with brown attempted to play for people of fashion; but they varnish, that was accidentally lying by, and rub it always thought my performance odious, and never over the piece with great composure before all the rewarded me even with a trifle. This was to me company, and then ask if he had not improved the the more extraordinary, as whenever I used in bet- tints. ter days to play for company, when playing was my "When he had finished his commission in Paris, amusement, my music never failed to throw them he left me strongly recommended to several men of into raptures, and the ladies especially; but as it distinction, as a person very proper for a travelling was now my only means, it was receivel with con- tutor; and after some time I was employed in that tempt—a proof how ready the world is to underrate capacity by a gentleman who brought his ward to those talents by which a man is supported. Paris, in order to set him forward on his tourthrough
"In this manner 1 proceeded to Paris, with no Europe. I was to be the young gentleman's goverdesign but just to look about me, and then to go nor, but with a proviso that he should always be forward. The people of Paris are much fonder of permitted to govern himself. My pupil in fact strangers that have money than of those that have understood the art of guiding in money concerns wit. As I could not boast much of either, I was much better than I. He was heir to a fortune of no great favourite. After walking about the town about two hundred thousand pounds, left him by four or five days and seeing the outsides of the best an uncle in the West Indies; and his guardians, to houses, I was preparing to leave this retreat of ve- qualify him for the management of it, had bound nal hospitality, when passing through one of the him apprentice to an attorney. Thus avarice was principal streets, whom should I meet but our cou- his prevailing passion ; all his questions on the road sin, to whom you first recommended me. This were, how money might be saved ; which was the meeting was very agreeable to me, and I believe least expensive course to travel; whether any not displeasing to him. He inquired into the na- thing could be bought that would turn to account ture of my journey to Paris, and informed me of when disposed of again in London ? Such curiohis own business there, which was to collect pic- sities on the way as could be seen for nothing, he tures, medals, intaglius, and antiques of all kinds was ready enough to look at; but if the sight of for a gentleman in London, who had just stepped them was to be paid for, he usually asserted that he into taste and a large fortune. I was the more sur-had been told they were not worth seeing. He prised at seeing our cousin pitched upon for this never paid a bill that he would not observe how office, as he himself had often assured me he knew amazingly expensive travelling was, and all this nothing of the matter. Upon asking how he had though he was not yet twenty-one. When arrived been taught the art of a cognoscente so very sudden. at Leghorn, as we took a walk to look at the port ly, he assured me that nothing was more easy. The and shipping, he inquired the expense of the paswhole secret consisted in a strict adherence to two sage by sea home to England. This he was inrules; the one, always to observe the picture might formed was but a trifle compared to his returning have been better if the painter had taken more by land; he was therefore unable to withstand the pains; and the other, to praise the works of Pietro temptation ; so paying me the small part of my salaPerugino. But, says he, as I once taught you how ry that was due, he took leave, and embarked with to be an author in London, I'll now undertake to only one attendant for London. instruct you in the art of picture-buying at Paris. "I now therefore was left once more upon the
“With this proposal I very readily closed, as it world at large ; but then it was a thing I was used was living, and now all my ambition was to live. to. However, my skill in music could avail me I went therefore to his lodgings, improved my dress nothing in a country where every peasant was a by his assistance, and after some time accompanied better musician than 1; but by this time I had achim to auctions of pictures, where the English gen- quired another talent which answered my purpose try were expected to be purchasers. I was not a as well, and this was a skill in disputation. In all little surprised at his intimacy with people of the the foreign universities and convents there are, upon best fashion, who referred themselves to his judg- certain days, philosophical theses maintained against ment upon every picture or medal, as to an uner- every adventitious disputant; for which, if the charring standard of taste. He made very good use of pion opposes with any dexterity, he can claim a my assistance upon these occasions; for when asked gratuity in money, a nner, and a bed for one his opinion, he would gravely take me aside and ask night. . In this manner, therefore, I fought my way mine, shrug, look wise, return, and assure the com- towards England, walked along from city to city, pany that he could give no opinion upon an affair examined mankind more nearly, and, if I may so of so much importance. Yet there was sometimes express it, saw both sides of the picture. My rean occasion for a more supported assurance. I re- marks, however, are but few; I found that monarchy