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and Sophia seemed perfectly amazed at his base- their freedom from defect, but the greatness of their ness. As for my part, it appeared to me one of the beauties ; so should that of men be prized, not for vilest instances of unprovoked ingratitude I had met their exemption from fault, but the size of those with ; nor could I account for it in any other man- virtues they are possessed of. The scholar may ner, than by imputing it to his desire of detaining want prudence, the statesman may have pride, and my youngest daughter in the country, to have the the champion ferocity; but shall we prefer to these more frequent opportunities of an interview. In the low mechanic, who' laboriously plods through this manner we all sat ruminating upon schemes life without censure or applause? We might as of vengeance, when our other little boy came run- well prefer the tame correct paintings of the Flemning in to tell us that Mr. Burchell was approach- ish school to the erroneous but sublime animations ing at the other end of the field. It is easier to of the Roman pencil.” conceive than describe the complicated sensations "Sir," replied I, "your present observation is which are felt from the pain of a recent injury, and just, when there are shining virtues and minute the pleasure of approaching vengeance. Though defects; but when it appears that great vices are our intentions were only to upbraid him with his opposed in the same mind to as extraordinary viringratitude, yet it was resolved to do it in a man- tues, such a character deserves contempt.” ner that would be perfectly cutting. For this pur- Perhaps,” cried he, "there may be some such pose we agreed to meet him with our usual smiles; monsters as you describe, of great vices joined to to chat in the beginning with more than ordinary great virtues; yet in my progress through life, I kindness; to amuse him a little; and then, in the never yet found one instance of their existence : on midst of the flattering calm, to burst upon him like the contrary, I have ever perceived, that where the an earthquake, and overwhelm him with a sense mind was.capacious, the affections were good. And of his own baseness. This being resolved upon, indeed Providence seems kindly our friend in this my wife undertook to manage the business herself, particular, thus to debilitate the understanding as she really had some talents for such an under- where the heart is corrupt, and diminish the power, taking. We saw him approach; he entered, drew where there is the will to do mischief. This rule a chair, and sat down.--"A fine day, Mr. Burch- seems to extend even to other animals: the little ell.”—“A very fine day, doctor; though I fancy vermin race are ever treacherous, cruel, and cow. we shall have some rain by the shooting of my ardly, whilst those endowed with strength and corns."—"The shooting of your horns !" cried my power are generous, brave, and gentle.” wife in a loud fit of laughter, and then asked par- "These observations sound well,” returned I, don for being fond of a joke.—"Dear madam," "and yet it would be easy this moment to point replied he, "I pardon you with all my heart, for I out a man,” and I fixed my eye steadfastly upon protest I should not have thought it a joke had you him, "whose head and heart form a most detestanot told me."-"Perhaps not, sir,” cried my wife, ble contrast. Ay, sir," continued I, raising my winking at us; "and yet I dare say you can tell us voice, "and I am glad to have this opportunity of how many jokes go to an ounce.”—“I fancy, ma- detecting him in the midst of his fancied security. dam,” returned Burchell, "you have been reading Do you know this, sir, this pocket-book?"-"Yes, a jest book this morning, that ounce of jokes is so sir, returned he, with a face of impenetrable asvery good a conceit; and yet, madam, I had rather surance, “that pocket-book is minc, and I am glad see halfanounceof understanding."-"I believe you you have found it.”—“And do you know,” cried might,” cried my wife, still smiling at us, though I, “this letter? Nay, never falter, man; but look the laugh was against her; "and yet I have seen me full in the face: I say, do you know this letter?". some men pretend to understanding that have very "That letter,” returned he: "yes, it was I that little."-"And no doubt,” returned her antagonist, wrote that letter.”—"And how could you,” said "you have known ladies set up for wit that had I, “so basely, so ungratefully presume to write none." I quickly began to find that my wife was this letter?” —"And how came you,” replied he likely to gain but little at this business ; so I re- with looks of unparalleled effrontery, "so basely to solved to treat him in a style of more severity my-presume to break open this letter? Don't you know, self. “Both wit and understanding,” cried I, "are now, I could hang you all for this? All that I trifles without integrity; it is that which gives value have to do is to swear at the next justice's, that to every character. The ignorant peasant without you have been guilty of breaking open the lock of fault
, is greater than the philosopher with many; my pocket-book, and so hang you all up at this for what is genius or courage without a heart ? door.” This piece of unexpected insolence raised An honest man is the noblest work of God.” me to such a pitch, that I could scarce govern my
“I always held that hackneyed maxim of Pope," passion. Ungrateful wretch! begone, and no returned Mr. Burchell, “as very unworthy a man longer pollute my dwelling with thy baseness) beof genius, and a base desertion of his own superi- gone, and never let me see thee again! Go from ority. As the reputation of books is raised, not by my door, and the only punishment I wish thee is
an alarmed conscience, which will be a sufficient entrap him; or, to speak more tenderly, used every tormentor!" So saying, I threw him his pocket- art to magnify the merit of her daughter. If the book, which he took up with a smile, and shutting cakes at tea ate short and crisp, they were made by the clasps with the utmost composure, left us quite Olivia; if the gooseberry-wine was well knit, the astonished at the serenity of his assurance. My gooseberries were of her gathering: it was her wife was particularly enraged that nothing could fingers which gave the pickles their peculiar green ; make him angry, or make him seem ashamed of and in the composition of a pudding, it was her his villanies. “My dear,” cried 1, willing to calm judgment that mixed the ingredients. . Then the those passions that had been raised too high among poor woman would sometimes tell the 'Squire, that try " we are not to be surprised that bad men want she thought him and Olivia extremely of a size, shamne; they only blush at being detected in doing and would bid both stand up to see which was good, but glory in their vices.”
tallest. These instances of cunning, which she "Guilt and Shame, says the allegory, were at thought impenetrable, yet which every body saw first companions, and in the beginning of their through, were very pleasing to our benefactor, who journey, inseparably kept together. But their gave every day some new proofs of his passion, union was soon found to be disagreeable and in- which, though they had not arisen to proposals of convenient to both: Guilt gave Shame frequent un- marriage, yet we thought fell but little short of it; easiness, and Shame often betrayed the secret con- and his slowness was attributed sometimes to naspiracies of Guilt. After long disagreement there- tive bashfulness, and sometimes to his fear of offend. fore, they at length consented to part for ever. ing his uncle. An occurrence, however, which Guilt boldly walked forward alone, to overtake happened soon after, put it beyond a doubt that he Fate
, that went before in the shape of an execu- designed to become one of our family; my wife tager; but Shame being naturally timorous, re-even regarded it as an absolute promise. turned back to keep company with Virtue, which My wife and daughters happening to return a in the beginning of their journey they had left visit to neighbour Flamborough's
, found that family behind. Thus, my children, after men have tra- had lately got their pictures drawn by a limner, Telled through a few stages in vice, shame forsakes who travelled the country, and took likenesses for them, and returns back to wait upon the few vir- fifteen shillings a-head. As this family and ours tues they have still remaining."
had long a sort of rivalry in point of taste, our spirit took the alarm at this stolen march upon us,
and notwithstanding all I could say, and I said much,
it was resolved that we should have our pictures CHAPTER XVI.
done too. Having, therefore, engaged the limner,The family use Art, which is opposed with still greater.
for what could I do? our next deliberation was, to
show the superiority of our taste in the attitudes. Whatever might have been Sophia's sensa- As for our neighbour's family, there were seven ties
, the rest of the family was easily consoled for of them, and they were drawn with seven oranges, Mr. Burchell's absence by the company of our a thing quite out of taste, no variety in life, no Indlord
, whose visits now became more frequent, composition in the world. We desired to have and longer. Though he had been disappointed in something in a brighter style, and, after many deprocuring my daughters the amusements of the bates, at length came to an unanimous resolution town as he designed, he took every opportunity of of being drawn together in one large historical supplying them with those little recreations which family piece. This would be cheaper, since one our retirement would admit of. He usually came frame would serve for all
, and it would be infinitely in the morning, and while my son and I followed more genteel; for all families of any taste were er occupations abroad, he sat with the family at now drawn in the same manner. As we did not kome
, and amused them by describing the town, immediately recollect an historical subject to hit us, with every part of which he was particularly ac- we were contented each with being drawn as indequainted. He could repeat all the observations pendent historical figures. My wife desired to be that were retailed in the atmosphere of the play- represented as Venus, and the painter
was desired houses
, and had all the good things of the high wits not to be too frugal of his diamonds in her stomachby rote, long before they made their way into the er and hair. Her two little ones were to be as jest-books
. The intervals between conversation Cupids by her side, while I, in my gown and band, were employed in teaching my daughters piquet
, or was to present her with my books on the Whiswametimes in setting my two little ones to box, to tonian controversy. Olivia would be drawn as an make them sharp, as he called it: but the hopes Amazon sitting upon a bank of flowers, dressed in of having him for a son-in-law, in some measure a green joseph, richly laced with gold, and a whip tänded us to all his imperfections. It must be in her hand.' Sophia was to be a shepherdess
, paned, that my wife laid a thousand schemes to with as many sheep as the painter could put in
for nothing; and Moses was to be dressed out with came to see us, my girls took care to be out of the a hat and white feather. Our taste so much pleased way, in order to give their mamma an opportunity the 'Squire, that he insisted as being put in as one of putting her scheme in execution; but they only of the family in the character of Alexander the retired to the next room, whence they could overGreat, at Olivia's feet. This was considered by hear the whole conversation. My wife artfully inus all as an indication of his desire to be introduced troduced it, by observing, that one of the Miss into the family, nor could we refuse his request. Flamboroughs was like to have a very good match The painter was therefore set to work, and as he of it in Mr. Spanker. To this the 'Squire assentwrought with assiduity and expedition, in less than ing, she proceeded to remark, that they who had four days the whole was completed. The piece warm fortunes were always sure of getting good was large, and it must be owned he did not spare husbands: “But heaven help,” continued she, his colours; for which my wife gave him great en-:" the girls that have none. What signifies beauty, comiums. We were all perfectly satisfied with Mr. Thornhill? or what signifies all the virtue, and his performance; but an unfortunate circumstance all the qualifications in the world, in this age of selfhad not occurred till the picture was finished, interest? It is not, what is she? but what has she? which now struck us with dismay. It was so very is all the cry.”' large that we had no place in the house to fix it. “Madam,” returned he, “I highly approve the How we all came to disregard so material a point justice, as well as the novelty of your remarks, and is inconceivable; but certain it is, we had been all if I were a king, it should be otherwise. It should greatly remiss. The picture, therefore, instead of then, indeed, be fine times with the girls without gratifying our vanity, as we hoped, leaned, in a fortunes: our two young ladies should be the first most mortifying manner, against the kitchen wall, for whom I would provide.” where the canvass was stretched and painted, “Ah, sir,” returned my wife, "you are pleased much too large to be got through any of the doors, to be facetious: but I wish I were a queen, and and the jest of all our neighbours. One compared then I know where my eldest daughter should look it to Robinson Crusoe's long-boat, too large to be for a husband. But, now that you have put it into removed; another thought it more resembled a my head, seriously, Mr. Thornhill, can't you se reel in a bottle : some wondered how it could be commend me a proper husband for her? she is now got out, but still more were amazed how it ever got nineteen years old, well grown and well educated, in.
and, in my humble opinion, does not want for But though it excited the ridicule of some, it ef. parts." fectually raised more malicious suggestions in ma- “Madam,” replied he, “if I were to choose, I ny. The 'Squire's portrait being found united with would find out a person possessed of every accomours, was an honour too great to escape envy. plishment that can make an angel happy. One Scandalous whispers began to circulate at our ex- with prudence, fortune, taste, and sincerity; such, pense, and our tranquillity was continually dis- madam, would be, in my opinion, the proper husturbed by persons who came as friends to tell us band." Ay, sir,” said she, “but do you know what was said of us by enemies. These reports of any such person?"-"No, madam,” returned we always resented with becoming spirit; but scan- he, “it is impossible to know any person that dedal ever improves by opposition.
serves to be her husband: she's too great a treasure We once again therefore entered into a consul- for one man's possession; she's a goddess! Upon tation upon obviating the malice of our enemies, my soul, I speak what I think, she's an angel."and at last came to a resolution which had too Ah, Mr. Thornhill, you only flatter my poor much cunning to give me entire satisfaction. It girl: but we have been thinking of marrying her was this: as our principal object was to discover to one of your tenants, whose mother is lately dead, the honour of Mr. Thornhill's addresses, my wife and who wants a manager: you know whom I undertook to sound him, by pretending to ask his mean, Farmer Williams; a warm man, Mr. Thorn advice in the choice of a husband for her eldest hill, able to give her good bread; and who has sedaughter. If this was not found sufficient to in- veral times made her proposals (which was actually duce him to a declaration, it was then resolved to the case): but, sir," concluded she, “I should be terrify him with a rival. To this last step, how-glad to have your approbation of our choice."ever, I would by no means give my consent, till " How! madam,” replied he, “my approbation! Olivia gave me the most solemn assurances that My approbation of such a choice! Never. What! she would marry the person provided to rival him sacrifice so much beauty, and sense, and goodness, upon this occasion, if he did not prevent it, by to a creature insensible of the blessing! Excuse me, taking her himself. Such was the scheme laid, I can never approve of such a piece of injustice! which, though I did not strenuously oppose, I did And I have my reasons.”—"Indeed, sir,” cried not entirely approve.
Deborah, "if you have your reasons, that's anoThe next time, therefore, that Mr. Thornhillther affair; but I should be glad to know those reasons.”—“Excuse me, madam,” returned he, nor can you in the least say that I have constrained "hey lie too deep for discovery (laying his hand you. But you must not suppose, my dear, that I upon his bosom); they remain buried, riveted here.” will ever be instrumental in suffering his honest
After he was gone, upon a general consultation, rival to be the dupe of your ill-placed passion. we could not tell what to make of these fine senti- Whatever time you require to bring your fancied ments. Olivia considered them as instances of the admirer to an explanation, shall be granted; but at most exalted passion; but I was not quite so san- the expiration of that term, if he is still regardless, gune: it seemed to me pretty plain, that they had I must absolutely insist that honest Mr. Williams Dore of love than matrimony in them: yet, what- shall be rewarded for his fidelity. The character ever they might portend, it was resolved to prose- which I have hitherto supported in life demands cute the scheme of Farmer Williams, who, from this from me, and my tenderness as a parent shall my daughter's first appearance in the country, had never influence my integrity as a man. Name paid her his addresses.
then your day; let it be as distant as you think proper; and in the meantime, take care to let Mr. Thornhill know the exact time on which I design
delivering you up to another. If he really loves CHAPTER XVII.
you, his own good sense will readily suggest that Scarcely any Virtue found to resist the power of long and there is but one method alone to prevent his losing pleasing Temptation.
you for ever.”—This proposal, which she could not
avoid considering as perfectly just, was readily As I only studied my child's real happiness, the agreed to. She again renewed her most positive assiduity of Mr. Williams pleased me, as he was promise of marrying Mr. Williams, in case of the in easy circumstances, prudent, and sincere. It other's insensibility; and at the next opportunity, required but very little encouragement to revive his in Mr. Thornhill's presence, that day month was former passion; so that in an evening or two he and fixed upon for her nuptials with his rival. Mr. Thornhill met at our house, and surveyed each Such vigorous proceedings seemed to redouble other for some time with looks of anger; but Wil- Mr. Thornhill's anxiety: but what Olivia really liams owed his landlord no rent, and little regarded felt gave me some uneasiness. In this struggle his indignation. Olivia, on her side, acted the co- between prudence and passion, her vivacity quite quette to perfection, if that might be called acting forsook her, and every opportunity of solitude was which was her real character, pretending ta lavish sought and spent in tears. One week passed away; all her tenderness on her new lover. Mr. Thorn- but Mr. Thornhill made no efforts to restrain her hill appeared quite dejected at this preference, and nuptials. The succeeding week he was still assiwith a pensive air took leave, though I own it puz- duous; but not more open. On the third he diszled me to find him so much in pain as he appeared continued his visits entirely, and instead of my to be, when he had it in his power so easily to re- daughter testifying any impatience, as I expected, nove the cause, by declaring an honourable pas- she seemed to retain a pensive tranquillity, which sion. But whatever uneasiness he seemed to en- I looked upon as resignation. For my own part, dure, it could easily be perceived that Olivia's an- I was now sincerely pleased with thinking that my guish was still greater. After any of these inter-child was going to be secured in a continuance of views between her lovers, of which there were se- competence and peace, and frequently applauded Feral, she usually retired to solitude, and there in- her resolution, in preferring happiness to ostentadulged her grief. It was in such a situation Ition. found her one evening, after she had been for some It was within about four days of her intended fisne sapporting a fictitious gaiety. "You now nuptials, that my little family at night were gathersee, my child,” said I, “that your confidence in ed round a charming fire, telling stories of the past, Mr. Thornhill's passion was all a dream: he per- and laying schemes for the future; busied in formmits the rivalry of another, every way his inferior, ing a thousand projects, and laughing at whatever though he knows it lies in his power to secure you folly came uppermost. “Well, Moses,” cried I, to himself by a candid declaration.”—“Yes, papa," " we shall soon, my boy, have a wedding in the returned she, “but he has his reasons for this de- family; what is your opinion of matters and things lay: I know he has. The sincerity of his looks in general?”—“My opinion, father, is, that all and words convinces me of his real esteem. A things go on very well; and I was just now thinkshort time, I hope, will discover the generosity of sing, that when sister Livy is married to Farmer his sentiments, and convince you that my opinion Williams, we shall then have the loan of his cider of him has been more just than yours.”_"Olivia, press and brewing tubs for nothing.”_"That we my darling,” returned I, "every scheme that has shall, Moses,” cried I, “and he will sing us Death been hitherto pursued to compel him to a declara- and the Lady, to raise our spirits, into the bargain.” tion, has been proposed and planned by yourself “ He has taught that song to our Dick,” cried Moses, “and I think he goes through it very prettily."| but preaches as well as he sings, I make no doubt “Does he so?" cried I, " then let us have it: of him. The most of his family, by the mother's where's little Dick? let him up with it boldly.”- side, could sing a good song: it was a common say. “My brother Dick," cried Bill, my youngest, “ising in our country, that the family of the Blenkinjust gone out with sister Livy; but Mr. Williams sops could never look straight before them, nor the has taught me two songs, and I'll sing them for Hugginsons blow out a candle; that there were you, papa. Which song do you choose, The dying none of the Grograms but could sing a song, or of Swan, or the Elegy on the Death of a Mad Dog?" Marjorums but could tell a story.”—“However “The elegy, child, by all means,” said I; “I never that be,” cried I, "the most vulgar ballad of them heard that yet; and Deborah, my life, grief you all generally pleases me better than the fine modern know is dry, let us have a bottle of the best goose- odes, and things that petrify us in a single stanza; berry-wine, to keep up our spirits. I have wept productions that we at once detest and praise. Put so much at all sorts of elegies of late, that, without the glass to your brother, Moses. The great fault an enlivening glass, I am sure this will overcome of these elegiasts is, that they are in despair for me; and Sophy, love, take your guitar, and thrum griefs that give the sensible part of mankind very in with the boy a little."
little pain. A lady loses her muff, her fan, or her
lap-dog, and so the silly poet runs home to versify AN ELEGY ON THE DEATH OF A MAD DOG.
the disaster." Good people all, of every sort,
“ That may be the mode," cried Moses, "in Give car unto my song,
sublimer compositions; but the Ranelagh songs that And if you find it wondrous short,
come down to us are perfectly familiar, and all cast It can not hold you long.
in the same mould: Colin meets Dolly, and they
hold a dialogue together; he gives her a fairing to In Islington there was a man,
put in her hair, and she presents him with a noseOf whom the world might say,
gay; and then they go together to church, where That still a godly race he ran,
they give good advice to young nymphs and swains Whene'er he went to pray.
to get married as fast as they can." A kind and gentle heart he had,
“And very good advice too," cried I; "and I am To comfort friends and foes;
told there is not a place in the world where advice The naked every day he clad,
can be given with so much propriety as there ; for When he put on his clothes.
as it persuades us to marry, it also furnishes us with And in that town a dog was found,
a wife: and surely that must be an excellent market,
my boy, where we are told what we want, and supAs many dogs there be, Both mongrel, puppy, whelp and hound,
plied with it when wanting." And curs of low degree.
“Yes, sir," returned Moses, "and I know but
of two such markets for wives in Europe, Ranelagh This dog and man at first were friends; in England, and Fontarabia in Spain. The SpanBut when a pique began,
ish market is open once a-year; but our English The dog, to gain some private ends, wives are saleable every night.” Went mad, and bit the man,
“You are right, my boy," cried his mother;
"Old England is the only place in the world for Around from all the neighbouring streets,
husbands to get wives.”_"And for wives to manThe wondering neighbours ran,
age their husbands," interrupted I. " It is a proAnd swore the dog had lost his wits,
verb abroad, that if a bridge were built across the To bite so good a man.
sea, all the ladies of the continent would come over The wound it seem'd both sore and sad to take pattern from ours; for there are no such To every christian eye;
wives in Europe as our own. But let us have one And while they swore the dog was mad, bottle more, Deborah, my life; and Moses, give us They swore the man would die.
a good song. What thanks do we not owe to But soon a wonder came to light,
Heaven for thus bestowing tranquillity, health, and That show'd the rogues they lied,
competence. I think myself happier now than the The man recover'd of the bite,
greatest monarch upon earth. He has no such The dog it was that died.
fire-side, nor such pleasant faces about it.
Deborah, we are now growing old; but the evening "A very good boy, Bill, upon my word, and an of our life is likely to be happy. We are descendelegy that may truly be called tragical. Come, my ed from ancestors that knew no stain, and we shall children, here's Bill's health, and may he one day leave a good and virtuous race of children behind be a bishop!"
us. While we live, they will be our support and our "With all my heart," cried my wise; "and if he pleasure here; and when we die, they will transmit