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came off like a prodigy; and such was my success, | However, no way intimidated, I came on in Sir that I could ravish the laurels even from a sirloin Harry, one hand stuck in my breeches, and the of beef. The principal gentlemen and ladies of the other in my bosom, as usual at Drury-lane ; but town came to me, after the play was-over, to com- instead of looking at me, I perceived the whole pliment me upon my success; one praised my voice, audience had their eyes turned upon the lady who another my person: upon my word, says the had been nine months in London : from her they 'squire's lady, he will make one of the finest actors expected the decision which was to secure the gein Europe; I say it, and I think I am something neral's truncheon in my hand, or sink me down of a judge.—Praise in the beginning is agreeable into a theatrical letter-carrier. I opened my staffenough, and we receive it as a favour; but when box, and took snuff; the lady was solemn, and so it comes in great quantities, we regard it only as a were the rest ; I broke my cudgel on Alderman debt, which nothing but our mcrit could extort: Smuggler's back ; still gloomy, melancholy all
, the instead of thanking them, I internally applauded lady groaned and shrugged her shoulders: 1 atmyself. We were desired to give our piece a tempted, by laughing myself, to excite at least a second time; we obeyed; and I was applauded even smile ; but the devil a.cheek could I perceive more than before.
wrinkled into sympathy; I found it would not do. "At last we left the town, in order to be at a All my good humour now became forced; my horse-race at some distance from thence. I shall laughter was converted into hysteric grinning; and, never think of Tenterden without tears of grati- while I pretended spirits, my eye showed the agony tude and respect. The ladies and gentlemen of my heart : in short, the lady came with an inthere, take my word for it, are very good judges of tention to be displeased, and displeased she was; plays and actors. Come, let us drink their healths, my fame expired; I am here, and—(the tankar if you please, sir. We quitted the town, I say ; is no more !)'' and there was a wide difference between my coming in and going out: I entered the town a candlesnuffer, and I quitted it a hero !-Such is the world; little to-day, and great to-morrow. I could say a
ESSAY VII. great deal more upon that subject, something truly sublime, upon the ups and downs of fortune ; but Wuen Catharina Alexowna, was made emit would give us both the spleen, and so I shall pass press of Russia, the women were in an actual state it over.
of bondage; but she undertook to introduce mixed “The races were ended before we arrived at the assemblies, as in other parts of Europe; she alternext town, which was no small disappointment to ed the women's dress by substituting the fashions our company; however, we were resolved to take of England; instead of furs, she brought in the all we could get. I played capital characters there use of taffeta and damask; and cornets and comtoo, and came off with my usual brilliancy. I modes instead of caps of sable. The women now sincerely believe I should have been the first actor found themselves no longer shut up in separate in Europe, had my growing merit been properly apartments, but saw company, visited each other, cultivated; but there came an unkindly frost and were present at every entertainment. which nipped me in the bud, and levelled me once But as the laws to this effect were directed to a more down to the common standard of humanity. savage people, it is amusing enough to see the I played Sir Harry Wildair ; all the country ladies manner in which the ordinances ran. Assemblies were charmed: if I but drew out my snuff-box, were quite unknown among them; the czarilia the whole house was in a roar of rapture ; when I was satisfied with introducing them, for she found exercised my cudgel, I thought they would have it impossible to render them polite. An ordinance fallen into convulsions.
was therefore published according to their notions “ There was here a lady who had received an of breeding, which, as it is a curiosity, and has education of nine months in London, and this never before been printed that we know of
, we gave her pretensions to taste, which rendered her shall give our readers. the indisputable mistress of the ceremonies where
"I. The person at whose house the assembly is ever she came. She was informed of my merits; to be kept, shall signify the same by hanging out every body praised me, yet she refused at first a bill, or by giving some other public notice, by going to see me perform: she could not conceive, way of advertisement, to persons of both sexes. she said, any thing but stufl' from a stroller ; talked "II. The assembly shall not be open souner than something in praise of Garrick, and amazed the four or five o'clock in the afternoon, nor continue ladies with her skill in enunciations, tones, and longer than ten at night. cadences; she was at last, however, prevailed upon "III. The master of the house shall not be to go; and it was privately intimated to me what obliged to meet his guests, or conduct them out, or a judge was to be present at my next exhibition. keep them company; but, though he is exeinpt
from all this, he is to find them chairs, candles, he refused to take the advice of his parents, and Liquors, and all other necessaries that company pursued the bent of his inclination; he played at may ask for: he is likewise to provide them with cards on Sundays; called himself a gentleman ; cards, dice, and every necessary for gaming. fell out with his mother and laundress; and even
“ I V. There shall be no fixed hour for coming in these early days his father was frequently heard or going away; it is enough for a person to appear to observe, that young The.-would be hanged. in the assembly.
As he advanced in years, he grew more fond of * V. Every one shall be free to sit, walk, or game, pleasure; would eat an ortolan for dinner, though as he pleases; nor shall any one go about to hin- he begged the guinea that bought it; and was der him, or take exceptions at what he does, upon once known to give three pounds for a plate of pain of emptying the great eagle (a pint bowl full green peas, which he had collected over-night as of brandy); it shall likewise be sufficient, at en- charity for a friend in distress : he ran into debt tering or retiring, to salute the company. with every body that would trust him, and none
** VI. Persons of distinction, noblemen, supe- could build a sconce better than he ; so that at last rior officers, merchants and tradesmen of note, his creditors swore with one accord that The. head workmen (especially carpenters), and persons would be hanged. employed in chancery, are to have liberty to enter But as getting into debt by a man who had no the assemblies; as likewise their wives and children. visible means but impudence for subsistence, is a
" VII. A particular place shall be assigned the thing that every reader is not acquainted with, I footmen, except those of the house, that there may must explain that point a little, and that to his be room enough in the apartments designed for the satisfaction. assembly.
There are three ways of getting into debt; first, " VIII. No ladies are to get drunk under any by pushing a face; as thus : "You, Mr. Lutestring, pretence whatsoever ; nor shall gentlemen be send me home six yards of that paduasoy, damme; drunk before nine.
-but, harkee, don't think I ever intend to pay you IX. Ladies who play at forfeitures, questions for it, damme." At this the mercer laughs heartand commands, etc. shall not be riotous: no gen- ily, cuts off the paduasoy, and sends it home; tleman shall attempt to force a kiss, and no person nor is he, till too late, surprised to find the genshall offer to strike a woman in the assembly, tleman had said nothing but truth, and kept his under pain of future exclusion.”
word. Such are the statutes upon this occasion, which The second method of running into debt is called in their very appearance carry an air of ridicule fineering; which is getting goods made up in such and satire. But politeness must enter every coun- a fashion as to be unfit for every other purchaser ; try by degrees; and these rules resemble the breed- and if the tradesman refuses to give them credit, ing of a clown, awkward but sincere.
then-threaten to leave them upon his hands.
But the third and best method is called, “Being the good customer.” The gentleman first buys
some trifle, and pays for it in ready money; he ESSAY VIII.
comes a few days after with nothing about him
but bank bills, and buys, we will suppose, a sixSUPPOSED TO BE WRITTEN BY THE ORDINARY OF penny tweezer-case;' the bills are too great to be
changed, so he promises to return punctually the
day after and pay for what he has bought. In this Man is a most frail being, incapable of direct- promise he is punctual, and this is repeated for ing his steps, unacquainted with what is to happen eight or ten times, till his face is well known, and in this life ; and perhaps no man is a more mani- he has got at last the character of a good cusfest instance of the truth of this maxim, than Mr. tomer: by this means he gets credit for something The. Cibber, just now gone out of the world. considerable, and then never pays for it. Such a variety of turns of fortunc, yet such a per- In all this, the young man who is the unhappy severing uniformity of conduct, appears in all that subject of our present reflections was very expert ; happened in his short span, that the whole may be and could face, fineer, and bring custom to a shop looked upon as one regular confusion : every action with any man in England: none of his companof his life was matter of wonder and surprise, and ions could exceed him in this; and his very comhis death was an astonishment.
panions at last said, that The.—would be hanged. This gentleman was born of creditable parents, As he grew old he grew never the better : he who gave him a very good education, and a great loved ortolans and green peas as before; he drank deal of good learning, so that he could read and gravy-soup when he could get it, and always thought write before he was sixteen. However, he early his oysters tasted best when he got them for nodiscovered an inclination to follow lewd courses; thing, or which was just the same, when he bought
them upon tick ; thus the old man kept up the ject of the same came and timid disposition, Mag. vices of the youth, and what he wanted in power na Charta (to use the coarse phrase of Oliver he made up by inclination ; so that all the world Cromwell) would be no more regarded by an amthought that old The.-would be hanged. bitious prince than Magna F-ta, and the liber
And now, reader, I have brought him to his last ties of England expire without a groan. Opposiscene; a scene where, perhaps, my duty should tion, when restrained within due bounds, is the have obliged me to assist. You expect, perhaps, salubrious gale that ventilates the opinions of the his dying words, and the tender farewell he took people, which might otherwise stagnate into the of his wife and children; you expect an account most abject submission. It may be said to purify of his coffin and white gloves, his pious ejacula- the atmosphere of politics ; to dispel the gross rations, and the papers he left behind him. In this pours raised by the influence of ministeriat artifice I can not indulge your curiosity ; for, oh! the mys- and corruption, until the constitution, like a mighty teries of Fate, The.-was drowned !
rock, stands full disclosed to the view of every in“Reader," as Hervey saith, "pause and pon- dividual who dwells within the shade of its proteeder; and ponder and pause; who knows what thy tion. Even when this gale blows with augmented own end may be !"
violence, it generally tends to the advantage of the commonwealth ; it awakes the apprehension, and
consequently arouses all the faculties of the pilot ESSAY IX.
at the helm, who redoubles his vigilance and cau
tion, exerts his utmost skill, and, becoming acI Take the liberty to communicate to the public quainted with the nature of the navigation, in a a few loose thoughts upon a subject, which, though little time learns to suit his canvass to the roughoften handled, has not yet in my opinion been fully ness of the sea and the trim of the vessel. Withdiscussed : 1 mean national concord, or unanimity, out these intervening storms of opposition to exer. which in this kingdom has been generally consider-cise his faculties, he would become enervate, neglied as a bare possibility, that existed no where but gent, and presumptuous; and in the wantonness in speculation. Such a union is perhaps neither of his power, trusting to some deceitful calm, perto be expected nor wished for in a country, whose haps hazard a step that would wreck the constituliberty depends rather upon the genius of the peo- tion. Yet there is a measure in all things. A ple, than upon any precautions which they have moderate frost will fertilize the glebe with nitrous taken in a constitutional way for the guard and particles, and destroy the eggs of pernicious insects preservation of this inestimable blessing. that prey upon the infancy of the year; but if this
There is a very honest gentleman with whom I frost increases in severity and duration, it will chill have been acquainted these thirty years, during the seeds, and even freeze up the roots of vegetawhich there has not been one speech uttered bles; it will check the bloom, nip the buds, and against the ministry in parliament, nor struggle at blast all the promise of the spring. The vernal an election for a burgess to serve in the House of breeze that drives the fogs before it, that brushes Commons, nor a pamphlet published in opposition the cobwebs from the boughs, that fans the air and to any measure of the administration, nor even a fosters vegetation, if augmented to a tempest, will private censure passed in his hearing upon the strip the leaves, overthrow the tree, and desolate misconduct of any person concerned in public af- the garden. The auspicious gale before which the fairs, but he is immediately alarmed, and loudly trim yessel ploughs the bosom of the sea, while the exclaims against such factious doings, in order to mariners are kept alert in duty and in spirits, if set the people by the ears together at such a deli- converted to a hurricane, overwhelms the crew cate juncture. “At any other time (says he) such with terror and confusion. The sails are rent, the opposition might not be improper, and I don't cordage cracked, the masts give way; the master question the facts that are alleged ; but at this crisis, eyes the havock with mute despair, and the vessel sir, to inflame the nation!—the man deserves to be founders in the storm. Opposition, when confined punished as a traitor to his country." In a word, within its proper channels, sweeps away those according to this gentleman's opinion, the nation beds of soil and banks of sand which corruptive : has been in a violent crisis at any time these thirty power had gathered; but when it overflows its years; and were it possible for him to live another banks, and deluges the plain, its course is marked century, he would never find any period, at which by ruin and devastation. a man might with safety impugn the infallibility of The opposition necessary in a free state, like a minister.
that of Great Britain, is not at all incompatible The case is no more than this: my honest friend with that national concord which ought to unite has invested his whole fortune in the stocks, on the people on all emergencies, in which the general Government security, and trembles at every whift safety is at stake. It is the jealousy of patriotism, of popular discontent. Were every British sub-Inot the rancour of party; the warmth of candour,
not the virulence of hate; a transient dispute among fit to bear arms. Now, as we have seen the nafriends, not an implacable feud that admits of notion governed by old women, I hope to make it apreconciliation. The history of all ages teems with pear that it may be defended by young women; the fatal effects of internal discord; and were his- and surely this scheme will not be rejected as untory and tradition annihilated, common sense would necessary at such a juncture,* when our armies, plainly point out the mischiefs that must arise in the four quarters of the globe, are in want of from want of harmony and national union. Every recruits; when we find ourselves entangled in a school-boy can have recourse to the fable of the new war with Spain, on the eve of a rupture in rods, which, when united in a bundle, no strength Italy, and indeed in a fair way of being obliged to could bend; but when separated into single twigs, make head against all the great potentates of Eua child could break with ease.
But, before I unfold my design, it may be ne
cessary to obviate, from experience as well as arESSAY X.
gument, the objections which may be made to the I have spent the greater part of my life in mak- delicate frame and tender disposition of the female ing observations on men and things, and in pro- superably averse to the horrors of war. All the
sex, rendering them incapable of the toils, and injecting schemes for the advantage of my country; world has heard of the nation of Amazons, who and though my labours met with an ungrateful return, I will still persist in my endeavours for its inhabited the banks of the river Thermodon in service, like that venerable, unshaken, and neglect
Cappadocia; who expelled their men by force of ed patriot, Mr. Jacob Henriquez, who, though of arms, defended themselves by their own prowess, the Hebrew nation, hath exhibited a shining ex
managed the reigns of government, prosecuted tha ample of Christian fortitude and perseverance. operations in war, and held the other sex in the utAnd here my conscience urges me to confess, that most contempt. We are informed by Homer, that the hint upon which the following proposals are
Penthesilea, queen of the Amazons, acted as auxbuilt, was taken from an advertisement of the said iliary to Priam, and fell
, valiantly fighting in his patriot Henriquez, in which he gave the public to cause, before the walls of Troy. Quintius Curtius
tells understand, that Heaven had indulged him with
us, that Thalestris brought one hundred armed "seven blessed daughters.” Blessed they are, no
Amazons in a present to Alexander the Great. doubt, on account of their own and their father's
Diodorus Siculus expressly says, there was a navirtues ; but more blessed may they be, if the scheme tion of female warriors in Africa, who fought I offer should be adopted by the legislature.
against the Libyan Hercules. We read in the The proportion which the number of females voyages of Columbus, that one of the Caribbee born in these kingdoms bears to the male children, who kept all the neighbouring Indians in awe;
Islands was possessed by a tribe of female warriors, is, I think, supposed to be as thirteen to fourteen; but as women are not so subject as the other sex
but we need not go farther than our own age and to accidents and intemperance, in numbering country to prove, that the spirit and constitution adults we shall find the balance on the female side of the fair sex are equal to the dangers and fatigues If in calculating the numbers of the people, we
of war. Every novice who has read the authentic take in the multitudes that emigrate to the planta- and important History of the Pirates, is well actions, whence they never return; those that die at
quainted with the exploits of two heroines, called sea, and make their exit at Tyburn ; together
with Mary Read and Anne Bonny. I myself have had the consumption of the present war, by sea and the honour to drink with Anne Cassier, alias moland, in the Atlantic, Mediterranean, in the Ger-ther Wade, who had distinguished herself among man and Indian Oceans, in Old France, New the Buccaneers of America, and in her old age France, North America, the Leeward Islands, have likewise conversed with Moll Davis, who had
kept a punch-house in Port-Royal of Jamaica. I Germany, Africa, and Asia, we may fairly state the loss of men during the war at one hundred served as a dragoon in all queen Anne's wars, and thousand. If this be the case, there must be a su
was admitted on the pension of Chelsea. The late perplus of the other sex, amounting to the same
war with Spain, and even the present, hath pronumber, and this superplus will consist of women
duced instances of females enlisting both in the land able to bear arms; as I take for granted, that all and sea service, and behaving with remarkable those who are fit to bear children are likewise bravery in the disguise of the other sex. And who military character ? That strength of body is often armed with light carbines and long bayonets, with equal to the courage of mind implanted in the fair out the encumbrance of swords or shoulder-belts. sex, will not be denied by those who have seen the I make no doubt but many young ladies of figure water-women of Plymouth; the female drudges and fashion will undertake to raise companies at of Ireland, Wales, and Scotland, the fish-women their own expense, provided they like their colo of Billingsgate; the weeders, podders, and hoppers, nels; but I must insist upon it, if this scheme who swarm in the fields; and the bunters who should be embraced, that Mr. Henriquez's seven swagger in the streets of London: not to mention blessed daughters may be provided with commis. the indefatigable trulls who follow the camp, and sions, as the project is in some measure owing to keep up with the line of march, though loaded with the hints of that venerable patriot. I moreover bantlings and other baggage.
has not heard of the celebrated Jenny Cameron, A man well known at this period (1762), as well as during and some other enterprising ladies of North Britain, many preceding years, for the numerous schemes he was who attended a certain Adventurer in all his ex. daily offering to various ministers for the purpose of raising peditions, and headed their respective clans in a money by loans, paying off the national encumbrances, etc. etc. none of which, however, were ever known to have received the smallest notice.
* In the year 1762.
give it as my opinion, that Mrs. Kitty Fisher There is scarcely a street in this metropolis shall have the command of a battalion, and the without one or more viragos, who discipline their nomination of her own officers, provided she will husbands and domineer over the whole neighbour-warrant them all sound, and be content to wear hood. Many months are not elapsed since I was proper badges of distinction. witness to a pitched battle between two athletic fe- A female brigade, properly disciplined and asmales, who fought with equal skill and fury until coutred, would not, I am persuaded, be afraid to one of them gave out, after having sustained seven charge a numerous body of the enemy, over whom falls on the hard stones. They were both stripped they would have a manifest advantage; for if the to the under petticoat; their breasts were carefully barbarous Scythians were ashamed to fight with swathed with handkerchiefs; and as no vestiges of the Amazons who invaded them, surely the French, features were to be seen in either when I came up, who pique themselves on their sensibility and deI imagined the combatants were of the other sex, votion to the fair sex, would not act upon the of until a bystander assured me of the contrary, giv- fensive against a band of female warriors, arrayed ing me to understand, that the conqueror had lain- in all the charms of youth and beauty. in about five weeks of twin-bastards, begot by her second, who was an Irish chairman. When I see the avenues of the Strand beset every night with
ESSAY XI. troops of fierce Amazons, who, with dreadful imprecations, stop, and beat and plunder passengers, As I am one of that sauntering tribe of mortals I can not help wishing that such martial talents who spend the greatest part of their time in taverns, were converted to the benefit of the public; and coffee-houses, and other places of public resort, I that those who are so loaded with temporal fire, have thereby an opportunity of observing an inand so little afraid of eternal fire, should, instead finite variety of characters, which, to a person of a of ruining the souls and bodies of their fellow-citi- contemplative turn, is a much higher entertainzens, be put in a way of turning their destructive ment than a view of all the curiosities of art or naqualities against the enemies of the nation.
ture. In one of these my late rambles, I accident. Having thus demonstrated that the fair sex are ally fell into the company of half a dozen gentlenot deficient in strength and resolution, I would men, who were engaged in a warm dispute about humbly propose, that as there is an excess on their some political affair; the decision of which, as they side in quantity to the amount of one hundred were equally divided in their sentiments, they thousand, part of that number may be employed thought proper to refer to me, which naturally drew in recruiting the army as well as in raising thirty me in for a share of the conversation. new Amazonian regiments, to be commanded by Amongst a multiplicity of other topics, we took females, and serve in regimentals adapted to their occasion to talk of the different characters of the sex. The Amazons of old appeared with the left several nations of Europe ; when one of the gentlebreast bare, an open jacket, and trowsers that de- men, cocking his hat; and assuming such an air of scended no farther than the knee; the right breast importance as if he had possessed all the merit of was destroyed, that it might not impede them in the English nation in his own person, declared that bending the bow, or darting the javelin : but there the Dutch were a parcel of avaricious wretches; is no occasion for this cruel excision in the present the French a set of flattering sycophants; that the discipline, as we have seen instances of women Germans were drunken sots, and beastly gluttons ; who handle the musket, without finding any in- and the Spaniards proud, haughty, and surly convenience from that protuberance.
tyrants; but that in bravery, generosity, clemency, As the sex love gaiety, they may be clothed in and in every other virtue, the English excelled all vests of pink satin and open drawers of the same, the rest of the world. with buskins on their feet and legs, their hair tied
This very learned and judicious remark was behind and floating on their shoulders, and their hats adorned with white feathers: they may be
A celebrated courtezan of that time.