A

DIRECTORY is not the kind of book a person would take up and peruse as an antidote for the "blues," but with a fair amount of patience and a sense of humor much entertainment can be got out of one of those dry-looking volumes.

If a man is going to make puns on other folks' names, and a good many of us aren't always able to resist the temptation, the directory is the best place in which to do it, because there are plenty of names to choose from, and he can make a butt of Mr. Mark, or Mr. Goodfellow, and avoid people like Mr. Savage and Mr. Kick. Also, any man with a few friends can keep them more easily if he will only go to the directory and pick out the name of some stranger to pun with, when the fit is on him. The New York city directory is a peculiarly rich field for such opportunities. Says the pun expert of the New York World:

Take, for instance, our own city directory. That it has more names than its immediate predecessor, and that this indicates that New York has grown just as much in population in just such a timethese things go without saying.

But what reference is made in the directory to that great matter of Love, which has ruled the world for no one knows how many years? Go through the book, dear reader, and you will find that it contains forty-seven Loves, one Heart, and one Lover. There are twenty Spooners, two Huggers, sixty-one Darlings, three Dears, five Petts, three Sparks, six Kisses, three Smacks, and ten Hugs.

A study of the directory shows, too, that, despite its boasted democracy, New York is endowed with five and one-half columns of Kings, twelve Queens, one column of Princes, twenty-four Dukes, thirty-eight Earls, and eighty-two Lords. There are sixteen Castles for all this royalty to dwell in.

The spiritual welfare of the city ought to be well looked after, also, for we find listed

sixty-three Popes, four Cardinals, one hundred and thirty-two Abbots, nine Abbeys, eleven Priests, twenty Parishes, two Chapels, thirty-eight Elders, one column and threequarters of Parsons, two columns of Deans, twelve Deacons, one column of Churches,

forty-eight Sextons, twenty-eight Christians,

and eight Bibles.

It speaks pretty well for New York's sobriety and general good character that notwithstanding the vast number of people whose names are in the directory there are only two Lushers, one Bum, fourteen Bunns, thirteen Batts, four Lushes, fifteen Stills, three Lodes, and one Booz. In the matter of smoking, great temperance is shown, too, for there is listed but one Smoker, one Pipe, and one Smoke.

Father Knickerbocker's barber-shop is well filled. It has sixty-seven Barbers and five Shavers. Quite a bunch to look after only thirty Beards and one Hair, but it has one Pole out and is ready to do more busi

ness.

There are four and one-half columns of Bakers, fourteen Rolls, one Cakebread, and one Pies, and he is a Harlem baker, by the

way.

That New York is still a young town is shown by the fact that there are seven columns of Youngs and only six Olds. The comparison of seven Fatts as against one Skinney doesn't constitute a bad showing, either.

Considering the greatness and goodness of the big burg, it is hard to see why the directory should hand it twenty-one Lemons. The fact that we have also fifteen Apples, eighteen Citrons, five Oranges, five Peaches, one Grape, three Plums, and one Pear doesn't make entire amends, but New York isn't going to cry about it; it is too lighthearted, for, as the directory shows, it has eighteen Joys and seven Happes to only one Tear.

The first name in the directory-the Abou ben Adhem who leads all the rest-is Jacques Aa, and the last name is Louis Zyss. There are twelve names that begin with X, nine columns of Joneses, thirty-five columns of Smiths, two columns of John Smiths, and nineteen columns of Browns.

says the clerk.

"If he wasn't a twins, sure, our hist'ry will show

That at least he's worth any two saints that we know!"

Then they all got blind dhrunk-which complated their bliss,

And we keep up the practise from that day to this!