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Honeywood.

That's but just; though perhaps here comes the butler to complain of the footman.

Jarvit.

Ay, its the way with them all, from the scullion to the privy-counsellor. If they have a bad master they keep quarrelling with him; if they have a good master, they keep quarrelling with one another.

Enter Butler, drunk.

Sutler.

Sir, I'll not stay in the family with Jonathan, you must part with him, or part with me, that's the exex-ex-position of the matter, Sir.

Honeywood.

Full and explicit enough. But what's his fault, good Philip?

Sir, he's given to drinking, Sir, and I shall have my morals corrupted by keeping such company.

Honeywood.
Ha ! ha ! He has such a diverting way—

Jarvis.

0 quite amusing.

Butler.

1 find my wine's a-going, Sir; and liquors don't g» without mouths, Sir; I hate a drunkard, Sir.

Honeywood.

Well, well, Philip, I'll hear you upon that another time, so go to bed now.

Jarvis.

To bed! Let him go to the devil.

Butler.

Begging your honor's pardon, and begging your pardon, master Jarvis, I'll not go to bed, nor to the devil neither. . I have enough to do to mind my cellar. I forgot, your honor, Mr. Croaker is below. I came on purpose to tell you.

Honeywood.
Why didn't you shew him up, blockhead?

Butler.

Shew him up, Sir! With all my heart, Sir. Up or down, all's one to me. [Exit.

Jarvis.

Ay, we have one or other of that family in this house from morning till night. He comes on the old affair, I suppose. The match between his son that's just returned from Paris, and Miss Richland, the young lady he's guardian to.

Honeytvood.

Perhaps so. Mr. Croaker, knowing my friendship for the young lady, has got it into his head that I can persuade her to what I please.

Jarvis.

Ah! if you loved yourself but half as well as she loves you, we should soon see a marriage that would set all things to rights again.

Honeyiuood.

Love me ! Sure Jarvis, you dream. No, no; her intimacy with me never amounted to more than friendship—mere friendship. That she is the most lovely woman that ever warm'd the human heart with desire, I own. But never let me harbor a thought of making her unhappy, by a connection with one so unworthy her merits as I am. No, Jarvis, it shall be my study to serve her, even in spite of my wishes; and to secure her happiness, though it destroys my own,

Jarvis.

Was ever the like! I want patience.

Honeywood.

Besides, Jarvis, though I could obtain Miss Richland's consent, do you think I could succeed with her guardian, or Mrs. Croaker, his wife ; who, tho' both very fine in their way, are yet a little opposite in their dispositions you know.

Jarvis.

Opposite enough, heaven knows; the very reverse of each other; she all laugh and no joke; he always complaining and never sorrowful; a fretful poor soul that has a new distress for every hour in the four and twenty—

Honeywood.
Hush, hush, he's coming up, he'll hear you.

Jarvis.

One who's voice is a passing bell—

Honeywood. Well, well, go, do,

Janis,

A raven that bodes nothing but mischief; a coffin and cross bones; a bundle of rue; a sprig of deadly night shade ; a—Honeywood stoflfiing his mouth, at last flushes him off) [Exit Jarvis.

Honeywood,

I must own my old monitor is not entirely wrong. There is something in my friend Croaker's conversation that quite depresses me. His very mirth is an antidote to all gaiety, and his appearance has a stronger effect on my spirits than an undertaker's shop.—'Mr. Croaker, this is such a satisfaction—

Enter Croaker.
Croaker.

A pleasant morning to Mr. Honeywood, and many of them. How is this! you look most shockingly to day, my dear friend. I hope this weather does not affect your spirits. To be sure, if this weather continues—I say nothing—But God send we be all better this day three months.

Honeywood.

I heartily concur in the wish, though I am not in your apprehensions.

Croaker..

May be not! indeed what signifies what weather we have in a country going to ruin like ours? taxes rising and trade falling. Money flying out of the kingdom, and Jesuits swarming into it. I know at this time no less than an hundred and twenty-seven Jesuits between Charing-cross and Temple-bar.

Honeywood.

The Jesuits will scarce pervert you or me, I should hope.

Croaker.

May be not. Indeed what signifies whom they pervert in a country that has scarce any religion to lose? I'm only afraid for our wives and daughters.

Honeywood.

I have no apprehensions for the ladies, I assure you.

Croaker. ,

May be not. Indeed what signifies whether they be perverted or no? the women in my time were good for something. I have seen a lady drest from top to toe in her own manufactures formerly. But now a-daysthe devil a thing of their own manufactures about them, except their faces.

Honeywood.

But, however these faults may be practised, abroad you don't find them at home, either with Mrs. Croaker, Olivia, or Miss Richland.

Croaker.

The best of them will never be canoniz'd for a saint when she's dead. By the bye, my dear friend, I don't find this match between Miss Richland and my son much relished, either by one side or the other.

Honeywood. I thought otherwise.

Croaker.

Ah, Mr. Honeywood, a little of your fine serious advice to the young lady might go far: I know she has a very exalted opinion of your understanding.

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