66 in St. James's-street, and quizzed at all coteries; and the literary man having frozen his fingers and nose at his classical studies, discovers that he is, at length, looked upon as a sciolist, and laughed at as a simpleton. From the Prince to the peasant,-from "Madame la Duchesse" to "Madame la Blanchisseuse;" from the patrician who luxuriates on the incomparable flavor of " Shiraz" beneath the gilded ceilings of Crockey's, to the unshaven artisan, or the shock-headed donkey-driver, who whiffs his "virginny" or dilates on the joys of his "pig-tail" in the dark, dense, and smoke-wreathed tap of the " Jolly Bacchanals;" all ranks and classes, all dignities and callings, all ages and tempers are wrought upon, influenced, and moved forward by the mysterious and indomitable power of " appearances." The Prince dons epaulettes of brilliants, and the plough-boy sugar-loaf buttons of glass, from the same impulse, the love of "appearances;" her Grace dissipates a revenue in feathers and gems, in lace and Cachemeres, for the sake of " appearances;" and the lady of the laundry-yard strides forth in a spic-and-span Gros-deNaples," and a fichue of Brussels, that she may support her respectability, and sustain the honor of the washing tub by her care of “ appearances. Then the Peer-the broken-down Nobleman, whose oaks are no more, and whose acres are mortgaged, flies along Regent-street in his curricle and pair, beggars himself with horses and dogs, dips deep in the books of his tailor, his jeweller, his hatter, and boot-maker, crucifies himself with ten thousand profitless expences, and sees every thing go to destruction for the sake of " appearances." But let us note the various shifts and subterfuges employed to keep up appearances." Ho! ho! we're at Court-that lady is the wife of an Earl! "heavens! what a superb tiara! what a zone! what a necklace and ear-rings! they are unquestionably set by Storr and Mortimer, and an Empress might sigh for them!" "Hush! hush! all is not gold that glistens ;" at her bridal the lady gleamed with the refulgence of diamonds-pure diamonds, but months and years have flown by, times and aspects are changed, little urgencies required to be met, slight indiscretions repaired, and, while her Lord, unsuccessful at play, counts upon secretly substituting genuine paste" for the pure Visapour in his Lady's jewel-case, her Ladyship forestalls his design, and discharges the somewhat overgrown and oldstanding account of her marchan le-de-modes with the difference of the exchange. And who would have thought that her gems are not "real?" who cannot excuse the fond, eager, speculative gaze which her husband so earnestly fixes on the collar that glistens on that enchanting neck? Poor man! bitter will be thy disappointment, as old Mordecai turns up his eyes with horror at the thoughts of being cheated, and querulously com plains of the dishonesty of the age. Lo! here is a commoner, whose £1500 a year is sadly nibbled away by a flourishing family group-five unmarried daughters, fair, flaxen-headed belles, with blue eyes and a languishing mien; and as many gentle Jessamines of sons, all lisping for Captaincies," Cornetcies," &c. &c. and casting an eye at the rich heiresses whom they sometimes encounter at the "at-home" of some Mansionhouse leader of ton. Appearances" must be maintained, but there is a terrible struggle to do so, and it is too often with the tact of the ostrich which buries its head in the sand when pursued, and stupidly flatters itself that its retreat is unknown. Economical apartments in eastern squares, scanty attendance, a valet in common, and a lady's maid ditto, a mortified table, and wines of a fourth-rate quality, enable the commoner and his family to roll in their carriage to lady so and so's route in May Fair, and to take a box at the Opera two nights in the season. But other modes of spinning out appearances" are ventured 66 99 66 66 on: the ladies vend their own wardrobes, and pocket the produce; their maid gets a faded batiste, and a dozen of sixpenny gloves, the worse for the wear, a cap or two of soiled blonde, a few bows of gauze riband, and two or three pairs of trodden-out dancing shoes for her perquisites;" and yet-"insolent creature !-is not satisfied!" And the gentlemen'! look at them bartering and trafficking about their cast-off apparel with all the warmth and alacrity of so many residents of Rosemary-lane! or, mysteriously signing a compact, in virtue of which they are to send back their old suits whenever they get new!" the valet whistles softly, screws up his features, winces, looks black, and bitter, and sour, and acid, and all that's reproachful and melancholy, but in vain! a worn-out dressing gown, originally purchased for a dozen of shillings, a pair of Wellingtons, whose second soles have departed, and a beaver or two which might warrant the revival of the once-popular cry of "a shocking bad hat," rank among the principal "prizes" which he sells to the satirical disciple of Abraham, for the sum of "eighteen-pence three farthings," the honest Hebrew declaring to "Got dat he'll loosh py de pargain!" So much for the effort to be deemed as affluent and as fashionable as our neighbours! Let us glance for a second at the gentle and aristocratic sportsman, who annually exiles himself from his warm and luxuriously appointed chambers, to struggle and flounder through the interminable bogs and morasses of the Highlands, with a bare-legged gillie shooting before him like a Will-o'the-wisp; the four winds of heaven raging furiously at his lug; the "mist" descending in a close, thick, and perpendicular torrent, that sets caoutchouc at defiance; and every runnel and burn swollen into a headlong current that threatens to carry the hero away as a tributary offering to the piscatory tribe. With half-closed eyes, wrinkledup nose, teeth set, lips screwed up, and a slender frame shivering like an aspen tree, the unlucky son of the trigger plunges on, accompanied by a brace of crouching and disconsolate dogs, whose very looks betray the extremity of canine despair. He picks up the rheumatism, a catarrh, a fever, an ague, and a long train of concomitants that cut him off in the midst of his sport," or send him south, a mere ghost to his friends; and all for the love of "appearances :”—he must needs be a 'sportsman," though void of all relish for the delights of the field, and, especially, averse to percussion caps and gunpowder; and, were it not for appearances," the "birds of the air" might attain the age of Methusalah, and revel in patriarchal felicity undisturbed by his aim. 66 Now look at the finesse of the professional-the medical man we'll say, who sets up a "cab" and a "tiger," dresses in the mode, mounts green spectacles, and, with delicate white kids displayed on his digitals, drives through particular streets, at particular hours, and knocks at particular houses with an air of empressement as though patients were many and pressing, and moments few. Be not deceived; he visits for appearances," not for "fees!" the palm of his hand gladdens not too oft beneath the golden memorial of gratitude; but he must and will create a sensation-creditors are urgent-a landlord vehement-and taxgatherers most annoyingly retentive of memory-the supplies must be raised, and practice ensured; notoriety will effect all, and lo! he ambitions it! He puts forth a new theory, astounding to all medical science; the system and the wisdom of ages are blown down at his breath, he flings defiance in the teeth of his brethren, designates them as drivellers and nincompoops, and trumpets himself forth as the great luminary of medicine, the one at whose bolus disease dies in despair, and death, dropping his dart and horologe, flies discomfited from the March, 1835.—vol. II. NO. VIII. 66 couch, or dances a saraband with the most innocent intentions. Bravo! good Sir! long, lean, and round-shouldered, with the voice of a halfchoked grasshopper, and the intelligent glance of a mole, with the intellect of a gnat, but the impudence, rashness, and callousness of an assassin, you write, print, and publish, give "advice gratis" to the poor who can purchase your nostrums; sigh for the honour of lectureship, and exhibit your pantaloon person in the vehicle for which you have pinched yourself out of nine hundred and ninety-nine real comforts and decencies. But the drift is notoriety! appearances" govern the world; seem in full practice, make no doubt of your ability, coolly discuss the most hazardous experiments, speak of the ligature of the aorta as a mere bagatelle, talk with imperturbable assurance, stare, smile, and sneer with a connoisseur judgment, and the world-the gaping, moon-eyed, wide-throated world, will give you credit for all you desire; the brass will go forth as gold, the kerry-stone as a diamond, for, in truth, the daw may, now-a-day, strut its hour in the stray plumes of the peacock, and pass unexposed. Let us glide by the briefless barrister, with his spruce but desolate chambers, and his black-leather table laden with the papers, parchments, and epistolary correspondence of a myriad of imaginary clients: peep but at the empiric schoolmaster, floridly puffing his novel system and brilliant mode of tuition; pompously giving to the-rats and confectioners-his Greek, or Latin, or Hebrew, or High Dutch, or Syriac, or Cingalese prosody, and flourishing the ferule-a second Dionysius-over the heads of some half dozen " young gentlemen" of St. Giles's, who are industriously dog's-earing their primers in the angles of a spacious, white-washed, and most uninhabitable-looking school-room. Nor can we, now, stay to make more than a bow to the " author," who tells of a second edition before a publisher is found for his first, quotes from his own writings in company, criticises himself in some penny beacon of literature, affects an intimacy with Murray and Bentley, and Colburn, and Churton; and talks as familiarly and patronisingly of Byron, Moore, Southey, Wordsworth, and Campbell, as if he had held them by the button for an hour at a time, or smoked his cigar in their company for years. All this is done for " appearances;" in plain truth he dwells in an attic, discusses small beer and cheese for his dinner, nibbles the reviews by stealth at the newsmongers, and donning his faded but carefully-brushed frock, and vamped-up Wellingtons, cocking his beaver, and flourishing his riding-whip (for he assumes the exquisite, and has been known to wear spurs), he endeavours to pass current amidst the geniuses of the age, and make the "minnows" believe him "a triton." But the love of " appearances," the thirst of seeming what we are not, the desire of pinning a feather in our cap and parading in the sunshine-" the observed of all observers," animate and fever, and urge forward every member of the complex chain of society; in some form or another they make themselves manifest, and start up as suddenly beneath scrutiny as the daisies and king cups in the green meadows of midsummer. But while some put on the " appearance" of wealth, there are others who clothe themselves in the semblance of poverty, and bury their money in pots. There's the old citizen, who began life with a groat and good character, and bids fair to leave it with a plum and a moyoralty. He adheres to the modes of his youth; his coat is at least forty years old, thread-bare, and shining with grease; his hat and vest, and hose, and boots, are equally venerable, dust-covered, and worn with the trials of many seasons: pshaw! he cares not for dress, but eschews the vanities of the times, or if ever he does dress, the frilled shirt, white cravat, kerseymere waistcoat, nankeen small-clothes, thread stockings, and shoes with neat buckles of Dovey's diamonds, constitute his idea of a “holiday trim." But his word is his bond, his desk is a treasury; he has houses and lands, and bills and leases, and mortgages; and his riches are known, and the dashing tradesman bows low to him, and the peer smiles and shakes hands with the mean-looking money-getter, and flatters his wife and his daughter, and asks a cool hundred or two as a proof of regard. But the old gentleman delights not to be thought of as one waxen wealthy; he looks with a sour eye on the advances of nobility; and fears the appeals of pennyless relations, and the smirking and interesting curiosities of showy and impudent acquaintance, who fasten themselves to the nap of a warm" man's prosperity, as burs tenaciously adhere to broad cloth; and the sugar-dealer lays up his money, speculates shrewdly and safely, discounts cautiously, multiplies leathern receptacles of gold, tells his thousands in secret, denies himself the true comforts of life, and studies most carefully the ": appearance" of want, shaking his head and rubbing his ear, and sighing bitterly over the "stagnation of trade" and "the ruining state of the times" whenever some smooth-tongued visitor rallies him on the fame of his riches. 66 66 Then there is the wife of the shopkeeper-the butter-factor's "lady," or the "Missis" of the shoe-black. Both would cheerfully perish rather than not keep up appearances," and both fight hard for them, in their own way. The former employs a first-rate milliner, and disdains all but dress caps of blonde, and hats of real " Genoa;" her fingers are laden with rings, and her neck with a massive gold chain; the brooch in her "fiçhu" and the buckle in her ceinture are in extravagant style; and her gowns are the ton both in fancy and texture, and the price vies with that paid by a peeress. As for ribbands, gloves, fans, feathers, flowers, scents, and the thousand and one costly little et-ceteras of the toilette, Mrs. Waddleton is unsurpassed in taste, variety, and prodigality by any heiress in England, and she presides over her soirées, dispenses butter in her shop on a Saturday," or mingles with the fashionables in the Zoological Gardens, as brilliant a specimen of the would-befine lady as it is possible to pitch upon. The hams, tongues, cheeses, and butter-firkins, the sides of prime Wiltshire, the lard, eggs, and pickled pork with which her good man's warehouse is laden, enable her to do things genteelly," and "keep up appearances;" and in even course, these popular "comestibles" change shapes, and put on the guise of caps, bonnets, and silk gowns, cloaks, shawls, and " Chantillys," to the infinite chagrin of the worthy but peace-loving spouse whose till trembles beneath the incursions requisite to "keep up appearances," and keep down Mrs. Crump." And what is the consequence? poor Mr. Waddleton goes into the Bench, but then "it was for the sake of appearances." As for the "lady" of the shoe-black she is of different calibre, but her notions are quite as strong pinioned as the butter-man's bride: she values the look of the thing" as highly, and twists and turns, and pulls and pinches in every way to maintain it. Her lace is British, it is true-had it rested with her it would have been Brussels-and her trinkets are copper and glass, but they shine as if "ra-al" and cost fifty times less her gown is Persian, well gummed and well wadded-grosdes-Indes she sighed for in vain, so the mantua-maker put nine breadths in the skirt, and it sits like a hoop; her boa is "mock" (for the skin was a cat's) and her muff is the same; and her bonnet is velvet of cotton, but her ribband" is French," and the shape is the fashion, and, as for " appearances," why no one can cruelly say that she does not : consult them. Her milliner lives in "Seven-Dials," and her dressmaker honours an attic in "Monmouth-street," they are "tip-top" in their way, and enjoy the "unlimited confidence" of the "ladies" around them. And the shoe-black himself, oh! he is quite as grand as his "Missis"-sports a Petersham great coat, and a real Bandana; sticks in his mouth a cabbage-leaf "cuba," rolled round a straw; sets his head on one side, uses Macassar," perks up his chin, and pulls out his collar, wears a gilt chain round his neck, and drives his lady to Highgate on Sundays-and all for the sake of "appearances," or to do "wot's respectable." * * * But it is time to give over, though our sketches might be multiplied to the number of the kaleidoscope's changes; one leaf more, and we've done. Look at that damsel buried in thought young, pretty, and not without coquetry; she is a seamstress, no doubt-half-a-crown (toowearily earned) lies before her, and near it a comb that's a little the worse for the wear; she glances from one to the other, pausing between the wish to buy a showy "Geneva" and the appetite for a dinner for the rest of the week. Her shabby comb goes to her heart, but the lack of a meal must go to her stomach; what is to be done? which is to be chosen? the high-backed comb, all red and brown, and yellow-as like tortoise-shell—” as possible for two shillings and sixpence"-or a comfortable mouthful of meat for the ensuing three days? Stay! there's a knock at the door of her garret! an old woman, in a dirty white bonnet, pokes in-Mrs. Sham-finery has sent to invite Miss Stitch-apace to a "tea and turn-out" the next day :-'t is enough! the old comb is flung into the fire, the maiden mounts a shovel of horn on her head, becomes the belle of the revels, is led out by the journeyman tailor, looks as fine as soiled gauze and two-penny ribband can make her, and-starves on potatoes for the rest of the week-Quoi donc ? "she kept up appearances." Feb. 8th, 1835. E. S. C. TRANSLATION. SOPHOCLIS ANTIGONE, L. 777. VICTOR LOVE, before thy might Lightly thou treadest the wind-tost wave, Nought escapes thy venom'd dart, And they who feel the wound, in frenzied fondness rave. Thy spell the purest spirit turns, To deeds of guilt and shame; E'en now, when strife unhallowed burns, 'Tis thou that feed'st the flame. And the soft, bright glance of a virgin bride, To heaven's laws or sceptred clay, For Venus sportive comes with conquest at her side. |