Him born in the flesh, lest I should be forced to believe Him defiled by the flesh. Now will Thy spiritual ones mildly and lovingly smile upon me, if they shall read these my confessions. Yet such was I.

CHAPTER XI.

Helpidius well argued with the Manichæans, concerning the authenticity of the New Testament.

FUR

URTHERMORE, what the Manichæans had criticised in Thy Scriptures, I thought could not be defended; yet at times I strongly desired to confer, point by point, with some one, learned in their books, and to discover what he might think about them. For already the discourses of a certain Helpidius, who spoke openly, and disputed against those same Manichæans, had begun to influence me, even at Carthage, for he brought forth from the Scriptures certain things which could not easily be refuted, and their response seemed to me feeble. And even this answer they did not readily produce in public, but to us with some secrecy; to the effect, that the Scriptures of the New Testament had been falsified by I know not whom, who wished to engraff the law of the Jews upon the Christian faith: yet themselves produced not any uncorrupted copies. But those "masses chiefly held me down, captive, and almost suffocated, for I pondered only of corporeal things: and beneath their weight I gasped for the pure and clear air of Thy truth, and could not breathe.

CHAPTER XII.

He practises as a rhetorician at Rome, and experiences the fraudulence of the students.

I

BEGAN then diligently to practise that for which I came to Rome, namely, to teach the art of rhetoric; and first, to gather some to my house, to whom, and through whom, I was beginning to be known; when lo, I found out that things were done at Rome which I did not suffer in Africa. In truth it was made clear to me that those "sub

vertings" were not these practised by profligate youths; but say they, "suddenly to escape paying their master, many of the youths conspire together, and betake themselves to another, breaking their faith, and counting justice cheap compared with love of money." These also "my heart hated," though not "with a perfect hatred" (Ps. cxxxix. 22), for perchance I hated them more because I was likely to suffer by them, than because they used to act unlawfully to all and sundry. Of a truth such are base persons, and they commit fornication against Thee, by loving these fleeting mockeries of time, and filthy lucre, which fouls the hand that grasps it; hugging the fleeting world, and despising Thee, who abidest, and recallest, and forgivest the adulteress soul of man, when she returns to Thee. Even now I hate such depraved and crooked persons, though I love them to be corrected, so as to prefer to money the learning, which they acquire, and to learning, Thee, O God, the truth and plenteousness of sure good, and the most pure peace. But at that time it was rather that I did not choose to endure them in their badness, for my own sake, than that I wished them to be made good for Thine.

CHAPTER XIII.

He is sent to Milan to teach rhetoric, and becomes acquainted with Ambrose.

WHEN therefore they of Milan had sent to Rome to

the prefect of the city, to furnish them with a rhetoric reader for their city, and send him at the public expense, I made application (through those very persons, intoxicated with Manichæan vanities, to be freed wherefrom I was going thither, though neither they nor I knew it) that Symmachus, then prefect of the city, would send me, after examining me upon some set subject. To Milan I came, to Ambrose the Bishop, known to the whole world as among the best of men, Thy devout worshipper; whose eloquent discourse did then plentifully dispense unto Thy people the fatness of Thy "wheat," the gladness of Thy "oil," and the sober inebriation of Thy "wine" (Ps. iv. 7, civ. 15). To him was I unknowing led by Thee, that by him I might

knowingly be led to Thee.

That man of God received me as a father, and shewed me an Episcopal kindness on my coming. Thenceforth I began to love him, at first indeed not as a teacher of the truth, of which in Thy Church I wholly despaired, but as a person kind towards myself. And I listened diligently to him preaching to the people, not with that intent I ought, but, as it were, trying his eloquence, whether it answered the fame thereof, or flowed fuller or lower than was reported; and I hung on his words attentively; but with regard to the matter was but a careless and scornful bystander; and I was delighted with the sweetness of his discourse, which, as far as concerns manner, was more learned, but less sparkling and flattering than that of Faustus. Of the matter, however, there was no comparison, for the one was wandering amid Manichæan falsehoods, but the other most wholesomely taught salvation. But "salvation is far from sinners" (Ps. cxix. 155), such as I then stood before him; and yet was I drawing nearer by little and little, and unconsciously.

CHAPTER XIV.

After hearing the Bishop, he realises the power of the Catholic Faith, nevertheless he is sceptical after the manner of the later Academics.

FOR

OR though I took no pains to learn what he spake, but only to hear how he spake (for since I now despaired that any way lay open for man to approach Thee, that empty care, forsooth, alone remained), yet together with the words which I was enjoying, came also into my mind the things which I was rejecting. For I could not keep them apart. And while I opened my heart to admit "how eloquently he spake," there also entered "how truly he spake;" though but by degrees. For now for the first time these things had begun to appear to me capable of defence; and the Catholic faith, in defence of which I had thought nothing could be advanced against Manichæan objectors, I now began to think might be maintained without shamelessness; especially after I had heard one or two places of the Old Testament resolved, and often mystically, which when I understood literally, I was slain (cf. 2 Cor. iii. 6). Very many passages

then of those books having been explained spiritually, I began to condemn my own despair, for having believed that no answer at all could be given to such as hated and scoffed at the Law and the Prophets. I did not, however, yet perceive that the Catholic way was to be held, because it also could find learned defenders, who could abundantly, and by no means foolishly, answer objections; nor that what I held was therefore to be condemned, because both sides were equally defensible. For so the Catholic side seemed not yet vanquished, though not as yet manifestly victorious.

Hereupon I earnestly bent my mind, to see if in any way I could by any certain proof convict the Manichæans of falsehood. Could I once have conceived a spiritual substance, all their devices would be cast down immediately, and be thrown off from my mind; but I could not. Notwithstanding, concerning the frame of this world, and the whole of nature, which the senses of the flesh can reach to, as I more and more considered and compared things, I judged that most of the philosophers had held opinions far more probable. So then, after the manner of the Academics (as they are supposed) sceptical of every thing, and wavering between all, I settled so far, that the Manichæans must be abandoned; not considering that even in that time of doubt I ought to continue in that sect, to which I was already beginning to prefer some of the philosophers to which philosophers notwithstanding, because they were without the saving Name of Christ, I utterly refused to commit the cure of my sick soul. I determined therefore so long to be a Catechumen in the Catholic Church, to which I had been commended by my parents, till something certain should dawn upon me, whither I might direct my course.

HE IS NOW THIRTY YEARS OF AGE, AND UNDER THE TEACHING OF AMBROSE, PERCEIVED MORE AND MORE CLEARLY THE TRUTH OF CATHOLIC DOCTRINE, AND DETERMINED TO AMEND HIS LIFE.

CHAPTER I.

His mother followed him to Milan, and prophesied that she should not depart this life, until her son should have embraced the Catholic Faith.

"MY

For

Y hope from my youth," where wert Thou to me, and whither hadst Thou gone? Hadst not Thou created me, and separated me from the beasts of the field, and fowls of the air? Thou hadst made me wiser, yet did I walk in darkness, and in slippery places, and sought Thee abroad out of myself, and found not the God of my heart; and had come into the depths of the sea, and distrusted and despaired of ever finding truth. My mother had now come to me, strong in her piety, following me over sea and land, and amid all perils safe by Thy protection. throughout the dangers of the sea, she comforted the very mariners, by whom passengers unacquainted with the deep, are generally comforted when troubled, promising them a safe arrival, because Thou hadst by a vision promised this to her. She found me in grievous peril, through despair of ever finding truth. But when I had informed her, that I was now no longer a Manichæan, though not yet a Catholic Christian, she was not overjoyed, as though she had heard some unlooked for tidings; although she was now at rest concerning that part of my misery, for which she used to lament over me as one dead, though to be raised up again by Thee, and to " carry" me forth upon the "bier" of her thoughts, that Thou mightest say to the "son of the widow, Young man, I say unto thee, Arise; and he should revive, and begin to speak, and thou