relating some action of theirs, in itself not ill, expressed themselves with some barbarism or solecism, being censured, were abashed; but if they related their own immoralities in words well chosen and aptly put together, with fluency and eloquence, being praised, they gloried? These things Thou seest, Lord, and holdest Thy peace; "long-suffering, and plenteous in mercy and truth" (Ps. lxxxvi. 15). Wilt Thou for ever hold Thy peace? and even now thou dost pluck out of this most frightful gulf the soul that seeketh Thee, that thirsteth for Thy pleasures, "whose heart saith unto Thee, I have sought Thy face; Thy face, Lord, will I seek" (Ps. xxvii. 8). For in "darkened affections I was far off from Thee" (See Rom. i. 21). For it is not by our feet, or by local distances, that men leave Thee, or return unto Thee. Or did that Thy younger son look out for horses or chariots or ships, fly with visible wings, or with knees bent to walk, take his journey, that he might in a far country waste in riotous living all Thou gavest at his faring forth? a loving Father, when Thou gavest, and more loving unto him when he returned empty. So then lustful affections are in truth darkened; and they are the "country" far from Thy face.

Behold, O Lord God, yea, behold patiently as Thou art wont, how carefully the sons of men observe the conventional rules of letters and syllables received from former speakers, neglecting the eternal covenant of everlasting salvation received from Thee; insomuch, that any who should hold to, or teach, the obsolete opinions of pronunciation and contrary to grammatical rule, should fail to aspirate the "h" in "uman being," would give more offence to human beings, than if he, a human being, were to hold human beings in hatred, contrary to Thy precepts. As if, forsooth, one could receive more hurt from any human enemy, than the hatred's self with which he is incensed against him; or could wound more deeply him whom he persecutes, than he wounds his own soul by his enmity. Assuredly no science of letters is so implanted in us, as the law of conscience, "Do not to another as you would not be done by." How Thou dost hide Thyself, O God, Thou only great, "that dwellest on high" (Isaiah xxxiii. 5) in silence, and by an unwearied law dost for punishment send blindness upon lawless desires. In quest of the fame of eloquence, a man standing before a human

judge, surrounded by a human crowd, inveighing against his enemy with fiercest hatred, will take heed most watchfully, lest, by a slip of the tongue, he should say "amun' men ; "* but will take no heed, lest, through the fury of his spirit, he should take away his life from among men.

CHAPTER XIX.

He proves that infants are not without faults; and details the guile and faults of boyhood.

SUCH

UCH were the moral surroundings among which I lay, unhappy, in boyhood; such the school of my contest, in which I had feared more to commit a barbarism, than, having committed one, to envy those who had not. These things I speak and confess to Thee, my God; for which I had praise from them, in whose pleasure I then thought bonourable life to consist. For I saw not the abyss of vileness, wherein "I was cast away from Thine eyes" (Ps. xxxi. 22). For in them what could be more foul than I already was, since I was offensive even to such as myself? with innumerable lies deceiving my tutor, my masters, my parents, from love of play, eagerness to see vain shows and restlessness to imitate stage plays? Thefts also I committed from my parents' cellar and table, either because tempted by gluttony, or that I might have to give to boys, who sold me their play, which all the while they delighted in as much as I did. In this play, too, I often sought to win by cheating; won over myself meanwhile by coveting to excel. And what could I so ill put up with, or, when I found it out, did I denounce so fiercely, as that very thing which I was doing to others, and for which, found out, I was denounced, but yet chose rather to quarrel than to yield. And is this the innocence of boyhood? Not so, Lord, not so; I cry Thy mercy, O my God. For these very sins, as riper years succeed, these very sins are transferred from tutors and masters, from nuts and balls and sparrows, to

* There is a constant word play throughout this chapter, most diffi cult to reproduce. In this sentence the fault, which S. Augustine says a man would eagerly avoid, is that of saying "inter hominibus" instead of "inter homines. I have tried to save the sense.-EDITOR.

magistrates and kings, to gold and manors and slaves, just as severer punishments displace the cane. It was the stature then of childhood, which Thou our King didst commend as an emblem of humility, when Thou saidst, "Of such is the kingdom of heaven" (S. Matt. xix. 14).

YET,

CHAPTER XX.

He thanks God for benefits conferred on him in boyhood.

ET, Lord, to Thee, the Creator and Governor of the universe, most excellent and most good, thanks were due to Thee our God, even hadst Thou willed that boyhood only should be mine. For even then I was, I lived, and felt; and had my preservation; a trace of that most hidden Unity, from which I had my being; I guarded by the inward sense the entireness of my senses, and in these little things, and in my thoughts about little things, I began to take delight in truth. I hated to be deceived, had a vigorous memory, was well furnished with language, was comforted by friendship, avoided pain, shame, and ignorance. In so small a creature, what was not wonderful, not admirable? But all are gifts of my God: it was not I, who gave them to myself; and good these are, and these together are myself. Good, then, is He that made me, and He is my good; and before Him do I exult for every good which even as a boy I had. For herein was my sin, that not in Him, but in His creatures-myself and others--I sought for pleasures, grandeurs, realities, and so fell headlong into sorrows, confusions, errors. Thanks be to Thee, my joy and my glory and my confidence, my God, thanks be to Thee for Thy gifts; but do Thou preserve them to me. For so wilt Thou preserve me, and those things shall be increased and perfected, which Thou hast given me, and I myself shall be with Thee, since even that I am is of Thy gift to me.

HE PASSES ON TO HIS YOUTH; BEGINNING FROM HIS SIXTEENTH YEAR; WHEN HAVING LAID ASIDE HIS STUDIES, HE INDULGED HIS APPETITES, AND WITH HIS COMPANIONS COMMITTED THEFT

I

CHAPTER I.

DESIRE now to call to mind my past foulness, and the carnal corruptions of my soul; not because I love them, but that I may love Thee, O my God. For love of Thy love I do it; recalling my most wicked ways in the bitterness of my remembrance, that Thou mayest grow sweet unto me; (Thou sweetness never failing, Thou blessed and tranquil sweetness); and gathering me again out of that my dissipation, wherein I was torn piecemeal, while turned away from Thy Unity, I lost myself among many things. For I even burnt in my youth heretofore, to be satiated in things below; and I dared to grow wild with various and shadowy loves: "my beauty consumed away," and I was loathly in Thine eyes; pleasing myself, and desirous to please the eyes of men.

CHAPTER II.

In the deepest grief he recalls the sensual indulgences of his sixteenth

A

year.

ND what was it that I delighted in, but to love, and be beloved? but the measure of mind to mind, such as is the shining boundary of friendship, was not kept; but out of the muddy desire of the flesh, and the overflow of youth, mists were given off which clouded and overcast my heart, so that the clear brightness of love could not be distin

guished from the fog of lust. Both did confusedly boil in me, and hurried my youthful weakness over the precipice of desire, and sunk me in an abyss of shame. Thy wrath had lowered over me, and I knew it not. I was grown deaf by the clanking of the chain of my mortality, the punishment of the pride of my soul; and I strayed further from Thee, and Thou didst let me alone, and I was tossed about, and poured out, and dissipated, and I boiled over in my fornications, and Thou didst hold Thy peace, O Thou my tardy joy! Thou then didst hold Thy peace, and I wandered further and further from Thee, into more and more barren occasions of sorrows, with a proud dejectedness, and a restless weariness.

Oh! that some one had then restrained my distress, and turned to account the fleeting beauties of these newest powers, had put a bound to their pleasureableness, that so the tides of my youth might have cast themselves upon the shore of marriage if the duty of paternity had not sufficed to calm them, as Thy law prescribes, O Lord who this way formest the offspring of our mortal race, being able with a gentle hand to blunt the thorns, which were shut out from Thy paradise! For Thy omnipotence is not far from us, even though we are far from Thee. Else ought I more watchfully to have heeded the solemn voice from Thy clouds; "Nevertheless such shall have trouble in the flesh, but I spare you." And "it is good for a man not to touch a woman." And "he that is unmarried thinketh of the things of the Lord, how he may please the Lord; but he that is married careth for the things of this world, how he may please his wife" (1 Cor. vii.).

To these words I should have listened more attentively, and being continent "for the kingdom of heaven's sake" (S. Matt. xix. 12), I should the more happily have awaited Thy embraces; but I, poor wretch, as though I had been a boiling sea, followed the tide of my impulses, and forsook Thee, I exceeded all the bounds of Thy laws, yet I escaped not Thy scourges. For what mortal can? For Thou wert ever with me angry in mercy, and besprinkling with most bitter vexations all my unlawful pleasures: that I might seek pleasures free from offence. But where to find such, I could not discover, save in Thee, O Lord, who "shapest our troudle for a precept" (Ps. xciv. 20, Vulg.), and