my mother conceive me" (Ps. li. 7), where, I beseech Thee, O my God, where, Lord, or when, was I Thy servant guiltless? But, lo! that period I pass by; and what have I now to do with that, of which I can recal no vestiges?

CHAPTER VIII.

That a child learneth not to speak by rules, but from the gesture and words of his parents.

PASSIN

ASSING hence from infancy, I came to boyhood, or rather it came to me, displacing infancy. Nor did that depart, (for whither went it?)—and yet it was no more. For I was no longer a speechless infant, but a speaking boy. This I remember; and have since observed how I learned to speak. For my elders did not teach me words (as, soon after, other learning) by any set method; but I, longing by cries and broken accents and various motions of my limbs to express my thoughts, that so my will might be obeyed, and yet unable to express all I willed, or to whom I willed, did myself, by the understanding which Thou, my God. gavest me, go through the sounds in my memory. Whei they named anything, and to suit the word turned towards it, I saw and remembered that they called what they desired to point out by the name they uttered. And that they meant this thing and no other, was plain from the motion of their body, the natural language, as it were, of all people, expressed by the countenance, the glance of the eyes, the movement of the limbs, and the tone of the voice, indicating the affections of the mind, as it pursues, possesses, rejects, or shuns. And thus by frequently hearing words, as they occurred in various sentences, I collected gradually for what they were the symbols; and having broken in my mouth to these symbols, I thereby gave utterance to my will. Thus I exchanged with those about me these symbols of our wills in utterance, and so launched deeper into the stormy fellowship of human life, yet depending on parental authority and the beck of elders.

CHAPTER IX.

Concerning the hatred of lessons, the love of play, and the fear of being whipped, noticeable in boys; and concerning the inconsistencies of their elders and masters.

GOD

my God, what miseries and derision did I now experience, when obedience to my teachers was imposed upon me, as proper in a boy, in order that in this world I might get on and excel in oratorical arts, which should serve to the " praise of men," and to deceitful riches. Next I was put to school to learn lessons, in which I (poor wretch) knew not what use there was; and yet, if idle in learning, I was flogged. For this method was commended by our forefathers; and many, passing the same course before us, framed for us weary paths, through which we were compelled to pass; multiplying toil and grief upon the sons of Adam. But, Lord, we found men that called upon Thee, and we learnt from them to think of Thee as well as we could, as of some great One, who, though hidden from our senses, couldst hear and help us. For, as a boy, I began to pray to Thee, my aid and refuge; and broke the fetters of my tongue to call on Thee, and I used to ask Thee, though small, yet with no small earnestness, that I might not be flogged at school. And when "Thou didst not hear me, though not to my folly" (Ps. xxii. 2, Vulg.), my elders, yea, my very parents, who yet wished me no ill, laughed at my stripes, my then great and grievous ill.

Is there, Lord, any of courage so great, and cleaving to Thee with so intense affection (for a sort of doggedness will in a way do it); is there any one, I ask, who, from cleaving devoutly to Thee, is endued with so great a courage, that he can think as lightly of the racks and hooks and other tortures (to be delivered from which, throughout all lands, men call on Thee with extreme dread), laughing at those by whom they are feared most bitterly, as our parents used to laugh at the tortures which we suffered as boys from our masters? For we feared them no less; nor prayed we less to Thee to escape them. And yet we used to sin by not writing or reading or minding our lessons as was demanded of us. For we wanted not, O Lord, for memory or capacity, whereof Thy will gave enough for our age; but our

sole delight was play; and for this we were punished by those who yet themselves were doing the like. But the trifling occupations of older people are called "business;" but those of boys, being really the same, are punished by those elders; and none commiserates either boys or men, For will any of sound judgment approve of my being beaten as a boy, because, by playing at ball, I made less progress in studies, which I was to learn, only that, as a man, I might play more odiously? and what else did he, who flogged me? who, if worsted in some trifling discussion with his fellowtutor, was more embittered and jealous than I, when beaten at ball by a play-fellow?

CHAPTER X.

From love of sports and shows he neglects his studies, and the precepts of his parents.

AND yet, I sinned herein, O Lord God, the Creator

and Disposer of all things in nature, of sin the Disposer only, O Lord my God, I sinned in acting contrary to the commands of my parents and of those masters. For what they, with whatever motive, would have me learn, I might afterward have put to good use. For I disobeyed, not from the choice of better things, but from love of play, loving the pride of victory in my contests, and to have my ears tickled with lying fables, that they might itch the more; the same curiosity shone in my eyes more and more, at the shows and games of my elders. Yet those who give these shows are in such esteem, that almost all wish the same for their children, and yet willingly allow them to be whipped, if by those very games they are hindered from the studies, whereby they would have them attain to be the givers of them. Look with pity, Lord, on these things, and deliver us who call upon Thee now; deliver those too who call not on Thee yet, that they may call on Thee, and Thou mayest deliver them.

CHAPTER XI.

He is taken ill, and desires to be baptized; but his mother defers it upon his recovery, as his father is not yet a Christian.

As a boy, then, I had already heard of an eternal life,

promised us through the humility of the Lord our God stooping to our pride; and even from my mother's womb, whose hope was in Thee, I was signed with the sign of His cross and salted with His salt. Thou sawest, Lord, how while yet a boy, I was one day suddenly seized with oppression of the stomach, and like to die; Thou sawest, my God (for Thou wert my keeper), with what emotion and what faith I entreated, from the affection of my mother and Thy Church, the mother of us all, the baptism of Thy Christ my God and Lord. Whereupon the mother of my flesh, being much disturbed (since with a heart pure in Thy faith, she even more lovingly "travailed in birth" of my salvation), would with all speed have provided for my consecration and cleansing by the health-giving sacraments, confessing Thee, Lord Jesus, for the remission of sins, unless I had suddenly recovered. And so, as if I must needs be again polluted should I live, my cleansing was deferred, because after that washing the guilt, in gross sins, would be greater and more perilous. I then already believed and my mother and the whole household, except my father: yet did not he prevail over the power of my mother's piety in me, that I should believe in Christ the less, because he did not yet believe. For it was her stedfast aim, that Thou my God, rather than he, shouldest be my father; and in this Thou didst aid her to prevail over her husband, whom she the better obeyed; and even thus she obeyed Thee who hast so commanded.

I beseech Thee, my God, I would fain know, if so Thou willest, for what purpose was I hindered from being then baptised? was it for my good that the rein was laid loose, as it were, upon me, for me to sin? or was it not laid loose? If not, why does it still echo in our ears on all sides, “Let him alone, let him do as he will, for he is not yet baptized?" And yet as to bodily health, we do not say, Let him be worse wounded, for he is not yet healed." How much better then, had I been at once healed; and

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that then it

had been brought about by my friends' diligence and my own, that my soul's recovered health had been kept safe in Thy safe keeping, who hadst given it. Better truly. But how many and great waves of temptation seemed to hang over me after my boyhood! These my mother foresaw; and preferred to hazard on them the clay whence I might afterwards be moulded, than the very image, when made.

CHAPTER XII.

He was compelled to labour at his studies; and confesses in this that God is good.

IN

N boyhood itself, however (so much less dreaded for me than youth), I loved not lessons, and hated to be forced to them. Yet I was forced ; and this was well done towards me, but I did not well; for, unless compelled, I would not have learnt. But no one doth well what he doth unwillingly, even though what he doth, be well. Yet neither did they well who forced me, but what was well was done of Thee, my God. For they did not care to what use I might put what they compelled me to learn, except to satiate the insatiate desires of a want that hath abundance, and a glory that is full of shame. (See Rev. iii. 17, and Phil. iii. 19.) But Thou, "by whom the very hairs of our head are all numbered" (S. Matt. x. 30), didst use for my good the error of all who urged me to learn; and my own who would not learn, Thou didst use for my punishmenta punishment of which I was not undeserving, being so small a boy, yet so great a sinner. So by those who did not well, Thou didst well for me; and by my own sin Thou didst justly requite me. For Thou hast commanded, and so it is, that every inordinate affection should be its own punishment.

CHAPTER XIII.

He used to hate the Greek grammar and language; but delighted in his Latin, and the empty tales of the poets.

BUT

UT why did I so much hate the Greek, which as a little boy I used to study? not even yet is it quite clear to me. For the Latin I loved; not what my first