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LITTLE BILLEE.

(AIR.-Il y avait un petit navire.)
THERE were three sailors of Bristol city
Who took a boat and went to sea.
But first with beef and captain's biscuits
And pickled pork they loaded she.

There was gorging Jack and guzzling Jimmy,
And the youngest he was little Billee.
Now when they got as far as the Equator
They'd nothing left but one split pea.
Says gorging Jack to guzzling Jimmy,
"I am extremely hungaree.
To gorging Jack says guzzling Jimmy,
"We've nothing left, us must eat we.'
Says gorging Jack to guzzling Jimmy,

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"With one another we shouldn't agree! There's little Bill, he's young and tender, We're old and tough, so let's eat he." "Oh! Billy, we're going to kill and eat you, So undo the button of your chemie." When Bill received this information He used his pocket handkerchie.

"First let me say my catechism,

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Which my poor mammy taught to me. "Make haste, make haste," says guzzling Jimmy, While Jack pulled out his snickersnee.

So Billy went up the main-top gallant mast,
And down he fell on his bended knee.
He scarce had come to the twelfth commandment
When up he jumps. "There's land I see :

"Jerusalem and Madagascar,

And North and South Amerikee :
There's the British fleet a riding at anchor,
With Admiral Nelson, K. C. B."

So when they got aboard of the Admiral's ship
He hanged fat Jack and flogged Jimmee ;
But as for little Bill, he made him

The Captain of a Seventy-three.

It is stated that Thackeray first sang this amusing piece of nonsense extempore. When it first found its way into print is not known, but it occurs as early as 1863 in an article on Thackeray which appeared in the, now defunct, "North British Review." Prior to that date an incorrect version was printed in some American newspapers, and rumour at once fixed upon O. W. Holmes as the author. Perhaps Holmes have written a parody on it, but if so, it does not appear in his collected poems.

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THE MODERN MEN OF GOTHAM!
(Who went to sea ia a Bowl.)

THERE were three dwellers in Gotham city
Who took a bowl and put to sea;

But first with fallacies, and figments,
And cooked statistics they loaded she.

There was bumptuous 'Arry, and bouncing Jemmy,
And the youngest he was little Randee;
And there wasn't an able-bodied seaman,

Nor a skilful steersman among the three.

And the bowl was crank as the crankest cockboat,
It hadn't a keel, and its bottom was queer;
And it rolled and pitched like a tipsy porpoise,
And it couldn't sail, and it wouldn't steer.

They might have sailed in a genuine clipper,
'Arry and Jemmy, and little Randee,

But they'd had a row with the Free Trade skipper,
And were filled with the spirit of mutinee.

Their craft-" Fair Trade" was the name they christened it

They jointly launched on the tumbling ocean,

And they huddled into her with a lot of shouting,
But they soon felt queer, all along of her motion.

For she tumbled this way, and wobbled that way,
And she circumvoluted, like a tee-to-tum;

And the angry billows dashed damply over them,

Whilst they whistled for a fair wind, which wouldn't

come.

Thus bumptious 'Arry and bouncing Jemmy,
And the cocky urchin called little Randee!
And they had'nt got far from the Prime Meridian,
When they wished they were safe on a Seventy-three.

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Says bumptiovs 'Arry to bouncing Jemmy,
"I fear we are very much at sea.'
To bumptious 'Arry says bouncing Jemmy,
"How about Reciprocitee?'

Says bumptious 'Arry to bouncing Jemmy,
"I begin to fear that it won't help we

If this blessed bowl takes us bang to the bottom,
What do you think of it, little Randee?"

Says he, "Our Free Trade Catechism

We'd better repeat upon bended knee,

And be more particular about the Ninth Commandment, Nor again go floating in a bowl to sea."

So when they got back to the Free Trade skipper,
He chivied 'Arry and he chaffed Jemmee.

But as for little Randee, they made him—
Well, they who live longest will probably see!

Punch. November 15, 1884.

Henry Chaplin, M. P., James Lowther, M.P., and Lord Randolph Churchill, M. P., had recently been advocating several remedies for the agricultural depression. Fair Trade, Reciprocity, and a Protective Duty on imported corn, were proposed, but met with no general support either in Parliament, or out of it.

THE JOLLY COMMISSIONERS.

THERE were some Commissioners of Northern Lighthouses,

Who took a boat and went to sea,

Who took a boat to see what they could see.

There was Gorging Jack and Guzzling Jimmy,
With others, who ran up a little bill-ee

At the Waterloo, Grieve's Hostelrce.

They went to inspect Lighthouses and Lightships,
All round the Scottish coast, N.B.

A very pleasant trip it was, N. B.

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They'd Steinberg Cabinet of Sixty-Eight too,
And other wines which were all first-rate to
Says Guzzling Jim unto Jackee,
"Oh, what a lot of lighthouses I see !

"But they all appear mos' dre'fully shaky,
The Lighthouses appear mos' horribly shaky!
Its very fortch-nate that we came to see.
Thesh Lighthousesh are not steadee.

"I think the Lighthouses have been drinking,
They have been taking too much whiskee!

"Look at the lightsh how they're revolving, I don't think they're working properlee,

The Board of Trade must hear of this from We."

Before they finished their Waterloo Banquet,
They drank the health of her Majestee,
And they drank the Royal Jubilee.

And as for their little Bill (who paid it?)

It's being examined by a Com-mit-tee

When next they want Lighthouse Commissioners

To examine the Scottish Coast, N.B.

Of candidates what crowds there'll be !!

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WERTHER had a love for Charlotte Such as words could never utter ; Would you know how first he met her? She was cutting bread and butter.

Charlotte was a married lady,

And a moral man was Werther, And, for all the wealth of Indies, Would do nothing for to hurt her. So he sighed and pined and ogled, And his passion boiled and bubbled, Till he blew his silly brains out,

And no more was by it troubled. Charlotte, having seen his body Borne before her on a shutter, Like a well-conducted person,

Went on cutting bread and butter.

PEG OF LIMAVADDY.

LIMAVADDY inn's

But a humble baithouse, Where you may procure Whiskey and potatoes; Landlord at the door

Gives a smiling welcome To the shivering wights Who to his hotel come. Landlady within

Sits and knits a stocking, With a wary foot

Baby's cradle rocking.

To the chimney nook,
Having found admittance,
There I watch a pup,

Playing with two kittens ; (Playing round the fire,

Which of blazing turf is,

Roaring to the pot

Which bubbles with the murphies ;)

And the cradled babe

Fond the mother nursed it!

Singing it a song

As she twists the worsted!

Up and down the stair

Two more young ones patter
(Twins were never seen
Dirtier nor fatter);
Both have mottled legs,
Both have snubby noses,
Both have-here the host
Kindly interposes;
"Sure you must be froze

With the sleet and hail, sir,
So will you have some punch,

Or will you have some ale, sir?"

Presently a maid

Enters with the liquor,

(Half a pint of ale

Frothing in a beaker,)

Gods! I did'nt know

What my beating heart meant Hebe's self I thought

Enter'd the apartment.
As she came she smiled,
And the smile bewitching,
On my word and honour,
Lighted all the kitchen.

With a curtsey neat
Greeting the new comer,
Lovely, smiling Peg

Offers me the rummer ;
But my trembling hand
Up the beaker tilted
And the glass of ale

Every drop I spilt it; Spilt it every drop

(Dames, who read my volumes, Pardon such a word,)

On my what d'y call 'ems! Witnessing the sight

Of that dire disaster,

Out began to laugh

Misses, maid, and master; Such a merry peal,

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O'ER Atlantic wave

Comes a fearsome babel;

Every sort of stave,

Fact confused with fable. Henry some assail,

T'other side the ferry; But the western gale

Blows love of Ellen Terry!

Black is Henry's guilt,
Passing all contrition;
For he runs atilt

At a pet tradition.
When he seems to fail

Philistines make merry;

But the western gale

Blows love of Ellen Terry!

Shylock is too tame

For a taste robustious; Oracles acclaim

Henry is "industrious

Still the crafty Jew

Agitates the scholarsHebrew never drew Such a pile of dollars.

Melancholy Dane,

Why this grief abysmal ? Democrats would fain

See a Prince less dismal. How can Boston praise,

With this thought unnervingEdwin's crown of bays

On the brow of Irving?

For the Martyr King

Countless cheeks are dewy;
Critics sweetly sing
Anthems to the Louis.
Many love him best

When his vein for sport is-
Prize the polished jest

That his Doricourt is.

Mathias appals

With his conscience deathless

Gallery and stalls,

Sitting mute and breathless.

What though taunting scribe

Write himself a noodle?

Henry turns the gibe,

Whistling "Yankee Doodle!"

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That land of Revolution, that grows the tricolor ;

And to welcome his return

From pilgrimages forr'n,

We invited him to tay on the Shannon shore.

When full of tay and cake,
O'Brine began to spake ;

But juice a one could hear him for a sudden roar
Of a ragamuffin rout
Began to yell and shout,

And frighten the propriety of Shannon shore.

As Smith O'Brine harangued,
They bathered and they banged;

Tim Doolan's doors and windies down they tore :
They smashed the lovely windies
(Hung with muslin from the Indies),

Purshuing of their shindies upon Shannon shore.

With throwing of brickbats,
Drowned puppies and dead rats,

These ruffin democrats themselves did lower :
Tin kettles, rotten eggs,
Cabbage-stalks, and wooden legs,

They flung among the patriots of Shannon shore.

"Cut down the bloody horde!"
Says Meagher of the sword,

"This conduct would disgrace any blackamore ;" But the best use Tommy made

Of his famous battle blade

Was to cut his stick from the Shannon shore.

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Then the bugle sounded, and all of them bounded,
Right on to the top of their lovely machines;
Only some of them hopping too hard took to flopping,
And mixed themselves up by all manner of manes.
Then the first couple dodges right in by the Lodges,
At the Lion Gates, into Bushy Park.

Their club was the Pickwick (which wanst had a picnic
In Epping Forest and got back before dark.)

And next comes the Surrey up all in a hurry,
With nice Mister Budd, 'kase he thought they were late;
And Mister Oxx laughing so wide at the chaffing,
He had to stop smiling to get through the gate.
And then came the Temple, a pleasant exemple
Of teetotal members who never drink beer;
In front of them "" Maccy," who rode on his "jacky,"
And young Charley Liles bringing up the rear.

Then comes Lacy Hillier-'twould purty well kill ye,
To watch him a-spiling his beautiful face

In such a sad manner, just by the Diana,
As only a knocker could make such a grimace.
And H. Liddel Cortis, who'd only just bought his
New Surrey Machinist a couple of weeks;
And being a novice, 'twas hard luck of his,
To have a great wapse get inside of his breeks.

The next was the London, and may I be undone,
By faith, if they wasn't the best of them all.
With Handicap Rucker in front, on a duck o'
A beautiful Humber from 'Cultural Hall;
And then came the Saturn, a worthy pattern,
With lace on their jackets, and gould on the front;
And R. Vazie Simons, all shining like di'mon's—
The sun he complately put out of the hunt.

(Three verses omitted.)

Then the eggs and the cresses and the ladies' dresses, And all other things which are good for to eat,

With tea to delight 'em all ad infinitum,

And waiters to cut up the plates full of meat; There was punch ard toddy for everybody,

And anyone else who could only get in; But poor Mister Sopper eat more than was proper, Which made him so fat that he'll never get thin.

Then the crowd disperses-the sojers and nurses, And dames with their purses for to catch the train, Wid all of them boring, each other assuring

It's the grandest sight they'll never see again. And now that I've finished my tale and diminished The beautiful nagus ye mixed before, I'm dhry as a dragon, so hand me the flagonSure it can't hurt to drink one glass more. H. A. V.

From Icycles. The Christmas number of The Wheel World, 1880.

THE BATTLE OF O'BRINE.

GREAT jaynius of the nation,

Ould Ireland's veneration,

Come over, Mr. Gladstone, most honourable sorr; And sling your grand old axe on,

To slay the tricherous Saxon

That raised that dridful shindy on fair Ontario's shore.

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