WONDERFUL

WONDER

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WONDER S.

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Written in the Year 1720.

HERE is a certain Perfon lately arrived at this City, whom it is very proper the World fhould be informed of. His Character may, perhaps, be thought very inconfiftent, improbable, and unnatural: However, I intend to draw it with the utmoft Regard to Truth. This, I am the better qualified to do, because he is a Sort of Dependant upon our Family, and almoft of the fame Age; although I cannot directly fay, I have ever seen him. He is a Native of this Country, and hath lived long among us; but what appeareth wonderful, and hardly credible, was never feen before by any Mortal.

IT is true, indeed, he always chufes the lowe Place in Company, and contriveth it fo, to keep out of Sight. VOL. I.

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It is reported, however, that, in his younger Days, he was frequently expofed to View; but always against his Will, and was fure to fmart for it.

As to his Family; he came into the World a younger Brother, being of fix Children, the fourth in order of Birth; of which the eldeft is now Head of the House; the second and third carry Arms; but the two youngest are only Footmen: Some, indeed, add, that he hath likewife a Twin-brother, who lived overagainst him, and keepeth a Victualling-house: He has the Reputation to be a clefe, griping, Squeezing Fellow; and that when his Bags are full, he is often needy; yet, when the Fit taketh him, as faft as he gets, he lets it fly.

WHEN in Office, no one difchargeth himself, or doth bis Bufinefs better. He hath sometimes ftrained hard for an honeft Livelihood; and never got a Bit, until every body else had done.

ONE Practice appeareth very blameable in him; that every Morning he privately frequenteth unclean Houfes, where any modest Person would blush to be seen. And although this be generally known, yet the World, as cenforious as it is, hath been fo kind to overlook this Infirmity in him. To deal impartially, it must be granted, that he is too great a Lover of himself, and very often confulteth his own Ease, at the Expence of his best Friends. But this is one of his blind Sides; and the best of Men I fear are not without them.

He hath been conftituted by the higher Powers in the Station of Receiver-general; in which Employ ment, fome have cenfured him for playing fat and Loafe. He is likewife Overfeer of the Golden Mines, which he daily inspecteth, when his Health will per

mit him.

He was long bred under a * Master of Arts, who infilled good Principles in him, but these were foon corrupted. I know not whether it deferveth Mention, that he is so very capricious, as to take it for an equal Af

* Magifler Artis, Ingenioque Largitor Venter.

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front to talk either of killing, or kicking him; which hath occafioned a thousand Quarrels: However, no body ever hath been so great a Sufferer for Faults, which he neither was, nor poffibly could be guilty of.

In his Religion, he has thus much of the Quaker, that he ftandeth always covered, even in the Prefence of the King: In most other Points, a perfect Idolater, although he endeavoureth to conceal it: For he is known to offer daily Sacrifices to certain fubterraneous Nymphs, whom he worshippeth in an humble Pofture, prone on his Face, and fript fark-naked; and fo leaveth his Offerings behind him, which the Priests of those Goddeffes are careful enough to remove upon certain Seasons, with the utmost Privacy at Midnight; and from thence maintain themselves and Families. In all urgent Neceffities and Preffures he applieth himself to these Deities, and fometimes even in the Streets and Highways; from an Opinion that thofe Powers have an Influence in all Places; although their peculiar Refidence be in Caverns under Ground. Upon thefe Occafions, the fairet Ladies will not refufe to lend their Hands to affift him: for, although they are afhamed to have him feen in their Company, or even fo much as to hear him named; yet it is well known, that he is one of their conftant Followers.

IN Politicks, he always fubmitteth to what is uppermoft; but he perufeth Pamphlets on both Sides with great Impartiality, although feldom until every body elfe hath done with them.

His Learning is of a mixed Kind; and he may properly be called a Helluo librorum, or another Jacobus de Voragine; although his Studies are chiefly confined to School-men, Commentators, and German Divines; together with modern Poetry and Criticks: And he is an Atomick Philofopher, ftrongly maintaining a Void in Nature, which he feemeth to have fairly proved by many Experiments.

I fhall now proceed to defcribe fome peculiar Qualities, which in feveral Inftances feem to diftinguish this Perfon from the common Race of other Mortals.

His Grandfather was a Member of the Rump Parliament; as the Grandfon is of the prefent; where he often rifes, fometimes grumbles, but never speaks. However, he lets nothing pafs willingly, but what is well digefted. His Courage is indifputable, for he will. take the boldeft Man alive by the Nofe.

He is generally the firfl-a-bed in the Family, and the last up; which is to be lamented; becaufe when he happeneth to rife before the reft, it hath been thought to forebode fome good Fortune to his Superiors.

As Wifdom is acquired by Age, fo by every new Wrinkle in his Face, he is reported to gain fome new Knowledge.

In him we may obferve the true Effects and Confequences of Tyranny in a State: For, as he is a great Oppreffor of all below him, fo there is no body more oppreled by thofe above him: Yet in his Time, he hath been fo highly in Favour, that many illuftrious Perfons have been entirely indebted to him for their Preferments.

He hath discovered from his own Experience the true Point, wherein all human Actions, Projects and Designs do chiefly terminate; and how mean and fordid they are at the Bottom.

Ir behoves the Publick to keep him quiet; for his frequent Murmurs are a certain Sign of inteftine Tu

mults.

No Philofopher ever lamented more the Luxury, for which thefe Nations are fo juftly taxed; it hath been known to coft him Tears of Blood: For in his own Nature he is far from being profufe; although, indeed, he never stayeth a Night at a Gentleman's House, without leaving fomething behind him.

He receiveth, with great Submiffion, whatever his Patrons think fit to give him, and when they lay hea vy Burdens upon him, which is frequent enough, he gets rid of them as foon as he can; but not without fome Labour, and much Grumbling.

HE is a perpetual Hanger on; yet no body knoweth how to be without him. He patiently fuffereth himself

to.

to be kept under, but loveth to be well used; and, in that Cafe, will facrifice his Vitals to give you Eafe; and he hath hardly one Acquaintance, for whom he hath not been bound; yet, as far as we can find, was never known to lose any thing by it.

He is obferved to be very unquiet in the Company of a Frenchman in new Cloaths, or a young Coquet.

He is, in fhort, the Subject of much Mirth and Raillery, which he feemeth to take well enough; although it hath not been obferved, that ever any good Thing came from himself.

THERE is fo general an Opinion of his Juftice, that sometimes very hard Cafes are left to his Decifion: And while he fitteth upon them, he carrieth himself exactly even between both Sides, except where fome knotty Point arifeth; and then he is obferved to lean a little to the Right, or Left, as the Matter inclineth him; but his Reasons for it are fo manifest and con-vincing, that every Man approves them.