CHAPTER V. THE GOOD PARENT. HE beginneth his care for his children, not at their birth but [their] conception, giving them to God to be, if not (as Hannah did) his chaplains, (1 Sam. i. 11,) at least his servants. This care he continueth till the day of his death,—in their infancy, youth, and man's estate. In all which,— MAXIM I. He showeth them, in his own practice, what to follow and imitate; and, in others, what to shun and avoid.-For though "the words of the wise be as nails fastened by the masters of the assemblies," (Eccles. xii. 11,) yet, sure, their examples are the hammer to drive them in, to take the deeper hold. A father that whipped his son for swearing, and swore himself whilst he whipped him, did more harm by his example than good by his correction. II. He doth not welcome and embrace the first essays of sin in his children.-Weeds are counted herbs in the beginning of the spring nettles are put in pottage, and salads are made of eldern-buds. Thus fond fathers like the oaths and wanton talk of their little children; and please themselves to hear them displease God. But our wise parent both instructs his children in piety, and with correction blasts the first buds of profaneness in them. He that will not use the rod on his child, his child | shall be used as a rod on him. III. He observeth gavel-kind * in dividing his affections, though not his estate. He loves them (though leaves them not) all alike. Indeed, his main land he settles on the eldest: for, where man takes away the birth-right, God commonly takes away the blessing, from a family. But, as for his love, therein, like a well-drawn picture, he eyes all his children alike, if there be a parity of deserts; not parching one to drown another. Did not that mother show little wit in her great partiality, who, when • "Gives each child a part."-VERSTEGAN, "Of decayed Intelligence," cap. 3. her neglected son complained that his brother (her darling) had hit and hurt him with a stone, whipped him, only for standing in the way where the stone went which his brother cast? This partiality is tyranny, when parents despise those that are deformed,-enough to break them whom God had bowed before. IV. He allows his children maintenance according to their quality. -Otherwise it will make them base, acquaint them with bad company and sharking tricks; and it makes them surfeit the sooner when they come to their estates. It is observed of camels, that, having travelled long without water through sandy deserts,* implentur, cùm bibendi est occasio, et in præteritum et in futurum : † and so these thirsty heirs soak it when they come to their means, who, whilst their fathers were living, might not touch the top of their money, and think they shall never feel the bottom of it when they are dead. V. In choosing a profession he is directed by his child's disposition. -Whose inclination is the strongest indenture to bind him to a trade. But when they set Abel to till the ground, and send Cain to keep sheep; Jacob to hunt, and Esau to live in tents; drive some to school, and others from it; they commit a rape on nature, and it will thrive accordingly. Yet he humours not his child when he makes an unworthy choice beneath himself, or rather for ease than use, pleasure than profit. VI. If his son prove wild, he doth not cast him off so far, but he marks the place where he lights.-With the mother of Moses, he doth not suffer his son so to sink or swim, but he leaves one to stand afar off to watch what will become of him. (Exod. ii. 4.) He is careful, whilst he quencheth his luxury, not withal to put out his life; the rather, because their souls who have broken and run out in their youth, have proved the more healthful for it afterwards. VII. He moves him to marriage rather by argument drawn from his good, than his own authority.—It is a style too princely for a "When they find a well of water, they not only slake their long-sustained thirst, but drink still more largely in anticipation of future abstinence."-EDIT. + PLINII Nat. Hist., lib. viii. c. 18. parent herein to "will and command;" but, sure, he may will and desire. Affections, like the conscience, are rather to be led than drawn; and, it is to be feared, they that marry where they do not love, will love where they do not marry. VIII. He doth not give away his loaf to his children, and then come to them for a piece of bread.-He holds the reins (though loosely) in his own hands; and keeps, to reward duty, and punish undutifulness. Yet, on good occasion, for his children's advancement, he will depart from part of his means. Base is their nature who will not have their branches lopped, till their body be felled; and will let go none of their goods, as if it presaged their speedy death: whereas it doth not follow, that he that puts off his cloak must presently go to bed. IX. On his death-bed he bequeaths his blessing to all his children. -Nor rejoiceth he so much to leave them great portions, as honestly obtained. Only money well and lawfully gotten is good and lawful money. And if he leaves his children young, he principally nominates God to be their guardian; and, next Him, is careful to appoint provident overseers. CHAPTER VI. THE GOOD CHILD. MAXIM I. HE reverenceth the person of his parent, though old, poor, and froward.-As his parent bare with him when a child, he bears with his parent if twice a child; nor doth his dignity above him cancel his duty unto him. When Sir Thomas More was Lord Chancellor of England, and Sir John his father one of the Judges of the King's Bench, he would in Westminster-hall beg his blessing of him on his knees.* II. He observes his lawful commands, and practiseth his precepts, with all obedience.-I cannot, therefore, excuse St. Barbara from undutifulness, and occasioning her own death. The matter this: Her father, being a Pagan, commanded his workmen, building his house, to make two windows in a room. Barbara, knowing her father's pleasure, in his absence enjoined them to make three, that, seeing them, she might the better contemplate the mystery of the Holy Trinity.+ Methinks, two windows might as well have raised her meditations, and the light arising from both would as properly have minded her of the Holy Spirit proceeding from the Father and the Son. Her father, enraged, at his return, thus came to the knowledge of her religion, and accused her to the magistrate; which cost her her life. III. Having practised them himself, he entails his parents' precepts on his posterity.—Therefore such instructions are by Solomon (Prov. i. 9) compared to frontlets and chains, (not to a suit of clothes, which serves but one, and quickly wears out, or out of fashion,) which have in them a real lasting worth, and are bequeathed as legacies to another age. The same counsels, observed, are chains to grace; which, neglected, prove halters to strangle undutiful children. STAPLETON in Vita Thoma Mori, cap. 1. in the "Life of Barbara," on the 4th of December. + ALPHONS. VILLEG. IV. He is patient under correction, and thankful after it.—When Mr. West, formerly Tutor (such I count in loco parentis) to Dr. Whitaker, was by him, then Regius Professor, created Doctor, Whitaker solemnly gave him thanks before the University for giving him correction when his young scholar. V. In marriage he first and last consults with his father.-When propounded, when concluded. He best bowls at the mark of his own contentment who, besides the aim of his own eye, is directed by his father, who is to give him the ground. VI. He is a stork to his parent, and feeds him in his old age.—Not only if his father hath been a pelican, but though he hath been an ostrich unto him, and neglected him in his youth. He confines him not a long way off to a short pension, forfeited if he comes in his presence; but shows piety at home, and learns (as St. Paul saith, 1 Tim. v. 4) to requite his parent. And yet the debt (I mean only the principal, not counting the interest) cannot fully be paid; and therefore he compounds with his father to accept in good worth the utmost of his endeavour. VII. Such a child God commonly rewards with long life in this world. If he chance to die young, yet he lives long that lives well; and time mis-spent is not lived but lost. Besides, God is better than his promise, if he takes from him a long lease, and gives him a freehold of better value. As for disobedient children, VIII. If preserved from the gallows, they are reserved for the rack, to be tortured by their own posterity.-One complained, that never father had so undutiful a child as he had. "Yes," said his son, with less grace than truth, "my grandfather had." • The word employed by Fuller is "estridge ;" and the contrast which he institutes, in this passage, cannot be applied to any of the habits of the goshawk. Between it and the pelican no such difference exists as that which is here noted betwixt the pelican and the estridge, and which properly fixes the bird thus described to be the ostrich, whose carelessness respecting the hatching of its eggs, and the rearing of its young, has been the subject of both sacred and classical tradition and allusion, from time immemorial.-EDIT. |