CHAPTER XX.

OF THE ACKNOWLEDGING OF OUR OWN INFIRMITIES; AND OF THE MISERIES OF THIS LIFE.

WILL acknowledge my sin, and I will confess mine infirmities unto Thee, O Lord.

Oftentimes a small matter it is that makes me sad and dejected.

I resolve to act with courage, but when

even small temptations come, I am at once in a great strait. It is sometimes a very trifle, whence a great temptation arises.

And whilst I think myself safe, and when I least expect it, I sometimes find myself almost overcome by a slight breath.

2. Behold, therefore, O Lord, my low estate, and my frailty which is in every way known unto Thee.

Have mercy on me, and deliver me out of the mire, that I may not stick fast therein, and may not remain utterly cast down for ever.

This is that which strikes me down oftentimes, and confounds me in Thy sight, that I am so subject to fall, and so weak in resisting my passions.

And although I do not altogether consent, yet their continued assaults are grievous unto me; and it is very exceedingly irksome to live thus daily in conflict.

Hereby doth my weakness become known unto me, in that hateful fancies do always much more easily enter than depart.

3. Most mighty God of Israel, Thou zealous lover of faithful souls! O that Thou wouldst consider the labour and

sorrow of Thy servant, and assist him in all things whatsoever he undertaketh.

Strengthen me with heavenly courage, lest the old man, the miserable flesh, not as yet fully subject to the spirit, prevail and get the upper hand. Against this it will be needful for me to fight, as long as I breathe in this miserable life.

Alas, what a life is this, where tribulation and miseries are never wanting; where all is full of snares and enemies!

For when one tribulation or temptation goeth, another cometh; yea and while the first conflict is yet lasting, many others come unexpected.

4. And how can a life be loved that hath so many embitterments, and is subject to so many calamities and miseries?

How can it be called a life, that begetteth so many deaths and plagues?

And yet it is the object of men's love, and many delight therein.

The world is oftentimes blamed for being deceitful and vain, and yet men do not easily part with it, because the desires of the flesh bear so great a sway.

But some things draw us to love the world, others to contemn it.

The lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life draws us to the love of the world; but the pains and miseries that justly follow them cause a hatred and loathing of the world.

5. But, alas, the fondness for vicious pleasures overcometh the mind of him who is given to the world; and he esteemeth it a delight to be ever under thorns, because he hath neither seen nor tasted the sweetness of God, and the inward pleasantness of virtue.

But they who perfectly contemn the world, and study to live to God under holy discipline, these are not ignorant of the divine sweetness promised to those who truly forsake the world. They also very clearly see how grievously the world erreth, and how it is in many ways deceived.

CHAPTER XXI.

THAT WE ARE TO REST IN GOD ABOVE ALL
THINGS.

BOVE all things, and in all things, O my soul, thou shalt rest in the Lord alway, for He Himself is the everlasting rest of the saints.

Grant me, O most sweet and loving JESUS, to rest in Thee, above all creatures, above

all health and beauty, above all glory and honour, above all power and dignity, above all knowledge and subtility, above all riches and arts, above all joy and gladness, above all fame and praise, above all sweetness and comfort, above all hope and promise, above all desert and desire:

Above all gifts and benefits that Thou canst give and impart unto us, above all mirth and joyousness that the mind of man can feel :

Finally, above angels and archangels, and above all the heavenly host, above all things visible and invisible, and above all that Thou art not, O my God.

2. Because Thou, O Lord, my God, art supremely good above all; Thou alone art most high, Thou alone most powerful, Thou alone most full and sufficient, Thou alone most sweet and most full of consolation.

I

Thou alone art most lovely and loving, Thou alone most noble and glorious above all things, in whom all good things together both perfectly are, and ever have been, and shall be.

And therefore whatsoever thou bestowest on me besides Thyself, or revealest unto me, is but mean and unsatisfying, whilst Thou art not seen and fully obtained.

Surely my heart cannot truly rest, nor be entirely contented, unless it rest in Thee, and rise above all gifts and all creatures whatsoever.

3. O Thou most beloved spouse of my soul, JESU Christ, Thou most pure Lover, Thou Lord of all creation; O that I had the wings of true liberty, that I might flee away and rest in Thee!

O when shall it be fully granted me, to consider in quietness of mind, and to see how sweet Thou art, my Lord God!

When shall I fully gather up myself into Thee, that by reason of my love to Thee I may not feel myself, but Thee alone, above all sense and measure, in a manner not known unto every one!

But now I oftentimes sigh, and bear my unhappiness with grief:

Because many evils occur in this vale of miseries, which do often trouble, grieve, and over-cloud me: often hinder and distract me, allure and entangle me, so that I can have no free access unto Thee, nor enjoy the sweet welcomings, which are ever ready for the blessed spirits.

O let my sighs move Thee, and my manifold desolation here on earth.

4. O JESU, Thou brightness of eternal glory, Thou comfort of the pilgrim soul, with Thee is my tongue without voice, and my very silence speaketh unto Thee.

How long doth my Lord delay to come?

Let Him come unto me His poor despised servant, and let Him make me glad. Let Him put forth His hand, and deliver His poor servant from anguish.

Come, O come; for without Thee I shall have no joyful day or hour; Thou art my joy, for without Thee my table is empty.

A wretched creature am I, and as it were imprisoned and loaded with fetters, until Thou refresh me with the light of Thy presence, and grant me liberty, and shew a friendly countenance towards me.

5. Let others seek what they please instead of Thee; but for me, nothing else doth nor shall delight me, but Thou only, my God, my hope, my everlasting salvation.

I will not hold my peace, nor cease to pray, until Thy grace return again, and Thou speak inwardly unto me.

Behold, here I am. Behold, I come unto thee, because thou hast called upon Me. Thy tears and the desire of thy soul, thy humiliation and thy contrition of heart, have inclined and brought Me unto thee.

And I said, LORD, I have called Thee, and have desired to enjoy Thee, being ready to refuse all things for Thy sake.

For Thou first hast stirred me up that I might seek Thee. Blessed be Thou therefore, O Lord, that hast showed this goodness to Thy servant, according to the multitude of Thy mercies.

6. What hath Thy servant more to say before Thee? he can only greatly humble himself in Thy sight, ever mindful of his own iniquity and vileness.

For there is none like unto Thee in all that is wonderful in heaven and earth.