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"No Irish need apply!” bedad ! I feel mad, riled,

and bitther at your Presumption ; for we bate you both at larning and at

literature; The world's great mighty dramatist, though now long

dead and gone is he, You stole his name and alter'd it-Will Shakspeare

was Phil Shaughnessey ! No Irish need apply !” bedad ! Isn't that a nate

and purty Insinuation, false and mean, and paltry, base, and

dirtyAll hollow, soft, and rotten, as the ground your bounce

is built on ? Your larning would be small without our Voltaire,

Burns, and Milton. No Irish need apply !” bedad ! the thing you're

mighty grand on. Give honour where is honour due--you've not a leg to

stand on ; Pat makes your railroads, workhouses, and the credit

ought to win it; And show me where a prison is that Paddy isn't in it. No Irish need apply !" bedad ! but Pat has been a

wonder. What deeds he's done upon the sea, above the land.

and under! Bould Captain Paddy Cook the world went round

sure with his compass. Then wasn't Amerikay found out by an Irishman

Columbus ? "No Irish need apply !" bedad ! you think yourselves

seraphic, But mark! the Irish must apply in all that's great and

graphic. The truth is disagreeable, and that's just why I spoke it, So put that in your pipes, my lads, and take long

whiffs and smoke it.

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JACOB BEULER.] [Tune" The New-Rigged Ship.” SIR JOHN had been leading a life of high feeding, And by his excesses had brought on distresses ; And so much involved that he therefore resolv'd

On reform in the home department.
His mind made up and to it he goes,
But till he tries there's no man knows
What int'rests there are to oppose

Reform in the home department.
A lower establishment—thorough retrenchment,
Dismission-economy-dock every salary ;
Make little do for us-nothing superfluous,

All in the home department.
Sir John's resolution put all in confusion.
His lady respected was speaker elected,
And said, “You, my lord, are now quite out of order,

Reforming the home department.
Your proposition I applaud,
But it must not be done by fraud-
You ought, sir, first begin abroad,
And not in the home department.”

A lower establishment, &c.
Sir John then explain'd, and permission he gain'd
To continue his motion and argue each notion ;
So told them his will and each clause of a bill

For reforming the home department.
They were to have less dresses to wear,
And house expenditure every year
To be reduced—“Oh, hear, hear, hear !"
Resounded the home department.

A lower establishment, &c.
When the noble reformer, midst plaudit and murmur,
Had ended his motion, oh, then came an ocean
Of words full of war, some against and some for

A reform in the home department,

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Some said, “The question's out of season,
And some, “'Twas perfectly in reason."
While others thought it worse than treason,
Reforming the home department.

A lower establishment, &c.

With a shrug and grimace, and alarm’d for his place,
Black Johnny, the footman, below, smoking hot, ran,
Where massa's endeavour put all in a ferer,

Who were in the kitchen department.
“Oh, cookey, cookey! what d'ye tink?
To night I shall not sleep a wink,
For massa now is on the brink
Of reforming the home apartment."

A lower establishment, &c.
“What will," said the cook, after giving a looks
As awful as thunder, “he do next, I wonder ?
He ought to be basted—there is nothing wasted,

I'm sure, in the home department.”
“I tell oo, cookey, what lie say-
We must all live upon half-pay.”
Why then bis dinner he'll have each day
Half-cook'd in the home department."

A lower establishment, &c.
Then Thomas, the coachman, with look of reproach on
His three-corner'd castor, said, “I think that master
Shows bad horsemanship, and he should have the whip

From the whole of the home department.
Why, what the deuce is he driving at ?
I will not ride with him, that's flat,
For I think it is a 'shocking bad hat,'
Reforming the home department."

A lower establishment, &c.
My lady, the speaker, the question the quickcr
To bring to decision, now pressed a division;
But found in the sequel the votes were all equal

Both sides of the home department.

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The speaker's casting vote must go
To the opposition side, and so
My lady said, “There shall be no

Reform in the home department.
No lower establishment, neither retrenchment,
Dismission-economy-docking of salary ;
Make little do for us—it was quite superfluous

Reforming the home department."


[Tune-" Betsey Baker." I sing of a maid, wlio was, 'tis said,

As charming as charms could make her ;
Much did she shine in the upholstery line,

And her name was Margery Baker.
She had always the art of dressing so smart,

For a duchess at least you'd take her ;
And somehow or other she stole the heart

Of a gay young cabinet-maker.
Her auburn hair, when it flowed unfixed,

Like rich festoons each curl was,
Her cheeks were rosewood and ivory mixed,

Each tooth like mother-o’-pearl was;
Her polished arms and her well-turned neck

Might have moved the heart of a Quaker ; 6. What a piece of bed-furniture she would make !"

Says the gay young cabinet-maker. The cabinet-maker she found was a beau

Who in wedlock soon would prove a joiner, But she'd got an old sweetheart called “Dismal Joe,”

Who vowed he'd never resign her ;
Now, you should know, this Dismal Joe

Was a grave-looking undertaker ;
It was quite in his line to part lovers—and so

He tried hard with the calinet-maker.

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Tho' this undertaker oft-times was mute,

Not mute was he to Miss Baker ;
Why,” says he, “I've more love, and more money

to boot,
Than your favourite cabinet-inaker.
When folks go to pot I'm called in with the bier,

And you know that an undertaker
Has got most to do in the dead time of year,

When you'd starve with your cabinet-maker.”
Thus Joe went on with his tempting tales :

“Why,” says he, “if my business increases, The hatbands and gloves what I gets as vails

Would supply you with gowns and pelisses." But all his vails availed him not,

To love he couldn't make her;
'Cause why ? she'd a much greater fancy got

For the gay young cabinet- maker.
Now, the cabinet-maker oft called on the maid

Where she lodged, at the house of a baker,
And where, one night, he was watch'd and waylaid

By his rival--the poor undertaker. Poor Joe, like a mute, kept the door with a frown,

When it chanced that a journeyman baker Came out in the dark, and Joe knocked him down,

For he thought 'twas the cabinet-maker. 'Twas vain that poor Joe now acknowledged his

fault, For a “Peeler" was called by a neighbour, He was had up next day at Bow-street for assault

And sent up for a month, with hard labour.
Ah ! now,

says Joe, “I'm certain to lose
My beautiful Margery Baker :
She's got me in 'quod,' and now in a noose

She'll be getting the cabinet-maker." Poor Joe was right-for they soon did meet

To get wed—there was nothing to stay 'em, For they both were employed in Oxford-street,

At the famed house of Jackson and Graham ;

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