SMITH, MRS, 308. "Society of the Silent Ones," the, in South Africa, the climate of, 54 et seq. St Francis of Assisi, the Psalm of St Helena, a visit to, 339 et seq. THE Stone of Destiny, history of the, 737. Tasso, the poetry of, 470 et seq. Thackeray, William Makepeace, cen- Tone, Theobald Wolfe, character of, "The United Irishmen organised - Turkey, the mission to, of Viscount Turkish Revolution, reforms effected by TURKS, A WORD FOR THE, 820. TWYMANS, THE, Chaps. VIII.-XIV., 66- 'Unrest in India' by Valentine Chirol, Vagabond, the British, in South Veto Bill, the, probable amendments Victoria Falls, Christmas at the, 181 et Printed by William Blackwood and Sons. BLACKWOOD'S MAGAZINE. No. MCXLIX. JULY 1911. VOL. CXC. A SAFETY MATCH.1 BY IAN HAY, AUTHOR OF 'THE RIGHT STUFF,' 'A MAN'S MAN.' you CHAPTER ONE.-HAPPY FAMILIES. "NICKY, please, have you got Mr Pots the Painter?" "No, Stiffy, but I'll trouble for Mrs Bones the Butcher's Wife. Thank you. And Daph, have you got Master Bones the Butcher's Son? Thank you. Family! One to me!" And Nicky, triumphantly plucking from her hand four pink-backed cards, slaps them down upon the table face upwards. They are apparently family portraits. The first that of Bones père -depicts a smug gentleman, with appropriate muttonchop whiskers, mutilating a fearsome joint upon a block; the second, Mrs Bones, ample matron in apple-green, proffering to an unseen tomer a haunch of what looks an cus like anæmic cab-horse; the third, Miss Bones, engaged in extracting nourishment from a colossal bone shaped like a dumb-bell; the fourth, Master Bones (bearing a strong family likeness to his papa), creeping unwillingly upon an errand, clad in canary trousers and a blue jacket, with a sirloin of beef nestling against his right ear. It was Saturday night at the Rectory, and the Vereker family-"those absurdly handsome Rectory children," as old Lady Curlew, of Hainings, invariably called them-sat round the dining-room table playing "Happy Families.' The rules which govern this absorbing pastime are simple. The families are indeed happy. They contain no widows and 1 Copyright in the United States by Ian Hay. VOL. CXC.-NO. MCXLIX. A of re pleases, he organises and no orphans, and each pair of transform into anything he parents possesses one son and one daughter-perhaps the perfect number, for the sides of the house are equally balanced both for purposes of companionship and in the event of sex warfare. As for procedure, cards are dealt round, and each player endeavours, by requests based upon observation and deduction, to reunite within his own hand the members of an entire family, an enterprise which, while it fosters in those who undertake it a reverence for the unities of home life, offers a more material and immediate reward in the shape of one point for each family collected. We will look over the shoulders of the players as they sit, and a brief consideration of each hand and of the tactics of its owner will possibly give us the key to the respective dispositions of the Vereker family, as well as a useful lesson in the art of acquiring that priceless possession, a Happy Family. Before starting on our tour of the table we may note that one member of the company is otherwise engaged. This is Master Anthony Cuthbert Vereker, aged ten years— years usually known as Tony. He is the youngest member of the family, and is one of those fortunate people who are never bored, and who rarely require either company or assistance in their amusements. He lives in a world of his own, peopled by folk of his own creation; and with the help of this unseen host, which he can multiply to an indefinite extent and 8 Presently the lid is turned back, and the key-board three - manual affair, ingeniously composed of tiers of wooden bricks-is exposed to view. The organist arranges unseen music and pulls out invisible stops. Then, having risen to set up on the mantelpiece hard by a square of cardboard bearing the figure 1, he resumes his seat, and embarks upon a rendering of Handel's "Largo in G," which its composer, to be just, would have experienced no difficulty in recognising, though he might have expressed some surprise that so large an instrument as the Albert Hall organ should produce so small a volume of sound. But then Handel never played his own Largo in a room full of elder brothers and sisters, immersed in the acquisition of Happy Families and impatient of distracting noises. The Largo completed, its executant rises to his feet and bows again and again in the direction of the sideboard; and then (the applause having apparently subsided) solemnly turns round the cardboard square on the mantelpiece so as to display the figure 2, and sets to work upon "The Lost Chord." Meanwhile the Happy Families are being rapidly united. The houses of Pots the Painter, Bun the Baker, and Dose the Dootor lie neatly piled at Nicky's right hand; and that Machiavellian damosel is now engaged in a business-like quest for the only outstanding member of the family of Grits the Grocer. Nicky-or Veronica Elizabeth Vereker – was in many respects the most remarkable of the Rectory children. She was thirteen years old, was the only dark-haired member of the family, and (as she was fond of explaining) was possessed of a devil. This remarkable attribute was sometimes ad duced as a distinction and sometimes as an excuse, the former when impressionable and nervous children came to tea, the latter when all other palliatives of crime had failed. Certainly she could lay claim to the brooding spirit, the entire absence of fear, the unlimited low cunning, and the love of sin for its own sake which go to make the mastercriminal. At present she was enjoying herself in characteristic fashion, Her brother Stephen-known as "Stiffy -Nicky's senior by one year, a transparently honest but somewhat limited youth, had for the greater part of the game been applying a slowmoving intellect to the acquisition of one complete Family. Higher he did not look. Nicky's habit was to allow Stiffy, with infinite labour, to collect the majority of the members of a Family in which she herself was interested, and then, at the eleventh hour, to swoop down and strip her unconscious collaborator of his hardly-earned collection. Stiffy, sighing patiently, had just surrendered Mr, Mrs, and Miss Block (Hairdressers and Dealers in Toilet Requisites) to the depredatory hands of Nicky, and was debating in his mind whether he should endeavour when his next chance came to complete the genealogical tree of Mr Soot the Sweep or make a corner in in the the clan of Bung the Brewer. Possessing two Bungs to one Soot, he decided on the latter alternative. Presently he was asked by his elder sister, Cilly (Monica Cecilia), for a card which he did not possess, and this gave him the desired opening. "I say, Nicky," he began deferentially, "have you got Master Bung?" Nicky surveyed her hand for a moment, and then raised a pair of liquid-blue eyes and smiled seraphically. "No, Stiffy, dear," she replied; "but I'll have Mr Bung and Mrs Bung. Stiffy, resigned a8 ever, handed over the cards. Suddenly Sebastian Aloysius Vereker, the eldest son of the family (usually addressed as Ally"), put down his cards and remarked, slowly and without heat "Cheating again! My word, Nicky, you are the absolute edge!" "Who is cheating?" inquired Veronica in a shocked voice. "You. Either you must have Master Bung, or else you are asking for Stiffy's cards without having any Bungs at all; because I've got Miss myself." He laid the corybantic young lady in question upon the table to substantiate his statement. Nicky remained entirely unruffled. "Oh-Bung!" she exclaimed. "Sorry! I thought you said 'Bun, Stiffy. You should spit out your G's a bit more, my lad. Bung-gah-like that! I really must speak to dad about your articulation.' In polite card-playing circles a lady's word is usually accepted as sufficient; but the ordinary courtesies of everyday life do not prevail in a family of six. "Rot!" said Ally. "Cheat!" said Cilly. "Never mind!" said loyal and peaceable Stiffy. "I don't care, really. Let's go on." "It's not fair," oried Cilly. "Poor Stiffy hasn't got a single Family yet. Give it to him, Nicky, you little beast! Daph, make her!" Daphne was the eldest of the flock, and for want of a mother dispensed justice and equity to the rest of the family from the heights of nineteen. For the moment she was assisting the organist, who had inadvertently capsized a portion of his keyboard. Now she returned to the table. "What is it, rabble?" she inquired maternally. A full-throated chorus informed her, and the arbitress detached the threads of the dispute with effortless dexterity. "You said you thought he was asking for Miss Bun and not Bung?" she remarked to the accused. "Yes-that was all," began Nicky. "You see," she continued pathetically, "they're all so beastly unjust to me, and Daphne picked up her small sister's pile of completed Families and turned them over. "You couldn't have thought Stiffy wanted Buns," she said in measured tones, "because they're all here. You collected them yourself. You've cheated again. Upstairs, and no jam till Wednesday!" It is a tribute to Miss Vereker's disciplinary methods that the turbulent Nicky rose at once to her feet and, with a half-tearful, half-defiant reference to her Satanic inhabitant, left the room and departed upstairs, there to meditate on a Bun-strewn past and a jamless future. Daphne Vereker was perhaps the most beautiful of an extraordinarily attractive family. Her full name was Daphne Margaret. Her parents, whether from inherent piety or on the lucus a non lucendo principle, had endowed their offspring |