condition, but no particular sins appeared to my view which were of prominent appearance. My whole past life appeared like an ocean of darkness, and guilt and sin. My thoughts were brought to see the necessity of an atonement, and to see in some small degree its superlative worth. Oh, I could exclaim, Oh, the riches of that redemption, which delivers mankind from this state of ruin. I tried to love the Saviour; but alas! for want of faith I could not see him. My reason told me that God was present and superintended all his works, but I could not realize the truth. I strove to pray, but was sensible that I only mocked the God I pretended to address. I almost feared to retire to rest, lest I should lose my impressions before morning; for I thought that even if I must go to hell at last, this world was so transitory, that it mattered not whether I spent it in reflecting on my future misery, or in carnal mirth; yea, rather I chose the former.

Monday morning.-When I awoke, I thought my serious impressions had all left me. I was alarmed, immediately began to pray for their return. I found myself quite weakened in body; but after a few minutes, I recognised the same feelings as the night before; and when I prayed for relief, my desires appeared to break, as it were, through a cloud, and rose away towards God, which feelings I considered immediately to be conversion. I took the Bible, tried to love it; I read it, and persuaded myself it appeared new. I mentioned my feelings to Mr. P., he warned me to be cautious lest I settled my hope on a false foundation. The caution I considered as almost needless. But I did not ask myself, whence springs thy joy? Nor whether my views were such as the Bible would justify? But because I considered myself renewed, I rejoiced and felt a kind of selfish love to the God to whom I owed this mercy, "but the hope of the hypocrite shall perish." And blessed be the Lord, in two hours' time, all my joyful sensations left me; but I however flattered myself that I was renewed, and should be revisited ere long. I went to visit my religious friend; stated my exercises to him, and left him something dissatisfied that he did not believe me converted; but I found by his conversation, that I knew nothing of the God and Saviour that he described. On my way home, I called at a Masonic meeting, heard the eloquence of the preacher, but was far from receiving the least comfort; and I think I may say also, instruction. O, may false teachers be confounded or changed! The remainder of the day I spent very unhappily, and what was worst of all, I felt and thought that I was fast sinking back into stupidity; still my selfishness prevailed, I wished to be saved for the sake merely of my own salvation; but praise to the Lord, that he has prepared no such heaven as I was anxious for! Tuesday-my feelings were much the same as in the morning; I gave over all business except reading. About noon, finding that my works of devotion did me no good, I retired and endeavored to seek assistance from God alone. I felt that I could pour out my soul, as I never could before. My own salvation appeared to be of so little consequence, in comparison with the great design of Jehovah and other things, that I was perfectly passive about

myself. I opened a small book, and found an observation respecting the future glory of the Church-the reinstatement of the Jews; and God's determination, ever to have a church on earth, and that millions were yet, in all probability, to be brought from this earth to eternal glory; and that the accomplishment of these glorious events was not left to man, but that God had engaged to perform it. Who can describe the joy that arose in my soul, on reading this. I could heartily exclaim, glorify thyself, O God. Without ecstacy, I was completely happy. I thought Christ appeared almost exhibited to the view of my natural eyes. I knew I could embrace him, and wished for nothing else, except the salvation of my fellow mortals. These soul satisfying views continued and increased till night, when my religious friend came to see me. And O, what an evening of bliss almost divine! Heaven almost appeared to have descended; my friend as happy as myself, and every object excepting impenitents, appeared to sing my Saviour's praise. I imagined myself able to persuade all to come, but found many a bitter disappointment, and I am now persuaded that the power of conversion is alone from God. The next day these high joys left my sinful breast. I began to doubt the reality of the change. Thursday, they again returned with sweetly conquering power, and I believe subdued my rising pride. From that to this time, I think I have enjoyed much of the presence of Jesus.

November 27th, 1810.-But frequent darkness fills me often with doubts and fears. But, blessed Saviour! thou canst, and wilt, I trust, lead me through. O increase my faith-I expect shortly to walk the golden streets of bliss, beyond the stars, to join the church triumphant, in shouting praises to the Lamb, eternally. O may I give away all hopes of my own righteousness availing me, where all are clothed in robes washed in the blood of Jesus! Having resumed my studies, Mr. P. advised me to prosecute them with an intention of preparing to publish abroad the news of salvation. I hesitated, but on subsequent reflection, considering the station and opportunity Divine Providence has offered me, I have thought it my duty to study with that intention; and should no direction of Providence operate to prevent, I hope I feel willing to devote the remainder of my forfeited life to the immediate service of God, and my fellow mortals. But in one thing I am doubtful respecting my duty; in relation to entering College and spending four years enthronged about by temptations, perhaps the most engaging to my disposition of any in the world. And although I am sensible of the absolute necessity of a proper education; yet I am not confident, that it ought not to be obtained in some other way, than by passing through all the forms of a College, where pretensions to the religion of Jesus, are most strictly observed, yet the student, involved in literary mazes, is liable to the hurtful influence of sentiments of rivalship. A man may become qualified for the business of the world, but the simplicity and purity of the religion of Jesus, is certainly liable to exceeding great cor. ruption, and the student to spiritual loss; disadvantages have resulted to the world, which might be remedied by studies more private.

Tuesday afternoon, August 27th.-I was taken unwell; before this I suffered myself to be off my guard; was enabled, as I trusted, to put my trust in my merciful Creator. I think that I had some sense of the situation of a person on the borders of death, though very imperfect indeed. Wednesday and Thursday, grew better, the latter of which days, I began again to study; but Friday, my indisposition returned to a considerable degree, and I may, before the end of the month, which commences to-morrow, be in eternity! O may my heavenly Father afford me every needed grace, whether to live or die, for one is as solemn as the other, and perhaps not more so.

I am at present engaged in studying, which is so agreeable, that I am in danger of being so engaged, as to neglect my duty to my God, but his grace is sufficient for me.

February 15th-Bristol, 1813.-Religion is life's great work. As it is the business of preparation for eternity, it certainly is most important; as it is wrought in, and towards God, is most solemn and interesting; and as it is the chief end of mortals, its process on the soul, and the process of our advancement in it, ought most seriously and carefully to be known, and noticed in ourselves. Our worldly engagements are commonly the subject of our most accurate and scrutinous investigation. The men of the world are not only acquainted with the present state of their affairs, in all the circumstances and varieties attending them, but can usually review and recount with ease, the whole train of transactions which have preceded, and tended to bring them to their present posture, but the Christian, (shame to his careless indifference, and criminal stupidity,) is frequently unapprised of his present state, and seldom able to retrace his footsteps with precision, or describe the devious path that has conducted him through former scenes and dangers. The workings of his own heart are thus unattended to, and he remains ignorant of himself. The operations of the Spirit are not carefully and seriously noted, and he thus remains ignorant of God, and the more liable to easy imposition from the spirit of Anti-Christ, and the influence of spurious affection. By the neglect of attention to all the vicissitudes of christian experience, we remain lamentably, and most unhappily ignorant of the great art, of applying scripture to all the variations of state and feeling, to which the wisdom of their Divine Author has surprisingly adapted their use. Growth in grace consists in the knowledge of God, and a saving understanding of divine things, gained through faith. It is always evinced by fruits of holiness. These fruits are inseparable from progressive sanctification, and are such as mark the distinction between the saint and sinner. To Christians the fruits of righteousness observable in each other, are almost conclusive evidence of their glorious state; but still there is a great liability to deception, not only in regard to others, but even in regard to ourselves, if we found our judgments on externals alone. The heart is the seat of operation of all grace, here the springs of action must originate, and from their peculiar nature must Christians judge of the nature of all their conduct. The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked. And its depths and

subtilties can only be fathomed and unravelled by the Word of God, which is quick and powerful, and sharper than any two edged sword, piercing even to the dividing asunder of soul and spirit, and accompanied by the energy of divine grace, will enable the understanding to make all needful discrimination, and find out our real situation relative to divine things. May the Spirit of divine grace from on high, be my aid in the all-important work of self-investigation, and direct me in the description of all my views, in the subsequent pages. May they be filled with the sweet narration of many seasons of most endearing consolations, and most heavenly refreshments, in the course of that part of my earthly pilgrimage, which they shall embrace. For more than a year past, I have neglected to keep a religious diary, and not inconsiderably, I have thought, to my disadvantage. By perusing a written experience, we are led to review our past life, which most necessary work is otherwise neglected. Even the time devoted to the noting down of our religious exercises and spiritual state, may be spent in a manner highly edifying, while it leads to a survey of our heart in all its actions. Last summer for several months together, was the most barren part of my whole life; the world had almost entirely overcome me. I was filled with its pride, fully engaged in its pursuits, possessed of its spirit, and participating in its employments and pleasures. Political conversation, and newspaper investigation, had taken the place of religious exhortation and fervor, and the study of the scriptures. The great object to which I had formerly aimed, and my exertions in the literary path were almost forgotten.

If I have ever known, or ever shall be restored to the smiling aspect of an approving Saviour, what a wonder of grace; Lord, to thy name be all the glory. Conscience often in the course of the summer, awoke in all its array of terror, and reduced my mind to all the acuteness of guilty misery. When brought partially to realize and deplore my back-slidden condition, my resolution was not so strong, nor my zeal so vigorous, as I think they formerly were, when in the enjoyment of God's presence.

Early in September, I entered College at Middlebury; on my passage thither, as indeed before my departure from home, I indulged, almost unbridled, my corruptions; and, O my God, canst thou forgive it, I most presumingly trampled under foot the sacred sabbath institution, without the shadow of an occasion.

After several weeks however, God in a manner revealed the riches of his grace, in granting a hopeful remission: and through the fall months I enjoyed some sweet hours of refreshment from the presence of the Lord. And I believe the faithfulness and pious example of my religious fellow students was used as a powerful instrument, of rousing the torper of my soul.

Bristol, Monday, February 23, 1815.-This morning, with some little sense of divine things, I went nine miles into Starksborough, to attend the funeral solemnities of old Mr. Marshall, who for forty years, I think, has been a champion in the service of the cross. He died turned of eighty, an example

of piety and most ardent devotion to the work of God; a pillar in the Churches; most prevalent and powerful in his prayers to God; and perhaps in his conversation, the most edifying of any Christian in all this northern world. After the funeral ceremonies were closed, I learnt that two of my sisters in Champlain, had recently died; the one elder than myself, the other younger. I left them all in perfect health. The shock was great, but I enjoyed, I think, divine support. God appeared for my comfort. I had a remarkable season of nearness to God in prayer by the way; on my return, His glory appeared so far to transcend all earthly considerations, that while entertained with the marvelous and blessed theme, I almost forgot the wound that had transfixed my heart.— In contemplating the distraction, sinfulness, and tremendous judgments of God, prevalent on the earth, at the present day, the world stood revealed in all its deformity and emptiness. Nothing stood forth in the whole gloomy scenery, on which the anxious eye could bear to rest, or my sickening heart endure, except the church and cause of God, which shone in all its splendor to meet my gaze. Here, here, my soul could move with delight, find a charm that softened all the rigor of a horrid world.

This evening by special request of a dying woman, in company with Mr. B. paid her a visit. She was alarmingly sensible of her unprepared state for death. I felt much confidence in prayer for and with her. Endeavored in conversation to exhibit to her view, her own heart and life, in all their corruption and sins; to lead her to despair of all help from man, or earth, or heaven, but by, and from and through the Saviour, (who must effect the whole) to seek the renovation of her heart.

Wednesday, February 20th, 1813.-In consequence of the information received on Monday, I considered it my duty to return to Champlain. About 10 A. M. left town in a comfortable state of mind; thought I felt a degree of submission to God, and to praise him for his own perfection. Enjoyed great serenity of mind all day; felt a degree of resoluteness, and support in making religion the theme of conversation with those with whom I met. And finally, for me, weak, and sinful, and unfaithful as I am, the enjoyments and continued solemnity of this day, equal those of my most favoured seasons of intercourse with my God. In the evening, however, at the tavern, my faith was weakened, unwarily conversing with some irreligious people on worldly topics. My natural sins of vanity and pride, and a desire of worldly esteem, made their appearance, and in ensibly led my heart aside from its fixed attitude.

O Lord of all-supplying grace, assist me ever in the discharge of duty, both as respects the season, matter and manner of it. Teach me in all my reproofs, warnings and exhortations, to go entirely to the bottom of the ground that I may attempt to explore and improve; and make thou me as thorough as the great day of the Lord, in all the scrutiny of its discerning Judge, may require. And rather than in any way, cry a false peace, or daub with untempered mortar, may I feel happy to subject myself to all the opposit on and contemptuous or angry retorts of a blind world.