these things are encouraging. And my base heart wants 'encouragement. They are tokens for good-the day of 'small things;' and to me who have lived such a fruitless and 'guilty life, they are precious intimations of the returning. 'kindness of my faithful Redeemer. I make my boast of ' them--and thank God that His grace has not suffered them 'to be entirely lost upon me. "SABBATH, 11th September. "I am in great doubts respecting my true spiritual staté.— Generally fears-fears lulled only by insensibility prevail. 'But to-day, the exercises of my mind, formed an exception. 'I enjoyed a confidence of hope in my Lord Jesus Christ altogether unusual. "In the morning the depression of animal spirits and gene'ral dulness under which I laboured, almost discouraged me 'from seeking the divine blessing; but God gave me, I cannot 'tell how, grace to rise above the temptation, and to shake ' off my sloth. I engaged in fervent secret prayer, and con'tinued long in it, from the sweetness of pouring out my con'fessions and desires into the bosom of my Heavenly Father. 'Devotion gave to my mind a tone which grace enabled it 'to support through the day. I was enabled for Christ, and 'through Him, to surmount several temptations: and got an 'impulse towards God which sent me a little heavenward, ' against the winds and tides of this world. "I found out a number of long hidden secrets this day, and 'the evening following; as, the charm which engages pious 'people in the reading of the missionary and other pious la• I have been reminded by this passage, of an old Latin epigram remarkable for antithesis, as well as for force and beauty of sentiment: "Pro servis dominus moritur, pro sontibus insons 6 6 6 'bours of such as are spreading the gospel: the reason and 'source of that fervid eloquence which the advocates of 'those blessed charities, and of truth generally, in these days, so often discover, to my former perplexity." "SABBATH NIGHT, September 25th. "Doubtful-yet hoping. Can unassisted nature, stirring in my breast, produce such a love of the Bible? such a con'quest over my revengeful tempers? such pleasure in the se'cret worship of God? such respect to future retributions? 'such a reverence of God's providential care? such a percep 'tion of the divine excellence of the Gospel of Jesus Christ? 'I know that all these things are to be found in me but in a 'most imperfect degree. But would they exist in this corrupt 'breast at all, if not inspired by the Holy Spirit? If not, then may I not with deep humility, and taking my station amongst the less than least of all saints, plead a covenant interest in the promise of God, and appropriate some of the 'precious hopes and confidence which belong to his adopted 'children? Lord God, instruct and confirm me in thy fear, 'faith and love, yet more and more to the end." "SABBATH, October 2d, 1825. "Alas! how the world runs away with my fluctuating affec'tions! I thank God that I am not utterly given up to delu'sions, nor abandoned of hope. * "I have some remaining sense of eternity-some just ap'prehensions of the vanity of this world with all its wealth— 'some desires after communion with God-some reverence ' of his authority-as much hope as so poor a professor of the gospel ought to have in its promises--some desires to live a ' life of humility, meekness, labour, cross-bearing, penitence, and obedience, before God. * "I thank God, that His spirit has taught and enabled me 'the week past, in some degree to get the better of my vindic tive feelings towards certain individuals who have very se riously injured me. The means were somewhat remarka'ble. I had seen the impropriety of indulging in the bitter'ness of resentment against any of my fellow-men - especially 'against some, who being professors of Christianity, might 'yet have repentance and grace given them, and be enthron'ed in the divine glory in Heaven. But whenever I recol'lected the extent of the injury I had experienced at their 'hands-the greatest perhaps that they could do me, short of 'murdering me in my sins-and that I must continue to suf'fer in consequence, to my dying day-perhaps my memory ' and my children after me--I had never been able entirely to 'suppress the stirrings of a revengeful and bitter spirit in my 'breast. To this infirmity one thing contributed: I was not certain that the precepts of Christ required me to forgive ' and pass over the offence, till I had evidence that the persons committing the injury, had repented, and undertaken 'to prevent the effects of their injurious conduct. To settle this point of duty, I determined to consult every precept relating to the duty of forgiveness in the New Testament; 'which I undertook accordingly, assisted by Scott's notes ' and references. "I was already satisfied that I ought to pray for them, and indulge nothing like malice and revenge. But the question 'was, 'Am I to treat them with the politeness and tenderness, ' and kindness, in all respects, due to others who had not of'fended me or who having offended, had offered me satis'faction?' 'Do good to them,' &c. was plain I knew; but 'was I required to speak to them, salute them, and treat them * with kindness, if they ever chanced to fall in my way? This was the question to be resolved.. The first passage I con'sulted was in the 5th of St. Matthew-If ye salute your brethren, only, what do ye more than others! Do not even 'the publicans the same? I closed the blessed book, aston'ished, convinced, and satisfied-with an involuntary excla*mation of assent, and praise to God. Since that time, al 6 though many bad and sensual passions have been active in my breast, yet God has given me grace to forgive, and re'gard the formerly so obnoxious individuals, with sincere 'kindness. It is a great victory which the power of Christ ' has in this matter gained over the strong and inveterate malice of a very hard and revengeful heart. To Him be praise. "I have also another instance of the great goodness of my God. Owing to the failure of an expected remittance from 'America, I was almost in despair-and in great anxiety and 'trouble on account of an acceptance to a considerable ' amount, considering my circumstances—and the payment 2 was to be made in specie;—of which there was next to none 'not pledged, in the Colony. In my extremity I betook my'self to my Father in Heaven. The burthen was soon after, ' in a good measure removed, and that in a way most unexpected." "November 4th, 1825. "Mrs. Tabum is said to be in her last agonies. To Thee, 'Father of Spirits, Father of Heaven, and Father of Mercies, 'I commend her soul. Suffer her not to fall from thy grace, ' in this the season of her extremity. Make thou, God, her ' deliverance from the fear and sting of death, thy care. She 'has professed the name of Christ, before many witnesses.— May she be now received into thy glory-and through the 'merits of the Redeemer, be owned of Him, whom I trust 'she has not denied. O! Lord God, hear this my last prayer 'for her give her assured and victorious faith, and may she ' if called this day or this hour, to her eternal estate-this day 'or this hour, be with Christ her Lord, in Paradise. O! 'Jesus, thy rich mercy and grace is all my hope-and it is a sure ground of hope for this thy servant. To Thee and 'thine eternal love, be all the honour and praise of her eternal 'salvation. Glory be to the Father, and to the Son, and to *the Holy Ghost; as it was in the beginning, is now, and ever 'shall be, world without end. Amen. ( "SABBATH, November 27th, 1825. "My Mercies.-1st. The great dispensation of mercy through my Lord Jesus Christ, under which, in common with my fellow-men of this age, I live; and in virtue of which the good things of the life that now is, and the prom<ise of the life to come, are enjoyed. "Praise God from whom all blessings flow, Praise him all creatures here below- Praise Him above, ye heavenly host, Praise Father, Son, and Holy Ghost." "2d. The Revelation of the great mercy of God through "His Son, which I was early made acquainted with, and never 'suffered entirely and openly to discard. "3d. The firm faith given me from on high, by the renewing influences of the Holy Spirit--even 'when I was dead ' in trespasses and sins'--and the conservation of this principle in my soul, although neglected, despised, and ungrate'fully forgotten by myself, in repeated and grievous backslidings, and under the provocation of innumerable presump4 tuous sins. "4th. My preservation from an untimely death, in repeat'ed instances, when others have fallen in multitudes around me; and when it seemed to myself and others nearly in'evitable. "5th. My deliverance, so far as I have been, perhaps, able 'to bear it, from a state of wounding ignominy-rendering, during its continuance, life itself an intolerable burthen; and 'naturally urging me to despair, and utter abandonment. ""Out of the depths, hast thou delivered me.' "6th. Removing me from the snares of Satan in America, ' and fixing me in a situation here, suited to wean me from 'those sins which must otherwise have proved my destruc'tion in that country. "7th. Giving me success in my administration. "8th. Providentially aiding me, in my deliberations, and ' active labours for the government and welfare of this people. |