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and leave me to pursue my studies for the for gold, nor what, baser wretch corrupted good of the public.

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him, and then bought the bargain: all this, and much more of the same kind, I shall forget, and pass over in silence; but then it is sudden and general amendment. to be observed, that I expect and require a

I give notice, that I am actually now compiling, and design to publish in a short time, the true history of the rise, growth, and progress of the renowned Tiff-Club. All persons have a good effect, and, if regarded, may preThese threatenings of mine, I hope, will who are acquainted with any facts, circum-vent abundance of folly and wickedness in stances, characters, transactions, &c. which will be requisite to the perfecting and embellishment of the said work, are desired to communicate the same to the author, and direct

their letters to be left with the printer hereof. The letter signed Would-be-something,

came to hand.

No. V.

Vos, O patricius sanguis, quos vivere fas est, Occipiti cæco, posticia occurrite sannæ.-Persius. THIS paper being designed for a terror to evil doers, as well as a praise to them that do well, I am lifted up with secret joy to find, that my undertaking is approved, and encouraged, by the just and good, and that few are against me but those who have reason to fear

me.

There are little follies in the behaviour of most men, which their best friends are too tender to acquaint them with; there are little vices and small crimes, which the law has no regard to or remedy for: there are likewise great pieces of villany sometimes so craftily accomplished, and so circumspectly guarded, that the law can take no hold of the actors. All these things, and things of this nature, come within my province as Censor, and I am determined not to be negligent of the trust I have reposed in myself, but resolve to execute my office diligently and faithfully. All the world may judge without how much humanity as well as justice I shall behave in this office; and that even my enemies may be convinced I take no delight to rake into the dunghill lives of vicious men; and to the end that certain persons may be a little eased of their fears, and relieved from the terrible palpitations they have lately felt and suffered, and do still suffer; I hereby graciously pass a general act of oblivion, for all offences, crimes, and misdemeanours, of what kind soever, committed from the beginning of the year 1681, until the day of the date of my first paper, and promise only to concern myself with such as have been since and shall hereafter be committed.. I shall take no notice who has (heretofore) raised a fortune by fraud and oppression, nor who by deceit and hypocrisy; what woman has been false to her good husband's bed, nor what man has by barbarous usage or neglect, broke the heart of a faithful wife; and wasted his health and substance in debauchery; what base wretch has betrayed his friend, and sold his honesty

dance of trouble: and that people may not others, and at the same time save me abunflatter themselves with the hopes of concealledge, and in that view persist in evil doing, ing their loose misdemeanours from my knowI must acquaint them, that I have lately entered into an intimacy with the extraordinary person who some time ago wrote me the following letter; and who, having a wonderful faculty, that enables him to discover the most secret iniquity, is capable of giving me great assistance in my designed work of reformation.

No. VI.

"MR. BUSY-BODY,-I rejoice, sir, at the opportunity you have given me to be serviceable to you, and by your means, to this province; you must know, that such have been the circumstances of my life, and such were the marvellous occurrences of my birth, that I have not only a faculty of discovering the actions of persons that are absent or asleep, but even of the devil himself in many of his secret workings, in the various shapes, habits, and names of men and women; and having travelled and conversed much, and met with but a very few of the same perceptions and qualifications, I can recommend myself to you as the most useful man you can correspond with. My father's father's father (for we had no grandfathers in our family) was the same John Bunyan that writ that memorable book, The Pilgrim's Progress, who had, in some degree, a natural faculty of second sight. This faculty (how derived to him our family memoirs are not very clear) was enjoyed by all his descendants, but not by equal talents. was very dim in several of my first cousins, and probably had been nearly extinct in our particular branch, had not my father been a traveller. He lived in his youthful days in New England. There he married, and there was born my elder brother, who had so much of this faculty, as to discover witches in some of their occult performances. My parents transporting themselves to Great Britain, my second brother's birth was in that kingdom. He shared but a small portion of this virtue, being only able to discern transactions about the time of and after their happening. My good father, who delighted in the Pilgrim's Progress, and mountainous places, took shipping with his wife for Scotland, and inhabit

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ed in the Highlands, where myself was born, and whether the soil, climate, or astral influences, of which are preferred divers prognostics, restored our ancestor's natural faculty of second sight in a greater lustre to me, than it had shined in through several generations, I will not here discuss. But so it is, that I am possessed largely of it, and design, if you encourage the proposal, to take this opportunity of doing good with it, which I question not will be accepted of in a grateful way by many of your honest readers, though the discovery of my extraction bodes me no deference from your great scholars and modern philosophers. This my father was long ago aware of, and lest the name alone should hurt the fortunes of his children, he in his shiftings from one country to another, changed it.

"Sir, I have only this further to say, how I may be useful to you, and as a reason for my not making myself more known in the world: by virtue of this great gift of nature, secondsightedness, I do continually see numbers of men, women, and children, of all ranks, and what they are doing, while I am sitting in my closet; which is too great a burden for the mind, and makes me also conceit, even against reason, that all this host of people can see and observe me, which strongly inclines me to solitude, and an obscure living; and on the other hand, it will be an ease to me to disburden my thoughts and observations in the way proposed to you, by, sir, your friend and servant."

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I conceal this correspondent's name in my care for his life and safety, and cannot but approve his prudence in choosing to live obscurely. I remember the fate of my poor monkey: he had an ill-natured trick of grinning and chattering at every thing he saw in petticoats: my ignorant country neighbours got a notion that pug snarled by instinct at every female i who had lost her virginity. This was no sooner generally believed, than he was condemned to death; by whom I could never learn, but he was assassinated in the night, barbarously stabbed and mangled in a thousand places, and left hanging dead on one of my gate posts, where I found him the next morning.

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fees; which indulgence the small wits, in and about the city, are advised gratefully to accept and acknowledge.

The gentleman who calls himself Sirronis, is directed, on receipt of this, to burn his great book of crudities.

P. S. In compassion to that young man on account of the great pains he has taken, in consideration of the character I have just received of him, that he is really good natured, and on condition he shows it to no foreigner, or stranger of sense, I have thought fit to reprieve his said great book of crudities from the flames till further order.

No. VII.

Noli me tangere.

I HAD resolved when I first commenced this design, on no account to enter into a public dispute with any man; for I judged it would be equally unpleasant to me, and my readers, to see this paper filled with contentious wranglings, answers, replies, &c. which is a way of writing that is endless, and at the same time seldom contains any thing that is edifying or entertaining. Yet, when such a considerable man as Mr.- finds himself so warmly concerned to accuse and condemn me, as he has done in Keimer's last Instructor, I cannot forbear endeavouring to say something in my own defence, from one of the worst characters that could be given me by a man of worth. But as I have many things of more consequence to offer to the public, I declare that I never will, after this time, take notice of any accusations not better supported with truth and reason; much less may every little scribbler, that shall attack me, expect an answer from the Busy-Body.

The sum of the charge delivered against me, either directly or indirectly, in the said paper, is this: not to mention the first mighty sentence concerning vanity and ill nature, and the shrewd intimation that I am without charity, and therefore can have no pretence to religion, I am represented as guilty of defamation and scandal, the odiousness of which is apparent to every good man; and the pracThe Censor observing that the itch of scrib- tice of it opposite to Christianity, morality, bling begins to spread exceedingly, and being and common justice, and in some cases so far carefully tender of the reputation of his country below all these, as to be inhuman; as a blaster in point of wit, and good sense, has determined of reputations; as attempting by a pretence, to take all manner of writings, in verse or to screen myself from the imputation of maprose, that pretend to either, under his imme- lice and prejudice; as using a weapon which diate cognizance; and accordingly hereby the wise and better part of mankind hold in prohibits the publishing any such for the fu- abhorrence; and as giving treatment which ture till they have first passed his examina- the wiser and better part of mankind dislike, tion, and received his imprimatur: for which on the same principles and for the same reahe demands as a fee only six pence per sheet. sons, as they do assassination, &c.; and all this N. B. He nevertheless permits to be pub-is inferred and concluded from a character I lished, all satirical remarks on the Busy-Body, have wrote in my No. III. the above prohibition notwithstanding, and In order to examine the justice and truth without examination or requiring the said of this heavy charge, let us recur to that chaVOL. II.... 3 Q

sat for, it must be, that we should give no character without the owner's consent. Ifl discern the wolf disguised in harmless wool, and contriving the destruction of my neighbour's sheep, must I have his permission, before I am allowed to discover and prevent him? If I know a man to be a designing knave, must I ask his consent to bid my friends beware of him? If so, then by the same rule, supposing the Busy-Body had real

with, his consent ought likewise to have been obtained, before so terrible an accusation was published against him.

I shall conclude with observing, that in the last paragraph save one of the piece now examined, much ill nature and some good sense are coinhabitants (as he expresses it.) The ill nature appears in his endeavouring to discover satire where I intended no such thing, but quite the reverse: the good sense is this, that drawing too good a character of any one is a refined manner of satire that may be as injurious to him as the contrary, by bringing on an examination that undresses the person, and in the haste of doing it, he may happen to be stript of what he really owns and deserves. As I am Censor, I might punish the first, but I forgive it. Yet I will not leave the latter unrewarded; but assure my adversary, that in consideration of the merit of those four lines, I am resolved to forbear injuring him in that refined manner.

racter. And here we may be surprised to | picture should be published which he never find what a trifle has raised this mighty clamour and complaint, this grievous accusation! The worst thing said of the person, in what is called my gross description, (be he who he will to whom my accuser has applied the character of Critico) is, that he is a sour philosopher, crafty, but not wise. Few human characters can be drawn that will not fit somebody in so large a country as this; but one would think, supposing I meant Critico a real person, I had sufficiently manifested my im-ly merited all his enemy had charged him partiality, when I said in that very paragraph, that Critico is not without virtue; that there are many good things in him, and many good actions reported of him; which must be allowed in all reason, much to overbalance in his favour those worst words, sour-tempered and cunning. Nay, my very enemy and accuser must have been sensible of this, when he freely acknowledges, that he has been seriously considering, and cannot yet determine which he would choose to be, the Cato or Critico of that paper; since my Cato is one of the best characters. Thus much in my own vindication. As to the only reason there given why I ought not to continue drawing characters, viz. Why should any man's picture be published that he never sat for, or his own good name taken from him any more than his money or possessions, at the arbitrary will of another? &c. I have but this to answer: the money or possessions I presume are nothing to the purpose; since no man can claim a right to either those or a good name, if he has acted so as to forfeit them. And are not the public the only judges what share of reputation they may think proper to allow to any man? Supposing I was capable, and had an inclination, to draw all the good and bad characters in America, why should a good man be offended with me for drawing good characters? And if I draw ill ones, can they fit any other but those that deserve them? And ought any ONE of the greatest pleasures an author but such be incensed that they have their de- can have, is certainly the hearing his works sert? I have as great an aversion and abhor-applauded. The hiding from the world our rence for defamation and scandal as any man, and would with the utmost care avoid being guilty of such base things: besides, I am very sensible and certain, that if I should make use of this paper to defame any person, my reputation would be sooner hurt than his; and the Busy-Body would quickly become detestable; because, in such a case, as is justly observed, the pleasure arising from a tale of wit and novelty soon dies away in generous and honest minds, and is followed with a secret grief, to see their neighbours calumniated. But if I myself was actually the worst man in the province, and any one should draw my true character, would it not be ridiculous in me to say, he had defamed and scandalized me, unless he had added in a matter of truth? If any thing is meant by asking, why any man's

I thank my neighbour PW— his kind letter.

for

The lions complained of shall be muzzled.

No. VIII.

March 27, 1720.

Quid non mortalia pectora cogis,

Auri sacra fames.-Virgil.

names, while we publish our thoughts, is so
absolutely necessary to this self gratification,
that I take my well wishers will congratulate
me on my escape from many diligent but fruit-
less inquiries that of late have been made af-
ter me. Every man will own that an author
as such, ought to be hid by the merit of his
productions only; but pride, party, and preju-
dice, at this time run so very high, that ex-
perience shows we form our notions of a piece
by the character of the author. Nay there
are some very humble politicians in and about
the city who will ask on which side the
writer is, before they presume to give their
opinion of the thing wrote.
This ungenerous
way of proceeding I was full aware of before
I published my first speculation; and there-
fore concealed my name. And I appeal to

the more generous part of the world, if I have, mercurial wand and magnet, I have still failsince I appeared in the character of the Busy-ed in my purpose; this, therefore, I send, to Body, given an instance of my siding with any party more than another, in the unhappy divisions of my country; and I have above all this satisfaction in myself, that neither affection, aversion, or interest have biassed me to use any partiality towards any man, or set of men; but whatsoever I find nonsensical, ridiculous, or immorally dishonest, I have and shall continue openly to attack with the free dom of an honest man and a lover of my country.

propose and desire an acquaintance with you,
and I do not doubt, notwithstanding my repeat-
ed ill fortune, but we may be exceedingly ser-
viceable to each other in our discoveries; and
that if we use our united endeavours, the time
will come when the Busy-Body, his second-
sighted correspondent, and your very honour-
able servant, will be three of the richest men
in the province: and then, sir, what may we
not do! a word to the wise is sufficient.
I conclude, with all demonstrable respect,
yours and Urani's votary,

TITAN PLEIADS.

I profess I can hardly contain myself, or preserve the gravity and dignity that should attend the censorial office, when I hear the In the evening after I received this letter, odd and unaccountable expositions that are put I made a visit to my second-sighted friend, upon some of my works, through the malicious and communicated to him my proposal. When ignorance of some, and vain pride of more he had read it, he assured me that, to his certhan ordinary penetration in others; one in-tain knowledge, there is not at this time so stance of which many of my readers are acquainted with. A certain gentleman has taken a great deal of pains to write a key to the letter in my No. IV., wherein he has ingeniously converted a gentle satire upon tedious and impertinent visitants, into a libel on some of the Government. This I mention only as a specimen of the taste of the gentleman; I am forsooth bound to please in my speculations, not that I suppose my impartiality will ever be called in question on that account. Injustice of this nature I could complain of in many instances; but I am at present diverted by the reception of a letter, which though it regards me only in my private capacity, as an adept, yet I venture to publish it for the entertainment of my readers.

much as one ounce of gold or silver hid under ground in any part of the province; for that the late and present scarcity of money had obliged those who were living, and knew where they had formerly hid any, to take it up and use it in their own necessary affairs: and as to all the rest, which was buried by pirates and others in old times, who were never like to come for it, he had himself long since dug it all up, and applied it to charitable uses; and this he desired me to publish for the general good. For as he acquainted me, there are amongst us great numbers of honest artificers and labouring people, who, fed with a vain hope of growing suddenly rich, neglect their business almost to the ruining of themselves and families, and voluntarily endure abundance of hidden treasures. They wander through the fatigue in a fruitless search after imaginary woods and bushes by day, to discover the

To Censor Morum, Esq. Busy-Body general of the Province of Pennsylvania, and the counties of Newcastle, Kent, and Sus-marks and signs; at midnight they repair to sex upon Delaware. those hopeful spots with spades and pickaxes; “ HONOURABLE SIR,-I judge by your lucu-full of expectation they labour violently, brations, that you are not only a lover of truth trembling at the same time in every joint and equity, but a man of part and learning, through fear of certain malicious demons, who and a master of science; as such I honour are said to haunt and guard the places. At you. Know then, most profound sir, that I length a mighty hole is dug, and perhaps sevehave, from my youth up, been a very indefati- ral cart loads of earth thrown out; but alas, no gable student in, and admirer of, that divine keg or iron pot is found! no seaman's chest science, astrology. I have read over Scot, ornamented with Spanish pistoles or weighty Albertus Magnus, and Cornelius Agrippa pieces of eight! Then they conclude that, above three hundred times; and was in hopes, through some mistake in the procedure, some by my knowledge and industry, to gain enough rash word spoke, or some rule of art neglectto have recompensed me for my money ex- ed, the guardian spirit had power to sink it pended, and time lost in the pursuit of this deeper into the earth, and convey it out of his learning. You cannot be ignorant, sir, (for reach. Yet when a man is once thus infatuyour intimate second-sighted correspondent ated, he is so far from being discouraged by knows all things,) that there are large sums of ill success, that he is rather animated to doumoney hidden under ground in divers places ble his industry, and will try again and again, about this town, and in many parts of the in a hundred different places, in hopes at last country; but alas, sir, notwithstanding I have of meeting with some lucky hit, that shall at used all the means laid down in the immortal once sufficiently reward them for all their exauthors before mentioned, and when they fail- pense of time and labour. ed, the ingenious Mr. P-d-1, with his

This odd humour of digging for money,

through a belief that much has been hid by wealthy. But how absurd is it to neglect a pirates formerly frequenting the river, has for certain profit for such a ridiculous whimsey; several years been mighty prevalent among to spend whole days at the George tavern in us; insomuch that you can hardly walk half company with an idle pretender to astrology, a mile out of the town on any side, without contriving schemes to discover what was ne observing several pits dug with that design, ver hidden, and forgetting how carelessly buand perhaps some lately opened. Men other-siness is managed at home in their absence: wise of very good sense have been drawn into this practice through an overrunning desire of hidden wealth, and an easy credulity of what they so earnestly wished might be true. While the rational and almost certain methods of acquiring riches by industry and frugality are neglected or forgotten. There seems to be some peculiar charm in the conceit of finding money, and if the sands of Schuylkill were so much mined with small grains of gold, that a man might in a day's time, with care and application, get together to the value of half a crown, I make no question but we should find several people employed there, that can with ease earn five shillings a day at their proper trades.

Many are the idle stories told of the private success of some people, by which others are encouraged to proceed; and the astrologers, with whom the country swarms at this time, are either in the belief of these things themselves, or find their advantage in persuading others to believe them; for they are often consulted about the critical times for digging, the methods of laying the spirit, and the like whimsies, which renders them very necessary to and very much caressed by, the poor deluded money hunters.

There is certainly something very bewitching in the pursuit after mines of gold and silver, and other valuable metals, and many have been ruined by it. A sea captain of my acquaintance used to blame the English for envying Spain their mines of silver, and too much despising and overlooking the advantages of their own industry and manufactures. "For my part," says he, "I esteeem the Banks of Newfoundland to be a more valuable possession than the mountains of Potosi; and when I have been there on the fishing account, I have looked upon every cod pulled up into the vessel as a certain quantity of silver ore, which required only carrying to the next Spanish port to be coined into pieces of eight; not to mention the national profit of fitting out and employing such a number of ships and seamen." Let honest Peter Buckram, who has long without success been a searcher after hidden money, reflect on this, and be reclaim→ ed from this unaccountable folly; let him consider that every stitch he takes when he is on his shop-board is picking up a part of a grain of gold, that will in a few days time amount to a pistole; and let Faber think the same of every nail he drives, or every stroke with his plane; such thoughts may make them industrious, and of consequence in time they may be

to leave their wives and a warm bed at midnight (no matter if it rain, hail, snow, or blow a hurricane, provided that be the critical hour) and fatigue themselves with the violent exercise of digging for what they shall never find, and perhaps getting a cold that may cost their lives, or at least disordering themselves so as to be fit for no business besides for some days after. Surely this is nothing less than the most egregious folly and madness.

I shall conclude with the words of my discreet friend Agricola, of Chester county, when he gave his son a good plantation: "My son," says he, "I give thee now a valuable parcel of land; I assure thee I have found a considerable quantity of gold by digging there; thee mayest do the same: but thee must carefully observe this, never to dig more than plough deep."

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thought fit to communicate to me his note to SIR,-As a correspondent of yours has in my glass repeatedly, a thousand times, before it can be published, I have looked perhaps, in a day-and if it was not for the charge of affectation, 1 might, without the charge of partiality, believe myself particularly pointed at. ROSELLA.

MR. BUSY-BODY,-I must own that several have told me, I am the prettiest creature in this place, but I believe I should not be taxed with affectation, if I could have thought as well of them as they do of themselves.

ELVIRA.

SIR,-Your sex calls me pretty; my own, affected: is it from candour in the one, or envy in the other? ANNABELLA.

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