Mines, which he daily inspects, when his Health will permit him.

He was long bred under a * Master of Arts, who inftilled good Principles in him, but these were foon corrupted. I know not whether it deferves mention, that he is fo very capricious, as to take it for an equal Affront to talk either of kiffing, or kicking him; which hath occafioned a thousand Quarrels: However, no body ever hath been fo great a Sufferer for Faults, which he neither was, nor poffibly could be guilty of.

In his Religion he hath thus much of the Quaker, that he stands always covered, even in the Prefence of the King: In most other Points, a perfect Idolater, although he endeavours to conceal it: For he is known to offer daily Sacrifices to certain fubterraneous Nymphs, whom he worships in an bumble Pofture, prone on his Face, and stript stark naked; and fo leaves his Offerings behind him, which the Priests of those Goddeffes are careful enough to remove upon certain Seasons, with the utmost Privacy at Midnight, and from thence maintain themselves and Families. In all urgent Neceffities and Preffures, he applies himself to these Deities, and sometimes even in the Streets and Highways; from an Opinion that those Powers have an Influence in all Places; although their peculiar Refidence be in Caverns under Ground. Upon these Occafions, the faireft Ladies will not refufe to lend their Hands to affift him: For, although they are afhamed to have him feen in their Company, or even fo much as to hear

him

* Magifter Artis, Ingenique Largitor Venter,

him named; yet it is well known, that he is one of their conftant Followers.

IN Politicks, he always fubmits to what is uppermoft; but he peruseth Pamphlets on both Sides with great Impartiality, although feldom until every body elfe bath done with them.

His Learning is of a mixed Kind; and he may properly be called a Helluo librorum, or another Jacobus de Voraigne; although his Studies are chiefly confined to Schoolmen, Commentators, and German Divines; together with modern Poetry and Criticks: And he is an Atomick Philofopher, ftrongly maintaining a Void in Nature, which he feems to have fairly proved by many Experiments.

I SHALL now proceed to defcribe fome peculiar Qualities, which in several Instances seem to diftinguish this Perfon from the common Race of other Mortals.

HIS Grandfather was a Member of the Rump Parliament, as the Grandfon is of the prefent; where he often rises, sometimes grumbles, but never speaks. However, he lets nothing pafs willingly, but what is well digefted. His Courage is indifputable, for he will take the boldest Man alive by the Nofe.

He is generally the first a Bed, in the Family, and the last up; which is to be lamented; because when he happens to rife before the reft, it hath been thought to forebode fome good Fortune to his Supe

riors.

As Wisdom is acquired by Age, so by every new Wrinkle in his Face he is reported to gain fome new Knowledge.

IN him we may obferve the true Effects and Confequences of Tyranny in a State: For, as he is a great Oppreffor of all below him, fo there is no Body more oppressed by thofe above him: Yet in his Time,

he

WONDER of WONDERS.

259

he hath been fo highly in Favour, that many illufirious Perfons have been entirely indebted to him for their Preferments.

He hath difcovered from his own Experience the true Point, wherein all human Actions, Projects, and Designs do chiefly terminate; and how mean and fordid they are at the Bottom.

IT behoves the Publick to keep him quiet; for his frequent Murmurs are a certain Sign of inteftine Tumults.

No Philofopher ever lamented more the Luxury, for which thefe Nations are fo juftly taxed; it hath been known to coft him Tears of Blood; for in his own Nature he is far from being profufe; although, indeed, he never ftays a Night at a Gentleman's House, without leaving fomething behind him.

He receives, with great Submiffion, whatever his Patrons think fit to give him, and when they lay heavy Burthens upon him, which is frequent enough, he gets rid of them as foon as he can ; but not without fome Labour, and much Grumbling.

He is a perpetual Hanger-on; yet no Body knows how to be without him. He patiently fuffers himfelf to be kept under, but loves to be well ufed; and in that Cafe, will facrifice his Vitals to give you Eafe; and he hath hardly one Acquaintance, for whom he hath not been bound; yet, as far as we can find, was never known to lose any Thing by it. He is observed to be very unquiet in the Comof a Frenchman in new Cloaths, or a young

pany

Coquet.

He is, in fhort, the Subject of much Mirth and Raillery, which he seems to take well enough; although it hath not been obferved, that ever any good Thing came from himself.

VOL. I.

THERE

THERE is so general an Opinion of his J that sometimes very bard Cafes are left to his fion: And while he fits upon them, he carrie felf exactly even between both Sides, except fome knotty Point arises; and then he is obfer lean a little to the Right, or Left, as the Ma clines him; but his Reasons for it are fo m and convincing, that every Man approves th

THE

WONDER

Of all the

WONDERS

THAT

Ever the WORLD wondered at.

Written in the Year 1721.

To all PERSONS of QUALITY, and others.

EWLY arrived at this City, the famous Artist John Emanuel Schoits, who, to the great Surprize and Satisfaction of all Spectators, is ready to do the following wonderful Perfor mances, the like before never feen in this Kingdom. HE will heat a Bar of Iron red hot, and thrust it

S 2

into