passion of one, the flattery of a second, the civilities of a third, the friendship of a fourth, they all deceive, and bring the mind back to where mine is retreating, to retirement, reflection, and books. My departure is fixed for to-morrow morning; but I could not think of quitting a place where I have received such numberless and unmerited civilities from your lordship, without returning my most grateful thanks, as well as my hearty acknowledgments for your friendly inquiry from Bath. Illness, my lord, has occasioned my silence. Death knocked at my door, but I would not admit him; the call was both unexpected and unpleasant; and I am seriously worn down to a shadow, and still very weak: but, weak as I am, I have as whimsical a story to tell you as ever befell one of my family; Shandy's nose, his name, his sash-window, are fools to it; it will serve at least to amuse you. The injury I did myself last month in catching cold upon James's powder, fell, you must know, upon the worst part it could, the most painful and most dangerous of any in the human body. It was on this crisis I called in an able surgeon, and with him an able physician (both my friends) to inspect my disaster. 'Tis a venereal case, cried my two scientific friends. 'Tis impossible, however, to be that, replied I; for I have had no commerce whatever with the sex, not even with my wife, added I, these fifteen years. You are, however, my good friend, said the surgeon, or there is no such case in the world. What the devil, said I, without knowing woman? We will not reason about it, said the physician, but you must undergo a course of mercury. I will lose my life first, said I: and trust to nature, to time, or, at the worst, to death. So I put an end, with some indignation, to the conference, and determined to bear all the torments I underwent, and ten times more, rather than submit to be treated like a sinner, in a point where I had acted like a saint. Now as the father of mischief would have it, who has no pleasure like that of dishonoring the righteous, it so fell out that from the moment I dismissed my doctors, my pains began to rage with a violence not to be expressed, or supported. Every hour became more intolerable. I was got to bed, cried out, and raved the whole night, and was got up so near dead. that my friends insisted upon my sending again for my physician and surgeon. I told them, upon the word of a man of honor, they were both mistaken as to my case; but, though they had reasoned

wrong, they might act right: but that, sharp as my sufferings were, I felt them not so sharp as the imputation which a venereal treatment of my case laid me under. They answered, that these taints of the blood lie dormant twenty years; but they would not reason with me in a point wherein I was so delicate, but would do all the offices for which they were called in, namely to put an end to my torment, which otherwise would put an end to me; and so I have been compelled to surrender myself; and thus, my dear lord, has your poor friend, with all his sensibilities, been suffering the chastisement of the grossest sensualist! Was it not as ridiculous an embarrassment as ever Yorick's spirit was involved in? Nothing but the purest conscience of innocence could have tempted me to write this story to my wife, which, by the bye, would make no bad anecdote in Tristram Shandy's Life. I have mentioned it in my journal to Mrs. In some respect, there is no difference between my wife and herself: when they fare alike, neither can reasonably complain. I have just received letters from France, with some hints that Mrs. Sterne and my Lydia are coming to England, to pay me a visit. If your time is not better employed, Yorick flatters himself he shall receive a letter from your lordship, en attendant. I am, with the greatest regard, my lord,

Your lordship's most faithful humble servant,

LETTER XCV.

L. STERNE.

To J Dn, Esq.

OLD BOND-STREET, Friday morning.

I was going, my dear D- -n, to bed before I received your kind inquiry; and now my chaise stands at my door, to take and convey this poor body to its legal settlement. I am ill, very ill; I languish most affectingly. I am sick both soul and body. It is a cordial to me to hear it is different with you; no man interests himself more in your happiness; and I am glad you are in so fair a road to it: enjoy it long, my D——; whilst I-no matter what-but my feel. ings are too nice for the world I live in: things will mend. I dined

yesterday with Lord and Lady S: we talked much of you and your goings on; for every one knows why Sunbury Hill is so pleasant a situation! You rogue! you have lock'd up my boots, and I go bootless home: and I fear I shall go bootless all my life. Adieu, gentlest and best of souls, adieu.

I HAVE got conveyed thus far, like a bale of cadaverous goods, consigned to Pluto and company, lying in the bottom of my chaise most of the route, upon a large pillow, which I had the prévoyance to purchase before I set out. I am worn out; but press on to Barnby Moor to-night, and, if possible, to York the next. I know not what is the matter with me, but some derangement presses hard upon this machine: still, I think, it will not be overset this bout. My love to G- We shall all meet from the east, and from the south, and (as at the last) be happy together. My kind respects to a few. I am, dear H

I HAD not been many days at this peaceful cottage before your letter greeted me with the seal of friendship: and most cordially do I thank you for so kind a proof of your good-will. I was truly anxious to hear of the recovery of my sentimental friend, but I

would not write to inquire after her, unless I could have sent her the testimony without the tax; even how d'yes to invalids, or those that have lately been so, either call to mind what is past or what may return; at least I find it so. I am as happy as a prince, at Coxwould; and I wish you could see in how princely a manner I live: 'tis a land of plenty. I sit down alone to venison, fish, and wild fowl, or a couple of fowls or ducks, with curds, and strawberries, and cream, and all the simple plenty which a rich valley (under Hamilton Hills) can produce; with a clean cloth on my table, and a bottle of wine on my right hand to drink your health. I have a hundred hens and chickens about my yard, and not a parishioner catches a hare, or a rabbit, or a trout, but he brings it as an offering to me. If solitude would cure a love-sick heart, I would give you an invitation; but absence and time lessen no attachment which virtue inspires. I am in high spirits; care never enters this cottage. I take the air every day in my post-chaise, with two long-tailed horses-they turn out good ones; and as to myself, I think I am better upon the whole for the medicines and regimeu I submitted to in town. May you, dear L- want neither the one nor the other!

Yours, truly,

LETTER XCVIII.

To the Same.

L. STERNE.

COXWOULD, June 30, 1767.

I AM in still better health, my dear Le, than when I wrote last to you, owing I believe to my riding out every day with my friend H, whose castle lies near the sea; and there is a beach as even as a mirror, of five miles in length, before it, where we daily run races in our chaises, with one wheel in the sea, and the other on land. D has obtained his fair Indian, and has this post sent a letter of inquiries after Yorick and his Bramin. He is a good soul, and interests himself much in our fate. I cannot forgive you, L- -e, for your folly in saying you intend to get introduced to the I despise them; and I shall hold your understanding much cheaper than I now do, if you persist in a resolution so unworthy of you. I

suppose Mrs. J

you go upon. By

telling you they were sensible, is the groundwork they are not clever; though what is commonly called wit, may pass for literature on the other side of Temple Bar. You say Mrs. J thinks them amiable; she judges too favorably: but I have put a stop to her intentions of visiting them. They are bitter enemies of mine; and I am even with them. La Bramine assured me they used their endeavors with her to break off her friendship with me, for reasons I will not write, but tell you. I said enough of them before she left England; and though she yielded to me in every other point, yet in this she obstinately persisted. Strange infatuation! but I think I have effected my purpose by a falsity, which Yorick's friendship to the Bramine can only justify. I wrote her word that the most amiable of women reiterated my request, that she would not write to them. I said, too, she had concealed many things for the sake of her peace of mind, when, in fact, L—e, this was merely a child of my own brain, made Mrs. J—-—'s by adoption, to enforce the argument I had before urged so strongly. Do not mention this circumstance to Mrs. J—; 'twould displease her; and I had no design in it but for the Bramine to be a friend to herself. I ought now to be busy from sunrise to sunset, for I have a book to write, a wife to receive, an estate to sell, a parish to superintend, and, what is worst of all, a disquieted heart to reason with; these are continual calls upon me. I have received half a dozen letters to press me to join my friends at Scarborough, but I am at present deaf to them all. I perhaps may pass a few days there something later in the season-not at present; and so, dear L- adieu. I am most cordially yours,

I MUST acknowledge the courtesy of my good friend Sancho's letter, were I ten times busier than I am; and must thank him too for the many expressions of his good-will and good opinion: 'tis all affectation to say a man is not gratified with being praised; we only