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When you with your bagpipes are ready to play,
My voice shall be ready to carol away

With Sandy, and Sawney, and Jockey,
With Sawney, and Jarvie, and Jockey.

MRS. BULKLEY.

Ye gamesters, who, so eager in pursuit, Make but of all your fortune one va toute: Ye jockey tribe whose stock of words are few, 'I hold the odds.—Done, done, with you, with you.' Ye barristers, so fluent with grimace, 'My Lord,—your Lordship misconceives the case.' Doctors, who cough and answer every misfortuner, 'I wish I'd been call'd in a little sooner,' Assist my cause with hands and voices hearty, Come end the contest here, and aid my party.

AIR BALEINAMONY. MISS CATLEY.

Ye brave Irish lads, hark away to the crack,
Assist me, I pray, in this woful attack;
For sure I don't wrong you, you seldom are slack,
When the ladies are calling, to blush, and hang
back. For you're always polite and attentive,
Still to amuse us inventive,
And death is your only preventive:
Your hands and your voices for me.

MRS. BULKLEY.

Well, Madam, what if, after all this sparring, We both agree, like friends, to end our jarring?

MISS CATLEY.

And that our friendship may remain unbroken, What if we leave the Epilogue unspoken?

MRS. BULKLEY.

Agreed.

MISS CATLEY.

Agreed.

MRS. BULKLEY.

And now with late repentance,
Unepilogued the poet waits his sentence.
Condemn the stubborn fool who can't submit
To thrive by flattery, though he starves by wit.

[Exeunt. EPILOGUE INTENDED FOR MRS. BULKLEY.

There is a place, so Ariosto sings, A treasury for lost and missing things:Lost human wits have places there assign'd them, And they, who lose their senses, there may find them.
But where's this place, this storehouse of the age?
The moon, says he:—but I affirm the stage:
At least in many things, I think, I see
His lunar and our mimic world agree.
Both shine at night, for but at Foote's alone.
We scarce exhibit till the sun goes down.
Both prone to change, no settled limits fix,
And sure the folks of both are lunatics.
But in this parallel my best pretence is,
That mortals visit both to find their senses.
To this strange spot, rakes, macaronies, cits,
Come thronging to collect their scatter'd wits.
The gay coquette, who ogles all the day,
Comes here at night, and goes a prude away.
Hither the affected city dame advancing,
Who sighs for operas, and dotes on dancing,
Taught by our art her ridicule to pause on,
Quits the Ballet, and calls for Nancy Dawson.
The Gamester too, whose wits all high or low,
Oft risques his fortune on one desperate throw,

Comes here to saunter, having made his bets,
Finds his lost senses out, and pays his debts.
The Mohawk too—with angry phrases stor'd,
As ' Dam'me, Sir,' and ' Sir, I wear a sword;'
Here lesson'd for a while, and hence retreating,
Goes out, affronts his man, and takes a beating.
Here comes the sons of scandal and of news,
But find no sense—for they had none to lose.
Of all the tribe here wanting an adviser,
Our Author's the least likely to grow wiser;
Has he not seen how you your favour place
On sentimental queens and lords in lace?
Without a star, a coronet, or garter,
How can the piece expect or hope for quarter?
No high life scenes, no sentiment:—the creature
Still stoops among the low to copy nature.
Yes, he's far gone:—and yet some pity fix,
The English laws forbid to punish lunatics.1

1 This Epilogue was given in MS. by Dr. Goldsmith to Dr. Percy (now Bishop of Dromore); but for what comedy it was intended is not remembered.

EPILOGUE TO THE COMEDY OF ' SHE
STOOPS TO CONQUER.'

Well, having Stoop d to Conquer with success,
And gain'd a husband without aid from dress,
Still as a barmaid, I could wish it too,
As I have conquer'd him, to conquer you:
And let me say, for all your resolution,
That pretty barmaids have done execution.
Our life is all a play, compos'd to please,
'We have our exits and our entrances.'
The First Act shows the simple country maid,
Harmless and young, of every thing afraid;
Blushes when hir'd, and, with unmeaning action,
'I hope as how to give you satisfaction.'
Her Second Act displays a livelier scene—
Th' unblushing barmaid of a country inn,
Who whisks about the house, at market caters,
Talks loud, coquets the guests, and scolds the waiters.
Next the scene shifts to town, and there she soars,
The chophouse toasts of ogling connoisseurs.
On 'squires and cits she there displays her arts,
And on the gridiron broils her lovers' hearts:
And as she smiles, her triumphs to complete,

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