ESSAYS ON CRANIOSCOPY, CRANIOLOGY, PHRENOLOGY, &c.* By Sir TOBY TICKLETOBY, Bart. CHAP. I. Counsel for the Prosecution: I have no fear but you'll give verdict, "Guilty." Counsel for the Prisoner: Look at that bump, my Lord, upon his head As almost every individual in this ancient city who can read has lately had an opportunity of judging of the infallibility of the doctrine which measures the powers of our minds by the bumps upon our skulls, from the accurate examination of the head of the unfortunate individual who lately forfeited his life to the laws of his country, by one so eminently qualified to form an accurate opinion on the subject, I trust I shall be pardoned for dedicating a few pages to a theme which I have been compelled to hear illustrated in every company. There seems now little doubt, from the learned publications of our own countrymen, that every prevalent bent of mind or brain (for brain without mind is a very useless article indeed) developes itself by a corresponding increase of the bony case which is supposed to contain the thinking ap Justiciary Records for the year 1996. paratus, and that an examination of the head of any one by those in the secret, is sure to detect the prevailing character of the individual, from the external swellings or bumps upon his skull. This is the system of those renowned discoverers Drs Gall and Spurzheim, and of their illustrators in this country; and any one who takes the trouble to examine it by the test of experiment, will soon find that this hypothesis of human action is admirably calculated for the subsequent improvement of our species. My chief objection to it is, that it does not go far enough, and that in the thirtythree great divisions in the map of the osseous covering of the centre of nervous energy, room has not been found for thirty-three divisions more. instance, we know that there are dull, and very stupid, and even insane people in the world; yet there is no organ For Cranioscopy means the inspection of the cranium, and Craniology, a discourse on the cranium. Phrenology is derived from the Greek noun gevac, mind, or rather perhaps from geviris, mentis delirium; the same root from which our common English word phrensy takes its rise, and which signifies, according to Dr Johnson, on the authority of Milton, madness, frantickness. The Scottish writers on this subject, with the characteristic good sense of their countrymen, prefer the appropriate term phrenology to the less significant terms employed by the cranial philosophers of the south, or the fathers of skull science on the Continent. Phrenitis, in the nosological systems of Sauvages and Cullen, I need scarcely remark, is a cognate word. VOL. X. K brio, it begins to think the best philosophy, and it is right. Doubtless this is the great cause of the popularity of that confounded Northern Magazine, which seems to have taken out a patent for laughing at all the world. Like the spear of Achilles, however, its point can convey pleasure as well as pain-a balm as well as a wound. It is a wicked wag, yet one cannot help laughing with it at times, even against one's-self. I shall never forget the look of L. H. when he read himself described in it, as a turkey-cock coquetting with the hostile number newly come out. There was more good nature in the article than he had met any where for a long time, and he grinned with a quantum of glee that would have suffocated a monkey. I would that Heaven had endowed me with more of the risible faculty, or more of the serious; that had been decidedly one or the other, instead of being of that mongrel humour, which deals out philosophy with flippant air, and cracks jests with coffin visage. I can't enrol myself under any banner; and cannot, for the life of me, be either serious or merry. I've tried both; but my gravity was doggedness, and my mirth most uncouth gambolling. So I must e'en remain as I am,-up or down, as stimuli make or leave me. It is a sorry look-out, though, to be dependent on these,to owe every bright thought to " mine host," or mine apothecary. I am not an admirer of " the sober berry's juice;" it generates more wind than ideas. Johnson's favourite beverage is better, but it is not that I worship, "Tell me what company you keep," says the adage; a more pertinent query would be, "Tell me what liquor you drink." I would undertake to tell any character upon this data. There is a manicompromise between wine and water" in Mr Octavius Gilchrist; 'tis easy to discover sour beer in Mr Gifford's pen; and brisk toddy in North's -equally easy in mine, to descry the dizziness of spirit, or the washiness of water, whichever at the time be the reigning potion. fest This hurried sketch will not see the light till I am no more. 'Twill be found among my papers, affixed to my Memoirs, and my executors will give it to the world with pomp. Then will I, uncoated, unbreeched, and uncravatted, look down from the empyreal on the scatteration of my foes. A life of drudgery-of "hubble, bubble, toil, and trouble"-will be repaid with ages of fame; and, enthroned between Addison and Bacon, my spirit shall wield the sceptre of Cockney philosophy.Yet let me not be discontented; I am not all forsaken. From Winterston to Hampstead my name is known-at least, with respect. I am in literature the lord-mayor of the city-the Wood of Parnassus (what an idea!). The apprentices of Cockaigne point at me, as towards the highest grade of their ambition. I am the prefect of all city critical gazettes; and L. H. for all his huffing and strutting, is but my deputy-my proconsul.-Said I not well, Bully Rock? I blew into his nostrils all the genius he possesses, and introduced him to the honourable fraternity of washerwomen and the roundtable; since which auspicious day, he lacked never a beef-steak, or a clean shirt. But of him, and of all my acquaintances, I have left valuable memorials throughout my writings. This observation, and that anecdote, have always come pat into my sentences; so that, with my mixture of gossip and philosophy, I shall be the halfBoswell, half-Johnson, of my age.— Not that I deign to compare myself with the first in dignity, or with the last in " that fine tact, that airy intuitive faculty," that purchases at halfprice ready-made wisdom. As to my politics, it would be a difficult matter to say what they were. I know not myself; so that we will treat them as a country schoolmaster gets over a hard word, "It's Greek, Bill, read on.”As to my temper, it is of the genus irritabile prosaicorum (if that be good Latin.) I am very willing to give, but little able to return a blow. I weep under the lash, and, in truth, am too innocent for the world. After attacking private character and public virtue,-endeavouring to sap all principles of religion and government,-uttering whatever slander or blasphemy caprice suggested, or malice spurred me to,-yet am I surprised, and unable to discover, how or why any one can be angry with me. I own, it is a puzzle to me to find out how I have made enemies. Yet, such is the world, that I am belaboured on all sides; ;friends and foes alike fall foul of me; and often am I tempted to cry out, in the language of that book I have neglected, "There is no peace for me, but in the grave." ESSAYS ON CRANIOSCOPY, CRANIOLOGY, PHRENOLOGY, &c.* By Sir TOBY TICKLETOBY, Bart. CHAP. I. Counsel for the Prosecution: I have no fear but you'll give verdict, "Guilty." Look at that bump, my Lord, upon his head; As almost every individual in this ancient city who can read has lately had an opportunity of judging of the infallibility of the doctrine which measures the powers of our minds by the bumps upon our skulls, from the accurate examination of the head of the unfortunate individual who lately forfeited his life to the laws of his country, by one so eminently qualified to form an accurate opinion on the subject, I trust I shall be pardoned for dedicating a few pages to a theme which I have been compelled to hear illustrated in every company. There seems now little doubt, from the learned publications of our own countrymen, that every prevalent bent of mind or brain (for brain without mind is a very useless article indeed) developes itself by a corresponding increase of the bony case which is supposed to contain the thinking ap Justiciary Records for the year 1996. paratus, and that an examination of the head of any one by those in the secret, is sure to detect the prevailing character of the individual, from the external swellings or bumps upon his skull. This is the system of those renowned discoverers Drs Gall and Spurzheim, and of their illustrators in this country; and any one who takes the trouble to examine it by the test of experiment, will soon find that this hypothesis of human action is admirably calculated for the subsequent improvement of our species. My chief objection to it is, that it does not go far enough, and that in the thirtythree great divisions in the map of the osseous covering of the centre of nervous energy, room has not been found for thirty-three divisions more. instance, we know that there are dull, and very stupid, and even insane people in the world; yet there is no organ For Cranioscopy means the inspection of the cranium, and Craniology, a discourse on the cranium. Phrenology is derived from the Greek noun gevac, mind, or rather perhaps from geviris, mentis delirium; the same root from which our common English word phrensy takes its rise, and which signifies, according to Dr Johnson, on the authority of Milton, madness, frantickness. The Scottish writers on this subject, with the characteristic good sense of their countrymen, prefer the appropriate term phrenology to the less significant terms employed by the cranial philosophers of the south, or the fathers of skull science on the Continent. Phrenitis, in the nosological systems of Sauvages and Cullen, I need scarcely remark, is a cognate word. K VOL. X. of stupidity, or bump of dulness,-no so well known to medical men from rise or depression to designate the sane the intolerable headachs which arise from the insane,-the crack-brained from repletion and indigestion, also theorist from the cool investigator. well deserves the notice of some great Now, that there must, in some skulls man, capable of working up the idea at least, be tremendous bumps of folly into a system. The facts which have and gullibility, (gullibilitiveness, I be- come under my own notice, have long lieve, should be the word,) the writ- impressed me with the belief, that ings of Spurzheim and his followers there is more mind in the belly than afford abundant and most melancholy most people are aware of. There is no proof. saying what effect even diet may have on the production of genius; and it would be premature, in the present state of our knowledge on this point, to offer any conjectures as to the share which breakfast, dinner, and supper may have had in the elicitation of works, hitherto attributed to the head alone. Another very profound theory of human action and human motive, has been lately propounded by the celebrated Dr Edward Clyster; and though the system of the Doctor has been prevented from being sufficiently known by the mean jealousies and envy of professional rivalship, and the prevailing celebrity of phrenology, it certainly deserves to be made better known. The Doctor's theory is, that the prevailing mental character of the individual may be traced with equal certainty on another extremity of the human body; and that in point of practical experiment, more instances can be cited in favour of his hypothesis, than that of Drs Gall and Spurzheim. From the Doctor's repeated examination of the bottoms of nearly eight hundred boys, while usher of the Grammar School of Kittlehearty, and from facts communicated to him by the four masters of the High School of Gutterborough, he concludes with confidence, that the indications of the hemispheres of the one termination, are at least of equal importance with the indications of the other. He mentions with an air of triumph the results of the application of the birch (taws, Scotticé,) to this part, and the well known effects of the operation in stimulating the intellectual powers, as matter of everyday observation, and as affording reason to believe that the bottom is more intimately connected with the mind than preceding investigators have supposed.+ The intimate connection which subsists between the stomach and the brain, Without entering into the merits of these rival hypotheses, or of the more probable one of Lavater, that the prevailing habits of thought give a characteristic tone to the whole physiognomy, I may be permitted to state, that the production of genius is a much more philosophical subject of inquiry than the indications of it, or the want of them in a person already formed, and where the utmost that can be expected from the knowledge is, some minute regulations for checking or improving what can only be checked or improved to a very limited extent. These indications, then, of the hitherto barren theory of Drs Gall, Spurzheim, and Company, I now purpose to turn to some practical account. It is a well-known fact, that the human cranium may be moulded, in early infancy, into any conceivable shape, from the elastic nature of the bones of which it is formed. Every medical practitioner, from Hippocrates and Celsus down to Abraham Posset the apothecary, is aware of this fact; and it is equally well ascertained, that several tribes of savages take their distinctive mark from the form of the skull. It is fashionable among one tribe, for instance, to wear their brain in a case shaped like a sugar-loaf, while others + Dr Spurzheim, from the circumstance of Sterne being represented in all his portraits with his head leaning on his hand, and his finger on a particular place of his forehead, concludes that the organ of wit must occupy that identical spot; and Dr Clyster, from the late Dr Webster, the founder of that excellent institution, the Widows' Fund of the Scottish Clergy, having his hands in his breeches-pockets when he brought forward the measure in the General Assembly, and always one hand in that position when he spoke on the subject, considers it as demonstrated, that the organ of Benevolence and Philanthropy must be confined to that neighbourhood. So nearly balanced are the two theories. prefer to have their terminating prominence moulded in imitation of a cocoanut. And I have little doubt, when the interior of the African continent is better known, that nations will be found with their craniums compressed into forms still more unaccountable.* The mere mention of these undoubted facts, when coupled with the knowledge of the functions of the brain derived from the writings of Gall, Spurzheim, and their British disciples, must awaken, in the minds of philosophic observers, ideas of the perfectibility of the human race, and the concentration and expansion of the powers of the human mind, which may make the golden age of the old world, or the Millenium of the present, an event within the reach of ordinary life, and perfectly practicable in the next generation. I know the envy generally attached to the promulgator of a new discovery; and I should not have dared, did a court of inquisition exist in this country, perhaps even to hint at the generalization of facts collected by the great men who have gone before me in the road of discovery. But if the scheme I have now to propose be taken up by Parliament in their next session, I pledge myself, (the principles of Gall and Spurzheim retaining their infallibility,) gradually to lessen by its means the annual amount of crime in this country, and in the course of thirty years, the common term for a generation of human beings, to banish it entirely from Great Britain. As it is of considerable importance, however, and as it may prevent the honour of my discovery from being appropriated by others, and save a world of literary controversy about priority of ideas, I beg to mention, that the idea came into my organ of inventiveness on the twenty-fifth of July, one thousand, eight hundred, and twenty-one, ten minutes after eleven o'clock at night, and that it entered into my very marked organ of benevolence in less than three minutes after. As all the circumstances which lead to any very notable discovery are of service in tracing the filiation of ideas, I may further remark, that it was after a careful perusal of the Phre nological Notices regarding Haggart's head, attached to the end of that mur derer's narrative, and the very satisfactory illustration of that almost prophetic art, which can, by manipulation, typify a thrice-condemned convict as a remarkable culprit, before he is ac tually hanged! My supper this evening consisted of a plate of strawberries, (very small ones,) and about the eighth part of an ounce, by estimation, of Scottish Parmasan, viz. ewe-milk cheese. Thus much for the ascertain ment of my discovery, which, I have little doubt, will add a few leaves more to the already flourishing laurel which already encircles the head of Sir Tobias Tickletobæus, Baronet. + As all the organs of thought and vo lition are as distinctly laid down in the cranial map of Gall and Spurzheim as the position of the Isle of May, or the Bell Rock, in the charts of the coast of Scotland,—and as I have already de monstrated the practicability of com pressing the cranial bones, at an early age, into any conceivable form,-nothing more is required, to give a new and definite direction to the thoughts and feelings of the next generation, than to mould the infant head to a given form, by the simple application of an unyielding metal head-dress, formed so as only to permit the deve lopement of the required organs. These metal caps might be moulded from the heads of those whose ruling passions were most strongly marked; and, continuing them of the same form, they might be made of increasing sizes, so as to suit every shade of growth, from puling infancy to the full grown man. If the elevation of the skull, at a certain part, be occasioned by the developement of a particular organ situated under it, (and this has been clearly demonstrated by Dr Spurzheim, and his Scottish disciples,) there can be nothing more easy in nature, or in the • The relation which Shakespeare puts into the mouth of Othello, of "men whose heads do grow beneath their shoulders," may turn out to be a veritable fact. Othello, it will be observed, was a native of Africa. My German commentators generally quote me by my Christian name Tobias; but the Dutch translators always denominate me as above. I mention this, because it has, in more than one instance, occurred that I have been confounded with " Toby," and I wish as long as possible to preserve my personal identity. my uncle |