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'I believe I have,' was the answer, but he's been abroad for years, and as I happen never to have seen him

'Well, what?' inquired the old man eagerly. "Why, I don't happen to know him.'

Planty drew a sigh of relief.

'Ah,' he said, 'I thought you was goin' to say you wasn't much interested in him. Now, I do know him, and rather intimate too.' Seeing that Planty stopped at the end of his sentence, and regarded Banton with an expression of peculiar significance, the latter felt called upon to make some remark; but, nothing more elaborate occurring to his mind, he gave utterance to the single ejaculation, Indeed!'

The old man indulged in a curious internal chuckle, which appeared to come from some hidden machinery considerably out of gear, and which had a singularly irritating effect upon its hearers.

'I suppose,' he said, 'you didn't mean to ask a poor old wayfarer, as one may say, to jest come in and have a rest? not along of his knowin' your uncle, now?'

'My dear sir,' returned Banton, opening the gate, but at the same time considerably exercised in his mind to imagine what sort of an uncle it must be who was on intimate terms with such an unmitigated old ruffian as this, by all means come inside. We, of course, are very willing to welcome a friend of our long-lost relation, although at present our domestic affairs are a trifle disorganised. The servants are out for the day.'

The old man entered the garden, beaming with satisfaction, and taking a comprehensive glance around as he came.

'Servants, eh?' he said. "So you do it regular, do you? more'n one servant? How many, now? maybe two-three?'

'No,' answered Banton, writhing inwardly at the evasion he was compelled to employ, we never had more than two.'

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'Oh, indeed,' said this intolerable old colonial-this confounded old Africander, Banton termed him in his heart-well, two's enough. But look'e, I'd a made one on 'em clean them steps before takin' of holidays.'

The extreme dirtiness of the door-steps had struck Banton himself upon his return home, and this reminder brought the colour to his cheeks. He smiled feebly as he replied:

They do look rather untidy. I'll see that they are cleaned before the morning.'

Then he led the way hurriedly into the house, and called to his wife. Hearing voices in the garden, she had been hovering near, and appeared instantly.

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'This is a friend of my uncle Plantagenet,' he said; the uncle who has been in Africa so long,' he added by way of explanation.

Mrs. Banton appeared more amused than otherwise struck at the eccentric appearance of the quaint old man. She bowed, but reflecting that a bow must appear somewhat incongruous to this old fellow, who seemed like a cross between a river pilot and a mechanic in holiday attire, she smiled and held out her hand.

6

That's what I call friendly,' said the visitor, gripping her fingers with a pressure of tremendous force, that's what Planty your uncle, mum, would af done hisself.-My name's Peter Bream.'

'Will you take a seat, Mr. Brim?' said Mrs. Banton.

'I thank you, mum,' returned Planty, but Bream it isB-r-e-a-m, not Brim, if it's all the same to you.'

Again that strange and irritating chuckle came from him. He was saying to himself, 'You can't be too partic'lar over a name, specially when it's a false one as you've only jest invented.'

Some indecision appeared as to who should be first to continue the conversation, but, after a momentary hesitation, Planty saved his entertainers all trouble by commencing fire himself.

'Touching this uncle of yours,' he said, seating himself with great composure, 'you've no doubt heard he's what they call eccentric. So he is; there's no denying of it. Me and him's been friends a'most ever since he's been out in them parts, livin' together and follerin' one another about together, so that we come to be that intimate it seemed as if we never shouldn't part. But the time come and I've chucked it up-retired, as you might say; and when I was a comin' over here, "Planty," I says, "tell us all about your relations." But Planty he laughed and he says, "Relations," says he--"why, they ain't much to brag about, nor many of 'em." "So much the better," says I; "but tell us where they hang out, for be sure I'll look 'em up." "Well," says Planty, "I had a father and mother once, and them you'll find near on Kennington Church-in the yard, I shouldn't wonder-it ain't no good lookin' after them; and I had a brother, but he's gone after bis parints, and now there's none of 'em left but my nephy." "Ah," says I, "and what like is he?" Why, I never seen him," says Planty," but I have heard as he's a educated young chap, and well to do. Not such as the likes of you would cotton to." "Oh," says I," and why not?"" Because," says Planty, "he's a gentleman, and you ain't, and ain't never likely to be." "Thank'e, Banton," says I, "you ain't much to brag on yourself; but tell us where this young chap lives, and I'll go round that way, blowed if I

don't."

66

Planty stopped to see what effect his narrative had made, but as it produced nothing except a smile from each of his hearers, he presently took up the thread of his narrative again, diverting its current to his own affairs.

'And so, you see, Mr. Banton,' he went on, here I am. I only come into London to-day, and ain't got no luggage with me beyond this yere small bag I carry in my hand; I must look that all up in the morning. But mark you, I'm no pauper. I don't mind tellin' of you, I'm worth three hundred a year, clear, and nothing to do for it.'

You will have some refreshment, Mr. Bream?' asked John Banton: a glass of wine?'

'I thank you,' returned Planty with considerable stiffness, it's a'most dinner time, I take it.'

With so broad a hint, there was nothing for it but to ask him to remain to dinner.

If you'll excuse a frugal meal,' said Mrs. Banton, we shall be very happy if you will stop with us.'

'But,' added her husband hurriedly, having given the servants a holiday, we shall have to wait upon ourselves. However, if a chop and a glass of grog

'Say no more,' exclaimed Planty, waving his hand. 'I'm your guest, and thank'e. The man as can't be happy upon a chop and a glass of grog ain't one as Planty-ain't one as no one would be likely to get on with.'

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Then I must ask you to excuse me a moment, Mr. Bream,' said Mrs. Banton; and she left the visitor alone with her husband, while she went to busy herself in the preparation of the dinner.

'Where do you propose to stop, Mr. Bream?' asked John Banton, more as a means of opening conversation than out of any inquisitive motive. At some hotel, I presume; or have you friends in this neighbourhood?'

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'Well,' answered the old man, with his horrible chuckle and a cunning twinkle in his eye, I ain't rightly made up my mind. There ain't no friend just hereaway, as I know of, but no doubt I shall manage.'

Then he added, so suddenly as to startle his host into an invitation he immediately regretted, 'I was thinking perhaps you might find a spare room, jest for one night, for your uncle's intimate friend?'

'I shall be very glad to give you a bed,' answered unfortunate Banton. Then he remembered their present iting impecuniosity, and wondered what his wife would say to having this old boor in the house for the night, and how the difficulty of servants

VOL. XLIII. NO. CLXXII,

H

could be overcome.

He determined to let her know immediately, but to achieve this it was necessary to make some excuse to get out of the room.

'You'd better have a glass of wine, Mr. Bream,' he said; 'I'll get you one.'

The old man gave a ready assent, whereupon Banton hurried out of the room.

'Jane,' he said to his wife, who was busy in the kitchen, like a fool, I have let this old wretch get me to promise him a bed for to-night. He must have it now, and

'But, my dear,' returned Mrs. Banton, how is the work to be done? If you had said in the first instance that we had no servant it would not have mattered, but now we shall have to keep up the pretence in the house as well as out of it. I will do my utmost, but it will be difficult; and you know those steps really must be cleaned.'

6 Well,' said the unfortunate Banton, whose desire to be hospitable had got him into this plight, we must do our best. will try to keep him quiet, and we must get him to have some grog and go to sleep after dinner.'

So saying he returned to the small study, where he had left the old man, taking with him a bottle of sherry and a couple of glasses wherewith to beguile the time until dinner should be ready.

Unconscious that his presence was such a sore discomfort, Planty met his host with a beaming smile, and gladly joined him in a glass of wine, which he poured down his capacious throat in a fashion that was essentially his own, becoming with each libation more and more loquacious. Meantime Banton was wondering how early the visitor would be up in the morning, and whether it would be practicable to clean the old wretch's boots without being discovered.

By the time Mrs. Banton came in to say that dinner awaited them in the dining-room, the bottle of sherry had nearly vanished, and the visitor was happy as need be wished.

'Well,' exclaimed Planty, when he took his seat at the dinner table, his eye making a rapid survey of the board as he spoke, ‘I don't see nothin' to make excuses for yere. Chops, sure enough, and right good ones too; and this yere's a bit of cold biled bacon, I take it; well, you've got a few potaters along of it, and a drop of beer. Now, what more can you want? Many's the time as Planty and me'd a give no end for the likes of this yere feed.'

'You see, Mr. Bream,' Mrs. Banton exclaimed, 'people in London think so much of good living.'

'And this all comes of your generosity!' exclaimed the visitor, before she had time to conclude what she was about to remark. 'If it hadn't a been for your givin' of your servants a holiday you'd a been havin' your four courses and all. But there; I'm happy enough on this, and like it better. Some may call it frugal, but it suits me better without no show."

And indeed it appeared to suit him; for he swept away the mutton-chops, which had been obtained on credit for to-morrow's dinner, with an alacrity and gusto which somewhat startled his hostess, and then he pounded into bread and cheese, drinking beer with it in a manner to frighten the storing capacities of a thirsty boating man.

'And now I'm done, and thank'e,' he said at length, pushing his plate away from him and wiping his mouth upon his coat-sleeve. Then he dipped his hands deep in his trousers' pockets and leant back in his chair, smiling benignly. There's only three things wanted to make this yere perfect,' he added after a moment's reflection; a toothpick, a pipe, and a drop-jest a wee drop-of grog. But them I know is coming. Whisky's my taste.'

Certainly you shall have those,' said Banton, smiling at the old man's unfettered freedom of manner; and I think

'But Lord,' interrupted Planty, I'm a thinkin' of myself too fast. You'll have to swab decks first: I'll lend a hand.'

So saying he rose from his seat, and was about to commence the process of clearing the table, when Mrs. Banton checked his ardent goodnature.

'No, no, Mr. Bream!' she cried, deprecating his desire to make himself too much at home, we will leave these things here and go into the study.'

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'Right, mum,' cried Planty, that's quite right; and let them lazy servants clear up when they come back. What time might you be expectin' of 'em?'

6

Certainly that is the best plan,' interrupted the host, rising rapidly from his seat before his wife had opportunity to invent a suitable answer to the old man's awkward query; let us go at once. Come along, Mr. Bream.'

He led the way to the smaller room to which the visitor had first been introduced, but Planty insisted on accompanying Mrs. Banton to the kitchen to procure hot water and the necessary glasses for grog-compounding. When these were duly provided he settled himself on a sofa and reproduced his former smile of satisfied enjoyment.

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Now, this yere's what I call prime,' he said, sipping contentedly from his steaming glass, and drawing long volumes of

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