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and declared design to convince Lesbia of the follies authorized by the custom of the isle, he visited her apartment daily, and soon discovered that her mind, if properly enlightened, would incline to exchange an absurd prerogative for the softer influence allowed to females. At first Lesbia seemed curiously interested in the enormous volumes brought by her new teacher, who collected the most ancient and ample ones on the subject of due supremacy and subordination. But Lesbia never reasoned, though she argued continually; and it was not easy to debate with an opponent who answered the gravest arguments by a laugh or a jest. And as she always found some employ ment for him during his harangues, poor Busbequius spent half his time in regulating her aviary, selecting bouquets, and holding her music-book while she adapted the odes of the first Lesbian poetess to the half-antique lyre still used in Mytilene. After a few interviews, he discovered that her figure in the picturesque costume of her island would afford Italian sculptors an admirable model of an Amazon; that her modern Greek manuscripts deserved a place in the academy of Pisa; and that she might be rendered a very useful amanuensis if her notions of female independence could besubdued. Instigated, as he always said, by no motive but the public good, our professor lengthened his visits every day, and certainly enlarged his fund of science. For Lesbia persecuted him with questions respecting the dress of his countrywomen, and would not understand his descriptions till he endeavoured to exemplify them by tying on his cloak and folding his official scarf in the style of a Paduan lady. And as she found his education very deficient, she told him, in the most important points, she compelled him to pour her coffee, arranged her worktable, and carry her parasol, which he endured with tolerable grace, as his obedience was an easy price for her attention to his precepts. With all the dignity and self-approbation of a martyr to the cause of philosophy, Dr. Busbequius sat by her side, gravely learning to knit while Lesbia pretended to read Cicero's letters respecting his wife's domestic virtues of industry and meekness, in a tone of profound attention and respect. We must confess these studies were often interrupted by a symphony on the Lesbian lyre, which

she touched with skill enough to have enchanted Ludovico himself, whose first quarrel with his deceased wife had been because she refused to learn the science he idolized.

After some weeks had passed, the philosopher, one day, accosted his nephew with a mysterious air; and having intimated, rather awkwardly, that public benefits sometimes require private sacrifices, announced his intended marriage with Lesbia. "Superior reason,” said he, assuming a sublime tone, "has determined her to leave this seat of barbarous prejudices, and to learn the true graces of her sex in Italy. After this, Ludovico, let no one doubt the prevailing force of masculine rhetoric, wisdom, and perseverance."

Blandalma had not been wholly blind to the progress of his uncle's wisdom ; but as it had furnished both a shelter and an excuse for his own, he made no attempt to oppose it; and very complacently inquired how he intended to convey a bride from a place where marriages with aliens are unfavourably viewed. The philosopher had formed a plan to elude all obstacles, and proposed that their felucca should be equipped as if for a short excursion, and Lesbia invited to partake it. Blandalma listened with unfeigned pleasure to a scheme which accorded so well with` one he did not yet venture to avow.' He felt, it is true, some pity on his uncle's account, when he saw him fascinated by wit and beauty into a ridiculous union, but congratulated himself that his second choice was founded on the sure attractions of a meek and well-subdued temper. Never doubting that the Calogria would be permitted to accompany her sister in the projected voyage, Blandalma instantly provided his felucca with a trusty crew, and took his station in the cabin, as his uncle requested, to receive the fair companion of their adventure with due respect. He had never yet been admitted into her presence, as his indolent indifference had provoked the capricious haughtiness of her temper; and he, on his part, expected to see a face as shrewishly forbidding as some degree of youth and beauty could permit in Lesbia, and the utmost softness in her sister's, which he had never yet seen unveiled. But when the lady entered, triumphantly ushered by his uncle, and threw aside her boat-cloak, he recognized, notwithstanding the artificial eyebrows and high

vermillion added to suit her Lesbian costume, the features of his own wife. Astonishment at this resurrection, and perhaps a sensation not unlike horror, were so visible in his face, that Dr. Busbequius stood aghast, and mechanically felt for his lancet in expectation of a swoon. The Countess Blandalma, less surprised at the effect of her appearance, bent humbly to her husband, and inquired if he was still disposed to cultivate her Calogria's favour. Ludovico made a confused and angry answer, that it no longer depended on himself." It depends on you alone," she replied, laughing; "your uncle has learnt to excuse your former submission to my fancies, and I have learnt how to render it easy. With all my fantastical pretensions to dominion, he did not think me intolerable; and without wit, beauty, or elegance, you found me very interesting in the cloak and veil of a dumb Calogria. When I wish for success in the art of pleasing, I have only to remember the industry and meekness you admired at Mytilene; and you will probably forgive my pretended death, which allowed you so much happiness.'

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Blandalma had good-humour and good-sense; and as he knew she had acquired the art of being silent sometimes, he very frankly forgave the stratagem practised to regain him. uncle Furbino, by whom the principal part had been sustained, accompanied them back to their former residence in Italy, where their conjugal happiLess became a proverb; while his honest uncle Busbequius wrote two folios to prove that celebrated truth—" Silence is the ornament of woman." V.

HISTORY OF PETER PLIANT.

(Continued from page 20.)

As the two or three years previo sent my father's death had been spent at the university, I found myself considerably at a loss with regard to the property left me, and therefore had recourse to Mr. Plausible, a professional gentle man who had occasionally managed my father's concerns, and who, on returning from the circuit, had, according to custom, paid a visit to the old mansion.

During the time he was unoccupied, I communicated to him a project I had formed of following some profession, rather than expose myself to an habitual indolence, which is too often the source of many evils. According to

my expectations, he endeavoured to persuade me to the practice of the law; he represented in the most persuasive terms the advantages resulting from it, and enforced, with all the eloquence he was master of, its superiority over every other profession. In the course of his harangue, he set before me the bright example of Baron Brass, who, from being one of its humblest followers, had become one of the pillars of the constitution; though, by the bye, he forgot to notice the methods he had used to obtain his honours, and which reflected no great credit upon his character; and when I objected, that it could hardly be reconciled to conscience, to advocate the causes of many, of whose guilt there was no moral doubt, he interrupted me with a flowery panegyric upon the glorious nature of the British constitution, which always permits the greatest possible assistance to those labouring under the suspicions of justice; and concluded his argument by drawing my attention to that glorious maxim of the English law which always considers every man innocent till he is proved guilty.

Without the least disparagement to Mr. Plausible's eloquence, I fear I should hardly have been convinced by it so far as to enrol myself under the banners of legal controversy, had I not cherished a desire to study the jurisprudence of my country; at least, so much as is necessary for the safe conduct of every individual, and of which too many are ignorant. To this ignorance, indeed, may be ascribed that increase of laws which verifies the prophecy of Gibbon, and the period seems almost to have arrived, "when the Priests of Themis are rendered the sole interpreters of their own oracles."

Having, however, decided to spend the ensuing winter in London, agreeably to an invitation from my aunt whom I have before mentioned, I accepted an offer Mr. Plausible made me of a seat in his chambers, where I could occasionally devote portion of my time, and acquire some information respecting the constitution of the country. This arrangement made, Mr. Plausible, at the end of another week, left me for the metropolis, bearing a letter to my aunt, signifying that a few days would see me safely lodged at her house in London.

Accordingly, after I had made some

necessary arrangements, and left several directions respecting my establishment, 1 committed the care of my house to Mr. Somers, my steward, mounted my horse, and took the road to London.

It was a beautiful morning, and accorded with the sensations that occupied my bosom, for I could not help picturing to my imagination the satisfaction I should enjoy in meeting, after so long an absence, a family who had endeared themselves to me by repeated kindness and attentions. Owing to various circumstances, I had not seen them for so long a period, that I contemplated the approaching meeting with more than usual pleasure; and indeed indulged my imagination to such an extent, that I had wandered above a mile from the direct road, and, in all probability, should have gone much farther, had not the groan of agony from a cottage on the road-side arrested my attention. A better motive than curiosity led me to the door, and, on entering, I found a respectable old man laying senseless in a chair, having had the misfortune to break his leg, while attending his duties in the field. His daughter, an interesting girl of nineteen, stood over him, and was endeavouring to sooth his pain and relieve his agony. Unobserved at first, I stood gazing at the scene, where filial affection exerted its utmost powers for a father's safety; till, at length, my eyes refused their office, and buried them selves in tears. But not a moment was to be lost; so, discovering myself, I wrote some directions ou a card to my steward, and sent them off immediately by a lad in the cottage, desiring him, without loss of time, to come and bring what things were necessary for the poor man's comfort. This done, I mounted my horse and rode off, almost, overwhelmed with thanks for the timely assistance I had rendered.

As I had lost time by this adventure, I continued my journey at a brisk rate, and, after two or three hours' hard riding, arrived at the inn Mr. Plausible had recommended me to put up at. From thence I walked forward to my aunt's, but had hardly got twenty yards, when I saw Mr. Plausible himself, apparently in deep consultation with his own mind. From the look of vast impor. tance in his countenance, bis hurried footsteps, and the immense bundle of papers under his arm, I concluded little less than the fate of a kingdom depend ed upon the objects which employed his attention; and, as he did not ob

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serve me, in order to rouse him from the intensity of thought, I saluted him rather sharply on the shoulder, exclaiming at the same time," Pray, Sir, are you plaintiff or defendant, in the cause which you appear to be so deeply interested in." Plaintiff," cried he, rub bing his shoulder and looking round, half angry, to see who had given him so striking a proof of his regard; but the sight of me dispelled the gloom that was rapidly gathering over his countenance, and made him retain his habitual good humour. He chided me, however, for being so late, and told me, he had wait ed at my aunt's all the morning, expecting to see me. I briefly mentioned, that an unforeseen circumstance had detained me on the road, and, expressing a wish to see him in the evening, hurried on till I reached my destination, and put an end to the anxiety that my delay occasioned.

I need not dwell on the reception I met with; suffice it to say, that it fully accorded with my expectations; and L still found them as kind and friendly as

ever.

It will be necessary here to say something of the family I have just introduced.

Mrs. Sterling, my aunt, was about 40, possessed of an amiable disposition and agreeable manners. Her natural endowments, which were by no means significant, had been properly cultivated by a judicious education. In early life she had married an officer in the army, who but a few years after their union fell, gloriously fighting the battle of his country, and left her the widowed mother of two female children. To them all her care and affection was consequently transferred, and her sole delight consisted in forming their minds, and superintending their education. She took peculiar gratification in directing their ideas to proper objects; and, after several years of anxiety and solicitude, reaped the fruits of her care, by beholding her children at once accomplished and virtuous.

Louisa, the eldest, was of a lively, agreeable disposition. Her personal charms, which were great, were always enhanced by the constant smile of good humour which enlivened her cheek and animated her countenance. Maria, though not so handsome, was not the less attractive; more serious and tranquil than her sister, she experienced more pleasure in the silent occupations of her scx. Both, however, were

amiable, dutiful and affectionate; and To the Editor of the European Magazine. though their dispositions were somewhat

seriousness of the

STR,

HAVE been much amused with the

differed to check the vivacity of the I minute details which the Papers have

other; while the gaiety of the second as often contributed to soften the gravity of the first.

Šuch were my relations as I remembered them some years before, and as such I found them; only that time, which had imparted fresh graces to their countenances, had added new beauties to their minds; so that I looked forward with no little pleasure to the satisfaction I should receive during my stay in London.

(To be continued.)

To the Editor of the European Magazine.

SIR,

N reading, in your last Number,

lately given of the proceedings in the various courts of justice, and during the autumn assizes throughout the kingdom. -Really it must be a very bad wind that blows no one any good; and the difficulty which the editors of the public prints have found in furnishing politica! materials every morning for their readers, has put the latter in possession of some choice "Jeux d'esprit," which have greatly enlivened their columns; we have been admitted into the very penetralia of many a grave judge's brain, and have seen the cobweb vail removed which covered the sanctum sanctorum of many a counsel's conscience—O ! it delights me to hear a joke cracked by the Lord Chancellor, a pun from a

ON puise Judge, and a cross fire of plat

66

as

Patronymics," I would submit to him, whether his substitution of dactyls for spondees would not, in some cases, be injurious to metrical harmony; Atreides, of four syllables, with the accent on the antepenultima, would (to my ear at least) be less pleasing than Atrides, of three, with the accent on the middle syllable.

Further, when he condemns Belides, in Ovid, as improper, I should be glad to know whether he has the same objection to Belidæ, in Virgil, Æn. 2, 82; or whether he considers them as dif. fering in their formation, or, for any other reason, subject to different laws? I am, Sir,

Your constant reader, and humble servant, Westminster, Sept. 4th, 1817.

W.K.

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santeries kept up by the pleaders on both sides of a cause; and then how interesting is all this, when we view the contrast exhibited at the same time by the anxious faces of the plaintiffs and defendants! Here you'll see a dark complexioned gentleman with portentous eye-brows overshadowed by an enormous wig;-and from whose lips you are every instant expecting some stormy decision of all the thunders of his judgment, mercifully laying aside the terrors of his red-right hand, and erecting his brows into a lighter rimple of harmless anticipation, contracting his eye-lids into a facetious peep, and breaking the severe compressure of his lips with a quivering simper;-him, I say, you will hear, giving sentence in a verbal equivoque, commonly called a double entendre, divested of its prurient tendency. This sentence jokes a suitor out of a few thousand pounds-justly no doubt, but to the poor fellow it is a very bad joke indeed. Then again, you will see a fair-faced, little-eyed, sharp-nosed counsellor, in all the imposing sublimity of wig and robe, keeping up the shuttlecock of school-boy repartee with a broadfeatured, staring, and bloaty-cheeked brother of the bar, whose long sandy whiskers issue with an erysipelatous coruscation from a half-combed, unpowdered caxen with two tails-while the clients on both sides are realizing, in their trembling agitations of suspense, the condition of the frogs in the fable; and are ready to exclaim, " Gentlemen, this may be sport to you, but it is death

to us."-But then these poor infatuated seekers of law, these dupes of their petty passions, these victims of their legal advisers, these vindicators of their imaginary wrongs, must be made to admire the versatility of the talents of their respective counsel they must witness the adroitness with which each parries the thrust of the other-and they must be content to remain spectators of the conflict while the two competitors are contending in the arena for the victorious opportunity of proving to those who retained them, that they leave nothing undone or unsaid that can recover their right, redress their wrongs, and gain their cause.

Again, Mr. Editor, we see another of these exalted advocates of justice emitting his disappointment at an adverse verdict, in a pretended resolve to appear in a new character-" I'll turn auctioneer myself then as soon as these assizes are over."" Then," observes the Judge right merrily, "I don't believe you will find that to your profit, Mr. T. -."-Here another brother of the bar remarks, "If you make only £6 in three days, you'll soon complain of your profession."-" But," rejoined Mr. T "O, my Lord, it is only to keep my voice in order that I shall practise in this way during the vacation."-Good man and true! he will keep his voice in order for the best bidder, and, like an industrious hero of the hammer, will take especial care that bis own conscience shall not prejudice

the sale.

In another instance, we are taught that counsellors know something about Latin, and a poor unoffending female witness is made the learned gentleman's butt, for the sake of a miserable pun. -A woman of the name of Voce was called as a witness at the Lancashire assizes-The Judge was puzzled to make out the name-when Mr. R who seems to be running a race with Mr. S for the laurel of legal wit, explained it by observing it was Vox (in ablativo) et preterea nihil! Surely this profound lawyer was not aware of the tu quoque which might have been altached to his wit if reduced to an ablative case-take away the Vox, and nothing remains.

But, Mr. Editor, these worthy agents of discord, or rather these advocates and defenders of it whenever they are likely to get paid for their instrumenta

lity, depend upon a little friendly manoeuvring for their popular acceptability-a sort of reciprocal aid in puffing each other. The counsel for the plaintiff (Mr. T) says, "The counsel for the defendant" (Mr. C————) “will make an able and eloquent address to you; he possesses ability and eloquence to which I make no pretension; I am a plain blunt man that tells (tell) a straight-forward tale."-Mr. C―, in return, ranks Mr. T- -with "the craftiest and subtlest (grammaticè most subtle) orators of antiquity" -"Mr. T is a Mark Anthony !"-And then at the issue of these momentous assizes, the gentlemen counsel skip upon the table, make their bow to his Lordship, congratulate him upon the conclusion of his arduous laboursthemselves on their profitable labours— and their foolish clients upon the result of their fruitless labours.

What a strange medley of murder and merriment, punishment and punning, jails and jokes, gibbets and gibes, on the crown side; fraud and fun, ruin and repartee, loss and laughter, on that of the nisi prius bar, do these details of the county assizes exhibit! Truly, Sir, they have constituted the most entertaining part of the daily journals; and certainly, if wit, as it has been defined, consists in a happy combination of dissimilar ideas, our gentlemen upon the several circuits have the happiness of being the greatest wits of the age. And as, since the publication of "The Flowers of Wit" by a quondam Bampton lecturer there has been no compilation of choice sayings and merry conceits, it would not be an unprofitable speculation for some such a collector to follow these geniusses of the British Bar; and as we have seen sparrows in a hard winter follow a horse in his course, picking up the indigested oats out of the casual deposits of his viscera, so might the industrious compiler catch the excrementary crudities of the brain, as these wits of the bar void them in their progress from court to court-and making a good octavo volume of them, bind them up as an appendix to some dry digest of cases, for the use of junior students in the law.

'I am, Sir,

Your obedient servant,

WILL WITLESS.

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