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Know, friend, I willingly conceal
Whose form you think so rude.
The gem by monarchs may be worn, 'Twill Beauty's polish'd brow adorn;
Nor shall its lustre fade : When Death has sunk, with cruel blow, Thy evanescent brightness low
'Twill glitter undecay’d.”
My tale, dear Stella, feign'd may be ; , Yet may the Moral found in thee
Convey instruction sweet ; Far from unmeaning Fashion's throng, Through life's calm by-paths steal along
Thy cautious, steady feet. No wish to change, contented thou See'st others change. Thou seest how
The gay their rattles prize
And folly of the wise.)
By all the lore of Truth:
The feeting charms of youth ;
And giving to thy God thy heart
In this shalt thou rejoice :
The pearl of countless price.
SARCASM. At a rehearsal of Artaxerxes, the celebrated Mrs. Baddely, who sustained the principal female character, called out in a peremptory manner, ‘Fellow, bring me my crook.'Mr. Simonds immediately replied, 'Madam, your fellow is not here.'
A certain auctioneer, having become an innkeeper, and soon after being thrown into prison, the following paragraph respecting him appeared in the morning papers. Mr. - -, who lately left the pulpit for the bar, is now promoted to the bench.
One day lord Kelly, whose frequent sacrifices to Bacchus produced a rubicund nose that would have done honour to Bardolph himself. called on Mr. Foote at his villa at Fulham. Oh, Kelly, says the wag, L am very glad you are come; my peaches are very backward; do, for God's sake, hold your nose over them for two or three hours.
In May 1784, a bill intended to limit the privileges of franking, was sent from the parliament of Ireland for the royal approbation. In it was a clause enacting, that any member, who, from illness, or other cause. should be unable to write, might authorize another person to frank for him, provided that, on the back of the letter so franked, the member gave a certificate, under his hand, of his inability to write."
A hamper I received of wine,
And Dick may be supposed to know,
For he contrived the matter so
If such are presents, while I live
A quack to Charon would his penny pay-
IRONY If a person ask a favour of you, tire liim out with continual puts off and disappointments; torture him between hope and fear; keep him in suspense as long as possible, not letting him know what he has to trust to. It is an old observation, that when Fortune is unkind it is a satisfaction to know how far she can be troublesome, and that a man is in some respect who knows the extent of his miseries. Keep these remarks in your mind and act directly opposite, and you will be sure to succeed.
There is an excellent way of putting off a tradesman, by a true man of fashion; drawl out your words indistinctly, and receive him lolling on your sopha or chair, picking your teeth and twirling your watchchain. So, Mr. A- , you have brought your bill, I see; very well, I like punctuality; you may lay it on the table, Mr. A ; and, I say, Mr. A- , you may call on this day fortnight, and then I may probably inform you, Mr. A- , when you may call again.
Much is to be done by flattery, properly timed. Heap your civilities pile upon pile; write love verses on an old woman with one eye; a panegyric on the wonderful talents of an infant three months old; odes to a favourite lap-dog; stanzas to a canary bird, and elegiac quatrains on the death of a tom-cat.
Fall in raptures at the elegance of a punch-bowl, if you wish to have it filled; give a hint of the fine flavour of the wine you partook of at your last visit, if you wish to have another bottle; be amazingly eloquent on the elegant mode of arranging the table, if you wish to have an invitation next day to dinner. Banish that dowdy diffidence which, at best, can only make you agreeable to that tame spirited class of the community called persons of discretion.
A bashful man is seldom or ever his own master; he is fearful of making use of his own judgment, and is sure to be orerawed by the boldness and impudence of others. Therefore, if you have any regard to your consequence in polite society, be careful to study the latter excellent qualifications.
If you happen to be a hackney clerk or an apprentice muster eight or ten of your fellows and burst into a coffee room. Talk nonsense vociferously, for common sense cannot be expected. Take the place by storm, crowd round the fire, tread on the heels of the waiters, overturn bottles and glasses, and dash into the first box you see, if you throw down a respectable old gentleman or two perusing the public papers, it will only be a new proof of your vigor, activity and alertness. Lastly, persist in your noise and nonsense till you have driven every sensible man from the room.
It is no less elegant than amusing for ladies, who have an idle hour or two on their hands to saunter through the streets, and toss and tumble a shopkeeper's goods over for two or three hours together, asking a thousand questions without purchasing a single article. They ought, however, to remember, when going away, to make an elegant courtesy, accompanied by Sir, I am very sorry that I have given you so much trouble. N. B. You cannot conceive how much tradesmen are pleased with these little attentions.
Un tesoro de contento, y una mina de passatiempos.-Cervantes.
The wittiest of the Stanhopes, with all the shrewdness of DAVID HUME, and in the very spirit of Shaftesbury, without the pernicious infidelity of either, has clearly indicated the genuine mode of quelling the ebullitions of fanatic folly. The noble lord is addressing his correspondent in Ireland, and very sagaciously adverts to the absurdity of political persecution. Ed..
“The business of pamphleteering, I find, is not monopolized on this side of the channel; for I have lately read two or three angry papers, and one of them by Dr. Lucas. Surely your government will be wise enough not to take any notice of them. Punishment will make sectaries and scribblers considerable, when their own works would not ; and if I'cas had not been persecuted under lord Harrington's government, I believe he would have been, long before this, only a good apo thecary, instead of a scurvy politician. I remember at the latter end of queen Ann's reign, there was a great number of fanatics, who said they had the gift of prophecy. They used to assemble in Moorfields to exert that gift, and were attended by a vast number of idle and curious spectators. The then ministry, who loved a little persecution well enough, was, however, wise enough not to disturb these madmen, and only ordered one Powel, who was the master of a famous puppet show, to make Punch turn prophet, which he did so well, that it in. stantly put an end to the prophets and their prophecies."
Lord Chesterfield, in a rare letter to one of his intimate friends, a letter not to be found in the current edition of his works, describes, with his characteristical elegance, vivacity, and wit, some of the effects of a licentious public assembly.
“However disjointedly business may go on, pleasures, I can assure you, go roundly. To-morrow there is to be, at Ranelagh garden a masquerade in the Venetian manner. It is to begin at three o'clock in the afternoon; the several boxes are to be shops for toys, lemonade, ice creams, and other refreshments. The next day come the fireworks, at which hundreds of people will certainly lose their lives or their limbs, from the tumbling of scaffolds, the fall of rockets, and other accidents inseparable from such crowds. In order to repair this loss to society, there will be a subscription masquerade on the Monday following, which, upon calculation, it is thought will be the occasion of creating about the same number of people as were destroyat the fireworks.”
The same nobleman, addressing a gallant envoy, who just left London for the Hague, displays his profound knowledge of the female heart, and his admirable adroitness in the management of a coquette.
“I happened to relate, very properly, the agonies I saw you in at leaving England, in company, where a lady seemed to think that she was the cause of them. She inquired minutely into the degree and nature of these agonies ; spoke of them with tenderness and compassion, though she confessed a quarrel with you for three days before you went away, which had broken off all communication between you. To this I answered, that to part with her would have been sufficient cause for your grief; but to part with her offended and incensed more than justified that deep despair I observed in you. I obliged her at last to confess that she wished she had seen you, the day before you went.”
The ensuing stanzas, though addressed to Amanda, are of no fool, ish, fantastic, or lovesick character.
HORACE IN LONDON.
BOOK IV. ODE 10.
O crudelis adhuc, et Veneris muneribus potens.
Amanda, though now in youth's confident pride,
And blooming in beauty's array,
And triumph in arrogant sway,,