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then he asked her the causes of her grief and her daily tears, wishing to teach and not to be taught, as their custom is, and she replied that she was weeping over my ruin; he bade her to be quite at rest, and told her to look and see "that where she was, I was also." And when she looked, she saw me standing by her on the same rule. From whence was this, but because Thou didst hearken to the desire of her heart? O Thou Good and Almighty One, Who so carest for each one of us, as if Thou hadst no one else to care for; and so for all, as for each!

Whence also was this, that when she told me her dream, and I tried to make it mean, "that she rather should not despair of being one day what I was," she, unshaken by what I said, forthwith replied, "No, not so; for it was not said to me, 'Where he is, there also are you ;' but, 'Where you are, there also is he'"? I confess to Thee, O Lord, that to the best of my recollection (and I have often spoken of it), that Thy answer-given from the lips of my mother, when awake, who was uninfluenced by the plausibility of my explanation, and so quickly discerned the truth, which I had failed to see before she pointed it out; moved me more than the dream itself, which, though it only predicted a joy which was yet in the distance, brought to the holy woman solace in her present anguish. For during almost nine years after that time, I wallowed in the mire of the pit and in the darkness of error, and when often I thought to rise, I sunk still deeper all which time that chaste, affectionate, and prudent widow (such as Thou lovest)—now indeed with a brighter hope, yet not relaxing in her weeping and sighs never ceased at all hours to pour forth her

68 SHE SEEKS ADVICE FROM A BISHOP

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lamentation before Thee concerning me; and her "prayer entered into Thy presence," and yet Thou sufferedst me to become more and more involved in that darkness.

CHAPTER XII.

What Answer the Mother of Augustine received from a certain Bishop, concerning his Conversion.

A

ND Thou gavest my mother another answer to her prayers, which I remember; for much I am passing by, as I am hurrying on to matters which urge me the more strongly to confess unto Thee, and many things I do not recollect. This answer, then, Thou gavest through Thy priest, a certain bishop he was, brought up in the Church, and versed in Thy books. My mother asked this man to grant me an interview, and refute my errors, and unteach me the evil I had learned, and teach me what was good (for this was his practice, when he found persons properly disposed); but he refused, wisely too, as I afterwards perceived. For he answered that I was as yet not docile, but puffed up with the novelty of that heresy, and-for she had told him this-that I had already puzzled many unlearned persons with certain questions.

But let him alone," saith he, "and only pray to the Lord for him he himself by reading will discover his error, and the greatness of its impiety." At the same time he related, how himself, when he was a little boy, had been handed over to the Manichæans by his misguided mother, and had not only read almost all their books, but had also copied them out, and had, without 1 Ps. lxxxviii. 2.

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any argument or persuasion from any one, discovered how much that sect ought to be abjured; and he therefore had abjured it. When he had said this, and she still would not be satisfied, but besought him with entreaties and floods of tears to see me, and argue with me, he by this time, becoming a little vexed at her importunity, said, "Go away; farewell, for it cannot be that the son of such tears should perish," which words she received, as she often recorded in conversation with me, as though they had been spoken from heaven.

BOOK IV.

His shame at having been a Manichæan from nineteen to eight-andtwenty, and because he had drawn others into the same error; also that he had consulted astrologers: meanwhile his friend was snatched away by death, whereupon he gave way to inordinate grief; he relates his remarkable conversion and death; of vain and solid friendship, and of the shortness and changeableness of all earthly things, he treats at some length; he makes mention of his books on "the Beautiful and Fitting" written by him in his twentysixth or seventh year, also how easily he by himself gained a knowledge of the liberal sciences, and of the "Categories" of Aristotle.

CHAPTER I.

How long a Time, and in what Manner, he deceived others.

THRO

HROUGH this period of nine years, namely, from nineteen to twenty-eight, we were seduced and seducing, deceived and deceiving, in various evil passions; openly by what they call liberal sciences, secretly by what was falsely called religion: in the one proud, in the other superstitious; in both vain— seeking the emptiness of popular praise, even the applause of the theatres, and the prizes for verses, and the struggle for withering garlands, and the follies of shows, and the gratification of ungoverned desires. And there desiring to be cleansed from these defilements, by bringing food to those who were called "the elect" and "the saints," which in the laboratory of their

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stomach they might mould into angels and gods by whom they were to be delivered. Such things did I, in company with my friends, seek and practise, they being deceived by me, and with me.

Let the proud deride me, and such as have not been savingly cast down and smitten by Thee, my God; but as for me, I would confess to Thee my own shame to Thy praise. Suffer me, I beseech Thee, and enable me to travel over now in my memory all my past wandering courses, and "to offer to Thee the sacrifice of thanksgiving." For what am I to myself without Thee, but a headlong guide? or what am I when it is well with me, but an infant sucking Thy milk, or enjoying Thee, "the food that perisheth not"?2 And what is man after all, whoever he may be, but man? But let the strong and the mighty laugh at us; nevertheless let us, "the poor and needy, confess unto Thee." 3

CHAPTER II.

He teaches Rhetoric; lives in Concubinage; and scorns a Wizard who promised him Success.

DURING those years I taught rhetoric, and,

myself conquered by cupidity, I sold to others the art of wordy conquest. Yet I preferred, O Lord, Thou knowest, to have honest scholars, as they are called; and these, without artifice, I taught artifices; not that they might use these arts against the life of the innocent, though they might sometimes exert them on behalf of the guilty. And Thou, O God, sawest me from afar sinking in the mire, and sending out some 2 John vi. 27. 3 Ps. lxxiv. 21

Ps. 1. 14.