284 THE HAPpy life quently it is rejected; until that presents itself, on which through habitual association the recognition fittingly rests. And whence does that present itself, but out of the memory itself? For even when we recognise it, it comes to us on being reminded by another. For we do not believe it as something new, but we allow it to be what it is, by our remembrance of it. But if it were entirely blotted out of our mind, we should have no remembrance of it, even when we were told of it. For we have not as yet entirely forgotten that, which we even remember to have forgotten. We cannot, then, seek that which is lost when we have wholly forgotten it. CHAPTER XX. All desire Beatitude, therefore they must have How, do, my God, I seek the blessed OW, then, do I seek Thee, O Lord? For when life. I will seek Thee, that my soul may live. For my body lives from my soul, and my soul lives from Thee. How do I seek, then, the blessed life, because it is not mine, until I can say, "It is enough," there where I ought to say it? How do I seek it? By remembrance, as though I had forgotten it, and still retained in mind that I had forgotten it? or by desiring to learn it as a thing unknown-whether absolutely unknown before, or so forgotten, as not even to remember that it was forgotten? Is not a happy life desired by all, and no one is there who altogether desires it not? Where have they known it, all thus to desire it? Where have they seen it, thus to love it? SOUGHT BY ALL 285 There is another We have it indeed, I know not how. way too, by which when one has it, he is then happy, and there are those who are happy in hope. These have it in an inferior way to those who are already actually happy; yet these are better than those who have it neither in hope, nor in reality. These, however, even these, unless in some way they had it, would not so wish to be happy, which undoubtedly they do wish. How they have known it, I know not, but they have some sort of notion of it, of which, I am not satisfied whether it be in the memory or not; which, if it be there, we have been happy already once,-whether all individually, or all in that man who first sinned, " "in whom" also " we all died,"1 and from whom we all are born with misery, I do not now examine, I only seek whether the happy life be in the memory. For we should not love it, if we had not knowledge of it. We hear the name, and we all confess that we seek the thing; we are not charmed with the mere sound. For if a Greek hears it in Latin, he is not delighted, because he does not know what is said; but we are delighted, as he would be if he heard it in Greek, because the thing itself is neither Greek nor Latin, for the obtaining of which Greeks, Latins, and men of all other tongues, pant. It is known, then, to all, who, could they be questioned in one tongue, whether they wished to be happy, would without any doubt reply, that they did wish it. And this would not come to pass, unless the thing itself of which this is the name, were retained in their memory. 1 286 HOW IS THE HAPPY LIFE KNOWN BUT CHAPTER XXI. How emory retains the Happy Life. OUT would he remember it, as one would remember Carthage who had seen it? No; for a happy life is not seen by the eye, because it is not a body. Would he remember it, as we remember numbers? No; for he who has these in his knowledge, seeks no further to attain them: but we have in our knowledge a happy life, and therefore we love it, and yet we wish to obtain it in order to be happy. Would he, then, remember it, as we remember eloquence? No; for although when the name is uttered, some recall the thing who are still not yet eloquent, and many who desire to become so, whence it appears that there is in them some knowledge of it; yet these have with their bodily senses observed eloquence in others, and have derived pleasure from it, and thus desire to become eloquent themselves (though they would derive no pleasure, had they not some inward knowledge of it, nor wish to be eloquent, unless they were delighted); but a happy life, by no sense of the body, can be discerned in others. Do we remember it, then, as we remember joy? Perhaps so; for my joy I can remember even when sad, as a happy life I can remember when I am wretched. Nor ever by any sense of the body did I see, or hear, or smell, or taste, or touch my joy; but I experienced it in my mind, when I rejoiced, and the notion of it clung to my memory; so that I can remember it sometimes with contempt, sometimes with desire, according to the particular kind of object at AND UNIVERSALLY DESIRED 287 which I remember to have rejoiced. For even from foul objects have I been pervaded with a sort of joy, which now remembering, I detest and abominate ; different is it concerning good and proper objects, which I recall with longing, although haply no longer near, and therefore with sadness I recall by-gone joy. Where then, and when, did I experience my happy life, that I should recall it, and love and desire it? Not I only, or with a few others, but all indeed wish to be happy; which unless with a certain knowledge we knew, we should not with so certain a will wish it. But how is it, if any one were to ask two persons, whether they would like to serve as soldiers, one, perhaps, would answer "Yes" and the other "No;" but if they were asked whether they wished to be happy, both would immediately reply without the slightest hesitation, that they desired it; and for the same reason, one would wish to enlist, and the other not, namely, that they might be happy? Or is it, perhaps, that, as one finds delight in this, another in that, all agree in their desire to be happy, as they would agree, if they were questioned, that they wanted to have joy, and it is this joy which they call a happy life? Although, then, one finds joy in this, another in that, all have but one aim in view, and that is, to rejoice! This, then, being a thing which all men at some time have experienced, therefore being found in the memory, it is recognised, when the name of a happy life is heard.' 1 S. Augustine uses "Beata Vita" for "the happy life" throughout. This "happiness" is defined "the absence of all evils, and the cumulative assemblage of all goods, and is to be found in God." It is not the mere happiness of "Hedonism.' 290 THE TRUTH WHICH REPROVES but joy in the truth; unless the truth is so loved, that whoever loves something else, wants that which they love to be the truth, and because they are unwilling to be deceived, are unwilling to be convinced that they are imposed on? Therefore do they hate the truth, for the sake of that thing which they love instead of it. They love truth when it shines; hate it, when it rebukes. For because they are unwilling to be deceived, and will to deceive, they love the truth when it manifests itself when it manifests them, they hate it. But they shall justly be repaid, for truth will make manifest those who would fain be hidden, and will not be manifested itself to them. Thus, thus then, thus does the human mind, so very blind and weak, so foul and unseemly, wish to remain hidden, yet wishes that nothing be hid from it. The contrary happens to it; -that itself should not escape the truth, but that the truth is hid from it. Yet even thus, whilst miserable, it prefers to rejoice in truth than in falsehood. It will be happy then, when, without any intervening impediment, it shall rejoice in that One Truth by Which all things are true. CHAPTER XXIV. He rejoices that God has a place in his Memory. BEHOLD, how I have roamed in my memory, seek ing Thee, O Lord; and I have not found Thee, without it. Nor have I found anything concerning Thee, but what I had remembered from the time I learned Thee. For from the time I learned Thee, I have not forgotten Thee. For where found I truth, |